Chapter 4, Part 3 – Arrow of Judgment
I walked slowly through the snowy forest. My surroundings were a complete snowy landscape; the branches of the coniferous trees that made up this beautiful forest were also all covered in white. Although snow was falling, the sunlight was still bright. This kind of scenery would have been rare back in Alphine, but I had grown used to it by now, and also felt that I could walk faster than I did before through the snow-covered roads. My ability to adapt to changes in the environment was quite high, due to being forced to develop it when growing up.
I had experienced some culture shock at first, but I was now more accustomed to living here than even Len, who should have already been living here for a long time. When he’d said that he’d never gone out during the winter time, it seemed that he’d been telling the truth. The day we walked through the snow-covered streets for the first time together was still fresh in my memory. Unable to keep his footing very well, he had fallen down countless times, and although I wasn’t used to walking in the snow any more than he was, I had pulled him back up by the hand each time he fell. When I recalled that shocked expression on his face whenever he fell, I couldn’t help but smile. After experiencing what it was like to “slip,” he tried out various different ways of walking, but still wound up falling down several times. He was a strange person; while innocent and still child-like, there were times when he gave off the impression of being so much mature and intellectual than I was. And while keeping up that appearance, his personality hid a strange charm that won over the love from both the maids and the people of the nearby town.
I hoped that he’d come home soon…. Since the day before yesterday, Len had left for the capital. Supposedly, it was for work related to the land around here, and also some sort of personal business. He worked as a n.o.ble that governed this land, but since he didn’t interact with other n.o.bles very much, he mostly only met the townspeople for work.
Before long, I noticed that the church has come into view. Perhaps because I’d been so deep in thought as I walked here, it felt like I’d arrived in the blink of an eye. It took about thirty minutes to walk from the mansion to this church, which was the closest one. Located beside the road that connected the forest and the town, whenever there was some kind of occasion in town, it would usually be held at this church. Since there wasn’t anything in particular going on today, there was no one around. I pushed the door of the chapel, which was covered in thick snow.
“Um, excuse me—…”
The building I peeked into was empty of people. Usually, the nuns would always be here. Had they just stepped out…..? Time-wise, it was still a bit too earlier to be called evening. Illuminated by countless candles, the room gave off a very daydream-like atmosphere. I approached the altar, knelt down, and brought my hands together. Since long before, the time I spent praying to G.o.d would always calm my heart. Suddenly, I heard the sound of the door opening behind me. Had one of the Sisters come back?
“Sister?”
I couldn’t seem them very well from where I was because of the light from outside shining behind them. There was no reply, so perhaps it was one of the townspeople who had come to worship? I tried approaching them a little, and when I did, the figure that was leaning against the door came towards me, and flapped open a pair of huge wings.
Wings… Clad in all white, with an appearance full of dignity…. was an angel. I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak.
“…. Have you finished with your worship?”
His low voice echoed to the high ceiling. My entire body simply froze in the face of that dignified demeanor.
“….. An… An angel…..?”
“Correct. However, it is nothing to be so alarmed about. There’s one close to you, as well, isn’t there?”
“Huh…..!?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I had never seen an angel before. Since my father used to often tell me stories about angels and demons at bed time, I had a strong faith towards G.o.d, but I had never actually seen Him before. And yet, with the way he was saying it, an angel had always been somewhere near me. That was what it sounded like. Unable to understand, all I could do was stare back at this overwhelming presence.
“….. You don’t remember? Well, no matter. I have something more important to tell you.”
Saying this, the angel lapsed into thought, with his eyebrows wrinkled in displeasure, as if struggling to find the right words. What could he possibly have to tell me….? But, if an angel were to ever appear and tell you they had something important to relay, I could only think of one thing. An oracle. Especially to those close to death.
“….. Um… I…. I’m sorry!”
In my confusion, those were the first words that came to mind. I could hide nothing before an angel, the messengers of G.o.d.
“I…. Up until now, I have done many wrongs. I have betrayed my hometown, my mother, and my fiancée…. For the sake of my own happiness, I’ve selfishly turned my back on many things….!”
“…. Have you now? Humans are creatures full of greed. It’s only common nature for your race to abandon and betray others for your own desires. You are not the only one….”
