The night Jiang Pozhen received the call, it was already the third day of finals. He had just finished writing the most difficult paper, and he still had two more subjects left to go. The exam on the last day was an easy and simple written test on experiments, and after that was the arrival of the joyous winter vacation which every student was eagerly antic.i.p.ating.
When the phone rang, Jiang Pozhen was currently studying and was just about to take a break after he reached a particular pa.s.sage. Although the phone indicated it was an unknown caller, he still eventually answered it.
"h.e.l.lo?"
It sounded noisy on the other end of the call. An unfamiliar man"s voice travelled over. "h.e.l.lo, are you a friend of Guo Jinshan?"
Upon hearing the familiar name, Jiang Pozhen unknowingly put down his pen and asked, "What"s up?"
The man attempted to try his best to explain amidst the blaring noise in the background. "Sorry for the inconvenience. There"s a situation here… Do you know where Guo Jinshan"s place is? Or maybe can you come and pick him up? He"s now dead drunk. The people who are sober over here have no idea what his actual home address is…" He even laughed a little after he finished, probably thinking that the whole thing was a silly mistake on their side.
However, Jiang Pozhen didn"t have a surplus of a sense of humor. He had only listened halfway and he was already consumed with the urge to rain curses at the other man on what the heck he was even doing!
The call had come out of the blue and the man had used such a frivolous tone to ask for his help. Even if Jiang Pozhen was friends with Guo Jinshan, he had no idea who this man was at all.
"How did you find my number?" he said in annoyance.
Puzzled, the man replied, "Huh? This is Guo Jinshan"s phone. It"s because there"s only one number listed… It"s strange though. He shouldn"t be able to use it… We had no idea he had one. We only discovered it after rummaging through his pockets…"
"He can"t use one?" repeated Jiang Pozhen in confusion.
"Yeah. The radio waves coming from a cell phone will interfere…urk, with his hearing aid." The man said after a burp.
After hearing his reply, Jiang Pozhen fell into a state of silence as he stared at the open textbook on the table surface.
"Where is he?"
"Huh?"
"That guy…Guo Jinshan, where is he now?" asked Jiang Pozhen in a deep voice.
"That"s great! Are you coming to fetch him? Our gathering is at…" He then read the address aloud.
Jiang Pozhen instantly ended the call after he noted it down. Switching off his table lamp, he then pulled out his drawer to nab his car key and wallet. After informing his parents, he quickly left home.
Although he had an exam tomorrow, it was an easy subject he had faith in. This trip probably wouldn"t cost him much time either. Since it was not nice to keep the car with him for a long time, he could make use of it now to return it to Guo Jinshan.
"Why did you buy the d.a.m.n phone if you can"t use it?!" he muttered angrily, unable to control his temper any longer. Did he spend a few ten thousand dollars to buy a piece of junk just because of what he said? Moreover, he actually only saved his number…
Pulling a long face, Jiang Pozhen quickly walked towards the car parked near the corner of his house, firing the engine the instant he got in through the door. He then agilely drove into the main road at a fast rate, taking only half an hour to reach a restaurant downtown.
He caught sight of several people clamoring at the entrance from afar.
Amongst them, with his head hung low, two men were currently supporting Guo Jinshan at his sides as he could barely stand on his own.
Jiang Pozhen lurched the car to a stop before them, explaining that he had come to pick him up. A few tipsy men and women smiled apologetically before explaining they were having a dinner for the lab gang. They never expected Guo Jinshan to be so poor with alcohol. Just two cups of Taiwan beer alone were enough to knock him out.
"Hmm? I think I"ve seen you in our department before. Are you a junior of ours?" Somebody spoke out all of a sudden.
"No," answered Jiang Pozhen coldly.
"But you really do look awfully familiar. I don"t think I would mistake someone as hot as you."
Unable to stand their incessant chattering with a lisp, Jiang Pozhen grabbed hold of the drunk Guo Jinshan and supported him into the car in silence. He buckled his seat belt forcefully and sped away instantly without saying a word to them.
Casting a glance at Guo Jinshan"s slightly flushed face, his eyes closed, Jiang Pozhen felt an inexplicable anger bubbling in him.
He drove for another twenty minutes or so before he arrived at Guo Jinshan"s apartment. He helped the guy out of the car. Luckily, the other person was slim, but it still took him a lot of effort to reach the second floor.
Jiang Pozhen reached his hand into Guo Jinshan"s pocket and retrieved a set of keys. With a few tries, he finally managed to unlock the door. Groping along the wall to feel for the light switch, when the light came on, he kicked the door closed.
