4. New "Fors," on new varieties of young ladies.
5. Two new numbers of "Our Fathers," on Brunehaut, and Bertha her niece, and St. Augustine and St. Benedict.
6. Index and epilogue to four Oxford lectures.
7. Report and account of St. George"s Guild.
And I"ve had to turn everything out of every shelf in the house, for mildew and moths.
And I want to paint a little bank of strawberry leaves.
And I"ve to get a year"s dead sticks out of the wood, and see to the new oat field on the moor, and prepare lectures for October!
I"m _so_ idle. I look at the hills out of bed, and at the pictures off the sofa. Let us _both_ be useless beings; let us be b.u.t.terflies, gra.s.shoppers, lambs, larks, anything for an easy life. I"m quite horrified to see, now that these two have come back, what a lot of books I"ve written, and how cruel I"ve been to myself and everybody else who ever has to read them. I"m too sleepy to finish this note.
_13th June._
I do not know when I have received, or how I _could_ receive so great an encouragement in all my work, as I do in hearing that you, after all your long love and watchfulness of flowers, have yet gained pleasure and insight from "Proserpina" as to leaf structure. The examples you send me are indeed admirable. Can you tell me the exact name of the plant, that I may quote it?
Yes, and the weather also is a great blessing to me--so lovely this morning.
I"m getting steadily better, and breathing the sunshine a little again in soul and lips. But I always feel so naughty after having had morning prayers, and that the whole house is a sort of little Bethel that I"ve no business in.
I"m reading history of early saints too, for my Amiens book, and feel that I ought to be scratched, or starved, or boiled, or something unpleasant, and I don"t know if I"m a saint or a sinner in the least, in mediaeval language. How did saints feel themselves, I wonder, about their saintship?
It is _such_ a joy to hear that you enjoy anything of mine, and a double joy to have your sympathy in my love of those Italians. How I wish there were more like you! What a happy world it would be if a quarter of the people in it cared a quarter as much as you and I do, for what is good and true:
That Nativity _is_ the deepest of all. It is by the master of Botticelli, you know; and whatever is most sweet and tender in Botticelli he owes to Lippi.
But, do you know, I quite forget about Cordelia, and where I said it!
please keep it till I come. I hope to be across to see you to-morrow.
They"ve been doing photographs of me again, and I"m an orang-outang as usual, and am in despair. I thought with my beard I was beginning to be just the least bit nice to look at. I would give up half my books for a new profile.
What a lovely day since twelve o"clock! I never saw the lake sh.o.r.e more heavenly.
I am very thankful that you like this "St. Mark"s" so much, and do not feel as if I had lost power of mind. I think the illness has told on me more in laziness than foolishness. I feel as if there was as much _in_ me as ever, but it is too much trouble to say it. And I find myself reconciled to staying in bed of a morning to a quite woeful extent. I have not been affected so much by melancholy, being very thankful to be still alive, and to be able to give pleasure to some people.
You have greatly helped me by this dear little note. And the bread"s all right, brown again, and I"m ready for asparagus of any stoutness, there! Are you content! But my new asparagus is quite _visible_ this year, though how much would be wanted for a dish I don"t venture to count, but must be congratulated on its definitely stalky appearance.
I was over the water this morning on school committee. How bad I have been to let those poor children be tormented as they are all this time! I"m going to try and stop all the spelling and counting and catechising, and teach them only--to watch and pray.
The oranges make me think I"m in a castle in Spain!
Your letters always warm me a little, not with laughing, but with the soft glow of life, for I live mostly with "la mort dans l"ame." (It is curious that the French, whom one thinks of as slight and frivolous, have this true and deep expression for the forms of sorrow that kill, as opposed to those that discipline and strengthen.) And your words and thoughts just soften and warm like west wind.
It is nice being able to please you with what I"m writing, and that you can tell people I"m not so horrid.
Here"s the "Fors" you saw the proof of, but _this_ isn"t quite right yet.
The w.i.l.l.y[44] quotations are very delightful. Do you know that naughty "Cowley" at all? There"s all kind of honey and strawberries in him.
It is bitter cold here these last days. I don"t stir out, but must this afternoon. I"ve to go out to dinner and work at the Arundel Society. And if you only knew what was in my thoughts you would be _so_ sorry for me, that I can"t tell you.
[Footnote 44: Shakespeare.]
CORPUS CHRISTI COLLEGE, OXFORD.
What a sad little letter! written in that returned darkness. How can _you_ ever be sad, looking forward to eternal life with all whom you love, and G.o.d over all?
It is only so far as I lose hold of that hope, that anything is ever a trial to me. But I can"t think how I"m to get on in a world with no Venice in it.
You were quite right in thinking I would have nothing to do with lawyers. Not one of them shall ever have so much as a crooked sixpence of mine, to save him from being hanged, or to save the Lakes from being filled up. But I really hope there may be feeling enough in Parliament to do a right thing without being deafened with lawyers"
slang.
I have never thanked you for the snowdrops. They bloomed here beautifully for four days. Then I had to leave them to go and lecture in London. It was nice to see them, but my whole mind is set on finding whether there is a country where the flowers do not fade. Else there is no spring for me. People liked the lecture, and so many more wanted to come than could get in, that I had to promise to give another.
Here"s your little note first of all. And if you only knew how my wristbands are plaguing me you"d be very sorry. They"re too much starched, and _would_ come down like mittens; and now I"ve turned them up, they"re just like two horrid china cups upside down, inside my coat, and I"m afraid to write for fear of breaking them. And I"ve a week"s work on the table, to be done before one o"clock, on pain of uproar from my friends, execution from my enemies, reproach from my lovers, triumph from my haters, despair of Joanie, and--what from Susie? I"ve had such a bad night, too; woke at half-past three and have done a day"s work since then--composing my lecture for March, and thinking what"s to become of a G.o.dson of mine whose----
Well, never mind. I needn"t give _you_ the trouble, poor little Susie, of thinking too.
I"m going to Oxford to-day (D.V.), really quite well, and rather merry. I went to the circus with my new pet, and saw lovely riding and ball play; and my pet said the only drawback to it all, was that she couldn"t sit on both sides of me. And then I went home to tea with her, and gave mamma, who is Evangelical, a beautiful lecture on the piety of dramatic entertainments, which made her laugh whether she would or no; and then I had my Christmas dinner in advance with Joanie and Arfie and Stacy Marks, and his wife and two pretty daughters, and I had six kisses--two for Christmas, two for New Year"s Day, and two for Twelfth Night--and everybody was in the best humor with everybody else. And now my room is ankle deep in unanswered letters, mostly on business, and I"m going to shovel them up and tie them in a parcel labeled "Needing particular attention;" and then that will be put into a cupboard in Oxford, and I shall feel that everything"s been done in a business-like way.
That badger"s beautiful. I don"t think there"s any need for such beasts as _that_ to turn Christians.
I am indeed most thankful you are well again, though I never looked on that deafness very seriously; but if you _like_ hearing watches tick, and boots creak, and plates clatter, so be it to you, for many and many a year to come. I think I should _so_ like to be deaf, mostly, not expected to answer anybody in society, never startled by a bang, never tortured by a railroad whistle, never hearing the nasty cicadas in Italy, nor a child cry, nor an owl. Nothing but a nice whisper into my ear, by a pretty girl. Ah well, I"m very glad I can chatter to you with my weak voice, to my heart"s content; and you must come and see me soon now. All that you say of "Proserpina" is joyful to me. What a Susie you are, drawing like that! and I"m sure you know Latin better than I do.