He rested his forehead on hers and his eyes closed on ragged breaths. Against her hips, his body was making an embarra.s.sing statement about his feelings, and she withdrew just enough to satisfy her modesty.
"Still playing games, Kati? You don"t have to put on any acts for me. That virginal withdrawal-"
"Egan, you have to listen to me," she managed, looking up.
"I"ve got an apartment two streets over," he said on a harsh breath. "One even Ada doesn"t know about. We could be there in fifteen minutes, and she"d never have to know."
Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were blazing with it, and she knew her own legs were trembling. For one wild second she looked up at him and knew how it would be between them. She could almost feel the length of him without clothes: the silken slide of skin on skin, the aching pleasure of being touched by those lean, expert hands...
"Come with me, Kati," he said unsteadily. "We"re just torturing each other. I"ve got to have you."
"I can"t," she ground out. She lowered her chin so that her tormented eyes were on a level with his chest, and her trembling fingers pressed against his warm shirt.
His fingers tautened on her waist, moved to her hips and jerked them into his. "I ache," he whispered. "You know what I"m feeling."
Her eyes closed. She wasn"t stupid; she could imagine that it was ten times worse for him than it was for her. But she couldn"t undo all the years of conditioning. Flings weren"t for her. She had too much conscience.
"I"m sorry," she whispered. "I"m so sorry, Egan, but I can"t."
He drew in an angry breath, and she stiffened because she knew he was going to go right through the ceiling. She couldn"t even blame him; she should never have let him touch her.
But oddly enough, he didn"t say a word. He loosened his grip on her hips, allowing her to move away, and drew her gently into his arms. He held her, his head bending over her, his heartbeat shaking both of them, until his breathing was normal again.
Her hands felt the warm strength of his back even through his shirt, and she loved the protected feeling she got from being close like this. Her eyes closed and, just for a moment, she allowed herself the luxury of giving in completely, of pretending that he loved her.
"I could make you," he whispered at her ear. "I could take the choice away."
"Yes, I know," she agreed softly. Her cheek nuzzled against his chest.
"This kind of pa.s.sion is a gift," he said quietly. "I could give you pleasure in ways you"ve never had it with another man. Not because I"m any d.a.m.ned prize in bed, but because we react to each other like dynamite going up."
"I can"t," she replied softly. "I want to, but I can"t."
His hand smoothed her long hair gently. "Because of him?"
She drew in a steadying breath. She was going to have to tell him, and it wasn"t going to be easy.
The door opened, thank G.o.d, and Ada walked in, stopping dead when she saw the two of them wrapped in each other"s arms.
"Wrestling match?" she guessed. "Who"s winning?"
"Mistletoe," Egan murmured, nodding upward. "d.a.m.ned potent stuff. She"s got me on my knees."
"That"ll be the day," Ada grinned.
Kati pulled away, and he let her go with obvious reluctance. "And I didn"t poison you, either," she murmured, trying to keep it light.
"Didn"t you?" he returned, but there was a difference in him now, a strangeness.
"No fighting," Ada said. "It"s Christmas day."
"So it is," Egan said. "Where"s my present?"
"Not until morning," Ada returned.
"d.a.m.n." He looked down at Kati. "I like presents. What did you get me?"
"Not until morning," she echoed Ada.
He lifted an eyebrow. "I hate waiting," he murmured, and only Kati knew what he meant.
"All good things come to him who waits, though," Ada interrupted; and then wondered why Kati blushed and Egan laughed.
The girls went in to bed, but Kati didn"t sleep. She wanted Egan. And there was more to it than that. She was beginning to feel something she"d never expected. She thought ahead to the next day, when he"d leave for Wyoming, and the world went black. She couldn"t imagine a day going by without the sight of him. Just the sight of him.
She sat straight up in bed and stared at the wall. She hadn"t known that it could happen so quickly. Of course, it could be just physical attraction. She did want him very much, and it was the first time she"d wanted any man. She knew nothing about him really, except bits and pieces. So how, she asked herself, could she be in love with him?
"Love," she whispered out loud. She licked her dry lips and put it into words. "I...love...Egan." The sound of it made tingles all the way to her toes, and when she closed her eyes she could feel his mouth on hers; she could taste the minty warmth of his lips. Shivers went all over her like silvery caresses, and she caught her breath.
