"Daddy!"Looking up, I saw a cherub with almond eyes, high nose and pouty lips waving happily at me as he rode on the carousel. He was really a miniature of me, and I couldn"t help but smile and wave back at him as I watched him spin round and round.
"Moonbin, be careful son. Hang on tight!" I called out as I leaned closer to the railing, my eyes, never wavering on their vigilance. He was only four and very active. If something happened to him, I wouldn"t know what to do or what to tell my wife.
The ringing sound followed by vibrations in my pocket alerted me about a call, and I didn"t think twice to answer it. I brought my personal phone, so most likely, the caller would be family – meaning it was either my wife who was very much pregnant at the moment and was on bed rest, or my sister who I asked to look after my spouse while I took my son to the amus.e.m.e.nt park. I had no other relative aside from an older male cousin who I hoped not to see ever again.
"h.e.l.lo?" I answered with practiced speed, my eyes narrowing as I waited for the caller to speak.
"It"s me Ji Hye," the caller, my sister said anxiously and my heart began to race as I antic.i.p.ated her next words. "What"s wrong?" I honestly didn"t like her tone. It was as if she was readying me for a very bad news.
"Oppa, Ian is back…"
Like ice, her words washed over me, cold and harsh and I felt my heart and mind freezing. It can"t be! The cousin I was hoping never to see again was back. "Where…where is he?" I asked quietly as I saw the carousel stop at the corner of my eyes.
"He"s here. In your home," my sister answered and I felt like the world would spin. No! This can"t be happening. Why now?
"I"ll be there." Without waiting for an answer, I dropped the call and waved for Moonbin to come to me. Our trip would be cancelled today. My son might be disappointed but there was no choice. I needed to go back home as soon as possible. My wife…
I might lose my wife… and I couldn"t let that happen.
"Dad? I want to go and ride that one next," Moonbin told me eagerly as he pointed at the Ferris wheel but I shook my head no. "Why?" His cherub face crumpled in disenchantment, and I felt my heart breaking. It was rare for us to go out, as I"m mostly busy with work, being the owner and president of a large company. This was supposed to be our day, but I had no option. It"s more important that I get to my wife as soon as possible.
"Daddy, you said we can ride anything today," Moonbin"s voice cracked as fat tears began to fall from his eyes. "You said we can spend the whole day together."
Feeling my son"s pain in my chest, I crouched down in front of him as I wiped his tears away. "I know son, and daddy"s really sorry for this." I tilted his small face so he could look at me and see how sorry I was. "But daddy needs to come home immediately."
"Why?" My son asked as his eyes widened. Even at four years of age, my son was already a little mature, and had a wide understanding of things around him. "Is it mom? Is mommy okay?"
"Mom is okay, but daddy still needs to check," I told my son who had stopped crying and nodded his head solemnly. "Thank you." I pulled my wonderful child into a hug and picked him up as I stood. "Since we can"t stay here, why don"t I buy you ice cream and pizza? Just don"t tell mom okay?" Jaeyoung would surely get mad at me if she found out.
At the mention of his favorite food, Moonbin"s face brightened up, and we had a good time bargaining which flavor to choose as I carried him to our waiting car.
As soon as we reached home, I a.s.sisted Moonbin out of the car and carried the take out we bought on the way. Ji Hye welcomed us at the doorway. "Aunt Ji Hye!" my son cried excitedly upon seeing his favorite relative and threw himself in her arms.
"Hey!" My sister caught him and spun him around as they laughed. "What were you up to today?"
"Daddy and I went to the amus.e.m.e.nt park and we bought pizza and ice cream!" my toddler said enthusiastically and my sister glanced at my direction as she answered. "Really? Why don"t we see the goodies you bought in the kitchen so that daddy can go to mom?"
"Okay," my son readily answered and I gave Ji Hye a thankful look. Moonbin ran towards the kitchen as I handed my sister the packages. "Ian left already," she told me and I nodded as my expression grew indistinct.
"Where"s Jaeyoung?" I asked as I searched the living room which was visible from where I was standing but my wife wasn"t there.
