"Of course I wanted to marry you. I wanted to go to D.C. with you, but it just wasn"t meant to be. I didn"t want you to marry me just because of the baby. That wasn"t the path you were on, Xander. Look at all you"ve done in the last eleven years! All that you"ve accomplished... None of that would"ve happened if you had come home and married me."
Xander opened his mouth to argue with her, but he was struck with the truth of her words. She was right. Even if she had moved to D.C. with him and they"d gotten an apartment in family housing, finishing school would"ve been challenging. He"d had a full-ride scholarship with books, room and board, but it wouldn"t have covered baby food and clothes and diapers. He would"ve had to work. It was hard enough to finish school without the distraction of a young family at home.
"It wasn"t your decision to make," he said instead.
"I couldn"t let you give up everything you worked so hard for because we made one little mistake."
"Little? He"s ten years old."
"I know that I should"ve told you later, maybe, when he was older and you"d finished school. But the longer you keep a secret, the harder it is to tell. I didn"t even know where to start."
"So you just waited until you had no choice? No wonder you didn"t want to go to dinner and didn"t mention your son all night. Even when you had the chance, you didn"t want to tell me. You"ve had all these years to do it, but no, you wait for the worst possible time. I"m about to start my reelection campaign. My book comes out in two days. I don"t need any scandals right now."
He watched Rose"s expression crumble into tears and his chest ached for her, even though he didn"t want it to. She had lied to him. Hidden his child from him. And yet she had done it for him. She"d sacrificed her own dreams, her own life, to raise Joey on her own and allow him to live his dream.
He wanted to be angry with her. To shake her and let out some of his pent-up aggression, but he just couldn"t do it. Instead he sank down onto the foot of the bed. "Please stop crying," he asked.
"I"m sorry," she said. "Everything I"ve done was to protect your dream. It never occurred to me that Joey and I would still be a liability to your success this far down the road."
"Well, we"re lucky, I think. The reporters got bored with me very early on and spend most their time digging up other people"s scandals. But the spotlights will be on me during the book tour and the reelection."
"Can we keep it a secret for a while? No one else needs to know yet, right?"
"Perhaps. If we can keep this quiet for a little while, I might be able to defuse the damage. Compared to the things my colleagues have gotten into, this is hardly headline news."
"Okay," she said, her voice quiet.
"Who knows that I"m his father?" Hopefully, the information hadn"t spread too far. The fewer people who knew, the easier it would be to contain it. Given that Molly didn"t know, it had to be pretty hush-hush.
"For certain? Just the two of us, since Mom pa.s.sed a few weeks after he was born. My brother knows, but I"ve never told him directly. He"s just pieced it all together over the years."
"How did you explain it to everyone else?"
"I went away to college. I came back a couple years later with a little boy. When people asked, I told them a story about an ill-fated fling at school with a jerk that didn"t love me. Everyone seemed to take it at face value. At the time, there were bigger stories than the father of my child."
Xander frowned. What did she mean by that? "Bigger stories about you?"
"Not directly. It was several years ago and not important."
Xander doubted that, but it seemed he could only pull one secret from her at a time. "I"m surprised no one ever asked if he was mine."
"People around here don"t see Joey very much. He goes to school in Torrington and I only bring him into Cornwall when I don"t have anyone to watch him and I have to work. If people suspect, they"ve been polite enough to keep it to themselves for the most part. A notable exception was Christie Clark, that catty girl from school. She went to Western Connecticut State, too, and saw me pregnant in the grocery store one day. She asked if you were the father and when I told her no, she told me I was a fool for letting the wrong guy knock me up. I wanted to punch her in the face and I was hormonal enough to almost do it."
Xander felt awful. He knew Rose didn"t have it easy in this town as it was. Her family had never had much money and she"d never fit in the popular set. This probably made it that much harder for her.
"I"m sorry you felt like you had to go through all of this alone."
Rose smiled and waved her hand dismissively. "I wouldn"t trade Joey for the whole world. Things may not have always been easy, but if I went back in time, I"d make the same decisions. Well, except maybe I would"ve punched Christie Clark."
