She nodded very slowly. "Please go. But please come back once you get yourself squared away, no matter how. We"d all like to see you when you aren"t all tied up inside."
Phil looked up from the guts of the tractor. "Take it easy, Steve," he said. "And remember that you do have friends here."
Blindly I turned from them and stumbled back to my car. They were a pair of very fine people, firm, upright. Marian"s grip on my arm had been no weaker than her sympathy, and Phil"s less-emotional approach to my trouble was no less deep, actually. It was as strong as his good right arm, loosening the head bolts of a tractor engine with a small adjustable wrench.
I"d be back. I wanted to see them again. I wanted to go back there with Catherine and introduce them to her. But I was definitely going to go back.
I was quite a way toward home before I realized that I had not met the old man. I bet myself that Father Harrison was quite the firm, active patriarch.
IV
The days dragged slowly. I faced each morning hopefully at first, but as the days dragged on and on, I began to feel that each morning was opening another day of futility, to be barely borne until it was time to flop down in weariness. I faced the night in loneliness and in anger at my own inability to do something productive.
I pestered the police until they escorted me to the door and told me that if I came again, they"d take me to another kind of door and loose thereafter the key. I shrugged and left disconsolately, because by that time I had been able to esp, page by page, the entire file that dealt with the case of "Missing Person: Lewis, Catherine," stamped "Inactive, but not Closed."
I hated the words.
But as the days dragged out, one after another, with no respite and no hope, my raw nervous system began to heal. It was probably a case of numbness; you maul your thumb with a hammer and it will hurt just so long before it stops.
I was numb for a long time. I remember night after night, lying awake and staring into the darkness at the wall I knew was beside me, and I hated my esper because I wanted to project my mind out across some unknown s.p.a.ce to reach for Catherine"s mind. If we"d both been telepaths we could cross the universe to touch each other with that affectionate tenderness that mated telepaths always claim they have.
Instead I found myself more aware of a clouded-veil perception of Marian Harrison as she took my arm and looked into my face on that day when I admitted that I found little worth living for.
I knew what that meant--nothing. It was a case of my subconscious mind pointing out that the available present was more desirable than the unavailable not-present. At first I resented my apparent inconstancy in forming an esper projection of Marian Harrison when I was trying to project my blank telepathic inadequacy to Catherine. But as the weeks faded into the past, the shock and the frustration began to pale and I found Marian"s projective image less and less an unwanted intrusion and more and more pleasant.
I had two deeply depressed spells in those six weeks. At the end of the fourth week I received a small carton containing some of my personal junk that had been in Catherine"s apartment. A man can"t date his girl for weeks without dropping a few things like a cigarette lighter, a tie clip, one odd cuff-link, some papers, a few letters, some books, and stuff both valuable and worthless that had turned up as gifts for one reason or another. It was a shock to get this box and its arrival bounced me deep into a doldrum-period of three or four days.
Then at the end of the sixth week I received a card from Dr. Thornd.y.k.e.
It contained a lithograph in stereo of some scene in Yellowstone other than Old Faithful blowing its stack.
On the message side was a cryptic note:
_Steve: I just drove along that road in the right side of the picture. It reminded me of yours, so I"m writing because I want to know how you are making out. I"ll be at the Med-Center in a couple of weeks, you can write me there.
Jim Thornd.y.k.e._
I turned the postcard over and eyed it critically. Then I got it. Along the roadside was a tall ornamental standard of wrought iron. The same design as the road signs along that fatal highway of mine.
I sat there with a magnifying gla.s.s on the roadsign; its stereo image standing up alongside the road in full color and solidity. It took me back to that moment when Catherine had wriggled against my side, thrilling me with her warmth and eagerness.
That put me down a few days, too.
Another month pa.s.sed. I"d come out of my sh.e.l.l quite a bit in the meantime. I now felt that I could walk in a bar and have a drink without wondering whether all the other people in the place were pointing at me.
I"d cut myself off from all my previous friends, and I"d made no new friends in the weeks gone by. But I was getting more and more lonely and consequently more and more inclined to speak to people and want friends.
