At breakfast on the following morning he suggested to his wife and elder daughter that they should visit his office later on in the day--
"You have never seen it, Nora," said he, "and you ought to have a look at the den where your poor old daddy spends his time grinding dress material for his family from the faces of the poor. I"ve got some funny clerks, too: one of them is a curiosity." Here, growing suddenly furious, he gave an egg a clout.
His daughter giggled--
"Oh, Pa," said she, "you are not breaking that egg, you are murdering it."
He looked at her gloomily--
"It wasn"t the egg I was. .h.i.tting," said he. "Gr-r-r-up," said he suddenly, and he stabbed a piece of b.u.t.ter, squashed it to death on a slice of bread, and tore it to pieces with his teeth.
The young lady looked at him with some amazement, but she said nothing, for she believed, as most ladies do, that men are a little mad sometimes, and are foolish always.
Her father intercepted that glance, and instantly snarled--
"Can you cook, young woman?" said he.
"Of course, father," replied the perplexed maiden.
He laid aside his spoon and gave her his full attention.
"Can you cook potatoes?" said he. "Can you mash "em, eh? Can you mash "em? What! You can. They call them Murphies in this country, girl.
Can you mash Murphys, eh? I can. There"s a Murphy I know, and, although it"s been mashed already, by the Lord Harry, I"ll mash it again. Did you ever know that potatoes had eyes, miss? Did you ever notice it when you were cooking them? Did you ever look into the eyes of a Murphy, eh? When you mashed it, what? Don"t answer me, girl."
"I don"t know what you are talking about, Pa," said the young lady.
"Don"t you, now?" grinned the furious gentleman, and his bulging eyes looked like little round b.a.l.l.s of gla.s.s. "Who said you did, miss?
Gr-r-r-up," said he, and the poor girl jumped as though she had been prodded with a pin.
Mr. Aloysius Murphy"s activities began at ten o"clock in the morning by opening the office letters with an ivory instrument and handing them to his employer; then, as each letter was read, he entered its receipt and date in a book kept for that purpose.
When Mr. MacMahon came in on the morning following the occurrences I have detailed he neglected, for the first time in many years, to respond to his clerk"s respectfully-cordial salutation. To the discreet "Good-morning, sir," he vouchsafed no reply. Mr. Murphy was a trifle indignant and a good deal perturbed, for to an unquiet conscience a word or the lack of it is a goad. Once or twice, looking up from his book, he discovered his employer"s hard eyes fixed upon him with a regard too particular to be pleasant.
An employer seldom does more than glance at his clerk, just the sideward glint of a look which remarks his presence without admitting his necessity, and in return the clerk slants a hurried eye on his employer, notes swiftly if his aspect be sulky or benign, and stays his vision at that. But, now, Mr. Murphy, with sudden trepidation, with a frightful sinking in the pit of his stomach, became aware that his employer was looking at him stealthily; and, little by little, he took to sneaking glances at his employer. After a few moments neither seemed to be able to keep his eyes from straying--they created opportunities in connection with the letters; the one looking intent, wide-eyed, and with a cold, frigid, rigid, hard stare, and the other scurrying and furtive, in-and-away, hit-and-miss-and-try-again, wink, blink, and twitter.
Mr. MacMahon spoke--
"Murphy!"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you anything in Court to-day?"
"Yes, sir, an ex parte application, Donald and Cluggs."
"Let O"Neill attend to it. I shall want you to draft a deed for some ladies who will call here at noon. You can come down at ten minutes after twelve."
"Yes, sir," said Murphy.
He grabbed his share of the letters and got to the door bathed in perspiration and forebodings. He closed the door softly behind him, and stood for a few seconds staring at the handle. "Blow you!" said he viciously to nothing in particular, and he went slowly upstairs.
"He can"t know," said he on the first landing. On the second floor he thought, "She couldn"t have told for she didn"t know herself." He reached his desk. "I wish I had a half of whisky," said the young man to himself.