Due to this excessive motion, Guo Jinshan called out in surprise, "Uh…"
Feeling that guy"s limp body slipping down, Jiang Pozhen hurriedly supported him around his waist, only to discover that the clothes under his palm were wet and cold. His brow creased, and he headed to what seemed to be the bedroom.
By the time he successfully lay the person on his bed, Jiang Pozhen was already sweating profusely.
His mission was complete so he was supposed to leave, but when he looked at Guo Jinshan who was curled up on the bed, he started to care about the wet clothes that he had just touched.
This fellow once mentioned that his trachea was not too healthy… How was it not healthy? Could he catch a cold easily? Shouldn"t a person not drink if he"s not well? Why didn"t the cla.s.smates think about this? Or was it that Guo Jinshan had never mentioned it to them? Jiang Pozhen angrily reproached in his heart. Sighing, he reached out to pull up the half-conscious Guo Jinshan so he could sit at the edge of the bed and not collapse backwards.
Jiang Pozhen removed the gla.s.ses on his face, causing the slightly messy bangs to fall and cover his forehead as a result. Guo Jinshan always wore his men"s shirt with a knitted vest on the outside. The weather was just turning cold, so he changed into a long-sleeved knitted cardigan instead, b.u.t.toned all the way to the top. Jiang Pozhen once asked him if he felt uncomfortable, and his answer was that it was better to keep the shirt b.u.t.toned if there were any b.u.t.tons around.
He wasn"t sure whether it was because the man before him always looked very prim and proper, but when Jiang Pozhen was about to take off his shirt, he suddenly had no idea where to start.
He couldn"t fathom why was he considering how he should strip a man right now. Jiang Pozhen reached out to hug him around his back to prevent him from falling backwards. Then, he roughly pulled up his slightly wet garment by removing the dark-colored knitwear he was wearing on the outside first, revealing the white shirt underneath. At the lower left abdomen area was an obvious stain which he probably got from accidentally toppling something over.
With this, he wouldn"t be able to sleep with his shirt on either. Jiang Pozhen started off with unb.u.t.toning his shirt from the very top. Since they were so small and tightly b.u.t.toned, he had to use both hands to unb.u.t.ton them. Therefore, he didn"t have any extra hands left to support Guo Jinshan"s body upright, causing the befuddled man to slowly lean forward as a result.
In the end, his lowered head finally propped itself on Jiang Pozhen"s shoulder.
The feeling of a body temperature that didn"t belong to him against his skin made him feel slightly hot. The other man"s messy hair was nuzzling about at his neck, itching and p.r.i.c.kling him a little. Even if he berated the man to sober up and sit still, it would most probably be done in vain, so he could only quicken his movements and completely unb.u.t.ton the shirt in one go.
That was only to discover that there was a cotton singlet underneath Guo Jinshan"s shirt. Jiang Pozhen couldn"t help but wonder that the man was too incredibly prudish as he was wearing an undergarment underneath… After he had completely removed the shirt, because the man was leaning forward, the neckline of the singlet dropped, granting him a good look at the slender chest revealed below the collarbone in plain sight.
His skin was rather fair, probably because he seldom got sunshine as he was always dressed conservatively. Two lines of a reddish scar were visible on the right side of his chest. Perhaps those were left behind by the surgery he mentioned earlier. Compared to those, Jiang Pozhen realized he was more interested in the pink nipples on the leveled chest.
Although that body was of the same s.e.x, Jiang Pozhen couldn"t put a finger on why he felt like he had seen something he shouldn"t have for a split second. He quickly turned away and was stunned by his own peculiar actions.
…It must be because Guo Jinshan was always wrapping himself tight like a glutinous rice ball. So, when he was suddenly greeted by the sight of his naked body, he would find it rude and inappropriate to look. Jiang Pozhen shifted his gaze to the lanky arm dangling at the edge of the bed. Although this man was already twenty-six years old, his physique was similar to that of a young man who had yet to fully develop. Perhaps it was because he didn"t have the physical capability, so he couldn"t work out…
All of a sudden, the finger that was calm in the first place, stirred. Jiang Pozhen turned around instinctively, only to see the supposedly disoriented Guo Jinshan. He wasn"t sure when the man had woken up, but his eyes were open and he was gazing right at him.
Within the dark room, no sound could be heard. Their faces were so close to each other to the extent that Jiang Pozhen could breathe in the other"s slightly hot breath.
