"What is it?" she asked, sensing something.
"Your mother was hoping you"d want to be dropped off to see Jacob. Said something about hearing you two had had a disagreement."
"It"s more than a disagreement." She forced herself not to look back at Jacob.
"It"s none of our business. But I don"t like to go back and tell her I didn"t do one of the few things she"s asked me to do in all the years we"ve been married."
Thoughtful, Mary Katherine studied him. "Tell her I"m going to go talk to Jacob. I"m just not ready yet," she said slowly.
"He"s a good man."
This was the most she could remember her father saying in years. Most dating-the older folks often liked to call it courting-was done quietly, without telling the parents until the time came to announce the upcoming wedding. Her grandmother and her cousins knew that she and Jacob were seeing each other and that they"d had a falling out, but that was it.
She"d avoided Jacob for days, ignoring the rose and note apologizing for hurting her and asking to speak to her that he"d had delivered to Jamie"s apartment, the messages he"d left for her at her grandmother"s house. She didn"t know how to resolve the argument they"d had. If a man didn"t trust what you had together, what you were to each other, how could you fix that? Jealousy, envy, these were things that weren"t familiar to her. Shouldn"t be familiar to her. They had no place in a relationship.
She"d sensed there was a little tension between the two men but never guessed that Jacob would suspect Daniel of being underhanded and trying to draw her away from him.
When her father stopped the buggy at her grandmother"s house, she got out. Just as she was shutting the door, she saw her father watching her.
"I didn"t listen to his advice," he said. "The bishop"s," he explained, turning to stare out his window. "He told me I was the head of the home, that I was right to try to quell your rebellious spirit, to have you and my fraa defer to me and serve me in that office."
She started to make an angry retort, to say that she bet he liked being vindicated in his tyrannical ways by the religious leader of the community. But before she could, he bent his head and said something she couldn"t hear.
"What?"
"I went home, feeling pleased that he"d backed me up," he said, looking up and meeting her eyes. "I found my fraa lying there pale and ill on the sofa, crying that she"d lost her only kind. She blamed me and said things she"d been holding back for years."
Sighing, he stroked his beard and looked thoughtful. "So my religious leader is telling me I was correct, that he supported me, and that I was doing what G.o.d had decreed the roles of men and women should be. But I had my fraa blaming me for losing us our only kind."
Emotion seemed to overcome him. He jerked on the reins, and the buggy began moving away.
Mary Katherine watched it roll down the road until she couldn"t see the reflective triangle on the back any longer. She walked up the steps and sank into a rocker, not ready to go inside yet.
Light spilled out the window of the front door as her grandmother peered out. She opened the door. "I thought I heard someone out here. Why didn"t you come in? Did you lose your key?"
Rising, Mary Katherine shook her head. "My father just dropped me off. I was thinking."
Leah draped her arm around her. "Come inside and let"s talk about it."
She shut the door behind them. "I kept your supper warm. And no telling me that you"re too upset to eat. You need to eat."
17.
Jacob got a polite smile but nothing more from Mary Katherine after church later in the week.
He wasn"t surprised. She"d been avoiding him for some time, and he never found her at home the several times he had gone to her grandmother"s. He couldn"t just drop everything and run into town to see her at the shop.
He"d been so surprised to see Isaac driving his buggy past his farm with Mary Katherine sitting beside him earlier in the week-even more surprised when she didn"t return his greeting and stared stonily ahead as they pa.s.sed. But he couldn"t blame her. He knew the blame rested solely on himself.
"I want to talk to you," his sister, Rebecca, said to him.
He"d seen that look in her eye before. She"d given it to him right before she and her sisters and their mamm had stopped dropping off cooked food for him. What could she do to him now?
He lifted his chin. "What about?"
"I want to know what happened to you and Mary Katherine."
It was tempting to tell her that it was his business, but he"d learned a long time ago that she was relentless. If she didn"t get it out of him, she"d get the other women in the family to join forces.
"I said something-"
She gave him a long-suffering sigh. "You and that big foot you stick in your mouth. Should I go get the salt and pepper shakers?"
But she must have seen something in his face because her expression softened. "You"re such a good bruder. Such a good man. I thought Mary Katherine knew that. If a woman judges a man only by what he says-"
"Daniel"s so smooth," he said and he couldn"t hide the bitterness. "Someone let me know that he"d come back into town and was seen holding Mary Katherine"s hand."
She grabbed his shirt and pulled him out of the room full of people. He slapped at her hands and finally dislodged them just as Mary Katherine looked up across the room and he saw her try to hide her smile.
Well, to see that smile bloom again . . . it was worth being embarra.s.sed by his sister.
He followed her out onto the porch.
"So you were jealous," she said, putting her hands on her hips.
"I"m a grown man," he said. "I don"t need to be scolded like a little kind."
"Nee. But jealousy is something we shouldn"t see in an adult. And especially not in an adult male. Women don"t find it attractive."
He sighed. "That I know."
She tapped a finger against her mouth, frowning and thinking hard. "Is it that you were jealous because you thought no one else should have Mary Katherine? Or is it that you"re afraid of losing her?"
"The second, of course," he said, affronted. "I"m surprised that you would even think that I"d be like that guy in the next town who was obsessed with his ex-girlfriend."
