"Because I would atone for all my past," she said, "and cleanse myself with unceasing mercies, and what I cannot undo, do penance for-that I may be worthy-worthy."
She broke off and drew her hand across her eyes, and ended with a strange little sound, half laugh.
"Perhaps all men and women have been evil," she said, "and some are-some seem fated! And when my lord Duke comes back, I shall be happy-happy-in spite of all; and I scarce dare to think my joy may not be taken from me. Is joy always torn away after it has been given to a human thing-given for just so long, as will make loss, madness?"
"Eh, my lady!" he said, blundering, "thou art fearful, just as another woman might be. "Tis not like Clo Wildairs. Such thoughts will not make thee a happy woman."
She ended with a laugh stranger than her first one, and her great black eyes were fixed on him as he had remembered seeing her fix them when she was a child and full of some wild fancy or weird sadness.
""Tis not Clo Wildairs who thinks them," says she; ""tis another woman. "Twas Clo who knew John Oxon who is gone-and was as big a sinner as he, though she did harm to none but herself. And "tis for those two-for both-I would have mercy. But I am a strong thing, and was born so, and my happiness will not die, despite-despite whatsoever comes. And I am happy, and know I shall be more; and "tis for that I am afraid-afraid."
"Good Lord!" cried Sir Chris, swallowing a lump which rose, he knew not why, in his throat. "What a strange creature thou art!"
His Grace"s couriers went back and forth to France, and upon his estates the people prepared their rejoicings for the marriage-day, and never had Camylott been so heavenly fair as on the day when the bells rang out once more, and the villagers stood along the roadside and at their cottage doors, courtesying and throwing up hats and calling down G.o.d"s blessings on the new-wed pair, as the coach pa.s.sed by, and his Grace, holding his lady"s hand, showed her to his people, seeming to give her and her loveliness to them as they bowed and smiled together-she almost with joyful tears in her sweet eyes.
In her room near the nurseries, at the window which looked out among the ivy, Nurse Halsell sat, watching the equipage as it made its way up the long avenue, and might be seen now and then between the trees, and her old hands trembled in her lap, for very joy. And before the day was done his Grace, knocking on the door gently, brought his d.u.c.h.ess to her.
"And "twas you," said her Grace, standing close by her chair, and holding the old hand between her own two, which were so white and velvet warm, "and "twas you who held him in your arms when he was but a little new-born thing, and often sang him to sleep, and were so loved by him. And he played here-" and she looked about the apartment with a tremulous smile.
"Yes," said his Grace, with a low laugh of joyful love, "and now I bring you to her, and "tis my marriage-day."
Nurse Halsell gazed up at the eyes which glowed above her.
""Tis what his Grace hath waited long for," she said, "and he would have died an unwedded man had he not reached it at last. "Tis sure what G.o.d ordained." And for a minute she looked straight and steady into the d.u.c.h.ess"s face. "A man must come to his own," she said, and bent and kissed the fair hand with pa.s.sionate love, but her Grace lifted the old face with her palm, and stooped and kissed it fondly-gratefully.
Then the Duke took his wife to the Long Gallery and they stood there, he holding her close against his side, while the golden sun went down.
"Here I stood and heard that you were born," he said, and kissed her red, tender mouth. "Here I stood in agony and fought my battle with my soul the first sad day you came to Camylott." And he kissed her slow and tenderly again, in memory of the grief of that past time. "And here I stand and feel your dear heart beat against my side, and look into your eyes-and look into your eyes-and they are the eyes of her who is mine own-and Death himself cannot take her from me."
CHAPTER XXIX
At the Cow at Wichben
The happiness he had dreamed of was given to him; nay, he knew joy and tenderness even more high and sweet than his fancy had painted. As Camylott had been in his childhood so he saw it again-the most beauteous home in England and the happiest, its mistress the fairest woman and the most n.o.bly loving. As his own father and mother had found life a joyful thing and their world full of warm hearts and faithful friends, so he and she he loved, found it together. The great house was filled once more with guests and pleasures as in the olden time, the stately apartments were thrown open for entertainment, gay cavalcades came and went from town, the forests were hunted, the moors shot over by sportsmen, and the lady who was hostess and chatelaine won renown as well as hearts, since each party of guests she entertained went back to the homes they came from, proclaiming to all her wit and gracious charm.