The strap of the man"s singlet on one side rolled down, revealing a smooth and naked shoulder. His bangs gracefully scattered near his eyelids, and underneath his soft hair, his eyes looked exceptionally misty without the protection of his gla.s.ses. He was gazing at Jiang Pozhen deeply with such devoted sincerity, similar to the time in the car that day.
It was as though he was the only person left in the entire world. The gaze was so bold that even Jiang Pozhen momentarily forgot about how to react.
Words such as "handsome" or "pretty" couldn"t even be used to describe him, but the bewildered expression on his countenance, to his surprise, was somehow exuding a seductive flair. The introverted Guo Jinshan would never gaze at him with such an expression when he was clear-headed, right? Although his eyes had fluttered open, he probably wasn"t fully awake yet…
Jiang Pozhen wanted to explain the current predicament to him, but the dazed Guo Jinshan suddenly gave him a faint smile.
The smile that emerged on his face was extremely gentle, his eyes filled to the brim with unmistakable tenderness.
Just when Jiang Pozhen was surprised whether he had mistaken him for someone else in his disoriented state, Guo Jinshan suddenly called out his name without fail.
"…Po…zhen…Pozhen…"
Guo Jinshan had never called him that intimately before, so Jiang Pozhen felt even more perplexed than ever.
Yet, Guo Jinshan still said the words with an unimaginable voice that was so soft and tender.
"I…I like you…"
When the words rung in his ears, Jiang Pozhen"s body stiffened entirely, losing all ability to think and react. He watched on as Guo Jinshan"s face approached his. Everything happened in a flash. He couldn"t pinpoint the man"s intention for coming this close, so he couldn"t dodge in time. The instant their lips finally brushed lightly against each other, only then did he react as though he had been shocked by electricity, instantly raising his arm to shove the man"s shoulder away.
"What do you think you"re doing?!" he cried out in astonishment.
At that moment, the air seemed to have congealed.
Guo Jinshan"s body trembled violently for a little while after being stopped.
"…Huh?" Pausing briefly, his eyes abruptly widened in shock. He was so terrified that he backed away forcefully to widen the distance between them. Confused and at wit"s end, he covered his own mouth, muttering, "How…How…S-so…it"s…not a dream…"
When he realized that everything wasn"t a dream and was reality instead, his face instantly turned a shade of ghastly pale and he could only hang his head low in panic.
A thin layer of sweat formed on Jiang Pozhen"s forehead as he glared at the pair of trembling shoulders as well as the face that was so terrified that he didn"t dare to look up.
His mind was thrown into a state of chaos.
The exam was at 2:20 p.m. in the afternoon.
In consideration of the potential clashes with other lessons, the written examination for the Tuesday lab session was shifted to the last Friday. The most important aspect of the lab sessions was the experiments done every week as well as the reports that followed after. Every lecturer had their own habits, but generally speaking, so long as everyone attended cla.s.s, finished their experiments properly as well as submitting their reports on time, the results of the final exam shouldn"t matter that much.
Although it was just an easy exam, it was a great opportunity for those students who didn"t take the lessons seriously to score in.
Right before the bell was about to ring, Jiang Pozhen finally arrived at a snail"s pace. At the doorway, he noticed Guo Jinshan, the invigilator for the exam, was already standing there.
Guo Jinshan, who was obviously waiting for all the students to arrive, noticed his arrival. He hesitated for a while before approached with a few steps and said softly, "Jiang…"
Jiang Pozhen knew very well deep down that the man was looking for him, yet he forcibly looked the other way, pretending that he didn"t hear him. He headed directly into the cla.s.sroom through the rear door. After finding his seat, he threw his bag hard by the desk, listening to the bell ringing with a dark expression on his face.
Guo Jinshan could only stop in his tracks as he bowed his head and headed back towards the front door. He then headed over to the teacher"s desk, trying his best to maintain the indescribable and ever-gentle smile on his face.
"Students…please put your books away. Cheating is not allowed. Thank you," he said softly, his voice sounding inexplicably hoa.r.s.e.
When the person in front pa.s.sed him the exam paper and answer booklet, Jiang Pozhen quickly wrote down his own name and started answering the questions without a moment of hesitation.
The surrounding was filled with the rustling sound of papers as Guo Jinshan slowly patrolled around the cla.s.sroom. However, never did he once walk past Jiang Pozhen"s row.
The exam paper only had ten short-answer questions. A majority of the students would finish and quickly submit their papers.
