Obstinacy and prejudice, which are the characteristics of even the best women, are not proofs of a strong character, but weaknesses.
Which is better for a man and a woman to possess in matrimony--similarity of tastes or similarity of temperaments?
I would reply at once: The former, by all means. If a husband and a wife have different temperaments--and, of course, love each other (this must always be granted in any discussion on "How to be happy though married")--their lives may be all the more interesting for it, because they will have to constantly study each other, make concessions, and be diplomatists ever on their guard. People of different temperaments can get along very well, but unless their tastes are similar they cannot enjoy life together.
George Eliot says that a difference of tastes in jokes is a strain on the affections.
Fancy a humourist married to a woman who cannot see a joke!
Fancy a Wagnerian having a wife who prefers the "Casino Girl" to "Lohengrin"!
Fancy a poetic, romantic woman, a lover of Nature, taking her husband to see Vesuvius in eruption and hearing him remark that he has seen smoke before at Pittsburg and Newcastle-on-Tyne; or visiting with him the banqueting-hall of Heidelberg Castle and hearing that Philistine remark that it is about the same size as the dining-room of the Auditorium Hotel in Chicago!
Of course, this difference of tastes sometimes helps to smooth out difficulties. If the chicken is small, and one partner likes white meat while the other prefers black, it comes in handy.
All psychologists, ancient and modern, agree on one point on the subject of woman, and that is that vanity is her typical failing. You never need fear referring to her beauty. She is always open to a bit of flattery. You may go straight to the heart of the best woman by praising her bonnet or her baby.
Give me a tactful woman (she is a delight), but spare me the diplomatic one. "A diplomatic woman" sounds to my ears very much like "a woman too clever by half." I almost prefer the dear little goose who puts her foot in it every time she opens her mouth.
No doubt the diplomatic woman is a very useful mate to the man who occupies a high official position; but in everyday life, in married life especially, the only diplomacy that a woman should concern herself about is the politics of matrimony. Under all other circ.u.mstances the diplomatic woman is only an insincere woman with a high-sounding name.
The more I think of it, the more I feel deeply convinced that, in the ordinary pursuits of life, whether a man or a woman be in question, good diplomacy does not consist in cleverly deceiving people, but in finding out who your real friends are, and, when that is ascertained, in sticking to them and for them through thick and thin.
When a husband allows himself to be ruled by his wife, the latter generally profits by it to become a.s.sertive and offensively overpowering. Woman was not meant to rule, and when she is permitted to enjoy that privilege, she too often enjoys it _en parvenue_, loudly and indiscreetly. Like Queen Victoria, woman should reign, but not rule.
With the tact and common-sense which are the salient and most characteristic features of French women, I regret that France is not under a const.i.tutional monarchy, and that the French throne is not occupied by a Frenchwoman. The two most successful reigns recorded in English history are the reigns of Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria, which makes me wonder how it is that Salic law is not repealed in all those countries where man alone is allowed either to rule or only reign.
The best ill.u.s.tration of the superiority of woman over man in France is to be seen in the Duval restaurants. It is a woman who, in the twinkling of the eye, multiplies the number of dishes you have eaten by their respective prices and hands you the total always right. She is responsible for the amount charged. If she makes a mistake, she has to pay for it. And how I pity the clerk at the door, always a man, who is satisfied with giving you a bill and seeing that you return it duly paid before you go out! That is all he has to do besides yawning and constantly pushing the door which the customers often leave open or not carefully closed. In business, all the responsible posts are held by women, certainly nine times out of ten. In most shops, fashionable or humble, through the little square hole over which is written "Pay Here," you see madame smiling, receiving the money, booking it and keeping it. Monsieur walks about the place and sees to, or, rather, looks at, everything. If that man dies, his wife may regret him, but she can do without him. She has the whole business at her fingers"
ends. Instead of being the partner of the firm, she now becomes the sole mistress of the establishment.
The foible of most women, good wives and good mothers, is to be monopolizers, in France especially, where woman is queen in her home, and her empire over her children is complete and unquestioned. France will never succeed in founding a Colonial Empire until boys cease to be brought up and remain under the influence of their mothers. The Roman Empire and the British Empire were made by men who had been brought up and lived under the influence of women, but who never allowed them to rule either as mothers or as wives.
The great qualities of a woman make her admirable, but I am not quite sure that it is not on account of her many little failings and foibles that she is loveable.
A boy is a boy--a _genus_ article. When a man, he will very often develop qualities and defects which he never possessed as a child. With the gentler s.e.x things are different. A little girl is a little woman, and, when a woman, she will possess, only more accentuated, all the qualities and defects that she possessed as a child of ten or twelve. I have known very good boys become very bad men, and very bad boys become splendid men. I have known young cowards become very brave soldiers. An affectionate little girl will be an affectionate woman; a little girl pa.s.sionately fond of her dolls will be a beautiful mother; and a little flirt of ten will become a terrible flirt at twenty, and a terrible coquette at thirty.
The most painful feeling for a woman to have is to know that she is wrong, because she will not acknowledge it. While she is consuming her own smoke, pity her, and never aggravate her by saying, "I told you so!" There is such a d.a.m.nable look of self-satisfaction on the face of a man who says to a woman, "I told you so!" If I were a woman, I could not resist the temptation of slapping the face of a man who _told me so_.
Poor thing! It is quite bad enough for her to be wrong, without having to suffer a sneering reminder.
The man who tries to prove, or, worse still, who succeeds in proving, to a woman that she is wrong has not a particle of gentlemanly feeling in him. He is an idiot, a bore, and a brute.
If your wife is wrong, cast down your eyes modestly, smile, and say nothing. If she does not know she is wrong, she will admire your courtesy; if she does, she will admire your self-control. A woman always admires these two qualities in a man.
And when she is right--mind you, perhaps she may be: the most extraordinary things _will_ happen--don"t be mean. Be sure you allow her the fullest enjoyment of the victory.
So, whether your wife be right or wrong, always treat her as if she were right. You will thus pay the lady either her due or a compliment, and you are sure to win.
Alexandre Dumas said that women were not given beards because they would never have been able to keep still and silent while being shaved.
Women"s tongues have been the eternal theme for men"s sarcasms. Yet, for the gift of the gab, for gossip and scandal, give me a few old men together in the smoke-rooms of their clubs. Women are not in it!
I see no difference between women who marry for money and women who sell their favours, except one to the advantage of the latter, who may have been prompted by love, temptation, or poverty to commit actions which the former have the impudence to ask the Law to sanction and the Church to sanctify.
A man who marries for money is still much more despicable, because he has not the excuse of many women, who may not have been able to discover any other way of getting a living.
A woman cannot love or respect a man who allows himself to be purchased for a t.i.tle of n.o.bility, and a man cannot love or respect a woman who buys him, and thus degrades him in his own eyes. There is no possible element of happiness in such marriages. If there is something in n.o.bility, it should be n.o.bleness of character in those who belong to it. What has become of the old motto _n.o.blesse oblige_?
The only chance of success in matrimony is that there should not be one single reproach which, in the inevitable moments of friction, may ever be hurled by one at the face of the other.
A marriage is called a match. The parties who contract it should be matched, and should therefore choose and accept partners of their own rank. Handsome people should not marry ugly ones. They should be equal, with perhaps a touch of superiority in age, size, fortune, and intellectual attainments to the man"s credit--to atone for all his shortcomings.
Mesalliances always turn out badly.