Before, however, twelve o"clock arrived he had journeyed on the hopeful pinions of youth from the dogmatic "could not be" to the equally immovable "is not," and his mind resumed its interrupted equilibrium.
At twelve o"clock Mrs. and Miss MacMahon arrived, and were at once shown into the private office. At ten minutes past, Mr. Murphy"s respectful tap was heard. "Don"t, Eddie," said Mrs. MacMahon in a queer, flurried voice. "Come in," said her husband. Nora was examining some judicial cartoons pinned over the mantelpiece. Mr.
Murphy opened the door a few inches, slid through the aperture, and was at once caught and held by his employer"s eye, which, like a hand, guided him to the table with his notebook. Under the almost physical pressure of that authoritative glare he did not dare to look who was in the room, but the rim of his eye saw the movement of a skirt like the far-away, shadowy canter of a ghost"s robe. He fixed his attention on his note-book.
Mr. MacMahon began to dictate a Deed of Conveyance from a precedent deed in his hand. After dictating for some few minutes--
"Murphy," said he, and at the word the young lady studying the cartoons stiffened, "I"ve rather lost the thread of that clause; please read what you have down."
Murphy began to read, and, at the first word, the girl made a tiny, shrill, mouse"s noise, and then stood stock-still, tightened up and frightened, with her two wild eyes trying to peep around her ears.
Mr. Murphy heard the noise and faltered--he knew instinctively.
Something told him with the bellowing a.s.surance of a cannon who was there. He must look. He forced his slack face past the granite image that was his employer, saw a serge-clad figure that he knew, one ear and the curve of a cheek. Then a cascade broke inside his head. It buzzed and chattered and crashed, with now and again the blank brutality of thunder bashing through the noise. The serge-clad figure swelled suddenly to a tremendous magnitude, and then it receded just as swiftly, and the vast earth spun minutely on a pin"s point ten million miles away, and she was behind it, her eyes piercing with scorn. . . .
Through the furious winds that whirled about his brain he heard a whisper, thin and cold, and insistent as a razor"s edge, "Go on, Murphy; go on, Murphy." He strove to fix his attention on his shorthand notes--To fight it down, to stand the shock like a man, and then crawl into a hole somewhere and die; but his mind would not grip, nor his eyes focus. The only words which his empty brain could pump up were these, irrelevant and idiotic, ""A frog he would a-wooing go, heigho," said Rowley"; and they must not be said. "It is a bit difficult, perhaps," said the whispering voice that crept through the tumult of winds and waters in his head. "Never mind, take down the rest of it," and the far-away whisper began to say things all about nothing, making queer little noises and pauses, running for a moment into a ripple of sound, and eddying and dying away and coming back again--buz-z-z! His notebook lying on the table was as small as a postage stamp, while the pencil in his hand was as big as an elephant"s leg. How can a man write on a microscopic blur with the stump of a fir tree? He poked and prodded, and Mr. MacMahon watched for a few moments his clerk poking his note-book with the wrong end of a pencil. He silently pulled his daughter forward and made her look. After a little--
"That will do, Murphy," said he, and Mr. Murphy, before he got out, made two severe attempts to walk through a wall.
For half an hour he sat at his desk in a trance, with his eyes fixed upon an ink-bottle. At last, nodding his head slowly--
"I"ll bet you a shilling," said he to the ink-bottle, "that I get the sack to-night."
And the ink-bottle lost the wager.
THE BLIND MAN
He was one who would have pa.s.sed by the Sphinx without seeing it. He did not believe in the necessity for sphinxes, or in their reality, for that matter--they did not exist for him. Indeed, he was one to whom the Sphinx would not have been visible. He might have eyed it and noted a certain bulk of grotesque stone, but nothing more significant.
He was s.e.x-blind, and, so, peculiarly limited by the fact that he could not appreciate women. If he had been pressed for a theory or metaphysic of womanhood he would have been unable to formulate any.
