I don"t know how long I sat in the wardrobe after they were gone. When I came back to my room, I had the urge to take a bath. I scrubbed my skin until it turned red. Still, I felt that I was not clean. I looked in the mirror. A horrible thought came to me. I didn"t want it to be true. I was sure that my mother was not that cruel.
After that day, I kept a distance from Adrian. I didn"t dislike that boy, but I couldn"t be with him either. I was carrying the weight alone. I pretended to oversleep to avoid eating breakfast with them. I didn"t want to see them. I asked for meals in my bedroom. If it was possible, I wanted to forget what I saw. But it was gnawing on my heart like a poisonous worm.
I wanted to go back to my father and my sister as soon as possible, but I was afraid of seeing my mother. Whenever I came across my mother, I was afraid. She treated me the same. There was no shame in her eyes while I was drowned in guilt and disgust.
I was sitting in the garden that day. Adrian was in school at that time. I was gazing at the flowers in silence when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at my mother"s face. She sat beside me. We didn"t speak for a long time.
"Do you find me disgusting?" She asked.
"Yes." I replied, "Why did you show it to me?"
"To let you know how disgusting you are." She said, "Now, you have my father"s and my repugnant blood inside you."
I became quiet. I didn"t want to know. Kiris.h.i.+ma Naoki wasn"t my father. I was born out of a forbidden union. "Is Ayaka also…?"
"Yes."
"Please don"t tell her." I realized that my tears were falling. I didn"t want to ruin my sister"s innocence. She loved Naoki Kiris.h.i.+ma and she saw our mother as an angel. "She won"t be able to take it."
"I agree." Her voice was emotionless and cold. "I will let you decide what you want to do with her."
I blinked my eyes. I didn"t understand what she meant. She met my gaze and explained, "Christopher, your love for your sister might become the reason for her demise."
Then, she told me about the Consortium of sinners -- a few hundred years old organization that ruled the world as its empire. In the past, there were seven main families that ruled this powerful organization until one of the families decided to take the reins for themselves. There was a silent war and only surviving family was the Ash family. Before the other five families were wiped out, the Consortium would conduct a simple test to select the heir from each generation. If more than one person pa.s.sed the test, they would allow a battle between the heirs until the only one remained. Lastly, the heir must do a sacrifice. The sacrifice had to be something that the heir loved the most. Whether it was an object or a life, it must be sacrificed at the altar.
"What if I don"t want to do it?"
"Then, you must get ready to give up your life. Adrian will become the president if he pa.s.ses the test," She answered me nonchalantly. "If he fails, your sister will be used as a breeding cow to produce the next generation heir. If your sister fails to produce an heir, they will use Adrian. It has to be someone in the end."
I widened my eyes. "You won"t protect her."
"It"s one of the laws. I can"t fight against it even if I am the current president." She chuckled. "Someone has to take the rein. The only way the Ash family can escape it if no one is left."
"If I pa.s.s the test, Ayaka must be sacrificed." I yelled at her, "I don"t want to do it."
"There"s still time." She sighed. "I am sure that you will find a way to save your sister. If you gain power, you can protect your sister. Something must be sacrificed to obtain that power."
At that moment, I knew that I wanted to keep my sister away from the Consortium. If I became the president, I could send her somewhere far away from my mother and my grandfather.
I wondered about my mother then. What did she love the most? What did she sacrifice to become the president of the Consortium? I knew that she loved Christie. In her way, she was trying to protect her woman. "What did you sacrifice?"
"I loved Christie." She plucked the flower. "To be honest, I allowed myself to love Christie because I didn"t want my mother to become a sacrifice. I was an idiot back then. I didn"t know that there was more than one way to kill a person. You could end their life or their soul. He f.u.c.ked me in front of my mother. When she could no longer bear it, she killed herself. The world thinks that she died because of heart disease. It was better if I had slit her throat by myself on the day of sacrifice."
She snorted and continued, "I became my father"s wh.o.r.e. But he wasn"t satisfied. I knew what he wanted. My father didn"t want to give up the power of the Consortium. He wanted to turn me into his puppet. Back then, I had no power. So, I asked Christie to sleep with him while I watched. After I became the president, he married her. At the same time, I met Naoki. He was an ambitious man who wanted to use me to reach the stars. But I couldn"t abandon Christie."
