"I could chaperone you all!" she cried gaily back at them as she pa.s.sed down the steps; and in the relief of the general exclamation it seemed reasonable enough that Stephen Arnold should lean into the gharry to see that she was quite comfortable. The unusual thing, which n.o.body else heard, was that he said to her then with shamed discomfort, "It doesn"t matter--it doesn"t matter," and that Hilda, driving away, found herself without a voice to answer the good-nights they chorussed after her.
Arnold begged a seat in Captain Corby"s dog-cart, and Hilda, with her purple train in her lap, heard the wheels following all the way. She re-encountered the lady to whom she had been entrusted, whose name it occurs to me was Winstick, in the cloak-room. They were late; there was hardly anybody else but the attendants; and Mrs. Winstick smiled freely and said she loved the colour of Hilda"s dress; also that she would give worlds for an invisible hair-pin--oh, thank you!--and that it was simply ducky of her Excellency to have pink powder as well as white put out.
She did hope Miss Howe would enjoy the evening--they would meet again later on; she must not forget to look at the chunam pillars in the ball-room--perfectly lovely. So she vanished; but Hilda went with certainty into the corridor to find Arnold pacing up and down the red strip of carpet, with his hands clasped behind him and his head thrust forward, waiting for her.
They dropped together into the crowd and walked among well-dressed woman, men in civilian black and men in uniform, up and down the pillared s.p.a.ces of the ball-room. People had not been asked to dance, and they seemed to walk about chiefly for observation. There was, of course, the opportunity of talking and of listening to the band which discoursed in a corner behind palms, but the distraction which is the social Nemesis of bureaucracy was in the air, visibly increasing in the neighbourhoods of the Viceroy and the Commander-in-Chief, and made the commonplaces people uttered to each other disjointed and fragmentary, while it was plain that few were aware whether music was being rendered or not. Anyone sensitive to pervading mental currents in gatherings of this sort would have found the relief of concentration and directness only near the buffet that ran along one side of the room, where the natural instinct played, without impediment, upon soup and sandwiches.
They did not look much at Hilda, even on the arm of her liveried priest.
She was a strange vessel, sailing in from beyond their ken, and her pilot was almost as novel, yet they were incurious. Their interests were not in any way diffused: they had one straight line and it led upward, pausing at the personalities clerked above them, with an ultimate point in the head of a department. The Head of the Department was the only person unaware, when addressed, of a travelling eye in search over his shoulder of somebody with whom it would be more advantageous to converse. Yet there were a few people apparently not altogether indifferent to the presence of Miss Howe. She saw them here and there, and when Arnold said, "It must seem odd to you, but I know hardly anybody here. We attempt no social duties," she singled out this one and that, whom Alicia had asked to meet her, and mentioned them to him with a warm pleasure in implying one of the advantages of belonging to the world rather than to the cloister. Stephen knew their names and their dignities. He received what she said with suitably impressed eyebrow and nods of considerate a.s.sent. Hilda carried him along, as it were, in their direction. She was full that night of a triumphant sense of her own vitality, her success and value as a human unit. There was that in her blood which a.s.sured her of a welcome; it had logic in it, with the basis of her rarity, her force, her distinction among other women. She pressed forward to human fellowship with a smile on her lips, as a delightful matter of course, going toward the people who were not indifferent to the fact that she was there, who could not be entirely, since they had some sort of knowledge of her.
In no case did they ignore her, but they were so cheerfully engaged in conversation that they were usually quite oblivious of her. She encountered this animated absorption two or three times, then, turning, she found that the absorbed ones had changed their places--were no longer in her path. One lady put herself at a safe distance and then bowed with much cordiality. It was extraordinary in a group of five how many glistening backs would be presented, quite without offence, to her approach. Mrs. Winstick had hidden behind the Superintendent of Stamps and Stationery, to whom she was explaining, between spoonfuls of strawberry ice her terrible situation. And from the lips of another lady, whose face she knew, she heard after she had pa.s.sed, "Don"t you think it"s rather an _omnium gatherum_?"