"Jae-unnie went up to your room. She"s having a headache so I told her to rest," Ji Hye answered me and I nodded. I was about to leave but hesitated as a question popped into my mind. "Ji Hye, did she see Ian?" I asked the dreaded question and my breath almost hitched up my throat when my sister nodded solemnly.
Oh G.o.d. Oh G.o.d.
"Did…" I swallowed hard as I tried to form another question I was dreading to ask. "Did she remember anything?"
Silence greeted my question as Ji Hye tried to recall what happened earlier in this house in my absence. "I don"t know," she told me after a while. "Oppa, I think you better go to her," she continued and I nodded once more.
As I walked across the room towards the staircase which would take me to the second floor of our house where the room my wife and I shared was, my heart began to falter. I never knew real fear as I did right this very moment. Glancing at my surrounding – the family photographs, the toys haphazardly left on the floor, the mismatched furniture Jaeyoung loved so much, my heart hurt knowing that all these – the family I"d worked hard to build for the last five years would break apart.
And it was my entire fault.
For years, I knew that one day this would happen. I never even imagined it would take this long, but I knew it would happen. But now that it did, I still couldn"t find the courage to face my wife. What would I tell Jaeyoung?
Honestly I had no idea. All I knew, and the one reason I could think of why I did what I did was because I loved her so much. Loving her was my only sin.
6 years ago…
"Ian, will you quit messing up with the staff?" I narrowed my eyes at my older cousin who was such a Casanova, I get reports on how the female staff was scratching each other"s faces for his affection on a daily basis. He led them on, did the hanky-panky with them, and then dropped them like hot potatoes to move on to the next victim. It was tiring really.
Ian was my half American cousin who was orphaned young, so he grew up with me and Ji Hye. Even if I was two years younger than him, I was the one who acted like the older brother. He was just so carefree and immature – not to mention handsome and rich considering that his American father left him with a company of his own.
"Why are you so riled up? It wasn"t my fault if they like me right?" my cousin asked me innocently and I just had to sigh and wished to G.o.d people would stop being stupid – or at least stop being stupid enough to fall for this rascal. "So can you fix it?" he asked afterwards, "it" meaning the new girl he messed up with.
"Fine. But let this be the last. If I hear you toying with another one I"ll kick your a.s.s," I answered after letting out a sigh. I knew I should stop spoiling him. I knew I should stop cleaning after his mess and let him fix his own problems but I didn"t. He was after all the only family I had aside from Ji Hye, and the b.a.s.t.a.r.d knew it.
It was fine with me anyway. All I had to do was transfer the girl to another branch and life would return to what it was… until she came along.
I marched purposely along the hallway to Ian"s office and opened it unceremoniously. The secretary sitting on his lap jumped up in surprise and immediately excused herself as I gave her a deadly glare.
Alone, I turned my attention back to my cousin and placed a hand in my pocket as I crossed the room and stopped right in front of his table. "Have a seat," the b.a.s.t.a.r.d invited but I ignored it. "I told you to quit messing with the staff."
"I did," Ian answered me with a grin on his face but I wasn"t buying it. "Then what was this thing I"m hearing about the new toy – and that it"s a newbie too!"
"Hey, don"t call her that. Jaeyoung is not a toy." For the first time in history, Ian defended someone, and so I raised my brow at him, waiting for his explanation. "She"s different cousin. I"m serious about her."
"Serious? You?" I couldn"t believe him of course. "Then what was that girl doing on your lap earlier?"
"Oh? Her?" Ian chuckled and I frowned. "She"s just easy game. You know, past time."
"And the newbie isn"t?" I snorted cynically and Ian once again defended his new love. "Of course not! You would like her too when you see her," he said and I raised my brow once more in question. "I"m really serious about Jaeyoung, Yunho, and I"m planning to marry her."
I never saw Ian with that expression before so I let it be. That night, my cousin arranged a special dinner for all three of us including Jaeyoung.
Honestly, there were lots of unexpected things that happened that time. I never expected Jaeyoung to be so angelically beautiful. I never expected for her to have such a beautiful smile. I never expected her to be very clumsy, spilling things and being cute about it. I never expected to find her habit of covering her smile with her hand adorable. Lastly, I never expected to fall in love with her and never expected the pain in my chest upon seeing the engagement ring Ian bought with me that she was wearing on her finger.