At that, Xander had to chuckle. Christie had been a real b.i.t.c.h in school. She thought she was better than everyone else and would always complain loudly that she never understood why Xander had chosen Rose when he could"ve had her instead. He would"ve sooner stuck his p.e.n.i.s in a box fan.
"So now what?"
Xander looked up at her. She was right. Joey would be back in a few minutes and they had a lot to work out. They could rehash the past and the hows and the whys for hours, but they needed a plan going forward. "I think you"re right. I say we agree to keep this quiet for the time being. Especially where Joey is concerned. He"s got enough to deal with right now without all that piled on top."
"Agreed," she said, looking a touch relieved. She didn"t look as if she were ready to deal with the fallout of her secret, either. "We won"t tell anyone until we determine the timing is right for us both."
"I want to acknowledge Joey as my son, and I will, but don"t think I can go forward with any legal claims right away. The minute I file the paperwork, some nosy reporter will jump on it, especially if my face is all over the news doing interviews and talking about my charity. But I don"t want you to think that means I"m going to shirk off my responsibilities. I do want to help."
"Help?"
"Yes, help. It will be hard with me out of state, but I can send money, at least. I"m sure you could use the extra money for things like school expenses or summer camp. Emergency-room co-pays, perhaps?"
Rose clenched a tight fist of sheets. She was a proud woman, and he appreciated that about her. He could tell how hard this was for her to accept, but she wasn"t a fool. They both knew she could use the help. "I thought public servants weren"t paid that well."
"I"m comfortable. The advance of my book was very nice and I made some good money investing. I can absolutely help."
Xander had invested what little money he had in the start-up of Brody"s software company. That alone had him sitting pretty, financially. If and when Brody"s company went public, the stock would skyrocket. He couldn"t tell Rose that detail, however, because people still hadn"t connected his brother Brody Butler to mysterious software tyc.o.o.n Brody Eden.
She nodded at last, giving in. "Thank you. I wasn"t sure where I was going to come up with the money for this."
"What about living expenses? You said you had a place pretty far out of town. That has to cost you a lot in gas."
Rose frowned at him. "There"s no apartment complexes around here. The closest thing I could get was a two-bedroom apartment over near Torrington."
Torrington was about fifteen miles away. It wasn"t a terrible drive, just a straight shot down Highway Four, but it wasn"t close, either. In bad weather it could be a nightmare to drive back and forth. "Maybe we can get you a house someplace closer to town."
"A house?" Rose chuckled. "Have you seen the home prices around here?"
"I said I wanted to help, Rose."
"That doesn"t mean we have to become a major drain on your finances. Help is help. What you"re suggesting is more than that."
"What? More like child support? That"s the point. You"ve done this on your own for ten years. I have a lot to make up for."
Rose sighed and folded her hands in her lap. "I just don"t want to be-"
"We"re ba-ack!" the nurse announced, rolling Joey back to his bed.
They both leaped up and hovered anxiously as the nurse helped Joey back onto the hospital bed. "How did everything go?" Xander asked.
"Fine. The doctor should be in to talk to you guys in just a minute. Then, after that, I"m pretty sure the casting crew will be here." The nurse turned to Joey. "Start thinking about what color wrap you want. We have bright blue, neon green, red, hot pink-" she wrinkled her nose and shook her head "-and construction-cone-orange."
"So it"s broken?" Rose asked.
"I"m not a doctor, so I"m not supposed to say, but between you and me...oh, yeah."
The nurse disappeared with the wheelchair, leaving Rose, Joey and Xander alone together for the first time. He didn"t really think about that until he heard Joey ask Rose a question.
"Mom?" he whispered in an attempt to be sneaky, but it was loud enough to hear down the hallway. "Who is that man? Was he your date?"
"Oh," Rose said, putting on her best smile. "I"m sorry, baby. I was too worried about your arm. Joey, this is Mr. Langston. And yes, he was my date. We went to high school together a long time ago."
