Finally they stopped somewhere else. "Stay down," Harley said in a remote voice, leaving them again. When he came back after a little while, he dropped a key with a plastic tag on D.J."s head. She grabbed it.
"I"ve gotten us two connecting rooms, just in case you kids want a little privacy for your second date," Harley said.
"Thanks," D.J. said.
"The rooms are around back where the entrances can"t be seen from the road." He started the car again. After a short trip, he turned the engine off and said, "The coast is clear, kids. Let"s make a break."
When D.J. tried to sit up, she discovered how stiff she was from an hour of crouching. Harley hauled their things out of the trunk and took them into a room. Morgan groaned and sat up, grabbing the grocery bag. "Do you think he hates me?" he asked.
"No," said D.J. "He"s just upset."
"I don"t want him to hate me. I like him."
"So do I." She peered out the window, saw that they were in a sheltered spot and she couldn"t see anybody else around, just some quiet cars pulled up to anonymous doors in the anonymous dark, lit only by orange outdoor lights placed at intervals along the motel"s back face.
"Come on," she said, clutching the key to room 156.
They got out and unlocked the door.
D.J. had to smile. One-fifty-six was a double double. So maybe Harley hadn"t taken her absolutely seriously when she told him about its being the second date. She and Morgan had a choice.
She went and opened the connecting door, already unlocked on Harley"s side.
Morgan closed the room"s curtains and turned on a few lamps. This motel was a step up from the one D.J. had stayed in with Rae. There was stationery and a Gideon Bible in the desk drawer, and the light bulbs were at least sixty watts.
From the other room came the sound of television. She knocked on the open connecting doorway and entered when Harley nodded to her.
She said, "I was wondering about Afra"s condition. My landlady, Afra Griffin.
She was attacked last night. Mitch.e.l.l wouldn"t tell me much about her."
Harley grabbed the phone and dialed, spoke quietly while D.J. leaned against the wall and looked at the television: a TV movie about an abusive husband and a pa.s.sive wife, with children thrown in for plot complications. Morgan wandered in carrying a Saran-wrapped sheet of mixed doughnuts. "Want to take a shower," he said. He put the doughnuts on the table at Harley"s elbow and retrieved his suitcase from where Harley had left it after unpacking the car.
"Harley"s finding out about Afra," murmured D.J.
Morgan gave her a look then, his eyes dark and so wide she could see the whites all the way around the irises, his mouth hanging slightly open. A chill iced her spine: it was the first time he had really scared her. Then he blinked and looked at her from under his eyebrows, a Gary look, put an arm around her shoulders, kissed her cheek, and disappeared into their room. She stood looking after him, her hand to her cheek.
"The news is not good," Harley said as he cradled the handset.
She stared at him.
He got to his feet, walked over, and took her hands. "Come on, sit down," he said, leading her to the bed. She sat, and he sat in a chair across from her, still holding her hands. His brown eyes looked tired. "She"s gone," he said gently. "Your friend is gone."
Shock stilled everything in her for a long minute. Then all her connections let loose and she collapsed backward onto the bed, her hands pulling out of his.
"No," she muttered. "No."
It"s all my fault. If I had never moved in to her apartment, if I had never gotten to be friends with her, if Chase had just killed me when he came for me instead of Afra stopping him, maybe she"d be alive today.
Surely death and destruction shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of chaos forever. Amen.
D.J. put her hands up around her neck and squeezed her throat.
Harley gripped her wrists and pulled her hands away. D.J. coughed.
"You didn"t do it," Harley said, holding her wrists.
"It happened because of me." Her voice hurt coming out. Hot tears spilled out of her eyes, streaking down the sides of her head. A moment later she was swallowing choked sobs and trying to twist away from him. He released her and got up. She cuffed tight, burying her face under her forearms, crying. How could this be? Afra, watering the dahlias, whispering to her that the tenants in 2D were probably going to have a baby, and wasn"t it a pity, the way they fought?