Ian had asked Jaeyoung to be his, and there was nothing I could do about it… until that day.
"For an almost married guy you seem to go around a lot," I commented dryly upon seeing Ian as I marched inside his office and sat in one of the armchairs in front of his table. The wedding was in two weeks, and yet, instead of looking like an eager husband to be, Ian was looking dejected. "Why did you call me?" Since I fell in love with Jae, I distanced myself from them. I"m human too. I didn"t want to hurt more than I already was, seeing the two of them so happy together.
"Hyung, I need your help," Ian said and I frowned. "What"s wrong?"
"I"m in trouble," my cousin announced as he raked his hair with his fingers. "Remember the daughter of the banker we had a deal with last month?" he asked and I nodded. Last month, I decided to help Ian find some investors for his company in the US, and we went to meet some of them, and one of them was the banker. "I got her pregnant," he said and I felt the world stand still as I absorbed his words.
"What?" I couldn"t believe it. He was about to get married to the most wonderful person in the world, and he still had the gall to betray her. "Are you f.u.c.kin" out of your mind?" I knew I surprised the both of us with the tone of my voice. I never really got angry with Ian, but this time, I was so p.i.s.sed off I wanted to punch him on the face. "You"re getting married in two weeks. What the h.e.l.l were you doing sleeping around?"
"I know it was stupid. Alright?" Ian looked totally problematic but I didn"t care. I wasn"t in the mood to be sympathetic. My concern was Jaeyoung. "What are you planning to do?"
"I don"t know!" Ian slumped on the table. "She wants me to end my engagement and marry her instead. What should I do? She"ll ruin my transactions if I don"t agree."
"Well, you should have thought about that before you had an affair with her!" I yelled as I stood up and Ian did the same. "Why are you so angry at me?"
"You"re asking me why? Why don"t you think about it?" I gave up. There was no point talking to him when he"s being such an uncaring b.a.s.t.a.r.d. "Come to think of it, solve your problems alone. I had enough."
"You"re not going to help me? What do you want me to do? Tell Jaeyoung I want out so I can hook up with the chick I got pregnant?" Ian yelled back, and suddenly, we heard a loud gasp behind us and I turned around.
"Jae?" Without any of us realizing, Jaeyoung had entered the office, wanting to surprise her fiancé but got surprised instead. Judging from the look of mixed pain and disbelief on her beautiful face, she had heard everything. "Jae!" Ian called out as his fiancée ran out of the room, and the two of us chased after her.
Everything happened so fast. We just heard shouting and then the horrifying sound of car breaks as I saw Jaeyoung"s body being thrown away, landing several feet from where she"d been hit. I remember running as fast as I could as I watched with terrified eyes how pale she had become as she bled. As I held her into my arms, shouting for help, I prayed to G.o.d that she would live.
And she did, but…
Jaeyoung remained in coma for three months. During those months, Ian left and married the banker"s daughter. Our separation was not a good one as Ian found out my feelings for her when I insisted he stay and wait for his fiancée to regain consciousness and he refused. He taunted me and I wasn"t able to stop myself from pounding his face with my fist. I told him I never wanted to see his face again.
If he didn"t want Jaeyoung anymore it was fine. I"d just stay beside her to help her. I"d give anything she"d ask, and if my presence would be too much as I might remind her of the man who abandoned her, I would step away.
My love, I realized, my love was the forever kind of love. Even if I had no choice but to let go, my heart would continue to beat for that person.
A month after that, Jaeyoung woke up.
"She"s fine now – well physically at least," the doctor said and I frowned as I didn"t understand. "Mr. Lee, the patient has amnesia."
"Amnesia?" I asked and the doctor explained. It seemed Jaeyoung was suffering from a type of retrograde amnesia wherein she"d forgotten a whole year of her life – well aside from the fact that she could somehow remember that she was engaged to someone.
She was sleeping when I came to her room. Without thought, I sat next to her bed and watched her sleeping face. I was so happy that she finally woke up after months of being in a coma. I was thankful too that she had forgotten Ian due to her amnesia. I was happy because with that, she would be able to start a new life – and maybe we could remain friends.
