He glanced up to see her watching him. Her blue eyes were wide and clear, her fear as palpable as his own.
Well, Damian thought, at least they were in this together. "I love you, Micki Jordan."
She just stared at him for a moment and then murmured barely above a whisper, "I love you, too." She blinked and a tear fell. "But..."
With that one little word, his stomach cramped like crazy. "But what?"
"You"re coming off a situation you can"t even begin to have dealt with and when you do, you have a life waiting. A life by your own admission that you love. You don"t want to be tied down. You don"t need a woman who wants more from you than you"re capable of giving. And I"m not going to put myself through the h.e.l.l of letting you go twice." She jumped up from her cross-legged position and stood, unraveling Noodle"s leash.
That she"d just up and leave panicked him because she seemed so serious, he didn"t know if he"d ever get her back. "My own words coming back to bite me," he muttered. "I"ve changed. The situation with the baby? It made me reevaluate what I want out of life. What I want beyond baseball. I want you."
"You got used to having me around," she countered. "Big difference" She bent down and hooked the dog"s leash to his collar, giving Damian a clear view down her shirt to her softly rounded cleavage.
His groin hardened at the sight. Micki tempted him like no other woman ever had and for the first time in his life he knew even forever wouldn"t be enough time to spend with her. Or inside her.
Once she pulled the dog to her side, he rose beside her. "Don"t you think I know the difference?"
"In time you will. Right now you"re confused and I don"t want to have invested more of myself only to have you finally come to see I was right." She scooped the dog into her arms where he happily settled in. "You don"t need me anymore, so just go back to living your life. Enjoy your freedom. You got lucky, now act like it." She trembled, giving him hope that this mindset would change once she believed his words. Believed in him.
Maybe it was just too fast, Damian thought. Maybe she needed time. "Before you go, want to know what I felt when I discovered the baby wasn"t mine? Once the reality set in?"
"What?" she whispered.
"Disappointed." Of course he"d had to have the reasons spelled out for him, but d.a.m.ned if he wasn"t one hundred percent certain they made perfect sense.
Micki blinked. "You wanted Carole"s baby to be yours?" she asked in disbelief.
He stepped closer. "I wanted a baby to be mine. I want your baby."
She opened her mouth, then closed it again, obviously at a loss for words.
But he wasn"t. He still had plenty more to say. "So don"t tell me I don"t need you anymore. I do. But I"ve figured out where your head is at. You"re not used to being needed in a non-professional way and that scares you."
"Meaning?" She squeezed the dog closer to her chest and she yelped. Micki loosened her grip.
"Birth order. We"re both the spoiled youngest children. You"re so used to being taken care of, you don"t know how to handle us now. And I"m not a shrink but I"d guess there"s something going on with you being one of the guys. It"s always been an easy excuse for you to hide from being yourself."
She shook her head. "What do you know? Like you said, you aren"t a shrink." "Well maybe I should be because I have you pegged right. If you can consider yourself one of the guys, you have a perfect excuse if a relationship fails." He drew a deep breath, realizing how much was on the line right now and how easily he could blow things. "We won"t fail, Micki. Unless you don"t ever give us a try."
The sun beat down overhead, his heart hammered inside his chest and he broke into a sweat waiting for her to reply.
"It"s yourself you need to know better," she tossed back. "As soon as you get over the letdown of building yourself up to be a father, you"ll realize how lucky you are to be free. And you"ll thank me for not throwing myself into your arms now." Tears flowed profusely down her face and she made no attempt to wipe them away.
He shoved his hands into his front jeans pockets because that was the only way he wouldn"t reach out for her. "You"re dead wrong. I"ve already looked inside myself and come to terms with my future, so if anyone needs to get to know themselves better, it"s you." He started to walk away, then turned back to face her. "And by the way, I won"t be thanking you for this anytime soon."
As defeat and loss settled on Damian"s shoulders, he wondered if Yank would fare any better with Lola.
ONE WEEK LATER, Damian realized he"d been had. Yank had come home from rehab and begun short days at work. Damian knew because together they were planning his retirement announcement and future plans, but the older man had avoided any talk about his personal life at all.
Damian banged on Yank"s office door and walked inside. "You screwed me, old man."
Yank scowled, looking completely affronted by the accusation. "I did no such thing."
Damian c.o.c.ked his head to one side. "Are you telling me that you did lay your heart on the line for Lola?"
He glanced down. "Not yet."