Unable to concentrate on his studies since the night before the last, Jiang Pozhen"s attempt at the exam didn"t go smoothly when he reached the middle section. He could only rely on his fragmented memories to answer them. There were only a few people left in the cla.s.sroom. He couldn"t understand why was he having such a difficult time with such an easy exam. He was in complete shambles during yesterday"s exam too. Since he did excellently during the mid-terms and other times, even if he did poorly on his finals, it was unlikely that he would fail. The only issue was that his average results would drop.
Guo Jinshan was the one to blame for making a move on him!
After being kissed and confessed to, he found the entire situation to be too hard to take in so he slammed the door and left right then. Whenever he recalled the awful memories he had that night, the more angry and frustrated he got, so he just simply threw his pen into his backpack, grabbed his incomplete exam paper, and headed straight to the lecture desk. He was the last one to submit his paper.
No one else was around apart from him and Guo Jinshan. The man stood before the desk for a long time. Reaching out with his arm, Jiang Pozhen flung the papers without caring whether the paper would fall to the floor as a result. He then made a move to turn and walk away without even sparing the man a proper look with his eyes from the beginning until the end.
"Jiang…Please wait a moment!" Guo Jinshan gripped the entire set of papers and reached out with his hand to stop him in a moment of panic.
"Let go!" The second his fingertips touched his arm, Jiang Pozhen instantly shook him off with great force. His overly large movement unexpectedly grazed Guo Jinshan.
"Ahh!" What accompanied the soft cry was the rustling sound of papers as the previously well-kept exam papers scattered in the air.
One by one, they drifted down near his shoes. His fists tightly clenched, Jiang Pozhen made no move to stoop down to pick them up. He didn"t even plan on apologizing for his actions either. Instead, he stared coldly at the evident wounded expression on the man"s face.
Head hung low, Guo Jinshan was frozen stiff for a good while. Only then did he slowly bend down to pick up the papers.
Jiang Pozhen"s expression grew even more unsightly. Just when he felt the urge to leave, Guo Jinshan hurriedly stood up and called him to a stop once again.
"…Please don"t leave yet. Please…hear me out."
Jiang Pozhen wasn"t sure what he was going to say. Neither was he interested to know either. Although his mind was clouded with the desire to hurry up and leave, when he had his back against the man, the steps he took showed hesitation in them.
If Guo Jinshan could give him a viable explanation for the lip brushing that was unlike that of a kiss, and explain the inconceivable words "I like you", then maybe, just maybe he could treat it as some bad joke and continue to be friends with him.
Under the atmosphere akin to skating on thin ice, it was as though even breathing would make a difference.
Guo Jinshan slowly voiced out, "To do that to you…last night…I"m really sorry." The ever-so-soft tone he used carried a slight instability. After pausing for a while, he held his breath and continued, "I..I don"t know how I should start… I-I"m just… I…I like you." His voice was so feeble that it sounded like it was going to disappear at any minute.
Hearing that only made Jiang Pozhen felt incredibly frustrated.
Why? Why didn"t he just laugh and brush it off by saying he was drunk? Wouldn"t that solve everything? He had zero-interest in listening to him confess his love to him for a second time!
"Did you make a mistake? I"m a guy! Why"re you telling me you like me?! This is so weird. What"s wrong with you?!" he scolded mercilessly, turning around to glare at the incredibly rigid honest man.
Guo Jinshan became quiet with his head bowed down. After a while, his lips seemed to have slightly curled into a meaningless, thin smile.
"…Ye-Yeah. I"m too weird…" While he held the students" exam papers in his hands, it looked like he was focusing his gaze on the words written on them. His shoulders trembled slightly as he breathed in slowly to begin in a gentle voice. "You hated me…from the start, right? Honestly, I could tell…even though I really wanted to get to know you, you always looked like you really despised having me near you… In the beginning, I seriously thought that I only craved to know you as a friend…But after I came into contact with you, I realized you"re a very gentle and kind kid. Although you act a bit cold, you don"t mean anything by it. Instead, you always tend to think of others first. And you didn"t change your att.i.tude towards me because of my hearing impairment. You made me feel so at ease… You are without a doubt…a very nice person."
In this entire world, there probably would not be another person besides Guo Jinshan who would describe him like this. Jiang Pozhen looked at him quietly.
Guo Jinshan continued, "I personally don"t understand it as well…whenever I see you, my mood becomes better or happier, and I start to antic.i.p.ate the moments you come to find me, even if we"re just sitting together to sort out data. It was fortunate that I was able to meet you. The very thought of it plagued me day by day. When I found out that you had a girlfriend, only then did I realize that I…I"d already fallen for you."