“But….”
“Listen. I have not come here to make you repent.”
“Huh….?”
Deepening the furrow of his eyebrows, the angel continued, as if he had made up his mind.
“At this rate, you cannot be saved. …. The same goes for him. Heaven cannot forgive him; they will not turn a blind eye to his acts.”
“……!!”
Who did he mean by “him”? But… if I were to think of one who could not be forgiven, there was only one person that came to mind.
“Len…..!! Is he…. Is Len going to be punished by Heaven?”
“….. tch. Yes… The things that he has done are an unforgivable taboo. There is no escape from them.”
“No…. that can’t be….”
“However, there is one way. A way in which both he and you can be saved.”
“Please! I-I’ll do anything! No matter how much suffering it is…. So please, tell me.”
“I see. Then I will tell you…. Forget about him, and go back to your own home.”
“….. What?”
“There is still time. Before they find out that he is still alive in these lands, dispose of all the evidence and bring things back to what they were before. If you do that, you should also be able to keep your life.”
“What…. do you mean?”
I couldn’t understand what the angel was saying. Bring things back…. But to where? The sin of betraying everything and eloping—was that a crime punishable by death in Heaven? Or, had he committed an even graver sin, before we had met?
“The mere fact of the two of you being together is a taboo. That is why I am telling you to destroy all the evidence, before that crime is judged. Do you understand now?”
“Crime…. But….”
“Time is limited. While you’re standing there idle, they may find out, and all will be lost.”
The angel was looking at me with slight irritation now. What did he mean by time being limited? I tried to sort out the thoughts in my racing mind. This angel meant to take Len away to Heaven for his sins. Did that mean that he would be saved, when he was supposed to go to h.e.l.l? But that would mean that I would be the only one to be saved—the only one to remain living on Earth. Even though… even though we were both guilty.
“I… I refuse….!”
“What did you say…..?”
“Please…. Please don’t take Len away…..! I beg of you…. I am guilty, as well! If he is to be punished, then punish us both!”
I pleaded with my head bowed low. I didn’t care what become of me. If I could just be with Len…. If we could remain together, any punishment, no matter how cruel, would be tolerable.
“I…. If I lose him…. Then I will have nothing!”
“……!”
“He… showed me freedom. That day… he was the one that allowed me to be reborn anew. Thanks to him, I’ve come to see how enjoyable life is….. If he’s gone, then I…. I have no reason to live!”
He glared dagger at me. Was it only my imagination, or had a shade of sorrow flashed through those eyes?
“….. You don’t understand anything. Do you think…. that he wishes the same? Truly?”
“…..!”
In a second, my heart stung. It was true. What would Len want? Just as the angel said, if we went our separate ways, then we could save each other…. and avoid any punishment. Wasn’t it only natural to believe in the words of an angel, the messenger of G.o.d? If Len were here right now, what would he say? But, still, I……
“…… Even so, I do not want to be apart from him. Because….”
I tried to remember—the short time that I had spent with him. Even since coming to Tard, all those times full of gentle warmth.
“If you’ll stay by my side forever, that’s enough. I don’t need anything else—”
Those words that he had said; they meant so much to me. And I would also feel the same, always.
“Because I love him.”
“……!”
“And he, as well…. He also loves me, from the bottom of his heart. Even without asking, I know this.”
What a dreadful thing, to go against the messenger of G.o.d… Despite all his efforts to come and tell us a way in which we could be saved…… I was so scared that my legs were trembling. But still, if he would be by my side… Smiling, the angel made an expression of being deeply hurt.
“In that case, I have no choice…. For that sin, I shall have you compensate with your life.”
“ah—”
Bang—
I heard the dry sound of a gunshot. My surroundings slowly distorted and sank in slow motion. No, I was the one that was sinking…
It was now late in the evening. I had said that I would return by night, but thinking that I wanted to see her as soon as possible, I quickened my walking pace. It had been a while since I had come to the capital, and after quickly finished my work in the urban area, I had walked all over the city, going from one jewelry shop to the next. The day before, when I had secretly consulted with Lily, she had politely told me Miku’s ring size and preferences. It was times like this that I wanted to express my heartfelt grat.i.tude for her talent. I tried to search for a neat, pretty ring that would suit Miku’s slender and beautiful hand.
