A place she wasn"t able to be. Working with the aliens re- quired thought. And Beth worked hard at losing thought and memory while she did her job.
Before she could do anything about the Minaran, though, a summons came from Roddy. The summons was merely a beep inside her neural net. She had screamed so when they at- tached the simple system that the doctors were afraid to try anything more complex. Roddy hated the fact that he had to direct her in person, but she refused to let anyone ever again mess inside her mind.
His office was two levels down from her room. She hated it. She hadn"t recognized the design when she first saw it, al- most a decade before, but then she had done some research.
GLa.s.s WALLS 143.
Roddy had chosen nineteenth-century retro, Victorian period, England. His office smelled of tobacco and liquor, both sub- stances now banned in large- intergalactic areas like the hotel (unless some guest requested them for his pleasure). Rich reds and dark woods covered the walls and carpet. The furniture was heavy, so heavy that Beth wondered how it met regula- tion. Roddy"s stiff suits and mutlonchop whiskers looked nat- ural here, as did his distaste for her and the others like her.
"We had a request from Amphib," he said, his back to her.
Steam rose from a cup on his desk, and she recognized black tea, as difficult to get as the peppermint stuff he usually drank. "I"ve forgotten. Do you swim?"
He hadn"t forgotten at alt. He just liked to toy with her. She wouldn"t give him the satisfaction of emotion in her answer.
"Yes, sir."
"Good." He turned. Between his fingers, he held a pipe, unlit, of course. His gaze was cold. "We wouldn"t want you to drown, like Tina did last year. We can"t afford more scan- dals like mat."
"Good swimmers can drown in only a few inches of water if they get knocked unconscious," Beth said. Keeping her tone flat had become more difficult. Tina had taught her how lo swim when she first came to the hotel almost a decade be- fore. Careless s.e.x, violence, or some kind of accident had caused Tina to die.
"I suppose." Roddy leaned against a shelf filled with an- tique books. "We had a request from a Ratoid. It seems it heard about our interspecies service from a satisfied friend. I have a vid in the next room if you want to see how it"s done among consenting Ratoids-"
She shook her head. She had discovered that information vids often interfered with her flow, her opportunity to do her work. "What room?"
He handed her a card with a floor plan and a duplicate of the print which would open the Ratoid"s lock. "In all fair- ness," he said, "I should let you know that Ratoids achieve o.r.g.a.s.m underwater. I trust you can hold your breath for long periods of time?"
Beth bit back a response-she usually held her breath the entire time she was in his office-and s.n.a.t.c.hed the card from his hand.
144 Kfisiine Kathryn Rusch She worked her way through the maze of levels. At least the Amphibs were close to the human quarters. The atmo- sphere, oxygen levels, and room design weren"t all that differ- ent. The various amphibs from a number of worlds required a pool instead of a bathroom. They had adjusted to beds and sofas and other human comforts.
Finally, she climbed up a flight of rough-hewn stairs and pushed open a door. The air that greeted her was thick with humidity and smelled faintly of stagnant water. The Amphib section had several kinds of water pools-stagnant, spring- fed, salt.w.a.ter, acidic, and freshwater. Some Amphibs did well with chemical water treatments- Others died.
She pushed back her hair with one hand and paused in front of the door. Stagnant water. Yuck. Then she took a deep breath and reached to the part of her mind where the Dancers lived.
Dancers-long flowing bodies that looked as if they danced instead of walked. Wide eyes, a faint tang, and a chirp. No memories, none at all, just instinct and free-flowing emotion- Affection, warmth, curiosity, and touch. She still re- membered their touch, rubbery and soft at the same time. She had wanted to be a Dancer when she was young. Now she be- came one each time she walked through a guest"s door- Inside, large creature, beautiful creature with jeweled skin.
Not jeweled. Water dappled. Air smells fetid. Stagnant water.
Her skin tingles, wondering how it will feel pressed up against the creature"s. It speaks-a rumble she does not understand. She steps forward, rubs her hand on its jeweled skin, feeling water, feeling coolness, feeling slime. Her entire body heats. The crea- ture pulls away her clothes, and together they dive into the green algae, floating on the surface of the pool ...
iv And when she came to herself, she was standing on the rough-hewn steps, her clothing carelessly wrapped around her.
She smelled rank-decayed water and something else, some- thing even more foul. Her body felt heavy, tired, used, like it always did when these things ended. She lifted a hand, and found it coated with black slime. A shudder ran through her, and she ran the remaining distance to her apartment.
A beep echoed inside her net. Roddy. He wanted to see her GLa.s.s WALLS 145.
humiliation. Odd he could think after al! these years she could still be humiliated. Odd that she could. So many of the others shut off their skins as if their brains had been developed with an on-off switch. Hers must have malfunctioned. She always came to herself frightened and disgusted.
