None of the reasons I"d given myself while she was gone was adding up any longer, not in the face of things as they are now.
I thought she"d left me for someone else. There was no sign of that. I thought she"d left for her career, because she knew that as my wife I wouldn"t have let her travel for her job, not without me.
None of it made sense. She"d left me to live in squalor, have my child out of wedlock, deal with her illness on her own for a while, all while barely making ends meet financially as far as I could tell.
I don"t like f.u.c.king puzzles, especially not ones that are missing some of the pieces, and this s.h.i.+t had a big gaping hole in its f.u.c.kery.
Or I could just be suffering from wishful thinking. Having her here these last few weeks, spending my nights buried inside her, was probably clouding my judgment.
I felt myself slipping and caught myself just in time before I fell off that ledge again. With one last look I turned my back on her and went to sleep.
My last thought before I slipped into slumber was that I needed to keep my wits about me. I need to remember what she was and that the only reason I was even giving her the time of day was because of Mia.
Somehow it didn"t seem to have the same effect as it had in the past. I was still left wondering.
That night I dreamt of us, the way things had been. In the dream she kept trying to tell me something but whenever I drew near to hear, she would pull farther and farther away from me.
Then I was standing over a bridge, watching her and Mia on the other side, as the gulf grew wider and wider and I couldn"t reach them.
Chapter 13.
In the morning, I left the bed more confused than ever. How could this be happening to me again? Wasn"t I smart enough to know better, could I really be this f.u.c.king stupid?
I was so turned around I got dressed and headed for the office without saying a word to her.
I called the hospital to check on Mia and was told she was still resting peacefully, which is what I expected, since the medicine tended to make her sleep a lot.
I hated like h.e.l.l not being there, but I needed some time to clear my head, and besides it"d be better if I went later when she was awake. I wasn"t quite sure how to deal with her mother right now.
I got a lot done though while I was there. There was enough to keep me occupied so I had less time to think about the night before.
I realize that she was acting out of desperation, but there was still the way she responded to me, not just last night, but every time I touched her in the last few weeks.
It was almost as if the time apart had never happened and we"d just picked up where we left off.
It made no sense, and only served to confuse me even farther about her reasons for leaving the way she did.
How could a woman respond so completely to a man she hated? And if it wasn"t hate of me that sent her running, then what?
It wasn"t another man, and if it had been he hadn"t stuck around for long obviously, so what the h.e.l.l happened?
When I couldn"t put it off any longer I left the office and headed for the hospital.
I still didn"t have any answers, but the lines were getting blurry; if I were being honest I would have to admit that the girl that had left me hadn"t changed, except for being the mother of my child.
Everything else about her seemed to be the same, at least my heart thought so. My head wasn"t playing that f.u.c.king game though.
As soon as my feet touched the hospital floor all the worry that I"d been able to stave off all day came back full force.
"Daddy." Her loud, cheerful greeting helped to ease some of the anxiety, but the dark circles under her eyes still worried me.
I put on a brave face as I walked over to the bed to pick her up. My eyes met her mother"s over her shoulder, and her face went up in flames. I guess she was no doubt remembering and regretting last night.
I sat on the chair next to the bed with Mia in my lap and listened to what she"d done that day and how she couldn"t wait to go home.
"And guess what daddy; I met Lisa and guess what daddy, she has a pony..." Her voice trailed off and she looked up at me coyly as I tried to hide my smile.
Typical female, she was using her wiles on me to get her way. "Oh she does, does she? Hmm, I wonder if she was a very good girl to get that pony.
Like maybe she ate all her veggies without a fuss, or she took her medicine without complaining." She scrunched up her nose at that one, making me grin.
"No daddy, it"s because she"s a princess like me, that"s why her daddy got her one. And guess what daddy. I told her my daddy was going to get me one too. So are you daddy?"
"Nicely done, reel me in and then trap me. We"ll see about the pony, I have to go see your doctor for a minute okay, then I"ll be right back to read you a story."