After a long search, the last shop I had come to held an aged, old-fashioned atmosphere. While looking over at the showcase without much expectation, I had found exactly what I’d been looking for, and happily made the purchase. The female shopkeeper must have been drawn by the grin I’d had on my face the entire time, and while she wrapped up the ring, she asked me for every little detail about the person I would be giving it to.
“How fortunate she is, to receive a ring from such a sweet lover. Is it an engagement ring?”
Being told something that that, I unabashedly said that I was the one who was really fortunate, and although I had only just met this shopkeeper, I ended up boasting about the relationship between Miku and I. The shopkeeper kindly told me to come again whenever I liked, and I left the store in good spirits.
As I continued to walk through the snow-covered path, my uncovered cheeks quickly became cold. Pa.s.sing through the gate of the mansion, I let myself in through the front door. The interior was warm, and I slowly felt the warmth return to my chilled lungs.
“Oh, Master Len, welcome home~”
“h.e.l.lo, Lily,”
As I was took off my coat and shook the snow off in the entrance, Lily had soon came out to greet me.
“…. Well~? Were you able to find it? The necessary item~”
“….! Hey! What if someone hears…!”
“And what of it~? You’ll be giving it to her right away, yes? Then I don’t see any problem here.”
“Th-that’s true, but…. Ah, by the way, where is Miku?”
I wanted to show this ring to her soon, and have her try it on. The truth was, I had also practiced on how to propose when I had consulted Lily before, and so I was fully prepared.
“…. Ah! Come to think of it, Miku hasn’t returned since going to the church late this afternoon.”
“Eh?”
“You two always go to the church on Sunday, correct? Although today, she went by herself.”
“I see…. But it’s gotten kind of late now.”
The sun was already setting. Maybe I could take advantage of this opportunity and give her the ring at the church—it would set the mood quite nicely.
“I’ll go and find her.”
“Oh my, but you’ve only just come back…”
I put on my coat again, and quickly got ready.
“Please come back in time for dinner~ Take care~!”
I was seen off by Lily, and quickly proceeded along the snow-covered path that went through the forest. I had to hurry if we were to return to the mansion before nightfall. Would she be happy to receive this ring, and hear my proposal? Cheerfully, and at a quicker pace than before, I headed to the church where Miku was.
All I could hear was the crunch of the snow underneath my feet. The snow continued to fall at a steady pace, erasing my footprints as quickly as they were made. And then suddenly, although there should be no one other than myself in this forest, I felt a sense of unease. In the midst of this snowy landscape, all energy flowed quietly. Which was why I was able to feel slight presences or changes in the flow more acutely than usual. Although my senses had declined marginally since being reborn as a human, I knew immediately when beings with strong presences, like angels or demons, were nearby.
“…… Who’s there?”
I turned around to face the way I had come, glaring at the trees. I couldn’t see anyone. However, I had felt this presence before. I stood there in the silence, without uttering another sound.
“….. Haaa~ Looks like my cover is blown. Your intuition’s gotten sharper than before, huh?”
While saying this, the red-haired demon whom I had confronted previously stepped out from the shade of a tree. All the muscles on my back tensed.
“Relax. I’m not gonna do anything.”
“…….”
“On another note, you’ve sure changed a lot again since the last time I saw you.”
“……”
“Back then, I never would’ve guessed that you would turn into a human—and a male, no less. Ahh, but you were such a cute wittle angel~ What a waste~”
“Is that all you wanted to say……?”
“Oh~? …. Well this is unusual. Whenever I provoked you like this before, you’d get all worked-up and say, ‘Be quiet!’ or ‘Shut up!’ Personality-wise, you’ve seemed to have gotten more mature, hm~?”
The demon talked in the manner he always did, and slowly approached me while speaking. He had said that he wouldn’t do anything, so I stood my ground.
“Oh? So you’re not gonna run?”
“Because you said you weren’t going to do anything. And anyway, the one you’re interested in is Rin, isn’t it? Not me.”