She rode to hunt and leapt hedges as she had done when she had been Clo Wildairs; she walked the moors with the sportsmen, her gun over her shoulder, she sparkling and showing her white teeth like a laughing gipsy; and when she so walked, the black rings of her hair blown loose about her brow, her cheeks kissed fresh crimson by the wet wind, and turned her eyes upon my lord Duke near her and their looks met, the man who beheld saw lovers who set his own heart beating.
"But is it true," asked once the great French lady who had related the history of the breaking of the horse, Devil, "is it true that a poor man killed himself in despair on her last marriage, and that she lives a secret life of penance to atone-and wears a hair shirt, and peas in her beautiful satin shoes, and does deeds of mercy in the dark places of the big black English city?"
"A man, mad with jealous rage of her, disappeared from sight," said an English lady present. "And he might well have drowned himself from disappointment that she would not wed him and pay his debts; but "twas more like he fled England to escape his creditors. And "tis true she does many n.o.ble deeds in secret; but if they be done in penance for Sir John Oxon, she is a lady with a conscience that is tender indeed."
That her conscience was a strangely tender thing was a thought which moved one man"s heart strongly many a time. Scarce a day pa.s.sed in which her husband did not mark some evidence of this-hear some word spoken, see some deed done, almost, it seemed, as if in atonement for imagined faults hid in her heart. He did not remark this because he was unused to womanly mercifulness; his own mother"s life had been full of gentle kindness to all about her, of acts of charity and goodness, but in the good deeds of this woman, whom he so loved, he observed an eagerness which was almost a pa.s.sion. She had changed no whit in the brilliance of her spirit; in the world she reigned a queen as she had ever done; wheresoever she moved, life and gayety seemed to follow, whether it was at the Court, in the town, or the country; but in both town and country he found she did strange charities, and seemed to search for creatures she might aid in such places as other women had not courage to dive into.
This he discovered through encountering her one day as she re-entered Osmonde House, returning from some such errand, clad in dark, plain garments, her black hood drawn over her face, being thereby so disguised that but for her height and bearing he should not have recognised her-indeed, he thought, she had not seen and would have pa.s.sed him in silence.
He put forth his hand and stayed her, smiling.
"Your Grace!" he said, "or some vision!"
She threw the black hood back and her fair face and large black eyes shone out from beneath its shadows. She drew his hand up and kissed it, and held it against her cheek in a dear way which was among the sweetest of her wifely caresses.
"It is like Heaven, Gerald," she said, "to see your face, after beholding such miseries."
And when he took her in his arm and led her to the room in which they loved best to sit in converse together, she told him of a poor creature she had been to visit, and when she named the place where she had found her, "twas a haunt so dark and wicked that he started in alarm and wonder at her.
"Nay, dear one," he said, "such dens are not for you to visit. You must not go to them again."
She was sitting on a low seat before him, and she leaned forward, the black hood falling back, framing her face and making it look white.
"None else dare go," she said; "none else dare go, Gerald. Such places are so hideous and so noisome, and yet there are those who are born and die there, bound hand and foot when they are born, that they may be bound hand and foot to die!" She rose as if she did not know she moved, and stood up before him, her hand upon her breast.
""Tis such as I should go," she said, "I who am happy and beloved-after all-after all! "Tis such as I who should go, and carry love and pity-love and pity!" And she seemed Love"s self and Pity"s self, and stood transfigured.
"You are a saint," he cried; "and yet I am afraid. Ah! how could any harm you?"
