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Chapter 36 Sponsored Content
"Say it . "
Standing under the clear sky, I cross my arms and brace myself . I don"t want to care . Absolutely not . I am not in love with Ren, but he has been there for me . He is the part of my life that I can"t turn away from . I want to face him and myself .
He takes a deep breath . Ren has changed over the years . I see his eyes filled with guilt, but he doesn"t look down . I realize that Ren also wants to face me . Did the fact that I have been sleeping with Kamiyama provoke him to become brave? I don"t care about that . At this moment, he is there . I am also here . I will give him this chance to speak it . Only once for the sake of our friends.h.i.+p .
"You will hate me after this . " He gives me a small smile . "But, you will hate me more if I don"t tell you, right?"
I give him a nod .
"I did manipulate you to win the game that year . I needed money for my brother"s surgery," He tells me quietly . "My younger brother had cancer . He had gone through multiple surgeries . We didn"t have more money to give him another surgery . He had been fighting for so long . Along with him, we were also fighting with him . For him . We didn"t notice when he became tired of living . "
He shakes his head . "I noticed . I knew what he wanted . He had told me . He didn"t like pain . Living was hard for him . His cancer was progressing fast . He needed the surgery that year . I told him that I would get the prize and extend his life . But, he didn"t want to get another surgery . He begged me that he wanted me to use the prize for myself . He knew that I wanted to study abroad . I wanted to experience life . "
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I curl my fingers . I don"t like where the story is going . A bad feeling clips my heart . Still, I steel myself to hear more .
"That day, I called my brother after the game . I told him that I got the prize . He could get another surgery . At that time, he told me that he didn"t want surgery . He was tired of everyone . He just wanted to disappear into the wind . " His face contorts like he is in physical pain . He punches his heart . "He was tired of everyone . He just wanted to disappear into the wind . Those were his last words before he jumped off from the roof of the hospital . "
I purse my lips . So, he didn"t lie . Why didn"t he come to me? If he had told me once, I would have held him tightly .
"Rie Chan, I should have come to you after I read your letter . " A tear falls from his right eye . "I was happy after reading your letter . I was afraid too . I failed my brother . I was afraid that I would fail you too . I remembered how you also fought with your pain every day . I have watched you suffer in silence . Though you laughed and played together with me, you were still suffering . You shut yourself from everyone but me . I thought that I couldn"t be the man who could make you happy . I was afraid that you would disappear like my brother . I didn"t know what to do . I was a coward back then . I ran away because I was afraid of being your support . I was afraid that I would fail to save you . I ran away from everyone . "
"I have been a burden to you," I say to him in a low voice . "I cannot eat in front of other people . I am someone who doesn"t even want to leave the house to see people . I have been sad and depressed most of my life . I complained a lot to you about the world . "
But, I was happy when I was with you back then .
"Rie Chan, I know people who can help you overcome this . " Ren comes closer to me . "Leave this place with me . We don"t have to look back here again . The people who have hurt you . Leave them all . Be with me . I will be with you from now on . I will never leave you again . "
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You shouldn"t have left me back then . You should have come back sooner .
I step away from him . "Why did you change your mind now?"
"I thought that you would never see me again . " He cups my face . "Rie Chan, please forgive me . Please . I never stopped thinking about you . I love you a lot . I can"t let you go . "
I don"t know whether it is him or I who should be blamed for this . I didn"t want to lose him, but he was just a boy . I should have kept it all within my heart . My pain should have only belonged to me .
I push him away . "Ren, I understand what you have been through because of me . It is not easy being with a person like me . I understand why you were afraid . "
"Rie Chan . " He looks at me nervously .
"I owe you a lot . It should me who should apologize . " I stare at him . "But, I don"t love you anymore . I have moved on . Ren, you don"t love me either . You just feel guilty for things that were out of your control . You were just a kid . I burdened you with a lot more than you could handle . "
"No . " He stares back at me . "Don"t say things like that . I love you . I know that I love you . "
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"Its Pity . " I smile at him . "You also feel guilty because you are a good person . If you had loved me, you would have come back sooner . Even if it meant climbing through the window, you would have come to see me . It"s okay to run away, but you didn"t come back . If you had loved me the way I had loved you, you would not have left me like that . "
This is the end that was long due . I owe him a lot . I can"t hate him even if he kills me, but I can"t love him the same way either . Holding on to this friends.h.i.+p will hurt me . It will also hurt him .
"It"s time to let go . " I give him a final hug . "Go back . Don"t think about me . I will be fine .
***
Kiyohira watches them from afar . He can"t hear what they have been talking about . When Rie hugs him, he resists the urge to go there and separate the old lovers . They must be uniting now, but she isn"t allowed to be in a relations.h.i.+p with someone else yet .
This woman . She has been kissing him earlier . Now, she easily hugs other men . She is such a . . .
He curses Ren in his mind . It is that guy"s fault .
His phone rings at the same time . He picks it up . "Speak . "
"Brother, where are you and sister?"
"Go back on your own . Take the bus or train . "
"Darn, Brother! Did you fight with her again? You are bad with women . "
"Hey, you!"
The call has ended .
Now, he is scolded by his younger brother too . This is happening because of her .
Rie has already disappeared . Ren is sitting on the sidewalk, looking lost . He looks around, but he can"t see a shadow of her . Where did she run off to? He takes a glance at Ren . The talk didn"t go well . Does it mean that they are not in a relations.h.i.+p?
He is pleased . The woman is not an idiot after all .
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