"No."
"As quickly as that? You don"t even have to think about it?"
He didn"t answer.
After a moment she said, "It must be nice to always be right. You obviously get a lot of satisfaction from that. I"ve been wrong lots of times, but then you already know that. Tell me something. What"s it like never to make a mistake? What is it like to know there isn"t one single thing you"re ashamed of?"
Louise didn"t wait for an answer. Instead she went into the house and closed the door behind her.
Jordan stood alone in the cold. Somewhere out there was his half sister. He didn"t know anything about her, and she didn"t know anything about him. She didn"t know that she was a Haynes, and that was a lucky break for her.
He tried to imagine what she would look like. She must be - he did some quick calculations - twenty-eight. Only a couple years younger than Kyle. They had a little sister. He hoped she"d had a better life growing up than the Haynes brothers. He hoped there had been parents who had cared about her.
He held on to the porch railing and wondered what he was supposed to do now. After the New Year, Louise would leave. She probably expected him to tell his brothers all he knew, but he wouldn"t. It was her secret to keep or give away. He didn"t care what she did as long as she got the h.e.l.l out of his life.
Holly stared into the darkness, but sleep would not come.
She glanced at the clock. It was after midnight. Finally she gave up and threw back the covers.
The corner of the blanket hit Mistletoe"s b.u.t.t, and the cat murmured a sleepy protest. Holly petted her in apology, then pulled on her robe and slippers. If she couldn"t sleep, maybe some milk or an hour of pacing would help.
She crossed the room and opened the door, then stepped into the hallway. The house was silent, a contrast to the noisy thoughts swirling through her brain. It had been wrong of her to listen to Jordan"s conversation with Louise, but she hadn"t been able to help herself. She"d been heading upstairs when Jordan had told Louise to stay the h.e.l.l out of his life. Holly had climbed to the top of the stairs, then sunk down on the landing and eavesdropped. She"d heard everything, except whatever they"d said when they went outside.
She didn"t know what to think. At last Jordan"s anger made sense. He"d been sixteen when he"d found out the housekeeper had had an affair with his father, and that the affair had led to the birth of a child.
A baby. Holly pulled her robe tightly around her and hugged her arms to her chest. Fierce longing filled her. It was probably the result of the afternoon spent with Jordan"s sisters-in-law, all of whom had children.
When Holly reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw a light coming from the study where Jordan slept. She hesitated, not wanting to intrude but wondering if he was in pain from his strenuous day.
She crossed through the library, then stopped at the open door to the study. Jordan was sitting up in bed. He was holding a book but staring off into s.p.a.ce rather than at the pages. He didn"t notice her at first, and she took the opportunity to study him.
He wore sweats, and the loose-fitting clothing merely hinted at the strength concealed beneath the soft fabric. Lines of tension straightened his mouth. Undiluted pain filled his eyes.
"Jordan?"
He glanced up at her. Instantly his expression shuttered.
A second before, she"d been able to read his soul; now she didn"t even know what he was thinking. She recalled Rebecca"s claims that Jordan was a loner, always on the outside looking in. For the first time she believed that might be true.
"You"re up late," he said, putting the book on the bed.
"I couldn"t sleep." She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her robe. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
He turned his dark stare on her. "Why wouldn"t I be?" He was a cool stranger, and that frightened her.
"You were gone a long time today, and I was concerned you might have overdone things physically. Are you in pain?"
He closed his eyes briefly. "No."
She wondered if she should leave or risk staying. The cowardly part of her said running wasn"t a bad idea, but her compa.s.sionate nature won out. She settled on the overstuffed chair next to the bed.
There wasn"t an easy way to say it, so she just blurted it out. "I was standing on the stairs. I heard everything."
He opened his eyes, but he didn"t look at her. Instead, he stared at a place behind her left shoulder. Not a single twitch of a muscle gave his thoughts away.
"Jordan?"
"It doesn"t matter," he said. "It was a long time ago."
"Of course it matters. There are so many unresolved issues. I"m sorry you had to carry this around for so long. It must have been hard for you."
He didn"t respond.
She drew in a slow breath. "You know, it"s not all Louise"s fault."
He grimaced. "Being female, you would take her side."
"That has nothing to do with anything."
"If it"s not her fault, then whose fault is it?"
"Louise deserves some of the blame, just not all of it."
"How convenient of you to take care of a.s.signing blame," he said sarcastically. "Why don"t you divide it all up, then let me know how much is mine, how much hers and how much belongs to everyone else? After all, you are such an expert on relationships."
His words pelted her like sharp stones. She felt the individual blows, even though she would bear no physical scars. This Jordan was hard and ugly. She didn"t like him or trust him. But she still cared about him, so she stayed in her seat.
As if he read her mind, he looked at her and gave her a weak smile. "Sorry. I don"t mean to be such a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. There"s a lot going on, and it"s tough to talk about. You can"t understand this situation, Holly. You"re too innocent."
"As innocent as Louise was when this first happened to her?"
The smile faded. "One point for your side."
She felt his pain and tried to ignore her own. "Jordan, this isn"t about points, or winning and losing. It"s about life. You"ve got to come to grips with this. Not for Louise, but for yourself."
"You don"t know what the h.e.l.l you"re talking about. If she"d just slept with the old man, I could have understood that. He was a first-cla.s.s b.a.s.t.a.r.d, and he would have enjoyed seducing schoolgirls. I doubt Louise was the first or the last. But that"s not all she did. She should have just stayed away. Instead, she had to come back. She returned to town and destroyed my family."
His rage was a tangible creature, living and breathing in the room with them. Holly gathered her courage. "It sounds to me like your family was destroyed long before Louise came back to town."
"We had problems. Everyone does. But if she hadn"t come back, my mother wouldn"t have left. Now Louise is here, in everybody"s lives. I hate that. Every time I turn around, she"s at another family function."
"She"s not hurting anyone. She takes good care of the family. What"s wrong with that?"
"She"s playing us for fools."
"No." Holly leaned forward and clasped her hands together. "She cares about everyone in the family, even you. She loves the children."