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Although Yan Ke had woken up from his coma, his body was still weak. Thus, he spent more time sleeping than being awake.
At night, he could always feel someone covering him with a quilt.
He was almost certain it was a man.
Because no lady would have that much strength to roll and toss him into the quilt.
After being ill and groggy for half a month, he finally got out of bed.
On such a rare, sunny day, Yan Ke stood up. Having recuperated for more than half a month, he could feel that his body had recovered a lot.
During this period of time, he had no lack of tonics and medicine, at least he had gotten some nourishment.
Therefore, Yan Ke, who was humiliated by Meng You’s letter, was now prepared to grab hold of Meng You with his own hands and have a good talk with him while the sun was still shining brightly.
“Where is the Crown Prince right now?” Yan Ke completely had no sense of direction, which was made even worse by the Prince’s residence where every corner looked the same.
He did not manage to find the so-called study even after wandering around lost for a while.
The maidservant answered, “Your Highness, the Crown Prince is waiting for you in the study.”
Yan Ke, “……”
Yan Ke asked, “Where is the study?”
The maidservant smiled, understanding that the Crown Princess who was new here was unable to find the study. Thus, she said, “This slave will lead you there.”
Yan Ke nodded his head. “Thanks.”
Just as Yan Ke reached the entrance of the study, he heard Meng You’s thunderous voice raging from within.
Meng You hollered, “I asked you to find a woman. Is that so hard?! I want someone who can put up a show! One who can act!!!!!! Who said I wanted this kind of commonplace woman? Don’t you know I’m being pushed to the point of forcing myself on someone?! How did I raise you fools?!”
Yan Ke, “……”
Looks like it was not the right time to talk about a divorce.
From the words of this hot-tempered Crown Prince, it was likely that he was not pleased with the woman his subordinate had found. It would be better not to enter and announce his presence; otherwise, Meng You might really force himself on him.
Just as Yan Ke was about to slip away, the inkstone that was grabbed and thrown by Meng You in anger and at random came hurling straight towards him.
Yan Ke widened his eyes and subconsciously retreated a few steps.
Buddy, are you for real? You cheat on me during the marriage, and you still want to silence me?!
The maidservant took a step forward and caught hold of the inkstone in a firm grip, moving and looking so natural as if nothing had happened. She smiled and asked Yan Ke, “Was the Crown Princess startled?”
Yan Ke, “……”
Yan Ke looked at the maidservant with astonishment, his mouth agape for a long time.
What the heck did he just saw?!
Before coming, he had learned a little about the history of the State of Yue. He knew that the State of Yue was a militant country. As long as there was a need, the men and women, young and old, could all step into the battlefield bearing their spears.
But, this was just too freaking scary, alright?!
Divorce, divorce, divorce. They must divorce!
If they don’t, Yan Ke felt it would no longer be a question of whether he could get by, but a question of whether he would die.
The maidservant looked at the inkstone in her hand, then looked in puzzlement at the Crown Princess who was stumbling away in an escape without saying a single word. She scratched her head uncertainly.
Thinking the Crown Princess might have misunderstood the Crown Prince, the maidservant stood outside the study and reported, “Your Highness, the Crown Princess was here earlier.”
Meng You was still fuming, but her words stunned him. “Did he hear it?”
The maidservant replied, “Yes. All of it.”
Meng You, “……”
Meng You scowled and glared at Tang Qi beside him. The man who had been feeding him all kind of rotten ideas to screw him over. The more he thought about it, the more infuriated he felt.
“Look for a woman in front of him, huh? Dispel his thoughts, huh? Find one like those amorous courtesans, huh?”
Tang Qi was drinking tea when Meng You’s words caused him to choke. Suppressing his laughter, he looked at Meng You.
Meng You continued, “As I’ve said, you are unreliable. What’s this about finding a woman! I wasn’t keen on this idea, but look at what happened now, I’ve been caught without even doing anything. I’m telling you, I’ve brought this invalid back to life with lots of cold, hard cash and rare medicinal herbs. If he attempts suicide because of this matter, I’ll hang you on the beam of the bridal chamber and make you pay with your life!”
Tang Qi tsked, “Please don’t, Your Highness. I’m not one who would covet my buddy’s wife.”1
“If you ask me, just accept your fate. You alone suffer, but thousands upon thousands of commoners from the State of Yue will be blessed. The people in the whole state will remember you for what you have done for this country.”
Meng You kicked Tang Qi in the a.s.s, showing him with action how unloved he was.
It took a while before Meng You came out of the study after Tang Qi had left.