Kissing her cheek I got up and put her back to bed. "Daddy you didn"t say hi to mommy." There was such hope in her little eyes when she said that, as she looked up at me expectantly.
"You"re right I didn"t." I looked over at her mother who was sitting on the side of the bed looking anywhere but at me. Leaning over, I kissed her forehead before turning away for the door.
The doctor didn"t have anything to give me except the same old rea.s.surance. Apparently running high fevers and getting sick was part and parcel with her sickness and they were doing all that they could.
All day I have been fighting the impatience that was now riding me hard. It will take nine months for the baby to be born before anything can be done.
That"s a whole year of her suffering while I stand by helplessly. There was nothing else I could do, I know, I"ve checked.
An old anger reared its head brought on no doubt by my frustration. Not only at the medical h.e.l.l I was in, but also because of the doubts I was having concerning Zania and her reasons for defection.
Had she not walked out on me, this could"ve been avoided.
When we left the hospital that evening after she fell asleep for the night, I was in a foul mood. All the old anger just rose up inside me out of nowhere and I know it showed.
"I"ll see you back at the house." I left her to ride in the back of the car that was there to take her and Mia anywhere they needed to go if I was away or too busy, but also doubled as my eyes and ears.
This way she couldn"t pull a fast one on me like before, and disappear. I would say that no sane woman in her right mind would try something like that at a time like this, with the child being so ill; but I don"t trust her and history has taught me that I don"t know her. I"m not taking any chances.
I sped through the streets to home, with my anger growing. I know it was fear for my daughter more than anything else that was making me feel this way, but that didn"t stop it from happening.
I was back to blaming her for all of it. If she hadn"t ran maybe Mia would never have gotten sick, or if she"d stayed and our baby got sick we would"ve caught it in time and got her the help she needed.
By the time I pulled up to the house I was a raging lunatic. I heard the car coming down the driveway minutes later and had the fleeting thought that this woman was about to step foot in a house with a madman and no one knew it.
I grabbed her as soon as she came through the door and without a word dragged her to the master suite. She knew the deal; there was no need for words.
I"m not quite sure why my anger morphed into this need to bury myself between her thighs, but it had.
Now all I could think about was getting inside her and pounding out this unwanted l.u.s.t, and the anger and frustration that had been riding me hard for the last few hours.
"Get this off." I heard something tear as I wrestled with the top she wore, until her chest was bare.
It was short work pulling her bra down her arms and releasing her t.i.ts, which I sucked into my mouth as she struggled with my belt and I the zipper on her jeans.
When we were both bare, or had all the pertinent parts free, I lifted her with her legs around my a.s.s and f.u.c.ked into her hard.
She screamed and tried to pull off my d.i.c.k but I wasn"t about to let that happen. "Cord."
"Shut up, just shut the f.u.c.k up." I didn"t even take her down to the bed, just stood next to it with her impaled on my c.o.c.k and used my hands on her a.s.s to pull her on and off my d.i.c.k, hard.
How was it possible for my d.i.c.k to be this hard for a woman I detested? There was a war going on inside of me, a battle between hate and necessity.
She softened around my c.o.c.k, her p.u.s.s.y juice running onto my thighs. I pulled her head back and looked down at her. "You like that don"t you, like having me inside you again."
She bit her lip and tried to turn her face away but I held it still. "Oh no you don"t, look at me. Whatever else, your body still wants me, you can pretend all you want this doesn"t lie." With that I slammed into her hard enough to topple us both over onto the bed.
I lifted her legs higher so that I could f.u.c.k into her as hard and deep as I wanted. I needed to exorcise this s.h.i.+t out of me, once and for all.
I lost myself in my thrusts. All I wanted was the heat of her around my c.o.c.k. I didn"t want to think, didn"t want to feel, I just wanted to f.u.c.k and breed.
Pretty soon she let her inhibitions drop, which is the norm every time I put her beneath me.
Her nails sc.r.a.ped down my back as she lifted into my pounding. The bed shook and squeaked with each hard thrust, as we grunted and groaned like two wild animals.
