"No. And if there were we"d get a DNA test. We"ve agreed to that."
"But there"s no need because you know Mr. Carson is the father?"
"Yes. I didn"t-hadn"t-" She paused, stumbling over her explanation and Danny frowned, not sure what she was getting at.
"You hadn"t had relations," Robbie prompted and Grace nodded.
"-I hadn"t had relations with anybody for several months before Danny-Mr. Carson-and I spent a weekend at his beach house."
Danny d.a.m.ned near groaned. Not because it sounded as if he"d taken her to his private hideaway to seduce her, but because for the first time since that weekend he realized how important sleeping with him must have been in her life. She didn"t sleep around. h.e.l.l, she apparently barely slept with anybody. But she"d been with him that night. She"d smiled at him, made him laugh, made him feel really alive- Robbie Malloy said, "So why are you here today, Ms. McCartney?" bringing Danny back to the present.
"I"m here today because Mr. Carson and I had a shared custody agreement."
"Briefly, what does the agreement say?"
"That if he could stay at my house for two weeks, basically to learn how to care for Sarah, I would agree to shared custody."
"Did Mr. Carson want shared custody?"
"No. At first he wanted full custody. The agreement we made about shared custody was drafted to prevent us from fighting over Sarah. Shared custody seemed like the fair way to handle things."
"But-"
Grace took a breath. Danny raised his gaze to hers and she looked directly at him. Which was exactly what he"d intended to make her do. If she wanted to testify against him, then let her do it looking into his eyes.
"But he didn"t stay the two weeks."
Danny"s eyes hardened.
"Ms. McCartney, is it also correct that he didn"t sign the agreement?"
"No, he did not."
"And is that why we"re here?"
"Well, I can"t speak for Mr. Carson, but the reason I am here is to get it on the record that even though he didn"t sign the agreement, or stay the two weeks, I believe Mr. Carson fulfilled its spirit and intent and I feel we should honor it."
"Which means you believe you and Mr. Carson should have shared custody?"
She held Danny"s gaze. "Yes."
"You want me to have Sarah every other week?" Danny said, forgetting they were on the record.
"Yes. Danny, you proved yourself."
"I left."
"I know." She smiled slightly. "It doesn"t matter. You showed me you can care for Sarah."
Robbie said, "Your honor, that"s what we wanted to get on the record. No further questions."
The judge turned to Art. "Do you want to question Ms. McCartney?"
Art raised his hands. "Actually I think we"ll let Ms. McCartney"s testimony stand as is."
"Does Mr. Carson want to testify?"
Without consulting Danny, Art said, "No."
The judge quickly glanced down at his notes. "Technically you have a custody agreement in place. It"s simply not executed. But Ms. McCartney still wants to honor it." He looked at Danny. "Mr. Carson? Do you want to honor the agreement?"
Danny nodded as Art said, "Yes."
The judge made a sound of strained patience, then said, "You"re a very lucky man, Mr. Carson. Very lucky indeed."
Staring at Grace, who had begun casually gathering her purse as if what she had just said hadn"t been of monumental significance, Danny didn"t know what to say. Art spoke for him. "Your honor, when parents share custody it"s frequently considered that each is taking his or her share of the financial burden when the child is with him-or her."
The judge closed the file. "Right. As if these two people have equal financial means." He faced Danny. "Don"t screw this up." He left the room in a flurry or robes and promises about writing up an order.
Art began gathering his files. "Well, that went much better than expected," he said with a laugh, but overwhelmed with too many emotions to name, Danny watched Grace and her lawyer heading for the door.
Just as Grace would have stepped over the threshold, emotion overruled common sense and he called, "Wait!"
Grace turned and smiled at him.
Danny"s throat worked. She was incredibly beautiful and incredibly generous. And he was numb with grat.i.tude. "Why didn"t you-"
She tilted her head in question. "Why didn"t I what?"
Go for the jugular? Fight? Tell the court about Cory?
"Why are you letting me have Sarah?"
"You"re her dad."
"I-" He took a breath. "What if I can"t handle her?"
To his amazement, Grace laughed. "You can handle her. I"ve seen you handle her. You"ll be fine."
"I"ll be fine," he repeated, annoyed with Grace for being so flip, when the safety of their daughter was at stake. "What kind of answer is that!"
"It"s an honest one."
"How can you trust her with me!"
"Are you telling me you"re going to put her in danger?"
He glared at her. "You know I won"t."
"Then there"s no reason you shouldn"t have your daughter."
"You trust me?"
She smiled. "I trust you. But if you"re nervous, hire a nanny. You"ve told me at least twice that you were going to do that. So hire somebody."
Danny"s heart swelled with joy. He was getting a second chance. He would have something of a family. He swallowed hard. "Okay."
She took two steps closer to him and placed her hand on his forearm. "Or, if you don"t want to hire a nanny, you could come home."
Home. Her house was home. Warm. Welcoming. He could remember nearly every detail of their six short days. Especially how tempted he was to take what they both wanted. Just as he was tempted now to take what she was offering. A complete second chance. Not just an opportunity to be Sarah"s daddy, but a second chance at life. A real life.
But he also knew he was damaged. So damaged it wasn"t fair to use Grace as a step up out of his particular h.e.l.l. He smiled regretfully. "You know you deserve better."
"So you say, but I don"t think so. I see the part of you that you"re trying to hide, or forget, or punish. I don"t see the past."
"You"re lucky."
"No, Danny, I"m not lucky. It"s time. Time for you to move on." She held out her hand. "Come home with me. Start again."