He handed the letter in his hand to the Imperial Guard behind him. “Find a few literate men to copy a few hundred of them and paste them in the most conspicuous place on the city and palace walls. Put all your energy into pasting them!”
After Meng You had been sabotaged by Tang Qi for so many times, he had finally exhausted the last of his affection for this buddy.
So, he was going to count this new enmity together with the old one.
“Did he…… say anything?” After gloomily giving out a series of commands to put Tang Qi’s life and death affairs2 in order, he began to think of a way out for himself.
Yan Ke must not die. While Meng You would not touch him, this Yan Ke was always thinking about climbing onto his bed to consummate their union. Therefore, this misunderstanding should have dealt a big blow to Yan Ke. If he ended his own life, then all Meng You’s previous efforts would have come to naught!
What was wrong with him? He actually believed the words of Tang Qi that jerk!
“The Crown Princess apologized for the bother and left. He seemed afraid.” The maidservant carefully recalled Yan Ke’s response, trying not to miss any important details.
“Oh! Also, the ink slab that Your Highness threw out almost hit the Crown Princess. It’s likely the Crown Princess was shaken by that.”
Meng You, “……”
Meng You irritably swung his sleeves and prepared to look for Yan Ke to apologize and push all the blame onto Tang Qi.
“Geez, that boy Xiaowu applied for the day off again today, saying that something had cropped up with that person at home.”
Meng You listened to the voice that had suddenly rung out, but he paid no attention to it and continued to walk on.
“What’s the matter? He has been asking for leave more frequently lately. Share it with us so everyone can help and chip in.”
Meng You slowed his pace down. He had some impression of Xiaowu, a simpleton who had served at his residence for several years. Usually, this man did not dare to come to face to face with anyone. Even if something had really happened, he would also not dare to ask an influential person like Meng You for help.
“Isn’t this all about a man’s thing? This Xiaowu may be young, but he can’t do the deed. How can a newly married couple endure such loneliness? So while Xiaowu was working in the Crown Prince Residence, he heard that his wife was caught having an affair by Xiaowu’s mother. Now his mother is kicking up a racket calling for the adulterous pair to be drowned in a pig’s cage.”3
“Xiaowu seems to be strong and well-built, he actually has a problem in that aspect?”
“I know right?”
Meng You had now completely stopped in his tracks. He lowered his head slightly, looking at a certain part of himself.
An idea popped in his head that very instance.
What if—
If he told Yan Ke that he could not do it, then Yan Ke should have no more illusion about this matter, right?
When Meng You thought about it, his eyes lit up. He hurriedly headed towards Yan Ke’s chamber.
He knocked several times on the door.
“Don’t open the door. I just came to tell you, the truth is that I didn’t consummate the marriage because I can’t do it. I can’t do that. You know what I mean?”
Yan Ke, “……?”
What am I supposed to know?! Why tell me you can’t do it?!
“You should know. There’s a man in our residence by the name of Xiaowu. He can’t do it either.”
Yan Ke finally understood what Meng You meant. He felt as if he had swallowed a fly.
He howled in his heart, what’s the point of telling me you can’t do it?! It’s not like I’m going to be using your thing!
If you have an ailment, go and get it treated! Buddy!
Yan Ke said, “My condolences.”
Meng You nodded thoughtfully in the doorway. He utilized all the words he had heard from the conversation earlier. He said, “I may look young, strong and well-built, but I really have a problem in that aspect.”
Yan Ke, “……”
Meng You continued, “Look at Xiao Wu. He is tall and strong. But as soon as this man couldn’t do it, his wife took an illicit lover.”
Yan Ke could not help smiling when he heard this.
Poor Xiaowu, to have such a Master who goes around stabbing your sore spot while spreading word of it.
Meng You, “That’s all I’ve to say. Rest well.”
Yan Ke, “……”
Earlier on, after Yan Ke had seen the martial prowess of the maidservant in the Crown Prince’s residence, a thought had naturally formed in his head. He thought, just this servant alone is already so valiant, the Crown Prince is very likely to be the kind who can break a brick with his hands and smash a stone on his chest.4 As such, his desire for divorce had somewhat abated due to his fear.
However, just a while ago, that desire had begun to stir again. Not only did it re-emerge, it also rose to an unprecedented height.
This little d.i.c.khead5 should be – easy to fool, right?
At this thought, Yan Ke stopped Meng You, who had already walked into the courtyard. He began to play the emotional card.