As he listened up until this point, Jiang Pozhen remembered the incident that happened on his birthday. Eyes all red and swollen, Guo Jinshan had clumsily explained that he cried because he was saddened and jilted by the movie"s lovelorn plotline.
"It makes my heart swell with happiness to have lunch with you or go on a drive to go stargazing, as initially, you really disliked my approaches… To be able to be friends with you, even if that meant greeting each other in the walkway was enough to satisfy me… So, at the start…I decided to never tell you about it…" His eyes fixated on the ground, he bit his lips before he proceeded to speak again, feeling rather disgraced about himself. "You…You already have a girlfriend… I"m so much older than you and a man at that, yet I harbor an abnormal feeling towards you… You must feel very disgusted and uncomfortable, right? I"m sorry."
Owing to the fact that he was drunk, he thought he was caught in a dream, the only place where he dared to muster up the courage to gaze at the man in such a manner. Only in his dreams would he be allowed to fantasize and divulge his feelings towards the man that would never be requited. So, the instant he snapped back to reality, that was also when everything would come to an end.
He could only think of this pessimistically. Jiang Pozhen"s face was devoid of all emotions.
"I kept getting your help…Thank you for that." Guo Jinshan was evidently trying to restrain the quiver in his voice. Gripping the papers tightly, he lowered his head even more. "I"m truly sorry…to have caused you such unhappiness and inconvenience." He apologized repeatedly, just as he didn"t dare to hope to attain the man"s forgiveness.
He was the one who wanted to destroy their difficult-to-attain friendship. It was fine if he had lied about it so long as he treated it as a stupid thing he did when he was drunk. Yet, he was so dumb to choose this outcome. Jiang Pozhen stared at Guo Jinshan, who had never looked up once all along, in silence.
Apart from lashing out at the man for his abnormal feelings towards him earlier, he did not speak another word to the man until the very end.
In the last term of his adverse soph.o.m.ore year, even before the very end, an inexplicable event happened to him where a same-s.e.x teaching a.s.sistant liked him.
Before this, Jiang Pozhen didn"t think of himself as a person who would discriminate against others for their s.e.xual orientations. The school even had an open society built for it. The most he would do was shrug it off since it didn"t concern him, but he never imagined that someone of the same-s.e.x would like him. So when it finally happened, he was absolutely at a loss on how to react.
He didn"t understand why he was so angry. He could have just rejected him if he hated it so much. Everything would be fine if they didn"t come into contact with each other again!
Jiang Pozhen went on to accept the private home tutor job Xu Zhexi mentioned last time. He would spend four days per week teaching junior high students mathematical sciences. And when he got back home, he still had to help tutor his younger brother who was going to sit for his general scholastic apt.i.tude test soon. As for the remaining time, he would occasionally meet up with his friends. Finally, he was able to repay his debt to his mom.
However, he never once stepped into the university for almost half a month of winter vacation.
School began in mid-February.
It was still the same routine in choosing and sorting his cla.s.ses. Nothing had changed.
The lab session this semester was still scheduled on Tuesdays. On the first week at the start of the semester, lecturers didn"t attend cla.s.ses and instead gave out a piece of paper detailing the cla.s.s schedule and groupings. After explaining for half an hour, they would be dismissed.
The second week was when they needed to start submitting their pre-lab reports. That also signaled the appearance of the teaching a.s.sistant who"d lead their experiments and collect their a.s.signments.
While standing at the doorway to the lab, Jiang Pozhen hesitated for a while before heading in.
The students were chattering away about interesting things that happened during winter vacation. He wasn"t really paying attention to them as he pinned his eyesight on the compiled reports placed on the lecturer"s desk. Soon, the bell rang, yet everyone was still bustling about, only quieting down once the lecturer arrived.
Since they had already completed the pre-lab write-up beforehand, the lecturer would only roughly explain the experiment work flow. Once the experiment began, the lecturer would patrol about twice or thrice before going off to rest.
Then, a person walked in through the door.
"Huh? Teaching a.s.sistant, it"s been a while!" a student cried out.
Jiang Pozhen felt a sudden quake in his chest for a moment. He instinctively looked up and the person who stood there was teaching a.s.sistant Liao who had taken half a semester"s worth of leave because of family matters.
"What"s up?"
A student who was doing preparations for the experiment asked when he noticed Jiang Pozhen wasn"t moving an inch.
"…Nothing," answered Jiang Pozhen in a low voice before shifting his gaze back.
