I know why. At this point I"m using my computer screen for a mirror more than anything else. My hair is a tousled mess, my eyes are bloodshot, there is an ugly bruise on my face and I look like I haven"t slept, because I didn"t. I laid awake all night staring at the ceiling, and my eyes are red from crying, livid lines running down my cheeks like claw marks. Even my unbruised cheek is puffy, and there"s a fine crust of blood around the nostril on the side where he hit me. A cup of cold coffee sits next to me on the desk, glued to the wood by a drying brown ring. An untouched bagel rests beside it, the cream cheese still sealed in the little cup. I take one look at Alicia and look back down at the desk.
"Go home," I murmur. "I can"t work like this."
She closes the door and sits in the chair in front of my desk.
"Miss Ross," she starts.
"Eve," I correct. "Call me Eve. My name is Eve."
"Eve," she says, rolling the syllable around her mouth like an unfamiliar taste. "Eve, I was talking to my husband last night. We think you should call the police."
I sigh softly. "About what?"
She touches her cheek.
"What are the police going to do for me?" I say.
"Honey, you can"t let him hurt you like this."
I blink a few times. She sounds like a mother.
Makes me wonder what my mother sounded like. I stifle a little noise that"s almost a sob, fold my arms on the desk and plunge my face into them. Then the sobbing starts. I"m still in my pajamas, plain powder blue terrycloth. Victor bought them for me. The blue brings out my eyes, he said.
The longer I sit there the harder I sob. I don"t care if Alicia sees me crying anymore.
Gingerly, she rests her hand on my back, behind my neck, and rubs.
"Hey. Hey. Here."
I sit up and she hands me a box of tissues. I s.n.a.t.c.h a handful of them and scrub at my face, and wince when I touch the bruise. It still hurts. I need to cover it, but I don"t much experience with makeup. I could drape some hair over that side of my face, I suppose. I used to wear it that way when I was younger, when I first started school. I was so afraid of my tutors.
I continue to stare dully at nothing as Alicia drags her chair around to my side of the desk, and sits next to me. I can"t bring myself to look at her. I just sniff, whimper and stare at my desk. She takes the uneaten food and sticky coffee cup, wipes the desk and carries it all away. A few minutes later she returns with a yogurt cup and a can of c.o.ke. I look at them with disdain, and she simply ignores me, pops the top of the can and peels back the yogurt lid, and sticks a spoon in it.
Then she sets it before me like she expects me to eat it.
Grudgingly, I pick it up and cradle it in my hand, and take a small bit from the tip of the spoon. I choke down a half-chewed, half-frozen blueberry and feel like I"m going to puke.
"You need to eat," she says, firmly.
Every bite is an effort. I hate yogurt anyway, but something about her folded arms and unyielding stare makes me eat it, then sip at the soda. I have no idea why she thinks this garbage is healthy, but it works. I feel just a bit better when I"m finished.
She sinks into the chair next to me. I sit back in my chair and look up at the ceiling.
"Tell me, whatever it is."
"You"ve lost Thorpe," she says, her voice flat. "They signed on with... with Victor."
I nod slowly.
"I see."
"I haven"t heard from your father."
I flinch when she says it.
"Eve," she says.
I shake my head, slowly.
"There"s nowhere I can go. Nowhere I can run. I can"t get away from him. Only one person could ever protect me from him and he..." I suck in a breath, and go rigid.
"Yesterday," Alicia says, slowly. "When you were alone in that room with him."
"With Victor."
"Did he... did he force," she swallows, hard. "Did he do something to you?"
The sides of my mouth curl in a small, secret smile. "Nothing I didn"t want him to do. He never would."
"You"re in love with him."
She has a way of stating questions so they come out as statements, this woman does. It hurts, to be seen through so clearly. I can"t look at her.
"He didn"t seem so terrible. What did he do?"
I clutch my hand over my mouth, press my eyes shut and suppress a full body shudder.
"I gave him everything," I choke out, "and he threw me away like I was trash."
She blinks a few times, and c.o.c.ks her head to the side. "I thought... I was under the impression he was your stepbrother."
"He was. Is. Is he still my stepbrother if his mother is dead? I don"t even know. It wasn"t like that. We first met when I was eighteen. I"d just finished high school."
"How did you meet?"
"My father was dating his mother. When it got serious he brought me to meet her. He was here, of course. It"s his house."
Not was. Is.
This is not my place. I wish I knew where my place was.
"That sounds like a cute way to meet."
"Our parents got married."
"So? It"s not as if you grew up together."
I sigh, long and loud. "I"ve heard that before."
"From him," she says.
"Yes."
"I"m here if you want to tell me. I"ll listen."
I look at her. I look around the office.
"Morning report?"
"You have three-hundred and seventy two emails, six calls, four requests for meetings, the Wall Street Journal wants an interview, TMZ wants a comment on..."
"Nevermind. Wait, TMZ?"
"Your, ah, encounter yesterday is all over Twitter."
"Twitter? Who the h.e.l.l on Twitter cares about what I do?"
"Lots of people, apparently. You do realize you"re famous, right?"
"I am?"
She sighs. "Sweetheart, you"re the tenth richest woman in the world."
"Ninth," I correct.
"Tenth," she insists. "I hadn"t gotten to the stock dip yet."
I sit up. "Stock dip?"
"Your net worth decreased by two-hundred and fifty-six million dollars yesterday afternoon. It"s still going down."
She looks at me like she expects me to start screaming, but the number is unreal. Does it even matter? When you have billions, plural, does any amount of money matter? I"ve never wanted for anything in my entire life. I"m such a b.i.t.c.h, worried about things like this when people are...
"How much are you paid?"
"Forty-two five, plus benefits."
I blink a few times. I have things that cost more than she makes in a year. Things I don"t even want or bother with. I swallow a lump in my throat but it won"t go down.
"Check the indexes again."
She sighs and opens her laptop, frowns as she reads the reports.
"Eleventh richest woman. The stock is tanking, Eve. I"m sorry."
"Why?"
"Why is it tanking? Presumably because this is the first time-"
"No, why are you sorry? I"ll earn more in interest today than you"ll make in your entire life."
She scowls at me.
"I didn"t mean it like that."
"What did you mean?"
I plunge my face in my folded arms again.
"I wish I could just disappear."
Her hand settles on my back. Why is she being kind to me? What did I ever do for her?
"You know, they say money can"t buy happiness."
I snort. "They say lots of things. I"ve never seen it buy anybody sadness."
She"s quiet for a while.
"I think I have."
I sit up but I can"t bring myself to look at her. I jiggle the mouse and stare through the computer screen. It"s too fuzzy to read, but the blur is from tears. I sniff again and Alicia pa.s.ses me a tissue without comment. My nose is raw but I scrub at it anyway. I should do some work. I can answer emails at least.
Trembling, I reach for the keyboard.
"You can"t work like this."
"If I don"t, Father will be upset."
"He"ll hit you again?"
I touch my cheek and wince. "He forgot himself. He hasn"t done that since I was-"
She cuts me off. "He shouldn"t ever do that. Not leave a mark like that. When was the last time?"
I swallow, hard. "I was in high school."
"You were an adult?" she says, wide-eyed. "When was the last time before that?"
"Not often when I was a teenager. More frequently when I was smaller. He used to use his belt."
Alicia stares at me, open-mouthed.
"Did your step-family know about this?"
"Not at first," I murmur.
"You can talk to me."