You have to forget all that, she told herself. Because what Egan wanted was the limited use of her body, to sate his own hunger. And once he"d had it, he"d be off to new conquests. Like Jennie. Her eyes clouded with bridled fury. Jennie! She"d like to rip the girl"s hair out.
She lay back down and closed her eyes. Well, that was his kind of woman, anyway. All she had to do was grit her teeth and bear it until he left. Then she could pull her stupid self together and forget him. Her eyes opened. It was over an hour before she could close them in sleep.
Chapter Seven.
The thought of the condominium bothered Kati. She couldn"t help remembering that Egan had said Ada didn"t know about it, which meant he kept it for only one reason. If he was willing to take Kati there, he must have taken other women too. In the cold light of morning, she was glad she"d had the sense to resist him. Egan only wanted her. Someday, with a little luck, there would be a man who"d love her.
But if she was inclined to be cool and collected, Egan wasn"t. He watched her covetously when she joined them for breakfast. His silver eyes roamed over the pretty red vest and skirt she was wearing with a long-sleeved white blouse, and he smiled appreciatively.
"Very Christmasy," he murmured.
She smiled as coolly as possible. "Thank you."
She allowed him to seat her, expecting Ada to plop down beside her as usual. But instead, Egan slid into Ada"s usual place, so close that his thigh touched hers when he moved.
"I can help," Kati volunteered quickly.
"No," Ada said as she dished up everything and carried it to the table. "Just sit. We"ll both have enough to do later."
So she sat, nervously, hating the close contact because she could feel Egan as well as smell the warm, manly fragrance of his body. He was dressed up, too, in a navy pinstripe suit that made him look suave and sophisticated. And all the time she picked at her bacon and eggs, he watched her. It was as if he were launching a campaign, with her as the objective. And it was getting off to a rousing start.
Ada noticed the tension and smiled. Kati flushed at that smile, because she knew her friend"s mind so well.
It didn"t help that Ada finished early and announced that she just had to have a shower before she dressed.
"Afraid to be alone with me?" Egan teased gently when the door closed behind his sister.
"Oh, yes," she admitted, looking up with fascinated eyes.
His own eyes seemed unusually kind and soft, and he smiled. "Why?" he asked. "Because of last night?"
She lowered her eyes to his smooth chin, his chiseled mouth. She remembered the feel of it with startling clarity.
"Don"t hide." He tilted her face back up to his and studied it quietly. "I can wait. At least, until you"ve had time to break it off with Asher."
So that was what he thought! That was why he"d been so patient last night. He a.s.sumed that she was sleeping with Jack and had to end the affair before...
She caught her breath. "But I can"t-"
"Yes, you can," he said. "Just tell him how it is. He doesn"t seem to be so unreasonable to me. In fact-" he laughed shortly "-he hardly touches you in public. A man who"s committed to a woman usually shows a little more warmth."
"I don"t like that kind of thing, around people," she murmured.
"Neither do I, for G.o.d"s sake," he bit off. "But when people get involved, it happens sometimes. A look, a way of touching, a hand that can"t let go of another hand-there are signs. You and Asher don"t show them."
"He"s...very reserved," she returned.
"So are you. Even alone with me." He leaned closer and brushed his mouth over hers like a breath. "Ada won"t be gone that long. And then we"ll be surrounded by people. And I won"t be able to do this to you...."
His hand contracted behind her head, catching her hair, tangling in its fiery depths to press her mouth to his. As if pa.s.sion were riding him hard, he bit at her closed lips and shocked them into parting. And then she was his. Totally his, as he explored the soft warmth of her mouth expertly, possessively.
When he stopped, her hands were clenched in his thick hair, and she moaned when he lifted his mouth.
"No more, baby," he whispered huskily. "We don"t have the luxury of privacy, and I had a hard enough time sleeping last night as it was. A man can only stand so much."
Her eyes opened slowly and she looked up at him drowning in the silver of his eyes. "I didn"t mean to tease," she whispered. "It wasn"t like that."