It seemed like he only just noticed now that the man was initially here as a stand-in. Now that teaching a.s.sistant Liao was back, it was inevitable that he disappeared. Jiang Pozhen was not looking forward to the possibility of running into Guo Jinshan again in the slightest, but… He couldn"t bring himself to say it didn"t matter to him at all.
During the winter vacation, he used to think, what if Guo Jinshan called him？Should he pick it up or disconnect the call? Although he rehea.r.s.ed the various kind of scenarios in his mind, the number which only appeared once on that drunken night never made another call to his phone. Perhaps it was due to the reason that Guo Jinshan could not use the phone at all, and after the addition of other recent calls, the number was removed from the system.
After the semester began, he could not stop himself from thinking about the situation when they did meet. For example, should he greet him or pretend he wasn"t there? If the man used his authoritative figure as a teaching a.s.sistant as an excuse to talk to him, should he just ignore him…?
But he would never appear in his life again and he didn"t have to help him sort out the data anymore. All of a sudden, realization finally dawned on him that if Guo Jinshan didn"t make the move to seek him out, they would be like parallel lines which would never cross paths with each other.
Since that was the case, that meant his life now was no different than back then before they met. He would still attend cla.s.s, submit his reports, pa.s.s time on his own, and hang out with friends like usual. He was now back to leading the most relaxed and ordinary college life…
Even if he whitewashed the surface, his mind would not stop thinking about him. Even if he couldn"t see the man"s face and body in person, his heart was still ruminating the man"s entire existence from deep within.
Aware that he seemed to be too overly concerned about Guo Jinshan, Jiang Pozhen masked it with the reason that he had never been in the situation where another person of the same-s.e.x had confessed to him before. After another ordinary two weeks pa.s.sed by, he was positive that the man would not wait for him outside the cla.s.sroom or request another student to pa.s.s him a message anymore. He would never stand in the laboratory donning a white coat anymore either, so Jiang Pozhen told himself that there was no need to think deeply about it.
But… the more he tried to remind himself not to think about him, his mind would wander, proving that all his thoughts were filled with that person.
"Hey, you"re going to pay for this meal right?"
A fair hand was waving in front of his eyes. Jiang Pozhen recovered his senses and looked at Xu Zhexi who was sitting across him. Unbeknownst to him, the pretty youth had already chowed down the lunch meal meant for three people. Entering the busy lunch hour, the servers were bustling back and forth to collect the empty dishes on the dining table.
Since Xu Zhexi had helped him find the tutoring job and he just happened to call again asking to borrow a computer program meant for playing movies, Jiang Pozhen used this opportunity to treat him to a meal as thanks. But…
Jiang Pozhen eyed him coldly.
"Are you satisfied yet?" Xu Zhexi had been eating non-stop for the past two hours without any signs of stopping.
"Almost." Taking a glimpse at his watch, he said, "I still have something to do so I don"t have time to eat more."
"You"re such a busy man." He always seemed to have a busy schedule every time they met. Jiang Pozhen picked up the bill and walked towards cashier counter.
Xu Zhexi threw him an ambiguous smile. "I have a date every day after all."
Jiang Pozhen was aware that Xu Zhexi had a lover who he had been dating for many years since high school, but he had never seen the person before. That was purely because he would never pry into other people"s private affairs.
Xu Zhexi"s gaze landed on the cakes inside the gla.s.s cabinet. He abruptly said, "I"ll take away two cakes when you pay later. I want to give it to someone who hates having desserts."
Was the person he mentioned the lover he was meeting later? Jiang Pozhen took out money from his wallet. He had no intention of paying attention to Xu Zhexi"s abnormal way of declaring his love in deliberately bullying the person he likes.
As he walked out of the restaurant, happily carrying the cake boxes in hand, Xu Zhexi suddenly seemed to have thought of something and turned to ask, "By the way, are you still working for that teaching a.s.sistant?"
Jiang Pozhen knitted his brows and answered, "No."
"Oh really? Didn"t I tell you it was a little strange before? The teaching a.s.sistants in our department would always enslave the juniors to do work for them. They would never hire anyone, let alone pay them for it. Moreover, as a graduate student who"s working as a teaching a.s.sistant, he can only help out during the lab sessions. The most he would get paid is a few thousand dollars. I wonder whether the guy you mentioned gave all his pay to you? If that"s the case, how selfless of him to do that."
After saying those words, Xu Zhexi left.
"Selfless…" mumbled Jiang Pozhen as he stood rooted to the spot.
Of course, that was for sure. Guo Jinshan liked him, so he probably wanted to please him badly.