He stared at the hand she offered. Delicate fingers. Pretty pink fingernails. Feminine things. Soft things. Things that had been missing from his life for so long. A million possibilities entered his head. A million things he would do, could do, if he took that hand, took the steps that would put him in Grace"s world again. He could teach Sarah to walk. Hear her first word. Hear the first time she called him daddy. Sleep with Grace. Use the spaezle maker. Steal kisses. Share dreams. Spend Christmas as part of a family.
None of which he deserved.
"I can"t."
CHAPTER TWELVE.
DANNY turned away and though Grace"s gut reaction was to demand that he talk to her, she didn"t. Tears filled her eyes. Tears for him as much as for the wonderful future he was denying both of them, and she turned around and walked out of the hearing room.
Robbie was waiting. "You okay?"
She managed a smile. "Yeah. I"m fine."
"You"re awfully generous with him."
"That"s because he"s so hard on himself."
"Be careful, Grace," Robbie said, directing her to the stairway that led to the courthouse lobby. "Men like Danny Carson who have a reputation for taking what they want don"t like to lose. You may think that by "granting" him shared custody you were doing him and your daughter a kindness, but you had him over a barrel and he knew it. He may have just played you like a Stradivarius. Made you feel sorry for him so that you"d give him what he wanted, since he knew he probably couldn"t beat you in court."
"I don"t think so. I know Danny better than you do. He wouldn"t do something like that."
"You think you know Danny?"
"I know Danny."
"Well, you better hope so because what we got on the record today-you saying you believed he was capable of caring for Sarah-negated any possibility we had of using his son"s death in future hearings."
Grace gasped. "I would never use his son"s death!"
Robbie held up his hand in defense. "Hey, I"m okay with that. Actually I agree that it would be cruel to use his son"s death against him. I"m just saying be careful. This whole thing could backfire and you could end up fighting for your own daughter."
"I won"t."
Robbie shook his head. "G.o.d save me from clients in love."
"It"s that obvious?"
"Yes." Holding open one of the two huge double doors of the courthouse entrance, Robbie added, "And if Danny"s as smart as everyone claims he is, he"ll use it. Better put my number on speed dial."
Reading to Sarah in the rocking chair that night, Grace thought about the look on Danny"s face when she stated for the record that she wanted their shared custody agreement upheld.
She shouldn"t have been surprised that he expected her to testify against him. He was angry with himself and nothing she said or did could change that. No matter how sad he appeared or how much she"d simply wanted to hug him, she couldn"t. A man who couldn"t forgive himself, especially for something so traumatic, wasn"t ready for a relationship and he might never be. It had broken her heart when he refused her offer to return home. As much for him as for herself.
But at least she had her answer now.
With Sarah asleep in her arms, Grace set the storybook on a shelf of the changing table and rose from the rocker. She laid Sarah in her crib, covered her, kissed her forehead and walked down the steps.
It wasn"t going to be easy sharing custody with a man she loved but who could never love her. But she intended to do it. Actually she intended to do the one thing she"d promised herself she wouldn"t do the night she rushed down to his beach house bar to see if he felt about her the way she felt about him. She was going to pine for him. She intended to love him forever, quietly, without expectation of anything in return because the real bottom line to Danny"s trouble was that n.o.body had ever really loved him. At least not without expectation of anything in return. His parents expected him to take over the family business. His ex-wife held him responsible for their child"s death. The people who worked for him wanted a job. His investors, even investors he considered friends, like Orlando, needed his expertise. n.o.body loved him without expectation of anything in return.
So she would be that person. She might never be his wife, but she would be there for him in all the right ways, so that he could see that he was okay and that life didn"t always have to be about what he could give somebody.
Two Mondays later when Robbie called and told her that the judge"s order had come down, Grace sat quietly and listened as her lawyer explained how she was to have Sarah ready at six o"clock that Friday night. With every word he said, her chest tightened. Her eyes filled with tears. It was easy to say she intended to love Danny without expectation of anything in return when the situation was abstract. But now that shared custody was a reality she suddenly realized loving Danny meant denying herself. At the very least, she would spend every other week without her daughter.
She hung up the phone, glad for four days to prepare herself to see him, and managed to greet him with a smile Friday evening. With Sarah"s diaper bag packed and sitting by the door, she put Sarah into his arms.
"Hey, Sarah Bear," he said softly and the baby hit him on the cheek with her rattle. He laughed nervously. "I guess she"s forgotten who I am."
"Maybe," Grace said, trying to sound strong and confident, but with Danny standing at her door, refusing to go beyond the foyer, wearing a topcoat and scarf because western Pennsylvania had had its first snowfall of the season, it seemed as if the Danny she loved no longer existed. The guy in jeans and a T-shirt who made pancakes seemed to have been replaced by the man who ran Carson Services.
"We won"t need that," Danny said, nodding at the diaper bag, as he struggled to contain Sarah who had begun to wail in earnest and stretched away from Danny, reaching for Grace. "I have a nursery full of things." For the first time since he"d arrived, he met her gaze. "I also hired a nanny."
"Good." Tears clogged Grace"s throat when Sarah squealed and reached for her. "Stay with Daddy, Sarah," she whispered, pushing the baby back in Danny"s arms, then fussing with Sarah"s jacket as she slowly pulled her hands way.
But with her mom this close, Sarah all but crawled out of Danny"s arms again, with a squeal that renewed her crying.
Pain ricocheted through Grace. "Maybe we should have broken this up? Had her do an overnight visit or two before we forced her to spend an entire week."
"It"s going to be hard no matter how we do it. Let"s just get this over with."