"I am so great and strong," she said, in a still voice, "none could harm me if they would. I am not as other women. And I do not know fear. See!" and she held out her arm. "I am a Wildairs-built of iron and steel. If in a struggle I held aught in my hand and struck at a man-" her arm fell at her side suddenly as if some horrid thought had swept across her soul, like a blighting blast. She turned white and sank upon her low seat, covering her face with her hands. Then she looked up with awed eyes. "If one who was so strong," she said, "should strike at a man in anger, he might strike him dead-unknowing-dead!"
""Tis not a thing to think of," said his Grace, and shuddered a little.
"But he would think of it," she said, "all his life through and bear it on his soul." And she shuddered, too, and in her eyes was the old look which sometimes haunted them. Surely, he thought, Nature had never before made a woman"s eyes so to answer to her lover"s and her lord"s. They were so warm and full of all a man"s soul most craved for. He had seen them flash fire like Juno"s, he had seen tears well up into them as if she had been a tender girl, he had seen them laugh like a child"s, he had seen them brood over him as a young dove"s might brood over her mate, but this look was unlike any other, and was as if she thought on some dark thing in another world-so far away that her mind"s vision could scarce reach it, and yet could not refrain from turning towards its shadow.
But this was but a cloud which his love-words and nearness could dispel. This she herself told him on a time when he spoke to her of it.
"When you see it," she said, "come and tell me that you love me, and that there is naught can come between our souls. As you said the day you showed me the dear rose, "Naught can come between"-and love is more than all."
"But that you know," he answered.
Life is so full of joys for those who love and, being mated, are given by their good fortunes the power to live as their hearts lead them. These two were given all things, it seemed to the world which looked on. From one of their estates to the other they went with the changing seasons, and with them carried happiness and peace. Her Grace, of whom the villagers had heard such tales as made them feel that they should tremble before the proud glance of her dark eyes, found that their last d.u.c.h.ess, whose eyes had been like violets, could smile no more sweetly. This one was somehow the more majestic lady of the two, being taller and having a higher bearing by Nature, but none among them had ever beheld one who was more a woman and seemed so well to understand a woman"s heart and ways. Where had she learned it, they wondered among themselves, as others had wondered the year when, as my Lady Dunstanwolde, she had been guest at Camylott, and in the gipsy"s encampment had carried, so soft and tenderly, the little gipsy child in her arms. Where had she learned it?
"Gerald," she said once to her husband, and pressed her hand against her heart, ""twas always here-here, lying hid, when none knew it-when I did not know it myself. When I seemed but a hard, wild creature, having only men for friends-I was a woman then, and used sometimes to sit and stare at the red coals of the fire, or the red sun going down on the moors, and feel longings and pities and sadness I knew not the meaning of. And often, suddenly, I was made angry by them and would spring up and walk away that I might be troubled no more. But "twas Nature crying out in me that I was a woman and could be naught else."
Her love and tenderness for her sister, Mistress Anne, increased, it seemed, hour by hour.
"At Camylott, at Marlowell, at Roxholm, at Paulyn, and at Mertoun," she had said when she was married, "we must have an apartment which is Anne"s. She is my saint and I must keep a niche for her in every house and set her in it to be worshipped."
And so it was, to whichsoever of their homes they went, Mistress Anne went with them and found always her own nest warm to receive her.
"It makes me feel audacious, sister," she used to say at first, "to go from one grand house to the other and be led to Mistress Anne"s apartments, in each, and they always prepared and waiting as if "twere I who were a d.u.c.h.ess."
"You are Anne! You are Anne!" said her Grace, and kissed her fondly.
Sometimes she was like a gay and laughing girl, and set all the place alight with her witcheries; she invented entertainments for their guests, games and revels for the villagers, and was the spirit of all. In one of their retrospective hours, Osmonde had told her of the thoughts he had dreamed on, as they had ridden homeward from the encampment of the gipsies-of his fancies of the comrade she would make for a man who lived a roving life. She had both laughed and wept over the story, clinging to his breast as she had told her own, and of her fear of his mere glance at her in those dark days, and that she had not dared to sit alone but kept near her lord"s side lest she should ponder and remember what "twas honest she should forget.