Her apartment door opened and she let herself inside, discard- ing her clothing, climbing into the tiny bathing cubicle, and set- ting the water temperature near scalding. Washing didn"t make the feeling go away, but it did give her some of her dignity back. She never could remember what happened, but that never changed her feeling mat what did happen was wrong.
The beep echoed again. She put on a different outfit and checked herself in the tiny mirror. No trace of the Ratoid re- mained.
On the surface.
She was about to let herself out when the door swung open.
Roddy stood there, hands on his hips. "I"ve been summoning you," he said.
"I Just finished. I was coming."
"You finished almost an hour ago."
He was watching, then. She wondered how many times he watched, and how it made him feel. It made her feel even more used.
"I don"t know what couldn"t wait until I got cleaned up."
"The Ratoid wants you back, later. It is bringing in a number of guests, and wants you for entertainment."
She couldn"t suppress the shudder. The last time she had par- tic.i.p.ated in an interspecies orgy, she had nearly died. Roddy knew that He knew how she feared another encounter- Maybe he was still punishing her for glancing at the Minaran. Or maybe he wanted her to know how much he resented the inter- action with Candice, earlier.
"It"s against regulations to perform with an alien twice in one day." She put one hand on the undecorated wall to anchor herself.
"You are in too much trouble to quote regulations to me."
His jaw was set, his mouth in a sideways line. She didn"t like the way his eyes glittered.
"The regulations protect the hotel." She kept her voice soft, but the muscles in her arm tensed. "Too many humans died 146 Kristine Kathryn Rusch from repeat contact. Sometimes the alien touch is tike a slow- acting poison. I remember when Steve died-"
"I had the autodoc check out the Ratoids," Roddy said.
"You"ll be fine."
"No." Bern felt dizzy. She had never stood up to Roddy before-to anyone before. She wondered if the Minaran swimming in its little tank felt the same trapped anger that she felt so dangerously close to the surface. "No," she said again.
"This kind of action will allow me to hold your contract forever."
"That gives me a lot of incentive to work harder," she said, and pushed her way into the hall. The air felt cooler there.
She strode toward the lobby, not looking back. She had no plan, no idea in mind. She just had to walk.
It wasn"t until she stopped in front of the Minaran that she realized she had had a plan after all. It swam up to her, exam- ined her for a moment, then swam away and climbed up on the rocks, its back to her. She wanted to tell it she knew how it felt, trapped in there, on display, with no one to love it, no one to hold it, no one to understand its dreams-and its night- mares.
"Pretty, isn"t it?"
The voice was soft, deep and human. Beth turned and looked up into the face of an older woman. Her hair had been painted in small geometric squares of black and silver, and her skin in complementary shades of brown and cream. She wore a rich purple dress that accented the bizarre geometry that some thought fashion.
"You brought it here." Beth made herself look away. The Minaran had hunched into itself, as if it were frightened of the woman.
a.s.sumptions. Human a.s.sumptions. Something the hotel warned them never to make.
"I figured this would be a good place to find it a home."
Her voice had the warmth of an Amphib sauna, but her sil- very eyes glistened with chill. Beth saw, over the woman"s shoulder, Roddy gesturing at her frantically. She ignored him.
"Wasn"t it at home on Minar?"
The woman laughed. "So sweet and amusing." She tucked GLa.s.s WALLS 147.
a strand of hair behind Beth"s ear. Beth shuddered. "I thought you were the one that liked touch."
Beth stiffened. This was a guest. She couldn"t contradict a guest. "I"m off duty," she said.
The woman"s eyes twinkled for the first time. "I thought staff never went off duty." Her smile grew wider. "Would you like to please my little Minaran there? It looks quite lonely."
Inside the cage? Trapped behind invisible walls? Beth pushed away, trying not to be rude, but her entire body had started to shake. She bobbed her head once, and walked away, turning her back on Roddy, whose face had turned purple with anger.
V.
In her dream, she dived into the Minaran"s tank. The water was cool against her skin. The creature rubbed its furry face against her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, seeking comfort, seeking milk. She pushed it away. She wanted friendship, but not touch.
She hated touch.
She swam underwater to the rock in the center of the pool.
Then her fingers gripped the hard surface and she pulled her- self up. Artificial sunlight caressed her body, warmed her, comforted her as she hadn"t been comforted since she left Bountiful.
Except for John. Hands tentative, gaze soft. They hadn"t known what they were doing. But the Lunar Base psycholog- ical staff had. They burst into the room, pulled two lonely teenagers apart and kept them separate forever. Since then, she had never touched another human being in love.