“…… Haa. You’re such a killjoy, honestly…… I don’t have any interest in guys, but since your face is still exactly like Rinnie’s~ … Well, I guess that’s obvious. By the way…..”
I made eye contact with the demon that had walked up to me. His lips were pulled into a relaxed smile.
“There was something I wanted to ask you~ I thought about asking you afterwards that day, but then you suddenly disappeared somewhere~ It was a lot of ha.s.sle to track you down, ya know? Granny was stubborn and wouldn’t tell me either, so I had no choice but to secretly follow that sulky angel, and when I did… Bingo~”
By “sulky angel,” he must have meant Kaito. To be able to follow Kaito without being noticed, it seemed that he was no ordinary demon, after all. The demon slowly stretched out his hand, and touched my left ear with a long nail.
“Hey, about this earring on your left ear…. Where did you get it from? You used to have it on your right ear, didn’t you?”
“….. I have no obligation to tell you.”
“Oh, come on…. Who was the one that helped you Fall, hm? Why can’t you tell me, huh? Or…. Is it because you have something to hide?”
“……”
“…… No go, huh~? Then, I wonder if you’ll still keep that att.i.tude after seeing this?”
The demon took something out of his pocket and held it out towards me. It was a small, cross-shaped earring. The same as the one I had on my left ear right now. Yes, that was—
“….! Wh-where did you get this!?”
“Hmm— …. Not gonna tell ya.”
“What…..!”
“After all, you won’t tell me either. So we’re even.”
“….. tch. Fine. I’ll tell you. It…. was given to me by the angel who used to be my partner. I used to have it on the right…. but now I put it on the left. Because I heard that human males usually wear earrings on their left ear.”
“…… Oh~ I see….. So, let me ask you something else. That angel… Where is he now?”
“…. I… don’t know.”
“Hmmm….”
“Well? Why do you have an earring that’s exactly like mine!?”
“….. I got this when I was still just a little itty-bitty demon….. From the angel that you mentioned. Although, it’s already been three hundred years since then.”
“?”
When I had first met “him,” from the time that we had first become partners, he had always worn only one earring. Then, did that mean that long ago, even before I had been born, this demon had received the other earring from him?
“So this means that we both received one side of the same pair of earrings from the same guy, huh?”
“Why did he give it to you? These earrings are difficult to obtain even for senior angels…. It’s something that’s only given to those with special achievements in Heaven….! And yet, why do you have it? What connection do you have with him!? Don’t tell me… it was you who…..”
“….. You really haven’t changed at all, have you~? You get worked-up so easily~”
On the day that “he” had cast away Heaven, his presence had been nowhere to be found in the human world. Even during the period when I had searched with the other angels, we hadn’t been able to come up with any clues. And yet, this demon… If this demon knew the secret behind his Fall, then……
“I thought I’d finally gotten some clues, but… looks like I’m back to the drawing board, huh~? Good grief. I’m gonna get tired to looking ‘round in circles soon…. I wonder if he’s already dead…”
“What? Why are you searching for ‘him’? You’re a demon, aren’t you?”
“I’ve told you before, haven’t I? It doesn’t matter to me if they’re an angel, or demon, or human or whatever. I just have something I wanna tell him….”
“Something… you want to tell him?”
“You should be aware of what’s been going on lately through newspapers or some other source, right? It’s going to start soon…. The Heaven War.”
“…..! Do you mean—”
“Oops, you won’t be hearing anything more outta me. And anyway, it has nothing to do with you, a human, right? Whatever happens between angels and demons, I mean.”
With a flap of his wings, the demon flew off. The snow that had piled onto his jet black wings fell off easily.
The demon had mentioned a war. In other words, the demons that increased their power through demon faith must be about to carry out some kind of large-scale plan. By using Honest, their brainwashing technique, they had been gathering power from devout and strong-willed humans. Lately, I had noticed that news of the damage even here in Tard increased with every pa.s.sing day, but I wouldn’t have imagined that the situation had gotten so serious.
I had to let Kaito know as soon as possible.