That was the only conversation we had about the Consortium. We came back home after a week. She acted the same way. She was an angelic mother to Ayaka. She played music for my deranged father whenever he asked her. In the next trip, she didn"t take me. I wanted to find some way to prevent Ayaka from becoming a sacrifice. I wanted to hate her. It was better than caring for her. I bullied her. I lied to my father how she broke the strings of my violin. My father beat her up. She looked at me for help until her eyes were filled with hate. I smiled at her, though my heart was filled with pain.
But my mother was right. I was a disgusting person like her. The guilt was replaced by pleasure of watching her in pain. I didn"t know who I love anymore. I didn"t love myself. Instead, I hated the word "love". Still, I wanted my sister to be gone from our dysfunctional family and live a normal life.
Two years after I saw the grotesque truth of my lineage, my mother took me back to E Country. I saw Christie again. My grandfather looked the same. Adrian was a few inches taller than me, but his goofy smile was preserved. I hated it a lot. Why I was the only one suffering because of the truth?
It was a simple trick. I kept a watch on Christie and my mother. One day, when I was sure that they were inside that room with my grandfather, I told him that I wanted to play hide and seek with him. He was reluctant to play it, but he agreed when I implored him a little. This time, I left my pen on the floor and hid in the same corridor. I watched him pick it up with a confused face. He knew well that it was a prohibited area. I made a little noise and then, I saw worry fill his eyes. He was worried about me. I didn"t feel anything. I knew that he would hate me after this. But he was my enemy from the beginning.
He walked toward the room and heard the noises. Maybe he thought that I was inside the room. He opened it and yelled my name. All the colours left his face when he saw them. I heard Sylvester"s roar and Christie"s scream. Then, Sylvester came out. He grabbed Adrian"s arm and said, "You knew that you cannot come to this area. You dare to break the rules in my house. You must be punished for your offence."
He pushed him inside the room and then, he closed the door behind him. I went to the door quietly. I could hear Christie"s sobs and Adrian"s painful howls before they were drowned by something. I didn"t want to know what was happening inside there. I came back to my room and covered myself with the blanket. I covered my mouth and cried for hours.
When I saw Adrian next time, he wasn"t the same. There was a haunted look in his eyes. I went to him and asked, "Where were you? I waited for you for a long time, but you didn"t come. I looked for you in your room too."
"I was…" Adrian looked down at his feet. A few drops of tears fell on the floor. "Christopher, I was…"
He never completed that sentence. I could only make guesses. I knew that he was also living in h.e.l.l, just like me.
My mother visited my room later. She looked at me with hate in her eyes. "Are you feeling better now?"
I didn"t bother to answer her. My defiance must have annoyed her. She walked toward me and grasped my throat. "Because of your actions, my christie is..."
Of course, she didn"t care about Adrian or me. She would kill me for her Christie. I didn"t give in. "You can"t blame me because you are incapable of protecting her from your father."
Her fingers released my throat and laughed. "You are no better than me."
"I am your blood," I replied.
"indeed." She crossed her arms and smirked at me. "Your half-brother was forced to f.u.c.k his mother before he was f.u.c.ked by Sylvester. From now on, he will suffer like this every day."
I inhaled sharply. I didn"t imagine that Sylvester would do that to him.
"Good job." My mother patted my head once. I knitted my brows together and looked at her, confused. I thought that she was upset. Just then, I heard screams. She looked like she expected it. She walked ahead of me in a leisurely manner and a slight smile. We arrived in front of that room.
The white sheet was covered with blood. Christie was sitting atop Sylvester"s body and stabbing his chest like a madwoman. Adrian was still screaming in the corner. He was only wearing a s.h.i.+rt. I could guess what happened.
"It"s over now." My mother exclaimed. Her voice was only low enough for me to hear. I saw her give commands to the servants. Someone dragged Adrian to his room. Christie didn"t stop until my mother went to her and gripped her wrist. Christie cried in her arms. "I begged him to leave Adrian alone. I begged, Dion. He was a monster. He ruined my son. He ruined him."
My mother hugged her and whispered that it wasn"t her fault. I heard the sound of the door closing. All the servants were gone. I felt that something wasn"t right. My heart was beating fast when I realized something. My mother kissed her lover"s lips for one last time and plunged the knife into her lover"s heart.
"Why?" I uttered the question with a trembling voice. "You loved her."
"She would have been punished in a worse way if she was taken to the Consortium. As a president, I can"t be lenient to her." She laid Christie down on the bed. "If anyone asks, you will say that she took her own life."
That lie became the truth behind Christie Kang"s death. Even Adrian believed it.