She acted like she didn"t notice, and didn"t really care if he was following, either. She went inside and paused by the entrance to the kitchen. "I"m going to make myself a big salad for dinner, and there"s stuff in the freezer you can have, if you want. But I need to do my exercises before I eat. I didn"t expect you this early." That was it? She says she"s not hurt, when he knows d.a.m.n well something"s wrong, and they go on like nothing happened? Hardly! "We need to talk about this."
"About what?" Her voice was brittle and she wouldn"t look him in the eye. "Your joke falling flat"s no big deal. And I already realized that I was kind of over-the-top last night. You meant to do me a favor, and that was nice of you." She managed a pained smile. "It"s just that Neal and I go round and round on this thing all the time." She took a step backwards. Another couple steps, and she"d be to the back hall and would disappear on him.
He had to stop her. "We have to talk about our relationship."
That stopped her, all right. Him, too. What craziness possessed him to say those words? She snorted.
"Isn"t that my line? Only I"m not about to say it, because we have no relationship. What we have is short-term and for s.e.x - pretty simple, if you ask me." Two more quick steps backward. "I"ll probably be about an hour, but go ahead and eat, if you"re hungry."
With that, she left.
Nik didn"t even try to meditate. Simply knowing that someone else was in the house would make it difficult. After that weird encounter with Bill, it would be impossible.
He wanted her to realize she couldn"t have it both ways? Hadn"t he been listening when she told him about fibro? Didn"t he see that her whole life was geared around what she could or couldn"t do?
Well, she"d overreacted yesterday. He hadn"t really been treating her like an invalid, and it was actually sweet that he cared enough about her to bother with the leaves.
Caring - well, that was a bit strong. It likely didn"t enter into the equation at all. He"d undoubtedly thought she"d be grateful to him for taking out the leaves - sufficiently grateful that she"d let him stay the night. She bet he"d had his trusty leather bag in the car, ready for action. No wonder he showed up early tonight.
She slacked off a bit on the bike riding, figuring she"d need the energy later, but was extra-diligent about her stretching. After a quick shower, she changed into the slightly gauzy purple caftan she liked so much and went to find Bill.
He was in the kitchen, and from the looks of it, he"d been there a while. He glanced up from the cutting board and smiled. "Dinner"s almost ready. You said salad, so that"s what I"m making."
"I didn"t mean for you to cook."
He shrugged. "I had time, and I know you don"t particularly like it." Just then, her kitchen timer went off, and he headed toward the stove. "The m.u.f.fins ought to be done now."
"m.u.f.fins?" Her mouth started watering.
"Just perfect," he said and reached into the oven. "I found a corn m.u.f.fin mix, so I figured they"re something you can eat."
Dinner was delightful. He"d found some chicken b.r.e.a.s.t.s in the freezer, cooked them with herbs and other seasonings, and sliced them into julienne strips. The result was moist and flavorful, and when topped with the wonderful dressing he made with plain yogurt as its base, their meal was nothing like the dull salads she made for herself. "You"re a really good cook," she said as she finished the last bite. "Did you learn from your mom?"
If she hadn"t happened to be watching his face, she wouldn"t have noticed the pause before he laughed.
"No way. She"s a terrible cook. I taught myself - to impress women."
She was fairly sure he tossed in the last comment to increase the distance between them. She didn"t mind.
Distance was good.
Thinking they had a relationship to talk about - now, that would be dangerous.
Bill was half-asleep when he heard Nik"s voice. "I guess you really were kidding."
"About what?" he mumbled, trying to focus past the fog in his brain.
"About all of it - not just the late supper and the dancing, but the no sleeping part, too." Hesitantly, she added, "And not that I didn"t enjoy it or anything, but you didn"t make me scream, either."
The fog vanished. That was the one part of his plans she hadn"t explicitly said no to, he now realized.
"You wanted me to do that?"
She shifted her head in what could be interpreted as either a shrug or a nod. "It"s okay. I figured you were joking. I mean, s.e.x is great, but I don"t react off-the-wall like that."
Making love to a woman until she screamed for release wasn"t something he"d done often. When he had, his curiosity was what had prompted him - wondering if he could do it and what it would be like. He"d discovered that he could, in fact, do it, but that it took an incredible amount of energy and self- control.
Two minutes ago he would have sworn he was too exhausted to even contemplate exerting himself that much. No more! He laughed softly. "You"ll scream tonight, Nikolia."
She did. But the thing that surprised him was his reaction. He didn"t end up drained physically yet feeling cheated, like he had the other times.
He was energized - he"d almost say inspired - by the beauty of her unleashed s.e.xuality.
And he"d never felt that close to another human being.
One moment, Nik was asleep, and the next, she was completely awake. No fuzzy half-dreaming thoughts, no foggy mental processes that felt like swimming through jello.