There was a thud as the snow fell off of a nearby tree. My jumbled thoughts were pulled back to reality by the sound. That’s right; right now, I was the human, Len. Not Rin the angel. I no longer had the power to fight as an angel. It wasn’t only now that I’d realized the demons had been continuing to store demonic power by manipulating humans with Honest. All this time, I’d only be deceiving myself, saying that it had nothing to do with me because I was a human, because I couldn’t fight.
After I stood there dazed for a while, I finally calmed down and came back to my senses. —What I had to right now was catch up with my loved one, who was late in coming home.
And anyways, Kaito was sure to come and see me again. I would tell him the information I’d heard from the red-haired demon then. And about “him,” too. Kaito had told me that he’d keep my life here a secret from those in Heaven, but it was surely only a matter of time before they found out. So until then, I wanted to hold onto the happy lifestyle with her as long as possible. That was why I wanted to do as much as I could for her right now. I clutched the box that I’d put away in my left pocket. How would she react when I gave her what was in the box, and told her those words? Would she be happy? —Right now, I would live thinking about only these things.
This was the path I chose. With a slight guilt weighing down on my chest, I hurriedly walked on.
The silent chapel was illuminated by the afterglow of the numerous candles, and although the sun was already setting, in here, it was as bright as day. The flowers that beautifully decorated the altar were a crystal clear white, just like the snowy landscape outside. What flower was that again? I couldn’t remember the name. I felt like someone had once told me that it was a very rare flower.
As I vacantly thought about such meaningless things, I stood speechless at the scene that spread out before my eyes. The moment I’d found her dyed in red, my legs had stopped moving, as if frozen in place. My uplifted spirits from just a few minutes ago sunk as if they had been a lie.
Slowly, I moved forward, one step at a time. I was scared, and I couldn’t move my legs very well. I had already grown used to walking on these human legs, but in these crucial times, my body wouldn’t function.
I slowly walked up to her side, and finally, I made it. The walk had been excruciatingly long, making a second feel like ten minutes, or even an hour. With a deep red blossom on the left side of her chest, she lay motionless. Her face was peaceful, as if she were asleep. I held her cold body close to me.
“Miku……”
There was no reply. And there wouldn’t be one. Her heartbeat had already long since stopped.
“Miku…… I’m begging you…. Please… open your eyes…..”
I whispered in her ear, even though I knew that she couldn’t hear me. When I had been an angel, this was a scene I was used to seeing on jobs finding the humans recorded on the Ascension Notice List, and guiding their souls to Heaven. At those times, the grieving ones that were left behind would usually be there beside the person who had died. I had also been in that situation numerous times, and should have been used to it already. However, the emotions I held in my chest now were incomparable to anything from those past memories, overwhelming me with despair, anger, and sorrow.
“It’s…. my fault…. All of it.”
That day… if only I hadn’t gone to her wedding, pretending that it had been a coincidence. If only I hadn’t held onto that small hope, and hadn’t met her…. Maybe then, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. I felt like I would be crushed by the guilt and wrongs that I could not atone for. I should have known. Since the day that I’d met with Kaito again. No, even before that—since I had become a Fallen Angel, and decided to live my life as a human. All of this had happened because my own selfish desire.
I had wanted to become human. Become human, and live together with her. I had wanted to satisfy her loneliness with my love. And then, perhaps, if she possibly loved me back…. That was all I had ever wished for.
For that sake, I had cast away so many irreplaceable things. My kind colleagues, my caring superior, my proud mission as an angel, and, my own self. I had spent many sleepless nights full of regret towards all that I’d abandoned, but each time, I was comforted by her smile. No matter how terrible I felt at night, once the next morning came… and I saw her smile, I was able to cheer up. If only she would be by my side—those feelings I had conveyed to her on numerous occasions had not been lies.
“Everything I told you that day was true.”
Although I’m sure that you don’t remember anymore. When I had still been Rin, I had made a promise to you on that day I’d revealed my true intentions for the first time. I had vowed to always be by your side and protect you. Although you may have only thought it to be an angelic blessing or something like that. I had vowed to you…. To the point of rebelling against G.o.d.
“So that’s why, I will protect you.”
I would cut off my contract with the darkness, and unleash my angelic powers again.