"Mind telling me what you"re waiting for? Because misery loves company and since Micki turned me down, I figure it"s your turn. After all, we had a deal."
Yank coughed and looked away. "Did I tell you how good it is to be home?"
Rolling his eyes, Damian sat himself in the chair across from Yank"s desk. "You"re not overdoing it, are you?". He shook his head. "The girls wouldn"t let me."
"How about Lola?"
Yank groaned. "You aren"t going to give this up, are you?"
"Nope." "Micki"s a stubborn one," Yank said. "Just like Lola."
"No kidding" Damian couldn"t believe he"d bared his soul to the woman he loved and despite her claim that she felt the same way, she"d rejected him anyway. He"d barely slept since that day in the park. "I suppose I deserved the kick in the a.s.s though. I mean all those years of being so arrogant with women. It was my way or no way. Sleep with me, no strings attached and be grateful or take a hike. It never mattered to me." He rose and strode to the window overlooking the city.
"It matters to you now," Yank said, stating the obvious.
Damian nodded. "With retirement looming, what I want out of life seems more important than ever." Every time he said the word retirement, dizziness a.s.saulted him, but he had to admit, he was beginning to accept the inevitable.
"We"ve got some strong interest from cable and satellite stations in having you as commentator. I think I can get them into a bidding war with GMA."
Damian inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled. "Funny thing is, I" m not as worried as I thought I"d be about that part of things. I trust you and I have enough faith in. my ability to pull something off. Anything to keep myself busy," he said and forced a laugh. "It"s not the professional stuff that"s getting to me. It"s the personal."
Suddenly Yank rose and slowly came up beside him, leaning heavily on his walker as he moved.
"I didn"t realize you were walking so well," Damian said.
"If I wanted to get out of that h.e.l.lhole, I had to work for it."
Damian nodded.
"Micki was always the lost one," Yank said, the topic of conversation catching Damian off guard.
But now that the older man had opened up, Damian wanted to know more and Yank seemed more than willing to talk.
"Annabelle was the oldest and she understood if I didn"t take them, social services would split "em up. So she became the peacemaker, the one who made sure her sisters behaved, not that they ever did," he said, chuckling at the memory. "But she took it on her little shoulders to try. She was serious and the little mother, following behind Lola and making sure everything was just so."
Damian smiled at the vision.
"Then there was Sophie. She was always hardest to figure out. She"d escape reality with her nose in a book all the time. In some ways it made her the easiest because she had all the answers even before I knew there were questions." "And Micki?" Damian asked. .
A smile curved the man"s mouth into a smile. "Always had a soft spot for her "cause she told it like it was and was never afraid of my bl.u.s.ter. She walked up to me that first day and called me a pig. Then she told me to call her Micki instead of Mich.e.l.le. Didn"t sit well with her sisters, that much I can tell you."
Damian met Yank"s gaze. "I didn"t realize her name was Mich.e.l.le," he said, surprised.
"I don"t believe anyone has called her that since the day I took the girls in. She just looked me in the eye and became my little Micki. But she missed out on the girlie stuff her sisters enjoyed and they never thought to include her since she seemed to like sports so much more."
With a groan, Damian leaned against the window-sill, exhausted from no sleep and overwhelmed with the desire to understand what he could do to fix things between himself and Micki. a.s.suming there was something left to fix.
"So she considered herself one of the guys?"
"And I never did anything to discourage it."
"I"m sure the guys she"s dated have dispelled that notion " he said, his gut cramping at the thought of another man"s hands anywhere on Micki"s body, never mind another man actually making love to her. He knew he wasn"t the first but he d.a.m.n well wanted to be the last.
"Not too many guys that I know of. A jacka.s.s or two wanted an in with me. Another couple she dated but if you ask me they were pansies, not worthy of my niece." Yank shook his head. "I shouldn"t be telling you any of this. It feels like I"m betraying her."
Damian laid a hand on the other man"s shoulder. "You"re giving me insight that might help. I"d slit my throat before I"d use it against her," he promised.
Yank nodded, seemingly satisfied. "End result is she"s confident in business and one h.e.l.l of an athlete, but her self-esteem in the female department leaves something to be desired. It wasn"t till just recently that she started to make an effort to look more... womanly. Even a blind man like me could see she was tryin" hard."
"She never had to try with me. I knew from the first time we ki--I mean from the first time we met, that she was special," he said, watching his words this time. He opted for specialover hot number since Damian didn"t need Yank coming after him with his walker.