Their presence he admitted, perforce: their utility was quite apparent to him on the surface, but, subterraneously, he doubted both their existence and their utility. He might have said perplexedly--Why cannot they do whatever they have to do without being always in the way? He might have said--Hang it, they are everywhere and what good are they doing? They bothered him, they destroyed his ease when he was near them, and they spoke a language which he did not understand and did not want to understand. But as his limitations did not press on him neither did they trouble him. He was not s.e.xually deficient, and he did not dislike women; he simply ignored them, and was only really at home with men. All the crudities which we enumerate as masculine delighted him--simple things, for, in the gender of abstract ideas, vice is feminine, brutality is masculine, the female being older, vastly older than the male, much more competent in every way, stronger, even in her physique, than he, and, having little baggage of mental or ethical preoccupations to delay her progress, she is still the guardian of evolution, requiring little more from man than to be stroked and petted for a while.
He could be brutal at times. He liked to get drunk at seasonable periods. He would cheerfully break a head or a window, and would bandage the one damage or pay for the other with equal skill and pleasure. He liked to tramp rugged miles swinging his arms and whistling as he went, and he could sit for hours by the side of a ditch thinking thoughts without words--an easy and a pleasant way of thinking, and one which may lead to something in the long run.
Even his mother was an abstraction to him. He was kind to her so far as doing things went, but he looked over her, or round her, and marched away and forgot her.
s.e.x-blindness carries with it many other darknesses. We do not know what masculine thing is projected by the feminine consciousness, and civilisation, even life itself, must stand at a halt until that has been discovered or created, but art is the female projected by the male: science is the male projected by the male--as yet a poor thing, and to remain so until it has become art; that is, has become fertilised and so more psychological than mechanical. The small part of science which came to his notice (inventions, machinery, etc.) was easily and delightedly comprehended by him. He could do intricate things with a knife and a piece of string, or a hammer and a saw: but a picture, a poem, a statue, a piece of music--these left him as uninterested as they found him: more so, in truth, for they left him bored and dejected.
His mother came to dislike him, and there were many causes and many justifications for her dislike. She was an orderly, busy, competent woman, the counterpart of endless millions of her s.e.x, who liked to understand what she saw or felt, and who had no happiness in reading riddles. To her he was at times an enigma, and at times again a simpleton. In both aspects he displeased and embarra.s.sed her. One has one"s sense of property, and in him she could not put her finger on anything that was hers. We demand continuity, logic in other words, but between her son and herself there was a gulf fixed, spanned by no bridge whatever; there was complete isolation; no boat plied between them at all. All the kindly human things which she loved were unintelligible to him, and his coa.r.s.e pleasures or blunt evasions distressed and bewildered her. When she spoke to him he gaped or yawned; and yet she did not speak on weighty matters, just the necessary small-change of existence--somebody"s cold, somebody"s dress, somebody"s marriage or death. When she addressed him on sterner subjects, the ground, the weather, the crops, he looked at her as if she were a baby, he listened with stubborn resentment, and strode away a confessed boor. There was no contact anywhere between them, and he was a slow exasperation to her.--What can we do with that which is ours and not ours? either we own a thing or we do not, and, whichever way it goes, there is some end to it; but certain enigmas are illegitimate and are so hounded from decent cogitation.
She could do nothing but dismiss him, and she could not even do that, for there he was at the required periods, always primed with the wrong reply to any question, the wrong aspiration, the wrong conjecture; a perpetual trampler on mental corns, a person for whom one could do nothing but apologise.
They lived on a small farm and almost the entire work of the place was done by him. His younger brother a.s.sisted, but that a.s.sistance could have easily been done without. If the cattle were sick he cured them almost by instinct. If the horse was lame or wanted a new shoe he knew precisely what to do in both events. When the time came for ploughing he gripped the handles and drove a furrow which was as straight and as economical as any furrow in the world. He could dig all day long and be happy; he gathered in the harvest as another would gather in a bride; and, in the intervals between these occupations, he fled to the nearest publichouse and wallowed among his kind.