Yan Ke said, “Your Highness, it’s not that I despise you for not being able to do that. I know how much of a sore point it is for a man to be unable to get it up. Don’t be too disheartened. To others, being unable to get it up is a dishonor. But for you, not being able to get it up is an honor! Think about it, how many Emperors have fallen into honey traps and have been destroyed by beautiful women since ancient times? In the future, you would not be faced with the dilemma to choose between the empire and the beauty, don’t you agree?”
Meng You, “……”
This was a bit over the top. Their personal issue had now turned into a national issue.
Yan Ke continued. “So, don’t mind it too much. In life, there are always gains and losses. I won’t mind.”
“Frustrated in love, smug on the battlefield. Here, Yan Ke wishes the Crown Prince victory and success.”
The corners of Meng You’s mouth curved into a smile. He had to say, this invalid can really sweet-talk.
Meng You replied, “Thank you for your well-wishes.”
Listening to his tone, Yan Ke felt as if Meng You was not going to lose his temper. Thus, he grabbed the opportunity and pulled out the ultimate topic that had been buried amidst the tangled mess of rainbow farts.6
Yan Ke continued, “Although you can’t do it, you should understand how thirsty a man can be, right? I really don’t detest you, but a man’s body and urges are not something I can control. What if I’m caught in the act in the brothel, it would not be good to make a cuckold out of the Crown Prince. So, we should still—”
Yan Ke had yet to finish his sentence when a dark-faced Meng You cut him off mid-sentence.
Meng You frowned, “Why can’t you understand? I said I can’t do it! Why do you still harbor the thought of consummation? How can I do it with you when I can’t do it?! You want to screw around, just go! I promise I won’t let anyone drown you in a pig cage like Xiaowu’s wife.”
Yan Ke, “……”
Yan Ke feebly covered his face. Is this the insurmountable communication gap between a person from ancient times and a person from the modern world?
You freaking talk to him about a divorce, he always thinks you are swaying your a.s.s asking to be banged.
The cool summer wind blew, clearing Meng You’s mind. He suddenly shivered, regretting everything now.
He was really irked to the point of sickness by Yan Ke’s incorrigibility!
Meng You glanced left and right, walked back towards the door, and lowered his voice, “How about this? When you fool around, try to be furtive. If you want to have a clandestine affair, then do it right. Don’t let others find out. Take it easy, understand?”
Yan Ke had lost all hope. “Okay.”
I fricking thank you for teaching me how to cheat on you!
Meng You, “I won’t divorce you. Don’t worry!”
Meng You’s heart stung when he said this.
He could not divorce him; at least a divorce was impossible while the State of Chu was still lording it over their heads. After all, his father’s imperial edict was displayed in the most prominent position in his study, reminding him at every single moment what this marriage alliance embodied.
It was precisely because of this that Meng You’s desire to defeat the State of Chu had never been as intense as it was now.
Yan Ke cried, “You really won’t consider it?”
I am really frigging worried alright!!!
◈ ◈ ◈ Bonus Scenario ◈ ◈ ◈
Meng You: I’m the Crown Prince of the State of Chu. I have literary talents, martial prowess, and ambitions!
Yan Ke: You can’t get it up.
Meng You: I’m 188cm (appx. 6’2), 18cm (appx. 7 inch).
Yan Ke: You can’t get it up.
Meng You: I’ll succeed to the throne in the future.
Yan Ke: You can’t get it up.
The Crown Prince threw the argumentative Crown Princess onto the bed……
Translator: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *Brings out the popcorn*
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Some Rights ReservedOriginal content here is published under these license terms: X License Type:Non-commercial, Attribution, no Derivative workLicense Summary:You may copy this content, and re-publish it in unmodified form for non-commercial purposes, provided you include an overt attribution to the author(s). You are not permitted to create derivative works.License URL:FootnotesFrom the idiom 朋友之妻不可欺, one should not covet one’s friend’s wife; keep a distance from buddies’ wives.身前身后事, refers to matters during one’s lifetime and after one’s death. (It’s insinuating here that Meng You is preparing for Tang Qi’s death LOL)It was customary in the old days for a person or couple caught for committing adultery to be put into a pig’s cage and drowned in the river.掌劈砖头胸口碎大石; Basically saying he’s formidable and fearless; strong enough to break a brick with his bare hands and tough enough to endure smashing a stone on his chest.沙雕 literally sand sculpture, but in net lingo is used as 傻屌, which means d.i.c.khead, f.u.c.ktard, etc.彩虹屁, literally rainbow fart, or bulls.h.i.t in this case LOL. Used to describe someone so enamored of a person (e.g., fans of an idol) that even that person’s fart (nonsense) would be seen and treated as a rainbow (gold)’