Uttering the spell to end the contract, the darkness disappeared, and the suppressed holy energy swept over my body. The law of Heaven stated that a person who had committed a sin would be punished for it only once. If this was the “punishment” that she had received, then her life should no longer be targeted by those from Heaven. I had no choice but to believe that.
“….. I’m going to wake you up now, so hold on just a little longer….”
I slowly lifted her up and brought my lips to hers. Using all of my holy power as an angel, I would bring back her soul. Of all the taboos, reviving the dead was the heaviest crime. The price I paid would be my own soul.
Her memories, which had been lost as compensation for my contract with the devil. More than anything, I was afraid that she may come to hate me after her memories returned, and she knew of everything that I had done.
When I came to, everything around me was enveloped by a dazzling light.
What had happened to me…..? If I recalled, I had met with a blue-haired angel……
We had talked.
I had refused his advice.
And he had gotten angry, and taken out a gun……
I…..
Had that been a dream….?
As I lay here with hazy vision, I slowly opened my heavy eyelids. Right in front of me, smiling gently was……
“Good morning.”
I had seen her face somewhere before.
I had heard this voice once before.
This sensation, which I hadn’t felt in a long time….. But for some reason, it didn’t actually feel like such a long time. That was because…..
Yes. Of course. This girl was…..
“You were sleeping so soundly, I thought you might never wake up.”
“Ri….. n…..?”
“…..”
“Rin….. Is that you, Rin…..?”
“….. I’m sorry for tricking you this whole time….. It looks like your memories are back. Do you feel alright?”
The inside of my head was spinning, as if being swallowed by a flood. The fragments of memories that I had forgotten were coming back. The precious memories of all the joyous days that I had spent with her—with Rin. Why had I forgotten such precious memories until now? Even though I should have noticed when I had met him…. Len, who looked exactly like Rin.
The day of my wedding, Rin had become Len and come to save me…… Why hadn’t I realized that until now? That day, when Rin had comforted me while I cried, promising me that she would always be by my side to protect me—how could I have only now noticed that she had kept that promise all along?
As I looked down at my body, I saw that there were traces of blood here and there. I realized that it hadn’t been a dream, then; I really had been shot by that angel. —Yes, I was sure that I had been shot. Then, why was I here now, as if nothing had happened?
“I have to go now.”
“Huh……?”
“Miku……”
I was enveloped by a gentle and familiar scent. Rin was holding me so tightly that it hurt.
“I’m so glad that I met you, Miku.”
“Rin……”
“I was so happy… that I was able to love you.”
“……? I… love you too, Rin….. um, Len…..?”
“Haha. It doesn’t matter what name you call me by. Because I won’t change….. Although my appearance may, my feelings will always stay the same…..”
“…..! I… I feel the same. Even if Rin is Len, or Len is Rin…. I still love you, all the same.”
“Miku…. I’m so happy. I feel saved just with those words alone…”
“Rin……”
“Thank you for everything. I love you.”
Suddenly, a blinding light spread all around me. The person who was holding me gently smiled with the most beautiful smile, and cried.
“ah…..!”
She was becoming transparent. While emitting a faint glow, her body…. was disappearing……
“No….. it can’t be…… Rin…..?”
“ “
And with those final words, the light vanished.
“Rin……?”
No matter how much I called, there was so reply.
“Rin……? Len……!”
It was then that I saw something out of the corner of my eye. In the place where she had been just moments before was a single black feather, and a small box.
“A feather……? A black… feather?”
Angels’ feathers were supposed to be white. Rin’s feathers, too, had been a beautiful white. I was sure of that…. So why was there a black feather here…….?
I slowly reached for the box and opened it. Inside, there was a beautiful ring with a white flower motif. It was the same design as the ring that she had gotten for me that time we’d gone to the shooting range stall together. On the inside of the ring was a single phrase. Written there were words of love.
“Always….. Now and forever, I will be by your side to protect you.”
Always…… Truly, always, even when I had forgotten, you had been there for me, Rin.
“If you’ll stay by my side forever, that’s enough. I don’t need anything else—”
It was the same for me…. Len. I was so glad just to be with you….. I didn’t need anything else…. Anything at all……
Something warm and damp slid down my cheek. They refused to stop, continuing to flow until this small church may eventually be swallowed up in them.