He stood still, wondering what she was doing right now.
Or maybe the question should be...What was he doing? He should be pus.h.i.+ng her away.
He clenched his fists beside him and tried to think of something else so his heart would stop throbbing. This was crazy... Everything was crazy!
"I swear I didn"t know. If I did—"
"Then what would have happened?" He interrupted her and asked before gently turning, causing her to drop her hand from his waist to look up at his dark eyes.
"What would have happened?"
He looked down at her. She was still pet.i.te like he remembered. Her hair was shorter now but she was still very pretty although, she looked very pale with swollen eyes and bruised hands that were covered in bandages. It took everything within him to stop himself from reaching out.
She put her head down. She didn"t dare look at him. She heard the doubt in his voice. Which broke her heart.
"You.....don"t believe me... Do you?"
She smiled sadly before taking a few steps back.
It was one thing for him to not love her. It was another for him to not trust her at all. What did she do to deserve this.
"Why should I believe you?" He asked in turn.
His parents died. She said she didn"t love him. She prayed for misfortune to befall the w.a.n.gs— which happened. She asked them to send him away. They also sent his poor mother away. She said she was going to get rid of their child and she did.
So why was she acting like she was suffering more than the rest of them? Did she know how hard it was for him to live? To live without her. To live without his parents. To live with Nothing.
While she on the other hand, had been living perfectly all these years. So why was she acting this way?
"It"s okay if you don"t want to believe me. You can leave if you want to. I won"t stop you." She said gently and sadly.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked painfully. Why was she making it difficult for him to hate her? He had spent over 25 years trying to hate her. When he heard she was noe in the country, he had held himself back from meeting her at all.
Why was she doing this now? Why did she have to come back into the country and mess his life up? Why was she making him worry about her?
"What am I doing? I am only trying to apologize" She answered sincerely. "I even cut ties with my parents." She added, hoping to gain brownie point.
"So I should be grateful? At least... You have parents." He said coldly.
"Did you put up this act with your Secretary and doctor just so I could come? Is that it?"
Changyu looked at him in confusion before scoffing. "I....really don"t know what else to say to you."
She sighed sadly. "I"m sorry they troubled you. I didn"t ask anyone to call you here. I don"t... I don"t even know what"s wrong with everyone lately. They keep doing what I never ask them to" She ran a hand over her face and spoke in a hoa.r.s.e voice.
Jianjun could tell she was starting to cry again. "What"s with so many tears?" He wondered frustratingly
"I really wouldn"t have known anything about my parent"s involvement if it had not been for Cixi. I"m glad she hit me. It brought me to my senses" Changyu said as she looked at him with teary eyes.
Jianjun"s eyes widened. "Cixi hit you?" He asked as he looked at both sides of her face.
"What am I doing right now?" He asked himself and shook his head.
He should leave now. He had to. But he couldn"t understand what was happening. He wanted to stay. He wanted to see her eat and rest well. He didn"t want her to collapse again.
No... He didn"t want to stay. It wasn"t his business whether she ate or not. It wasn"t his business whether she died or not.
"It"s in the past. Your apology won"t bring back my late parents or those years of suffering. So you can just live the way you"ve been living like you knew nothing—that"s if you really didn"t. And go back to your parents..."
He said coldly before turning his back to leave but she shouted at his back.
"Why do you hate me so much?" She raised a pillow from the bed and threw it at him but he didn"t flinch and just let it hit him.
"I"m.. I"m so depressed.....I...I feel like dying... If you leave without forgiving me... I will.. kill myself" She threatened as hot tears flowed down her face.
"Are you crazy? You now threaten me with your life? Kill yourself if you want to! You think I care about your life? I"ve lost my parents." He yelled angrily at her before walking out of the door.
Changyu looked at the closed door and fell back on the bed in despair. "He really left" she thought sadly.
But to her shock, the door opened once again with full force and she heard his angry voice yell at her.
"Why are you doing this to me?"