Xander frowned at the super-formal use of his name for the second time tonight. It was bad enough for Rose to do it. He didn"t want his son calling him that, too. "You can just call me Xander."
"Xander?" Joey said, his eyes wide. "I wouldn"t even know how to spell that."
"No worries," he said. "There won"t be a test."
"Good," Joey said with a wide smile that was so much like his own at that age. There was even a hint of his same dimple in his left cheek.
The first moment he"d laid eyes on Joey, he"d known the truth. There were pieces of both him and Heath at that age in the boy. His brother had better well not be the father of his ex-girlfriend"s baby, so that left only one answer.
It had actually thrown him for a loop seeing Joey lying in that hospital bed. Xander hadn"t been with his parents the night of their car accident. He had been spending the night at a friend"s house after going to see the latest superhero movie. Heath had been with them, though.
The next morning, his friend"s parents had brought him to the hospital, not quite sure what to do with the child who"d become an orphan while they"d watched him overnight. His father had been killed immediately and his mother had been on life support in a coma she wouldn"t wake up from. Heath had been in stable condition, but he had been hurt pretty badly-a broken leg, a laceration across his forehead and a few cracked ribs.
When he"d gone into the hospital room and seen Joey for the first time, he"d looked just like Heath had. He"d almost had a flashback to the most traumatic moment of his life in that instant. And then to realize that it wasn"t his brother lying there but his son...
"How are we feeling, Joey?" The doctor stepped in, X-rays gripped tightly in his hands.
"I think the medicine is starting to wear off," Joey said, favoring his arm.
"We"ll get you some more. But first let"s talk about what you managed to do to yourself."
The doctor flipped on the light panel and threw one of the X-rays up onto it. Xander wasn"t a medical professional, but even he could see the slight displacement of one bone and the crack in the other bone of his forearm.
"You"ve given your radius a good whack. Cracked your ulna, too. The good news is you won"t need surgery. This should come back together just fine with a cast. And since you"re right-handed, this shouldn"t interfere as badly with daily activities. You"ll have a cast for a few weeks, and then we can switch you into a brace. The bad news is, I"m afraid this baseball season may be over before you can play again."
Joey"s face tightened as he tried not to show how upset he was. He was determined to be a man and not cry, but clearly he wanted to. Xander understood. Baseball had been his life at that age. Losing it when his parents died had been just one more tragedy piled on the rest. At least his son would get to play next season.
"I"ll bet they"ll save me a good seat to watch from the dugout," Joey offered cheerfully, his lower lip barely quivering as he held in his disappointment.
He was ever the optimist, just like his mother.
"The crew will be in here to get you all plastered up. Did you decide what color you want your cast to be?"
"Green," Joey said. "That"s my favorite color."
Xander met Rose"s gaze across the hospital bed and she smiled softly. She had probably been noticing the similarities between her son and her lover for years, but it was all new to him and somehow surreal. Green was Joey"s favorite color.
It was his, too.
Four.
It was nearly three in the morning when Xander turned off the main highway toward her apartment complex. They"d opted to leave her car at the diner. Craig would take her to work the next day and she could get it then.
They didn"t talk much on the drive home and Rose was relieved. She was emotionally and physically exhausted. Tonight had been a night eleven years in the making and now it was done. All she wanted to do was get her baby into bed, make him comfortable, give him some pain medication and pa.s.s out herself.
Rose glanced over her shoulder at the slumped-over bundle in the backseat. Joey was out cold, as was to be expected. Between the late hour and the medication, he didn"t stand a chance. She was just happy that he could sleep, considering the heavy, uncomfortable cast on his arm. He actually looked quite peaceful. Rose had always enjoyed watching him sleep. The first night she brought him home from the hospital, she"d just sat in her rocking chair and watched him in his ba.s.sinet.
Then and now he was like an angel in a painting with peach skin and dark eyelashes against his rose-kissed cheeks. His lips were full and pouty, like hers, and they moved ever so slightly as he dreamed. He was getting older, and his cherubic face was fading into the lean features of his father, but she couldn"t help but look at him and see her baby again.
