"O that thou hadst but been a boy!" Then she thought no more of her, not even of Hereward: but all of which she was conscious was a breast and brain bursting; an intolerable choking, from which she must escape.
She ran, and ran on, for miles. She knew not whether the night was light or dark, warm or cold. Her tender feet might have been ankle deep in snow.
The branches over her head might have been howling in the tempest, or dripping with rain. She knew not, and heeded not. The owls hooted to each other under the staring moon, but she heard them not. The wolves glared at her from the brakes, and slunk off appalled at the white ghostly figure: but she saw them not. The deer stood at gaze in the glades till she was close upon them, and then bounded into the wood. She ran right at them, past them, heedless. She had but one thought. To flee from the agony of a soul alone in the universe with its own misery.
At last she was aware of a man close beside her. He had been following her a long way, she recollected now; but she had not feared him, even heeded him. But when he laid his hand upon her arm, she turned fiercely, but without dread.
She looked to see if it was Hereward. To meet him would be death. If it were not he, she cared not who it was. It was not Hereward; and she cried angrily, "Off! off!" and hurried on.
"But you are going the wrong way! The wrong way!" said the voice of Martin Lightfoot.
"The wrong way! Fool, which is the right way for me, save the path which leads to a land where all is forgotten?"
"To Crowland! To Crowland! To the minster! To the monks! That is the only right way for poor wretches in a world like this. The Lady G.o.diva told you you must go to Crowland. And now you are going. I too, I ran away from a monastery when I was young; and now I am going back. Come along!"
"You are right! Crowland, Crowland; and a nun"s cell till death. Which is the way, Martin?"
"O, a wise lady! A reasonable lady! But you will be cold before you get thither. There will be a frost ere morn. So, when I saw you run out, I caught up something to put over you."
Torfrida shuddered, as Martin wrapped her in the white bearskin.
"No! Not that! Anything but that!" and she struggled to shake it off.
"Then you will be dead ere dawn. Folks that run wild in the forest thus, for but one night, die!"
"Would G.o.d I could die!"
"That shall be as He wills; you do not die while Martin can keep you alive. Why, you are staggering already."
Martin caught her up in his arms, threw her over his shoulder as if she had been a child, and hurried on, in the strength of madness.
At last he stopped at a cottage door, set her down upon the turf, and knocked loudly.
"Grimkel Tolison! Grimkel, I say!"
And Martin burst the door open with his foot.
"Give me a horse, on your life," said he to the man inside. "I am Martin, Hereward"s man, upon my master"s business."
"What is mine is Hereward"s, G.o.d bless him," said the man, struggling into a garment, and hurrying out to the shed.
"There is a ghost against the gate!" cried he, recoiling.
"That is my matter, not yours. Get me a horse to put the ghost upon."
Torfrida lay against the gate-post, exhausted now; but quite unable to think. Martin lifted her on to the beast, and led her onward, holding her up again and again.
"You are tired. You had run four miles before I could make you hear me."
"Would I had run four thousand." And she relapsed into stupor.
They pa.s.sed out of the forest, across open wolds, and at last down to the river. Martin knew of a boat there. He lifted her from the horse, turned him loose, put Torfrida into the boat, and took the oars.
She looked up, and saw the roofs of Bourne shining white in the moonlight.
And then she lifted up her voice, and shrieked three times:
"Lost! Lost! Lost!"
with such a dreadful cry, that the starlings whirred up from the reeds, and the wild-fowl rose clanging off the meres, and the watch-dogs in Bourne and Mainthorpe barked and howled, and folk told fearfully next morning how a white ghost had gone down from the forest to the fen, and wakened them with its unearthly cry.
The sun was high when they came to Crowland minster. Torfrida had neither spoken nor stirred; and Martin, who in the midst of his madness kept a strange courtesy and delicacy, had never disturbed her, save to wrap the bear-skin more closely over her.
When they came to the bank, she rose, stepped out without his help, and drawing the bear-skin closely round her, and over her head, walked straight up to the gate of the house of nuns.
All men wondered at the white ghost; but Martin walked behind her, his left finger on his lips, his right hand grasping his little axe, with such a stern and serious face, and so fierce an eye, that all drew back in silence, and let her pa.s.s.
The portress looked through the wicket.
"I am Torfrida," said a voice of terrible calm. "I am come to see the Lady G.o.diva. Let me in."
The portress opened, utterly astounded.
"Madam?" said Martin eagerly, as Torfrida entered.
"What? What?" She seemed to waken from a dream. "G.o.d bless thee, thou good and faithful servant"; and she turned again.
"Madam? Say!"
"What?"
"Shall I go back and kill him?" And he held out the little axe.
Torfrida s.n.a.t.c.hed it from his grasp with a shriek, and cast it inside the convent door.
"Mother Mary and all saints!" cried the portress, "your garments are in rags, madam!"
"Never mind. Bring me garments of yours. I shall need none other till I die!" and she walked in and on.
"She is come to be a nun!" whispered the portress to the next sister, and she again to the next; and they all gabbled, and lifted up their hands and eyes, and thanked all the saints of the calendar, over the blessed and miraculous conversion of the Lady Torfrida, and the wealth which she would probably bring to the convent.
Torfrida went straight on, speaking to no one, not even to the prioress; and into Lady G.o.diva"s chamber.
There she dropped at the countess"s feet, and laid her head upon her knees.
"I am come, as you always told me I should do. But it has been a long way hither, and I am very tired."
"My child! What is this? What brings you here?"