"I knew that. She saw the real you, too. She knew you were more than the idiot ladies" man you pretended to be." Yank ran a hand over his straggly beard. "But if I know my Micki, she"s only thinking about the kind of women you spent time with before her and she thinks she can"t compete." "She can"t," Damian said, slamming his good hand against the window.
"Watch it, wise guy. You bust the other hand and n.o.body"s gonna help you wipe your --"
"I get the picture." Damian cut the older-man off, suppressing a laugh. "But I"m serious. Micki can"t compete against those women because she"s head and shoulders above them."
Yank pulled him into a hug with one arm, hanging on to the walker with the other hand. "Good luck convincing her of that," Yank said. "Because the one thing Micki learned from me beside sports is stubbornness and once that girl makes up her mind, changing it is some kind of difficult."
Damian glanced heavenward. "Thank you for that advice," he said, sarcastically.
Yank grinned. "My pleasure. Oh and if it makes you feel any better, I didn"t screw you. I just wanted to be livin" on my own again before I asked Lola to accept me and my problems back into her life."
Damian could respect and understand the man"s position. "I hope you make out better than I did."
"You got a game plan for the future?" Yank asked him.
Damian spread his hands wide before him. "Completely open and in Micki"s hands." Too bad she wasn"t returning calls or e-mails, not even in the guise of business.
Micki found it too easy to ignore his overtures so Damian was now using the silent treatment. If she didn"t mind being ignored, he was out of options and heading back to the island.
Alone this time.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
YANK-HATED THE WALKER. He hated not being able to see everything clearly. But he hated being without Lola more. Maybe he"d had to be kicked in the b.u.t.t a ridiculous number of times and let decades go by before he was ready to see what was in front of him all along. "But dammit I"m seeing it now!"
"Excuse me, sir?" The new security guard who rode the elevator in the Atkins building asked.
"Nothin". Seventh floor, please" Yank said to the man.
He"d been out of rehab for over a week and now that he was managing to get along, thanks to his driver and walker, he was out of excuses for avoiding his fate. A series of consecutive beeps let Yank know when he"d arrived on the right floor, as did the sound of the doors sliding open.
"We"re here," the guard said.
Yank maneuvered his way out, walker first. He could make out shadows enough to see where he was going and he also knew Spencer"s office s.p.a.ce well enough to manage on his own.
"Mr. Morgan!" The receptionist at the main desk jumped up from her seat. "We weren"t expecting you."
"Good. I like the element of surprise. I want to see Lola."
"She"s in her office. Should I tell her you"re here or do you prefer the element of surprise there, too?"
"You can tell her I"m coming to talk to her and to clear anyone else out of there."
"Yes, sir." The woman picked up the phone while Yank slowly headed to Lola"s small room off Spencer"s office.
He knew by the familiar perfume that she was waiting for him in the doorway. She"d used the same scent or something similar since the day they"d met. He smelled it in his dreams, Yank thought.
"I can"t believe you"re up and around," Lola said.
"Yeah. Time flies when you"re havin" fun."
"Well you certainly used the time to get yourself healthy."
He nodded. "I didn"t have anything else to do except rehab and think."
"Come on in." She stepped back so he could walk into the office.
He had no choice except to allow her to help him into a chair. He ought to get used to it, he thought and clenched his jaw.
"So what brings you by?" She lowered herself into the seat next to him.
Surrounded by her scent, a warm familiar feeling and unmistakable arousal kicked in. "You"re really gonna make me spell it out for you?" he asked, annoyed she couldn"t understand that this visit was his way of making a major statement.
She jumped to her feet. "I" m too busy for games so if you have nothing to say, you can leave now."
Yank groaned. "Okay, okay, cool your jets and sit down. Please," he added, afraid she wouldn"t even give him a chance. He wasn"t sure but he thought she narrowed her eyes and glared at him. He certainly could sense steely anger emanating from her in waves. Didn"t the woman know how hard this was?
But then how hard had he made her life all this time? He"d thought about this long and hard and he hadn"t come to her empty-handed.
Yank reached into his pocket and wrapped his hand around a jewelry box. He"d gone shopping alone, not wanting to involve the girls. He hadn"t wanted to get their hopes up nor had he wanted to face their pity if Lola turned him down.
Lola slowly eased herself into a seat again, watching Yank warily. She"d known him too long to jump to any conclusions. Just because she"d given him an ultimatum again didn"t mean he"d come around. After all, she"d tried once before and she was still working with Spencer and not Yank.