"He"s been out since we pulled onto the highway," Xander said. "Poor guy."
Rose smiled at her son and turned back to face the road. "He"s had a long day. I hate to wake him up to get him inside, but he"s gotten too big to carry anymore."
"We"ll figure it out," Xander said. "We might be able to walk him in without fully waking him up. I used to sleepwalk. All you had to do was stand me up and guide the way. By the way...does your brother live near you?"
"No," Rose said. "He has a house in Litchfield."
"Well, then is there any particular reason why your brother is following us to your place? It"s a little late to preserve your honor."
"What?" Rose turned again, this time to look at the truck following behind them. It was Craig, all right. His truck was jacked up on big wheels and one headlight was fading out. "That"s odd. He didn"t mention coming back with us. He should"ve turned off onto 63 a couple miles back."
Xander made a thoughtful humming sound but didn"t respond. Instead he listened intently as Rose gave him the last bit of instructions to lead him to her building. He pulled into a vacant spot and her brother"s truck rolled into the one beside them.
Rose and Xander climbed out of his SUV, meeting Craig as he opened the back door of the Lexus. "You didn"t have to come all the way back with us. I know it"s late and you have to work tomorrow."
"It"s no problem," Craig said, giving Xander an appraising look before he reached in and scooped up Joey into his arms. Even in his sleep, Joey clung to him like a monkey and Craig brushed past them toward the apartment.
Rose noticed the slightly annoyed expression on Xander"s face. He"d been a dad officially for only a few hours now, but he seemed perturbed to lose his opportunity to fill the role. At the same time, her brother wasn"t about to step aside. He"d been Joey"s father figure since the day he was born.
She expected Xander to say something about it, but he shook it off and shut the door.
"It"s late for you, too," she said, looking up at the handsome man who"d antic.i.p.ated only a nice date with an old friend tonight. This was not at all how she"d planned this night to end, either. Things had taken a sharp left turn the moment her brother called. Part of her wished she could wind back the clock and change the way the night ended, but another part of her was relieved to have all the secrets out in the open. Well, at least the ones relevant to Xander.
He smiled and reached out to take her hand. "I don"t have to work tomorrow."
She felt so tiny and delicate wrapped in the ma.s.sive warmth of his fingers. It felt like electric sparks were dancing up her arm when their skin touched, making her tremble softly. When he lifted her knuckles to his lips, her breath moved almost as rapidly into her lungs as her heart beat in her chest. She responded even to the most simple and innocent of Xander"s gestures. She wished she didn"t. It would be easier to tell him no. That was the right thing to do. Son or no son, he would be going back to D.C. soon. If she wasn"t careful, he would leave heartbreak in his wake.
He still had her hand clasped in his when he spoke again. "Besides, I"m twelve feet from your apartment. It would be stupid not to see this date through to the very end. May I walk you to your door, Rose?"
"You may." It was safe with Craig still there. Even if she wanted to, she couldn"t invite Xander in. She took his arm and walked with him down the narrow sidewalk that led to her apartment door. It was already open and judging by the light in the hallway, Craig was inside getting Joey into bed.
"I"m sorry about his arm," Xander said, "but I"m not sorry about the rest of it. I"m glad you agreed to have dinner with me. And I"m glad to finally know what"s been going on all this time. Maybe the three of us can go out later this week when he"s feeling better."
His words made her heart light with a sense of hope she"d been lacking all these years. His cool response to finding out about Joey had worried her that he would remain hands-off. "That would be nice."
Xander placed a palm against her cheek, stroking her soft skin before leaning in to press his lips against hers. This wasn"t like the kiss in the parking lot. That one had left her achingly unfulfilled and burning for his touch. This kiss was tender, comforting, and it warmed her body and soul.
"May I have a word?" Craig"s sharp voice cut through the moment, causing Xander to jerk away. He looked at her brother for a moment and then he nodded.