The Minaran pushed its face against her arm. Its muzzle was wet, brown eyes liquid. It chirped at her. then dived back under the water. When it rose again, it was on the other side of the rock. Its loneliness radiated from it. The round eyes looked sad.
She rolled over on her stomach, covering herself as best she could. The Minaran used its fins to pull itself on the rock and cuddle next to her. She tried to push it away-it was too human, too cute. She didn"t want touch, didn"t want touch, didn"t want- Beth woke up, heart pounding, skin crawling. She put her head between her knees, made herself take deep breaths. Ever 148 Krisfine Kafhryn Rusch since she saw the Minaran, the nightmares were coming thick and fast. Opening a little door that would best remain closed.
Trapped. The little creature was trapped. No being deserved to be imprisoned, bartered, and sold. No being. No one- Not even her.
She eased the bed toward the ground so that she could climb off. Then she stood barefoot on the cold floor, hugging herself as she stared at the four bare walls surrounding her.
VI.
The next morning, she made her way into the docks. Willis was there, working in a small cubicle, head bent over a small screen. When he saw her, he grinned and waved. She made herself wave back.
"Going to take me up on it?" he asked, voice jaunty, eyes filled with too much hope.
Beth made the smile stay on her face. "Someday," she said.
Usually she felt nothing when she spoke to him. This mom- ing she felt a bit sad.
The large docking bay was over cool. Goose b.u.mps rose on her arms. Marks from hundreds of shuttles covered the floor, and the bay doors had dents in them from accidents missing the path. Through the double protection windows, she could see a dozen ships...o...b..ting around the hotel.
"Knew it wasn"t my charm," he said, careful not to touch her. Willis had tried to touch her once years ago, and she had screamed so loudly that Security arrived. They both got de- merits for that incident. "What can I do for you?"
"Your office," she said, and made herself put her hand on the small of his back. His face flushed, but he still didn"t touch her back. He had offered to buy her contract from the hotel, indenture her to him, and then throw the contract away once they were in s.p.a.ce-no strings. Only they both knew that he wanted her love forever, and she had no love to give.
A soft female voice echoed in the bay. "Next arrival in thirty-six minutes. Next arrival ..."
Willis closed the door on the sound. Beth reached up and shut off the interhotel corn. Willis"s flush left his skin and he tamped back something, probably willing his net to stop mon- itoring the conversation.
GLa.s.s WALLS 149.
She hoped it worked. His net was twenty times more so- phisticated than hers.
**Can you get a message off the hotel for me?" she asked.
He started, then sat down. "I didn"t know you knew anyone away from here."
She shrugged, unwilling to implicate him more than she had to. She handed him a small chip encased in plastic. It had taken her more than two hours to put the package together and to hide her steps. "Instructions are on here," she said.
"Could you do it once you"re out of hotel range?"
"Not leaving with me?" he asked, a little too seriously- "After this," she said, "I"m probably not leaving at all."
VII.
Every morning after that, she stood at the edge of the lobby, watching the Minaran swim. Its fur had grown coa.r.s.er, and its eyes less bright. Its energy was flagging, and she be- gan to wonder if she had taken action in time.
Sometimes, as she stood there, Candice came up beside her and stood, too. They never spoke, but Beth felt as if Candice wanted her to say something, to reconsider her decision.
Roddy would catch Beth standing there and a few minutes later her net would beep, summoning her to darker and smel- lier parts of the hotel. She went, but came to herself with un- usual bruises and once, a limp on her left side.
And she didn"t see the woman again, not until the day the In- tergalactic Police showed up at the hotel. They had used the Se- curity entrance, and tripped no alarms, used no buzzers. One minute the lobby was empty, the next it swarmed with uni- formed creatures-most investigating the cubicle holding the Minaran.
Beth inched her way into the lobby and stood off to one side, knowing that she looked shoddy and hurt. Roddy was nowhere around, but Candice buzzed into the room, all effi- ciency and smiles. Only her shaking hands betrayed her fears.
"Officers?" Candice said, her voice carrying, warning the staff to keep the guests away.
A burly man grabbed a computer clip from a four-armed humanoid and approached Candice.
150 Kristine Kathryn Rusch "Ma"am. I need to see the manager on duty or the highest person in charge of the hotel."
"Right now, that"s me," she said. "The others are sleeping or attending a conference off surface. Would you like me to contact-"
"No." His voice boomed in the small area. The Minaran had stopped swimming, and had retreated to its rock. Beth wished she could do the same. "I came to inform you that you and your hotel arc in violation of Galactic Code 1.675: kidnapping, im- prisonment, and trafficking of an endangered species."
"The Minaran?" Candice asked. She turned toward the cu- bicle. Beth could see her struggle for control.
"We"re also looking for a human, Candice Arrowsmith."
Candice straightened. "I"m Candice Arrowsmith."