"I know that," he replied quietly. "You were with me every step of the way, from the first second I touched you. Circ.u.mstances have been the problem. I need to be alone with you. Completely alone." He drew in a slow breath. "Come back to Wyoming with me, Kati."
Her eyes dilated. "What?"
"You said you had to research that d.a.m.ned book. All right. I"ll help you. Fly out with me in the morning, and I"ll show you everything you need to know about ranch management."
She studied his hard face. She knew exactly what he was saying: "during the day." His eyes were telling her that he had different plans for the night, and she already knew exactly what they were.
"Still afraid?" he asked thoughtfully, watching the expressions change on her young face. "Let"s get it out in the open. Why? Do I strike you as a brutal man? Do you think I"d be kinky in bed or something?"
Her face burned and she looked down. "I"ve never thought about it."
"Liar. You"ve thought about it every second since yesterday morning, just like I have." He bent his head and kissed her quickly, roughly. "It was just the way I told you it would be. We touched each other and exploded. I wanted you, and it made me rough at first. But it won"t be that way anymore. I promise you, Kati. I"ll be as tender a lover as you could want."
"You...you never seemed gentle," she said involuntarily. "And you"ve been so harsh with me..."
He brushed a lock of hair back from her cheek and frowned as he looked down at her. "It"s the way you write, d.a.m.n it," he said. "So...openly."
"Egan, I don"t make love with strange men in bathtubs," she said. It was one of the ironies of her life that she could write torrid romances at all. But the writing never embarra.s.sed her. It was as if the characters did what they wanted to, taking over as the words went onto paper. The situations arose from the characterizations, not out of her own personal experience.
He shrugged. "That may be. But no man likes to think he"s being used for research."
Her eyes opened wide. Her eyebrows went straight up. "You don"t imagine that I...that I"d even consider-" She felt herself puffing up with indignation. "Oh, you monster!"
She jerked up from the table, glaring down at him as she fought tears of pure fury. "What do you think I am, d.a.m.n you, an exhibitionist? What I write comes out of nowhere! The characters create themselves on paper, and their own motivations produce the love scenes! I do not write from personal experiences with a mult.i.tude of lovers!"
"Now, Kati," he began, rising slowly.
"But you just go on thinking whatever you please, Egan," she continued. "You just go right ahead. I don"t care. I don"t need you at all!"
And she turned, tears in her eyes, and ran from the room, colliding with Ada.
"Hey, what"s the matter?" Ada asked gently.
"Ask Dracula!" came the broken reply, and she threw a last accusing glare at Egan before she went into her room and slammed the door.
It was a bad start for the day. And it didn"t help that when she got herself together and came back out, Egan had vanished. She"d overreacted, and she was ashamed. But his opinion of her had hurt in unexpected ways and brought home how he considered her widely experienced.
Wouldn"t he be shocked, she thought miserably, to know how innocent she was?
In fact, the love scenes in her books were mild compared to those in other genres. They were sensuous, but hardly explicit. That was why she was able to write them. She didn"t have to go into a lot of explanations that she"d have to dig out of anatomy books anyway-because she didn"t know the first thing about fulfillment, except what she"d learned second-hand.
"Will he be back?" Kati asked miserably when Ada told her that Egan had walked out.
Ada lifted her shoulders helplessly. "I don"t know. Things were going so well this morning. What happened?"
"He accused me of doing my own research for the love scenes," she muttered. "In bathtubs with strange men." She hid her face in her hands. "You can"t imagine how it hurt to have him think so little of me!"
"Then why not tell him the truth, my dumb friend?" Ada asked. "He doesn"t read minds, you know."
"Because..." She clenched her fists and hit the air impotently. "Because," her voice lowered, "the only thing about me that attracts him at all is my "experience.""
Ada gaped at her. "You"re in love with him," she said half under her breath.
Kati smiled sadly. "Doesn"t it show? Hasn"t it always shown? Ada, I"d walk over a gas fire just to look at him."
"And I thought you hated him."
"I did. Because he hated me, and I knew it would never be more than that." She smoothed her hair. "And now it"s worse, because he"s like a bulldozer and I"m terrified of him."
"I warned you," Ada reminded her. "He"s utterly relentless."
"He wants me to go home with him," she said.
Ada"s face brightened. "He does?"