But if she didn"t want to…
"Then, I"ll say good bye," I whispered and I couldn"t stop myself from reaching out to take her hand and then kissing it. The finality of my actions broke my heart into several pieces and I lay my head on the bed as I continued to hold her. The next thing I knew, someone touched my hair and when I looked up, Jaeyoung was smiling shyly at me.
"I-I…" I tried hard to explain, but her bright smile robbed me of my thoughts. "It"s okay. You did not scare me if that"s what you"re thinking," Jaeyoung told me as she continued to smile at me. "I can"t remember a lot of things right now but I do remember having a fiancé."
"I-I…" I was supposed to tell her that Ian had left, but again, no words came out of my mouth. "Are you my fiancé?" she asked and I froze. "The nurses told me you"ve always been with me while I was in coma – and you were holding my hand too earlier. Are you?"
I didn"t know what came over me. I just found myself nodding and saying yes. I felt nervous with my lie but seeing how she smiled as she threw herself at me, hugging me tight, everything felt right, and I wasn"t nervous anymore. I was determined. Fate had given me a chance to be with the one I love and I would take it with both hands.
~
Present Day
Five years ago, I married my wife. A year after that, our first child Moonbin, was born. Now, years after, Jaeyoung was carrying our second offspring, and I was – and still am deeply in love with her.
Throughout the years, I lived with the fear of Jaeyoung"s memories coming back. I remember a time two years ago when she fell off the stairs because of his clumsiness. She hit her head hard, and I was terrified that time. Moonbin was only two, and I couldn"t take it if she remembered everything and left us. But she didn"t remember. Life resumed as it was – like nothing ever happened.
After that, I began to relax once more. If Jaeyoung didn"t remember her past when she hit her head, there was nothing else to worry about right? Until today…
Today when Ian suddenly decided to show up and ruin everything. I heard that Ian"s wife died a couple of months ago. If he showed up here it meant he wanted to have Jaeyoung back right? But I couldn"t let that happen. Even if it started with a lie, our family was real.
I couldn"t just give them up. Oh G.o.d, I just couldn"t give everything up. Even if she remembered things upon seeing Ian again, I would find a way to make her stay.
I opened the door to our bedroom, and I saw my wife lying on the bed with her eyes closed. The bulge of her stomach was very obvious as she was wearing a sleeveless one piece. Seeing that, my heart felt warm in spite of the fear as I approached the bed. "Jae?" Carefully, I reached out to touch her hair, and held my breath as she opened her eyes.
We looked at each other for several seconds which felt like a lifetime. I felt tears filling my eyes as I waited for her to yell at me for lying to her.
It didn"t happen.
My sweet wife smiled gently at me as she pulled me into a warm embrace. "Yunnie, what"s wrong?" Jaeyoung asked me softly as I wept against her chest. I knew that if she still hadn"t recovered her memories, my actions would seem very weird. But I couldn"t take it anymore. I couldn"t continue living each day with the fear of one day losing her.
I knew I was the father – the husband, so I should be the one who"s strong. But the weight of my only sin was breaking me down. I had to tell her everything now and ask for her forgiveness else I would go crazy.
"Yunnie, what"s wrong?" Jaeyoung asked me once more, and I closed my eyes as I held her tighter. I could feel the movement of our baby against my abdomen, and it somehow gave me the courage I needed to confess. "Love, I lied to you," I said as I told her everything that happened years ago.
I felt her stiffen when I finished, and when she pulled back softly I couldn"t look at her in the eye. I was too ashamed. I couldn"t bear to see the disappointment in her eyes nor the anger upon learning that the husband she"d been living with had been lying to her all these years.
"Yunnie, look at me," she said softly, and when I didn"t, I felt her soft hands cup my face and lifted it so we could look at each other in the eye. Seeing her face after my confession, I was surprised to see nothing there – no anger, no resentment, no disappointment. The only thing I could see was the silent request behind her huge doe eyes for me to answer her questions truthfully which I vowed I would.
"Why did you tell me this now?" she asked and I sighed heavily.
"Ian is back. I know he wants you back." Pathetic as I was, I took her hands in mine and kissed them as I pleaded. "But I don"t want to give you back. I don"t want you to leave me."