She had the sense she"d slept for hours, yet she doubted that. She wouldn"t be so clear-headed now if she had. She opened her eyes, hoping she"d be able to see the clock without moving. Moving was always painful after being asleep.
She couldn"t see the clock, but the room was light. Well, not exactly light, but after all, her room-darkening shades were almost all the way down. Judging by the light filtering into the room, it had to be morning!
She braced herself for what she thought of as breaking the ice - moving for the first time in a while. Her body stiffened up while she slept, and it would protest every tiny movement.
Except it didn"t. She could roll over with amazing ease - so much that she didn"t believe it, and rolledback over the other way. Still, she had little pain. Had she been magically healed?
"You"re awake," Bill said with a smile. "I wondered if you were going to sleep all day."
"What time is it?" She"d been so surprised at the lack of stiffness that she hadn"t remembered to look at the clock.
"A little after nine. I think you"ve been asleep since midnight."
Normally, she"d argue. She never slept that long at one time, and the only time she got nine hours sleep in an entire night was when she took one of the heavy-duty pain pills that knocked her out. But she felt so good this morning that the impossible just might be true. "That"s pretty amazing."
"You"re pretty amazing." He slipped an arm around her waist and grinned when she shifted closer. "You screamed last night."
The memory made little shocks go off inside her body. "I know." Another thing she would have said was impossible. "It was unbelievable." Was it proper to thank him? "I know it had to be a lot of work -"
He stopped her with a finger on her lips. "Oh, it was. I had to touch your body, over and over, and listen to your soft sweet moans of pleasure, and feel your body and soul melt into one. And then, I had to drive you just that little bit farther, until your entire being imploded and became the universe." He grinned again.
"It was horribly hard work, and I hated every minute of it." He slid his finger across her mouth, making her realize how badly she wanted to feel his mouth on hers. "Anytime you want a repeat, just let me know."
He kissed her then, slowly and thoroughly, and it was close to noon before she bothered to check the time for herself.
The weekend was going great, but Bill felt unexpectedly edgy and not quite satisfied. Any minute now, Nik would head off into her little hideaway, and he"d be left to his own devices.
Not that he minded that in general. It was good for each of them to have time alone to take care of personal stuff. He could go to the athletic club for a workout and do a little shopping for dinner tonight.
He"d managed to find something in her kitchen to make last night, but the pickings would be slim for tonight.
The thing was that he didn"t want a workout, and the only kind of shopping trip that appealed was one where Nik was with him. They could go to that half-natural half-gourmet grocery that had opened recently. They"d wander the aisles together, trying samples, laughing at the bizarre choices the store offered, and come out with enough food to feed them both for a week instead of one night.
He looked at her eating plain yogurt across the table from him, and he couldn"t stand it any longer. "Let"s go shopping this afternoon."
She stared at him as though he"d lost his mind. "Shopping?"
"Yeah. Have you been to that new place in Raleigh Hills yet? I"ve heard they"ve got great food, lots of fresh produce and everything. We can get stuff for dinner."
Her face cleared of confusion. "Oh, don"t worry about dinner. I thought we could go out for seafood tonight - my treat." "But you don"t usually go out for dinner."
"No, but I ate healthily all week, and I feel good today. If I"m kind of careful what I order, I"ll be fine."
"Oh." He should be happy. Eating out was something he never tired of - undoubtedly because it had been unheard-of his entire childhood. He forced himself to sound enthusiastic. "That"s great, then. Maybe we can do this shopping thing next weekend."
Nik looked as though he was suggesting a trip to the dentist. "Maybe. But I don"t usually bother with all the fancy stores and so on. I just run into one of the neighborhood places on the way home from work or while I"m out doing errands."
Exactly. That"s why going to this special store would be fun. It would have different choices of foods and the produce would be fresher. Plus, they"d be together, and that had to make it better.
Except maybe it wouldn"t make it better for her. She"d said that all they had was s.e.x. She didn"t really think that, did she? "Nik -"
Her laugh interrupted him. "Nik, not Nikolia? I thought you had a complex against calling me by my regular name."
Geez. Why did she have to pick now to ha.s.sle him about that? "I just think Nikolia"s a beautiful name."
He also liked having a private name for her, but he wasn"t about to admit that right now.
His momentum was shot. Maybe he shouldn"t say anything. She was wrong about them, but she"d figure it out eventually.
But no. He made a point of being upfront with women, and this was certainly important enough to talk about. "You said yesterday that we don"t have a relationship, that it"s all about s.e.x. I think you"re wrong."
She smiled and opened her mouth to respond, then snapped it shut and stared at him. Eventually she asked, "You"re serious about that, aren"t you?"