I held her head still so that I could look into her eyes while I f.u.c.ked into her, and fought not to give in to the feelings that were getting harder and harder to ignore.
It was true; there was still something there for her. I hated her even more because of it. "Ouch."
The thoughts in my head had me biting into her neck, marking her the way I use to, but I bit her too hard. I wanted to consume her in that moment.
I couldn"t seem to help myself this time, and she wasn"t f.u.c.king helping either with the way she was throwing her c.u.n.t back at me.
"Get on your knees." I pulled out and sucked her nipple into my mouth while I plunged my fingers inside her wet p.u.s.s.y.
"Ahhhh." Those sounds of pleasure were getting harder and harder for her to hide, and they only worked to fuel my l.u.s.t for her.
She got up on her hands and knees and I buried my face in her p.u.s.s.y from behind, licking deep into her for the first time.
That f.u.c.king taste, how could it be the same? And how can I remember it so well?
I ate at her p.u.s.s.y until she came and my mouth hurt.
Kneeling behind her, I ran my c.o.c.k up and down her weeping slit, hitting her c.l.i.t on each downward swing.
"c.o.c.k your a.s.s for me; yeah that"s it." I opened her p.u.s.s.y with my thumbs and watched her juices seep out of her.
My c.o.c.k bobbed in the air before I took it into my hand and led it to her waiting p.u.s.s.y.
"Cord..." I f.u.c.ked her too hard and she screeched, but I covered her mouth with my hand and kept f.u.c.king until I thought I would f.u.c.k right through to her back.
"Take my c.o.c.k like a big girl." That was something I use to say to her in the past. She always had trouble taking my whole length, and this time has been no different.
That was part of the problem; nothing had changed. It was still my p.u.s.s.y, the one that I had awakened, and if what she had intimated was true, no one else had ever taken what"s mine. So then why? What the f.u.c.k had happened?
The anger kept my c.o.c.k hard for a very long time, so that she was crying out for soreness, while I was just hitting my stride.
I flipped her onto her back and spread her legs wide, lifting them at her ankles. With her spread out for my pleasure, I lowered my head to her p.u.s.s.y once again.
Tonight was the first time I"d put my mouth on her, I think I knew that the die had been cast when I stuck my tongue in her p.u.s.s.y for the second time that night.
Her taste was just as I remembered, sweet, hot and spicy. I couldn"t hold back the growl that escaped me as I feasted on her p.u.s.s.y.
I wrung three climaxes out of her before I"d got my fill of her p.u.s.s.y juice, and dropping her legs, climbed up her body.
I grabbed her head and brought her lips to my c.o.c.k. This too was something we had forsaken in the last few weeks.
I"d taught her how to please me with her mouth before. "Let"s see if you remember." She looked up at me with l.u.s.t burning in her eyes.
Her tongue came out and teased my c.o.c.k slit as she held my eyes with hers like the siren that she was.
I used my grip on her hair to force my c.o.c.k down her throat and break the spell. She gagged but remembered to relax her throat and breathe.
"Throat me." She swallowed and took a few more inches into her warm mouth, sending me into her throat.
I used slow easy strokes to throat f.u.c.k her, holding her head in place with a tight grip on her hair.
"I"m not c.u.mming in your mouth let go." I had to wrestle my d.i.c.k away from her, reminding me that she loves to suck my c.o.c.k.
I brushed aside the wayward thought of whether or not she"d shared the same with someone else, as I slid back into her waiting p.u.s.s.y.
I still didn"t give into the one last intimacy left. I refused to take her mouth even as she looked at me pleadingly.
"No." I didn"t say anything more, but the sudden tears in her eyes told me that she got it. I was tempted, if only to erase that look of hurt from her face, but I still couldn"t bring myself to do it.
For the rest of the night I stayed inside her as we both tried to outrun the s.h.i.+t that was going on around us.
If I wasn"t turning to her, she was the one doing the reaching. We were two confused individuals in a f.u.c.ked up situation on doubt about it.
I just wanted it all to be done and over with, wanted the mystery solved and things to go back to being on an even keel.