It was like Hilda Howe to note at that moment, with serious interest, how the little world about them had the same negative att.i.tude for the missionary priest beside her, presenting it with a hardly perceptible difference. Within its limits there was plainly no room for him either.
His acquaintances--he had a few--bowed with the kind of respect which implies distance, and in the wandering eyes of the others it was plain that he did not exist. She saw, too, with a very delicate pleasure, that he carried himself in his grave humility untouched and unconscious.
Expecting nothing, he was unaware that he received nothing. It was odd, and in its way charming, that she who saw and knew drew from their mutual grievance a sense of pitiful protection for him, the unconscious one. For herself, the tide that bore her on was too deep to let these things hurt her; she looked down and saw the soreness and humiliation of them pictorially, at the bottom, gliding smoothly over. They brought no stereotype to her smile, no dissonance to what she found to say. When at last she and Arnold sat down together her standpoint was still superior, and she herself was so aloof from it all that she could talk about it without bitterness, divorcing the personal pang from a social manifestation of some dramatic value. In offering up her egotism that way she really only made more subtle sacrifices to it, but one could hardly expect such a consideration, just then, to give her pause. She anointed his eyelids, she made him see, and he was relieved to find in her light comment that she took the typical Mrs. Winstick less seriously than he had supposed when they drove away from the Livingstones". It could not occur to him to correct the impression he had then by the sound of his own voice uttering sympathy.
"But I know now what a wave feels like dashing against a cliff," she said. "Fancy my thinking I could impose myself! That is the wave"s reflection."
"It goes back into the sea, which is its own; and there," said the priest, whom nature had somehow cheated by the false promise of high moralities out of an inheritance of beauty, "and there, I think, is depth and change and mystery, with joy in the obedience of the tides and a full beating upon many sh.o.r.es----"
"Ah, my sea! I hear it calling always, even," she said half-reflectively, "when I am talking to you. But sometimes I think I am not a wave at all, only a sh.e.l.l, to be stranded and left, always with the calling in my ears"--she seemed to have dropped altogether into reverie, and then looked up suddenly, laughing, because he could not understand.
"After all," she said practically, "what has that to do with it? One doesn"t blame these people. They are stupid--that"s all. They want the obvious. The leading lady of Mr. Llewellyn Stanhope--without the smallest diamond--who does song and dance on Sat.u.r.day nights--what can you expect. If I were famous they would be pleased enough to see me. It is one of the rewards of the fame." She was silent for a moment, and then she added, "They are very poor."
"Those rewards! I have sometimes thought," Arnold said, "that you were not devoured by thirst for them."
"When we are together, you and I," she answered simply, "I never am."
He took it at its face value. They had had some delightful conversations. If her words awakened anything in him it was the remembrance of these. The solace of her companionship presented itself to him again, and her statement gave their mutual confidence another seal; that was all. They sat where they were for half an hour, and something like antagonism and displeasure toward the secretaries" wives settled upon them, for which Hilda, interrupting a glance or two from the ladies purring past, drew suspicion. "I am going now," she said.
"It--it isn"t quite suitable here," and there was just enough suggestion in the point of her fan to make him think of his frock. "It is an unpardonable truth that if we stay any longer I shall make people talk about you."
He turned astonished eyes upon her, eyes in which she remembered afterward there was absolutely nothing but a literal and pained apprehension of what she said. "You are a good woman," he exclaimed.
"How could such a thing be possible?"
The faintest embarra.s.sment, the merest suggestion of distress, came into her face and concentrated in her eyes, which she fixed upon him as if she would bring his words to the last a.n.a.lysis and answer him as she would answer a tribunal.
"A good woman?" she repeated. "I don"t know--isn"t that a refinement of virtue? No, standing on my s.e.x, I make no claim, but as _people_ go I am good. Yes, I am good."
"In my eyes you are splendid," he replied, content, and gave her his arm. They went together through the reception-rooms, and the appreciation of her grew in him. If in the bright and silken distance he had not seen his Bishop it might have glowed into a cordiality of speech with his distinctive individual stamp on it. But he saw his Bishop, his ceinture tightened on him, and he uttered only the trite saying about the folly of counting on the sensibility of swine.