My wife studied my face for several seconds with an unreadable expression and then…
And then she smiled.
The gentleness in her eyes somewhat calmed my aching spirit, and put a balm into my broken heart. Everything would be alright. I could see it on her face. She wouldn"t leave me. My family wouldn"t be destroyed, and my love would stay with me forever.
"I won"t leave you. I will never leave you," she said softly. Happiness overflowed in me and I pulled her into a tight embrace. I just couldn"t believe my luck. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I told her over and over again as I showered her face with kisses. We both laughed and cried at the same time with our silliness but we didn"t care. We were both so happy. Finally, with all the secrets out in the open, we could start anew, a clean slate where we would make lots and lots of new memories together…
~
The night was deep and the pregnant woman on the bed stirred as a rustling sound by the door awoke her. Jaeyoung frowned as she rolled her sleeping husband to the side so she could get up and walk across the room to open the door. "Mom?" the small child behind the door called out to her, and she smiled as she ushered him inside. "What"s the matter Binnie? You can"t sleep?"
Her young son nodded as he patted his stomach. "My tummy hurts."
"Oh?" Jaeyoung frowned as she made her son sit at the edge of the bed. "What did you eat today?" Her husband had taken their son out to the amus.e.m.e.nt park today, she knew. She wondered what Yunnie fed the little boy to make his stomach hurt.
"I ate pizza and ice cream," Moonbin answered and Jae"s eyes widened. "Pizza and ice cream?" She quickly turned to her sleeping husband as she made a mental note to scold him tomorrow. Sighing, she opened the bedside table drawer and took some medicine out. She gave Moonbin some sodium bicarbonate for his indigestion, and led him back to his own bedroom and stayed with him until the medicine took effect.
"Is your tummy okay now?" she asked, and her son nodded his head as he yawned. "Goodnight sweetie," she murmured as she gave her son a peck on the cheek and left the room.
Going back to their bedroom, she eased herself next to her husband, and studied his face. She knew that today had been a tough one for her husband, confessing to her like that.
But it wasn"t an excuse to feed Moonbin pizza and ice cream. Naughty daddy!
With a mischievous smile, she decided to give her husband his own medicine. After all, Jaeyoung had a little secret of her own to confess – a secret she"d been keeping for years, from that fateful day five years ago when she accidentally tripped and fell from the platform she was standing on as she was trying her wedding gown and hit her head on one of the chairs.
"Lee Yunho, wake up!" Jaeyoung playfully pulled at her husband"s nose making Yunho open his eyes groggily. "What"s wrong love? Do you want to eat?" he asked sleepily which made his wife chuckle. For the past months in her pregnancy, she had been waking her husband in the middle of the night to make him get food. This time however, she wasn"t craving for anything except to give her husband his just desserts. "Yunnie…" she called again and Yunho reluctantly sat up.
"What do you want me to get love?" Yunho asked as he scratched his sleepy eyes and Jaeyoung chuckled some more. "Nothing Yunnie. I just want to tell you that I didn"t have amnesia – well not since three days before our wedding. I married you with all my memories intact," she announced and watched in amus.e.m.e.nt as Yunho stopped scratching his eyes and turned to her wide-eyed. "What?"
"Nothing…" Jaeyoung answered sweetly as she turned her back on Yunho and pretended to sleep in spite her husband"s constant pestering.
No, she wouldn"t tell him yet that she had been hearing rumors about Ian"s transgressions long before the accident, and the reason why she went to the office that day years ago was to break it off with him.
No, Jae wouldn"t tell Yunho yet that as she was falling out of love with Ian, she was falling in love with his gentle cousin – and no, she wouldn"t yet tell her husband that after she had recovered her memories, she still went through the wedding because even before the accident, she had been wishing that it was Yunho she was marrying instead of her fiancé.
Also, she wouldn"t yet tell Yunho that today, when Ian showed up, Jaeyoung gave him a piece of her mind and told him to behave if he wanted to reconnect with his family.
"Love! Don"t sleep yet. Explain to me," Yunho pleaded but Jaeyoung ignored him. "Goodnight Yunnie..."