She shivered. "I know. But there are some men who don"t take rejection well." She studied him. "There are men who have smooth tongues, who can charm a woman and manipulate them like that man. Then there are men who choose to let their actions speak what kind of man they are. You"re not the first. Will you be the second?"
"You really think I have something to offer her?"
"Oh my," she whispered, staring at him.
"What?" He wondered if he had something on his face she stared at him so.
"I never thought that you might be insecure. How did I miss that?"
"Shh!" he hissed and looked around to see if anyone walking in and out of the house had heard her.
She gave him an impulsive hug. "You have so much to offer a woman. And it"s wrong to think otherwise. Besides, remember, she must have thought so if the two of you grew so close. It was you that caused the problem with insecurity and jealousy."
With that she left him.
The day was rainy and gray. Few ventured out in the wet. Anna sighed happily as she sat, knitting, before a fire crackling in the fireplace. Naomi sat in a nearby chair st.i.tching on a quilt, and their grandmother dressed the little faceless dolls she had made for the shop, a fond smile on her lips.
She glanced up at Mary Katherine sitting before her loom. "I remember making these dolls for all three of you."
"I still have mine in my room."
"I know. I"ve seen it."
"It"s probably a little childish to have her sitting on my dresser."
Leah swept a fond glance over them. "Not at all. I"m pleased you loved her enough to keep her."
"She reminds me of my childhood."
Anna grinned. "I still have mine. She"s wrapped up in her own little quilt in a box in my closet, waiting to be given to my own daughter when I have one."
"I gave mine to one of our little cousins when she was spending the night," Naomi confided. "She woke from a nightmare and it comforted her. But the next day she didn"t want to give it back, so I let her keep it. I"m afraid that the doll was well-loved and isn"t in any shape to pa.s.s on to a daughter."
"A doll should be loved like that," Leah said, tucking stuffing into a doll"s cheek. "I"ll make you another."
Leah glanced over at Mary Katherine. "You"re being awfully quiet."
Mary Katherine poked her finger at the last few rows she"d woven. "Something"s wrong with this."
Anna rose and came to stand behind her. "Looks fine to me."
She shook her head. "There, don"t you see the flaw?"
"Nee. Naomi, you come look."
Naomi tucked her needle safely in her quilt, stood up, and walked over to study the pattern. "I don"t see anything, either. Sorry, Mary Katherine." She walked over and resumed her seat.
Something was off about Naomi. Mary Katherine couldn"t help wondering if she was having a problem with John, just as she was with Jacob.
She pulled out a row, then another and another, until she"d pulled out a half-foot and her breath was coming hard. Tears burned behind her eyelids.
"k.u.mm," her grandmother urged, taking her by her shoulders and helping her rise. "Let"s go into the back room and talk."
She jerked her head up and found Anna and Naomi regarding her with sympathy.
"Lock the door and turn the sign to "Closed," " Leah told Anna.
"No, no, if a customer comes out in the rain I don"t want her to go away disappointed."
"We haven"t had a customer in two hours," Leah said. "I don"t think we have to worry about that."
"I"ll watch the shop," Anna volunteered. "If we get a herd of customers, I"ll yell for you."
So Mary Katherine followed Leah and Naomi into the back room and watched as Naomi made tea. She rubbed her forehead. It always seemed to be hurting lately. Crying herself to sleep some nights probably didn"t help. Lying awake others didn"t either.
"I remember telling you once that a cup of tea didn"t cure everything," she said, looking at her grandmother. "You said that it"s the talking that does that."
Leah nodded. "And it"s time you did some talking. To Jacob. You"ve avoided him long enough. You hurt. Tell him so. Either the two of you will fix it or you"ll walk away from each other. Pray, talk, and then know it"s in G.o.d"s hands."
Such simple words. Such a huge task. She didn"t think she was up to it. "I"m afraid," she whispered.
Her grandmother reached for her hands and held them. "Ach, I know. But it"s not fair to blame Jacob for too much hurt, is it?"
"But he was the one who hurt me."
Leah shook her head. "You"ve been carrying around a lot of hurt for a long time."
"My father."
Nodding, Leah patted her hand. "It"s made you afraid to love. Afraid to trust."
"You have to give him another chance," Naomi said quietly. "He"s tried to say he"s sorry."
"And that"s supposed to be enough?" Mary Katherine asked. "What if he just keeps hurting me and expecting another chance?"
"You won"t know until you give him a second chance," Naomi told her. "Then you can decide if you go forward . . ." She paused. "Or not."
Mary Katherine stood and walked to the door. "Anna, could you come in here for a minute?"
She appeared a moment later, holding a bolt of fabric in her arms. "What is it?"
Holding out her arms, Mary Katherine gestured for them to step into her embrace. "I love you all. I wouldn"t know what to do without you."
"Don"t even try," Anna warned, her breath coming out in a squeak. "I"m getting squished here!"
Mary Katherine laughed and stepped back, letting her arms fall to her side.
"So you"ll talk to Jacob?"
"Yes."
"When?" Anna wanted to know.
"Soon."
"After church tomorrow would be a good time," Leah said, bringing the tea to the table. She sat and smiled. "Don"t you think?"