"Yes," she laughed into her good-night to him, "but I"m not sure that it isn"t better to be the pig than the pearl."
CHAPTER XIX.
"Not long ago," said Hilda, "I had a chat with him. We sat on the gra.s.s in the middle of the Maidan, and there was nothing to interfere with my impressions?"
"What were your impressions? No!" Alicia cried. "No! Don"t tell me. It is all so peaceful now, and simple, and straightforward. You think such extraordinary things. He comes here quite often, to talk about her. He is coming this afternoon. So I have impressions too--and they are just as good."
"All right." Hilda crossed her knees more comfortably. "_What_ did you say the Surgeon-Major paid for those Teheran tiles?"
"Something absurd--I"ve forgotten. He writes to her regularly, diary letters, by every mail."
"Do you tell him what to put into them?"
"Hilda, sometimes--you"re positively coa.r.s.e."
"I dare say, my dear. You didn"t come out of a cab, and you never are. I like being coa.r.s.e, I feel nearer to nature then, but I don"t say that as an excuse. I like the smell of warm kitchens and the talk of bus-drivers, and bread and herrings for my tea--all the low satisfactions appeal to me. Beer, too, and hand-organs."
"I don"t know when to believe you. He talks about her quite freely, and--and so do I. She is really interesting in her way."
"And in perspective."
"Don"t be odiously smart. He and Stephen"--her glance was tentative--"have made it up."
"Oh!"
"He admits now that Stephen was justified, from his point of view. But of course that is easy enough when you have come off best."
"Of course."
"Hilda, what do you _think_?"
"Oh, I think it"s d.a.m.nable--you have always known what I think. Have you seen him lately--I mean your cousin?"
"He lunched with us yesterday. He was more enthusiastic than ever about you."
"I wish you could tell me that he hadn"t mentioned my name. I don"t want his enthusiasm. The pit gives one that."
"Hilda, tell me; what is your idea of--of what it ought to be? What is the princ.i.p.al part of it? Not enthusiasm--adoration?"
"Goodness, no! Something quite different and quite simple--too simple to explain. Besides, it is a thing that requires the completest ignorance to discuss comfortably. Do you want me to vivisect my soul? You yourself, can you talk about what most possesses you?"
"Oh," protested Alicia, "I wasn"t thinking about myself," and at the same moment the door opened and Hilda said, "Ah, Mr. Lindsay!"
There was a hint of the unexpected in Duff"s response to Miss Howe"s greeting, and a suggestion in the way he sat down that this made a difference, and that it would be necessary to find other things to say.
He found them with facility, while Hilda decided that she would finish her tea before she went. Alicia, busy with the urn, seemed satisfied to abandon them to each other, to take a decorative place in the conversation, interrupting it with brief inquiries about cream and sugar. Alicia waited; it was her way; she sank almost palpably into the tapestries until some reviving circ.u.mstance should bring her out again, a process which was quite compatible with her little laughs and comments. She waited, offering repose, and unconscious even of that. You know Hilda Howe as a creature of bold reflections. Looking at Alicia Livingstone behind the tea-pot, the conviction visited her that a s.e.x three-quarters of this fibre explained the monastic clergy.
"It is reported that you have performed the wonderful, the impossible,"
Lindsay said; "that Llewellyn Stanhope goes home solvent."
"I don"t know how he can help it now. But I have to be very firm with him. He"s on his knees to me to do Ibsen. I tell him I will if he"ll combine with Jimmy Finnigan and bring the _Surprise Party_ on between the acts. The only way it would go, in this capital."
"Oh, do produce Ibsen," Alicia exclaimed. "I"ve never seen one of his plays--doesn"t it sound terrible?"
"If people will elect to live upon a coral strand--oh, I should like to, for you and Duff here, but Ibsen is the very last man to deliver to a scratch company. He must have equal merit, or there"s no meaning. You see, he makes none of the vulgar appeals. It would be a tame travesty--n.o.body could redeem it alone. You must keep to the old situations, the reliable old dodges, when you play in any part of Asia."