Afra, sniffing at science. Afra offering her Dutch cocoa on a rainy winter night. D.J. remembered a constellation of photographs in driftwood frames, laughing young men and women, babies, children, that had sat among conch sh.e.l.ls on Afra"s piano: relatives. Sons? Daughters? Grandchildren? All bereft now. And no chance for her, for any of them, to say goodbye.
"It should have been me," she whispered. She didn"t have anybody who"d remember her, except a mother who didn"t know whether she was alive or dead anyway, and a ghost.
"It shouldn"t have been anybody!" Harley yelled. "Get it through your head! It shouldn"t happen at all, but it is happening, and you can"t control it! The only one who can control it is Kennedy, until we catch him, and don"t you think we blame ourselves -- don"t you think we know it"s our fault that he got away in the first place and that he"s getting away with this now?" His face was red with rage.
D.J. rubbed her eyes until she saw purple stars, then looked up at him and detached herself from within. He"s upset, she thought. Do I need to be upset now? Maybe I should save it for later. She crushed her anguish down and let control filter to the fore. "I"m sorry," she said in a steady voice.
"Yes, well," said Harley, his voice stabilizing too. He wiped his forehead with a handkerchief. "Best I can do is watch you two carefully, stop it from happening here."
"I"m going to bed now," D.J. said in a small voice.
"D.J . . . "He slumped in the chair. "I"m sorry. That outburst. I"m sorry. I didn"t think I would --"
"It"s all right," she said.
"No," he said, "but it happened. I"m sorry you lost your friend. Is there anything I can do?"
"I don"t. . ." She pushed herself up, managed to get to her feet. "Can"t think of anything. I"m really tired."
"Yes. Leave the door open, kiddo. If you need anything in the night, give a yell."
"Okay," She stumbled into the other room. He followed a minute later, carrying her duffel, and put it on the dresser. The sound of the shower still came through the bathroom door. Harley ambled back into the other room without saying anything else, and D.J. dragged over to her duffel, pulling a nightgown and her toiletries purse out but then lying on the bed with them beside her, without the energy to do anything else.
An arm was around her. D.J. opened her eyes. The last she remembered, she had been lying on her back, but now she was cuffed up, her nightgown still clutched in her hands, the heat of a body at her back, the soap-clean scent of a stranger in her nose, and a strange arm resting around her, its hand flat on her stomach.
Light leaked from the bathroom; all the other lights in the room were out. She glanced down at the arm, saw it was a man"s, naked, thin but sinewy, with a growth of fine black hairs on it. She lay for a while staring straight ahead at the wallpaper, which had a faint rick-rack pattern, brown on beige. It came to her that Afra was dead. A black knot twisted her stomach, and hot tears seeped from her eyes. She let go of the nightgown and put one hand on Morgan"s hand on her stomach. He murmured something and pressed up against her back, digging his chin into her shoulder. Suddenly she wanted to be held more than anything else.
She lifted his hand and rolled over to face him. He had shaved. His eyes were closed, and his slow breath flickered the ends of his mustache.
"Valerie?" she murmured. "Valerie?"
After a moment his eyes opened. It was too dark for her to see their color.
"Hon?" murmured Valerie.
"Could you hold me, please?"
Valerie stretched and yawned, patting her mouth as she did. Morgan was wearing a pair of jockey shorts, nothing else. He looked more muscular naked than he ever had inside his clothes. Valerie put her arms around D.J., stroking her back in soothing circles.
D.J. closed her eyes and relaxed, curled against Morgan"s front. After a long moment, she said, "Afra"s dead."
"I know, sugar. I know." The ma.s.sage was smooth, calming. D.J. drifted back to sleep.
Daylight was sifting through the curtains. D.J. woke up feeling sticky. Her mouth tasted like moldy cheese. Morgan was asleep. D.J. slid out of his arms, grabbed her purse, and went into the bathroom.