But was he ever angry with his unusual feelings towards him when he accidentally blurted it out when he was drunk? Jiang Pozhen remembered how things went when they met for the first time. It was only filled with his one-sided rudeness and bad att.i.tude. Even so, Guo Jinshan still believed he was a good man.
He had heard a mult.i.tude of praises directed at him for being hot and stylish, but this was the first time he heard someone describe him as a kind and nice person. If there were ill intentions involved, no matter how he fawned over him, Jiang Pozhen would never entertain him. But for a person whose feelings had been cruelly rejected up front, the man was still willing to compliment him for being a gentle person.
What exactly did Guo Jinshan see in him? How different was he in the eyes of Guo Jinshan"s compared to others?
Three months had pa.s.sed since that fateful incident and yet, he was always haunted without warning by the scene where Guo Jinshan had thanked and apologized to him with his head hung low. The scene was so vivid as though it had only just happened yesterday. Those slender shoulders kept trembling incessantly. He couldn"t tell whether the man had tears in his eyes since he was looking down, but he was again plagued by the memories of the heartbroken man weeping with red, swollen eyes in the reference room that midnight.
…Even if Guo Jinshan always smiled so gently at him, what remained in his mind was the last image of the fragile and crestfallen man.
There was a midterm report due for his breadth course. Jiang Pozhen took the time between his cla.s.ses and went to the main library to do research.
After flipping through the relevant books, he randomly selected a few of them to make copies. For some reason, he had been feeling quite unsettled recently. Perhaps it was because of the rain. The endless rain during the monsoon seasons always frustrated people to no end.
He walked into the copy room, and there were already a few people in there. He stopped in front of the only copy machine available, with his back toward the door, and inserted his copy card into the machine.
He flipped to the chapters he needed, pressed a few b.u.t.tons, and started copying.
The endless clacks from the operating machine filled the tiny s.p.a.ce. Jiang Pozhen unexpectedly caught the sight of a pile of copied materials on the machine left to him, and pressed on the top of the pile was an imported hardcover textbook. The cover looked familiar, with the words "ATMOSPHERIC THERMODYNAMICS" printed on it. He knew the book. He had seen and read it.
Because Guo Jinshan had one too.
"Senior."
The person using the machine on his left suddenly looked back and called at the door. Jiang Pozhen"s eyes followed his unconsciously —
The man wearing a pair of plastic-framed gla.s.ses was standing right there, in his dress shirt and vest as usual, so prim that he even b.u.t.toned the first b.u.t.ton on his shirt.
Ever since the moment their eyes met, Jiang Pozhen had been glaring at the other man fixedly without moving. But the other person"s eyes widened in surprise as he discovered Jiang Pozhen"s existence. The next second, he lowered his head and avoided him.
Jiang Pozhen suddenly froze.
"Senior, are these enough?" asked the person on his left.
"Ah, yes… It-It"s enough." Guo Jinshan answered, his voice shaking. Not long afterwards, he quickly walked out with that junior of his.
Jiang Pozhen was stiff on the spot. He stopped the copying process he was doing, rudely pulled the card out of the machine, and without any reason, followed after them unconsciously. Guo Jinshan walked to the place next to the window. His books and notes were still on the desk. After he returned to his seat with the junior, he first stretched a smile and said a few things to the junior, then he immediately started to pack up his stuff. There was a nervous expression on his face, and he was about to leave.
He was trying to avoid him! Jiang Pozhen was greatly enraged by the fact.
He was the one who said he liked him, but now he didn"t even want to see his face! It had been a while since then and he didn"t even give him a call, let alone go looking for him. Even if his hope was bleak, he should have at least tried to rekindle their relationship. Yet he did nothing. Moreover, he would feign ignorance and run away after b.u.mping into him!
He wasn"t able to delve deeply into where his surge of frustration came from. Instead, he stuck a foot out uncontrollably, clueless to the significance of his behavior.
Both the elevator and stairs were located in the direction of where he was standing. If Guo Jinshan wanted to leave, he had to pa.s.s by him. Jiang Pozhen looked on as Guo Jinshan walked briskly towards him with his head lowered. For the past few months, those ever-unresolved unknown feelings he held from deep within him could no longer be oppressed and finally began to churn violently. He was overcome with a strong impulse to pull the man to a stop, not allowing him any more room to escape.
But…what about after?
"Teaching a.s.sistant!" When they were only a few steps apart, someone suddenly called out from behind Guo Jinshan. It was the PR student who had come to research data for the report too.
"Huh?" Guo Jinshan turned around, stopping in his tracks.