The accident had paled from its original horror; the vital scene returned only infrequently. Catherine was a.s.suming the position of a lost love rather than a sweetheart expected to return soon. I remembered the warmth of her arms and the eagerness of her kiss in a nostalgic way and my mind, especially when in a doze, would play me tricks. I would recall Catherine, but when she came into my arms, I"d be holding Marian, brown and tawny, with her electric blue eyes and her vibrant nature.
But I did nothing about it. I knew that once I had asked Marian Harrison for a date I would be emotionally involved. And then if--no, when--Catherine turned up I would be torn between desires.
I would wake up and call myself all sorts of a fool. I had seen Marian for a total of perhaps fifteen minutes--in the company of her brother.
But eventually dreaming loses its sting just as futile waiting and searching does, and I awoke one morning in a long and involved debate between my id and my conscience. I decided at that moment that I would take that highway out and pay a visit to the Harrison farm. I was salving my slightly rusty conscience by telling myself that it was because I had never paid my respects to Father Harrison, but not too deep inside I knew that if Father were missing and Daughter were present I"d enjoy my visit to the farm with more relish.
But my id took a licking because the doorbell rang about nine o"clock that morning and when I dug the doorstep I came up with two gentlemen wearing gold badges in leather folders in their jacket pockets.
I opened the door because I couldn"t have played absent to a team consisting of one esper and one telepath. They both knew I was home.
"Mr. Cornell, we"ll waste no time. We want to know how well you know Doctor James Thornd.y.k.e."
I didn"t blink at the bluntness of it. It is standard technique when an esper-telepath team go investigating. The telepath knew all about me, including the fact that I"d dug their wallets and identification cards, badges and the serial numbers of the nasty little automatics they carried. The idea was to drive the important question hard and first; it being impossible to not-think the several quick answers that pop through your mind. What I knew about Thornd.y.k.e was sketchy enough but they got it all because I didn"t have any reason for covering up. I let them know that, too.
Finally, #That"s about all,# I thought. #Now--why?#
The telepath half of the team answered. "Normally we wouldn"t answer, Mr. Cornell, unless you said it aloud. But we don"t mind letting you know which of us is the telepath this time. To answer, you are the last person to have received any message from Thornd.y.k.e."
"I--what?"
"That postcard. It was the last contact Thornd.y.k.e made with anyone. He has disappeared."
"But--"
"Thornd.y.k.e was due to arrive at The Medical Research Center in Marion, Indiana, three weeks ago. We"ve been tracking him ever since he failed to turn up. We"ve been able to retrace his meanderings very well up to a certain point in Yellowstone. There the trail stops. He had a telephoned reservation to a small hotel; there he dropped out of sight. Now, Mr.
Cornell, may I see that postcard?"
"Certainly." I got it for them. The esper took it over to the window and eyed it in the light, and as he did that I went over to stand beside him and together we espered that postcard until I thought the edges would start to curl. But if there were any codes, concealed writings or any other form of hidden meaning or message in or on that card, I didn"t dig any.
I gave up. I"m no trained investigator. But I knew that Thornd.y.k.e was fairly well acquainted with the depth of my perceptive sense, and he would not have concealed anything too deep for me.
Then the esper shook his head. He handed me the card. "Not a trace."
The telepath nodded. He looked at me and smiled sort of thin and strained. "We"re naturally interested in you, Mr. Cornell. This seems to be the second disappearance. And you know nothing about either."
"I know," I said slowly. The puzzle began to go around and around in my head again, all the way back to that gleaming road and the crack-up.
"We"ll probably be back, Mr. Cornell. You don"t mind?"
"Look," I told them rather firmly, "if this puzzle can be unwound, I"ll be one of the happiest men on the planet. If I can do anything to help, just say the word."
They left after that and so did I. I was still going to pay my visit to the Harrison farm. Another wild goose chase, but somewhere along this c.o.c.keyed row there was an angle. Honest people who are healthy and fairly happy with good prospects ahead of them do not just drop out of sight without a trace.
A couple of hours later I was making a good pace along the highway again. It was getting familiar to me.