"Sure." This was great. He"d explain how different it was being with her, and then she wouldn"t be afraid to admit it was different being with him, too.
But then she gave him that look - the look that was the equivalent of being patted on the head, except there was a whole bunch of scorn mixed in. "We"ve got chemistry, Bill, I"ll grant you that. But a relationship"s a whole lot more than chemistry. It"s what keeps two people together and trying to work things out, even when the chemistry"s all messed up."
He wanted to listen to her words. He knew they meant something, and that if he understood them, he could argue against them and convince her.
But her voice wouldn"t let him. She was lecturing, not talking. He knew that meant that she thought she was hot s.h.i.t, and that he was just plain s.h.i.t.
That was the tone of voice that had prompted him to get into bar fights a few times, despite his hatred of violence.
As though placating a child, she added, "What we"ve got is great, Bill. It"s not a relationship, but that"s fine with me. I"m not looking for anything long-term, and neither are you."
"The h.e.l.l I"m not!" He stormed out the front door and drove away before he realized what he"d said.
CHAPTER TEN.
Nik opened and drained the cans of beans that would serve as the protein in this week"s soup. She dumped them into the pot where the vegetables she"d chopped earlier were already simmering, and stirred. It smelled good!
Most Sundays, she made soup using canned or frozen veggies, and often a mix for the base. Anything to get done with the job quickly. But the meals that Bill had prepared made her rethink her easy-is-better philosophy. Maybe if she devoted a little more time and interest to cooking, eating a healthy dinner wouldn"t be quite as depressing an idea.
She was relieved that Bill had stomped out yesterday afternoon and never returned. Really. This thing they"d been having was destined to end sometime, and sooner was safer than later. It had been marginally less dangerous before Thursday. Back then, Bill"d been just as careful as she was to stay away from the word "relationship". Now, he was wielding it like a club.
She had two theories about his sudden weirdness on the subject. First and most likely was the idea that he was playing games with her, that he wanted her to buy into the whole relationship deal and would then shy away. That would fit in with the bizarre scene in her garage on Friday. It didn"t fit in with what she"d heard about his usual behavior with women, though. He didn"t typically twist reality to give himself an excuse to drop someone. He just stopped calling - plain and simple, albeit a bit brutal.
The other theory was that he was basically sincere, and completely clueless. From all reports, he"d been with her longer than most women, not even counting when they"d known each other in college. So maybe he"d never gotten involved with anyone before on an other than purely s.e.xual level. Because of her fibro, they"d talked a fair amount about issues that weren"t common date-talk. He"d seemed to be quite sympathetic and to want to spare her pain. Maybe he was interpreting that as something it wasn"t.
Or more likely, maybe he didn"t have the slightest idea of how a relationship would work. He probably a.s.sumed that any interaction with a woman that wasn"t s.e.xual meant they were having a relationship.
In any case, it was over now, and she was relieved. She was also rather selfishly glad that it hadn"t ended before Friday night. She"d remember that night for the rest of her life - the night when she discovered that love scenes in books weren"t all make-believe.
That was the negative to having it over, of course. No more nights like that - not that her body could take the strain very often, but she wouldn"t mind having the problem of rationing out such mind-blowing s.e.x.
She had to admit she"d miss having Bill around for more than the s.e.x. He"d been great in the kitchen, and it had been fun not to be alone all the time.
But it had also been habit-forming, and she was lucky to be spared an addiction she"d eventually have to quit cold- turkey.
By Sunday afternoon, Bill had realized the truth. He shouldn"t have walked out on Nik yesterday. He should have stayed right there and explained how he felt. He shouldn"t have let her att.i.tude make him bolt.
So he drove right back to her house and rang the doorbell. She tensed when she saw him. "Oh. You"rehere for your things." She took a step back from the door and let him in. "They"re -" She waved her right hand in the direction of the bedroom, looking embarra.s.sed. "I just left everything where it was. I didn"t - I mean, it"s your stuff." She backed completely away from the door and stepped into the kitchen. "Take as much time as you need."
He guessed this was her version of a nice civilized breakup, with no ripping up of his possessions or throwing them onto the front lawn. Except they weren"t breaking up. He followed her into the kitchen.
"I"m here to talk."
"There"s no need," she said, her back to him, stirring a pot of soup. "I"m not mad or anything. In fact, I"m kind of relieved to have it over." She was? She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Not that it wasn"t great. And I"m glad I found out what a nice guy you are."
Nice guy? Scott was a nice guy - not Bill! And what a way for her to sum up their relationship! Nothing about the ecstasy they"d shared, just that he was nice. But she didn"t intend it as a slam, so he ignored it.
"So if it was great and I"m such a super guy, why is it over?"
She turned back to her soup and stirred some more. "Because either you"re playing games with me or you"re looking for something way more than I am."