The PR student also took notice of Jiang Pozhen, but he didn"t greet him. Instead, he said to Guo Jinshan, "It"s been a long while. I always wanted to go see you, but it keeps slipping my mind. Thank you for your help last semester. I kept handing in reports late and yet you still allow me to pa.s.s." Although he just managed to sc.r.a.pe through with a narrow pa.s.s, it was better than actually failing.
"Ah…Well, you did submit every overdue report in the end," said Guo Jinshan softly at an unhurried pace.
"That"s all because you accepted my pleas. If it were Teaching a.s.sistant Liao, he would fail me without hesitating! So it"s all thanks to you." The PR student patted his shoulder, waved, and left.
"You"re welcome." Guo Jinshan"s eyes trailed after his retreating figure. By the time he turned to look, Jiang Pozhen was already standing right in front of him. He obviously leapt in fright, followed by a purse of his lips before he turned to briskly walk away.
When the man fled past him, the expression on Jiang Pozhen"s face twisted in anger.
He had no idea why he would be enraged.
But why? Why was Guo Jinshan being so nice to everyone, yet he couldn"t even bear to look at him?
Something inexplicable was burning from deep within him. Jiang Pozhen swiftly turned around, and right before the elevator door slid shut with Guo Jinshan on the other side, he hurriedly advanced forward and restrained the door with all his might.
"Wait!" he shouted deeply.
Guo Jinshan was startled and astonished by the rough way Jiang Pozhen used to block the elevator doors from closing. He could only stare dazedly as the man walked towards him in large strides.
The door slid shut. There was n.o.body else in the enclosed rectangular s.p.a.ce except for them. It was only a few stories high, but the air around them felt particularly suffocating.
Jiang Pozhen couldn"t comprehend his own inexplicable actions either. He was not in debt and he didn"t have to work. His life had returned to how it was before. He no longer had anything to do with the man cowering in the corner behind him. Now, what was he trying to achieve by impulsively chasing after him?
His mind was in a state of disarray, and the flashing indicator made him all the more frustrated. Before they reached the first floor, it was impossible for him to make things clear to the man in such a short amount of time.
With a "Ding!", the elevator door looked like it was about to slide open. He noticed that Guo Jinshan had moved a little, so he instantly reached out to press the "close" b.u.t.ton reflexively.
A "Huh?" escaped Guo Jinshan"s lips as he had intended to leave the elevator. He finally said, "…Sorry. Um. I want to leave…" His tone sounded rather feeble.
Jiang Pozhen"s tightly clenched fists weres so warm that they were practically breaking out in sweat. In a state of emotional chaos, his mind was invaded and occupied thoroughly by the expanding realization of the fact that he mustn"t allow the man to leave.
Abruptly turning around, he lifted his hands and propped them on either side of the walls, trapping Guo Jinshan in the narrow triangular s.p.a.ce as he stared at him.
Guo Jinshan, who couldn"t understand his actions and was unable to react, could only shift his eyes away in a state of panic.
"…I…I"m…sorry…" he parted his lips to say timidly.
The man couldn"t figure out anything and just kept apologizing.
Was it because he condemned him for being a freak before? Guo Jinshan liked him, and therefore he would be concerned with his thoughts and feelings. He would even do so much for his sake in silence. There were people out there who would say they liked you on the surface, but all they knew was to be selfish and capricious.
Having not seen Guo Jinshan for a few months, he kept thinking about his gentle and heartwarming smile along with his behavior, as though something was incomplete or lost that worried him incessantly, making him lose the ability to control himself. The reason why he didn"t go out of his way to seek out Guo Jinshan was because he was waiting for the man to approach him. However, this man was in a hurry to avoid him.
As he gazed at the pitiful way Guo Jinshan"s lowered eyelashes were trembling, Jiang Pozhen felt his chest tightening at a rapid rate as though it was being pulled taut.
Why was he feeling so distracted and vexed?
Unable to resist any longer, Jiang Pozhen grasped Guo Jinshan"s arm with his hand and growled, "Look up!"
Guo Jinshan could only frantically raise his head in pain.
Jiang Pozhen stared at the bewildered expression on his face that looked like he was about to break into tears. In a flash, he had a deep sense of realization that the man before him was so fond of him to the extent that he wanted to cry. It was as though their entire surroundings had become still. His ears could only hear the intense palpitation of his heart which was about to burst through his chest.
It really was just an act of impulse.
Gasping for breath, Jiang Pozhen parted his lips. "I accept. You like me right? I agree…to go out with you."
He had abandoned his thoughts altogether. He was only aware that those words had to be said now no matter what.