He rose quickly and handed her a towel, and she took it without a word; the cut itself seemed beneath her notice.
"I want to apologize," she said at last, looking down at b.l.o.o.d.y bread without dismay. "But to do that, I have to explain. Sometimes I know things, Teller."
He waited.
"I just know them. I can"t predict what I"ll know, or when, or even how-but when I know something, it"s true."
He nodded.
"I knew you would be there. We were on the way to the Common in the snow. We were playing in it," she added, and her eyes seemed to look beyond the wall, as if it were a window. "And then I-I knew I had to go. To you, to where you were. I knew what you were looking for. I knew you weren"t dressed for the cold. You don"t have Winter clothing, do you?" She paused when he became motionless. "Not clothing that fits," she added.
He shook his head.
She nodded. "But I didn"t know that your mother would die. Only that she was dead. I"m sorry," she whispered.
He understood what she was apologizing for. "You didn"t kill her," he said as gently as possible. Older than his years, as his mother had often said.
"No. But I couldn"t save her, and if I could-" she held out her palms almost helplessly, one wound in towel. "You would still have a mother. You wouldn"t have to be here."
"You"re apologizing because my mother died?"
"No. Because I couldn"t see that in time. Only you."
"Jay-"
"That"s all," she added. "I wanted to tell you I"m sorry."
It never occurred to him-then or later-to doubt her. To doubt what she said about her ability to see, or to doubt her regret. He stood, pushing the chair to one side. But he didn"t touch her; he had noticed that no one did.
"My mother would have liked you," he told her. "She would have been happy I met you. She would have told you to think about the things you did well, not the things you couldn"t do anything about."
"She would?"
He nodded. "It"s what she used to tell me." And stopped. The silence stretched out between them. "I was afraid," he said, seeing now through the same wall that Jewel gazed beyond. "That I would never see her again. I was afraid that the world had ended."
She said, "I knew when my father would die."
"I"m sorry."
"It was horrible. The worst thing in my life. Even worse than being right." She had begun to knead the towel that bound her cut hand as if it were part of her flesh and she sought to remake it.
He still didn"t touch her. But he came to stand closer, to stand within touching distance. "I don"t think I want your gift," he said at last. "But if it didn"t exist, I think-I think I would be dead. In the snow."
"But you"d be with your mother. At least that"s what my mother believed. And my father."
"I"m not ready to be with her yet." Hard to say the words, but in saying them, he found comfort, and not guilt.
"Good," she told him firmly, "because I"m not ready to lose you." She added, turning away, "I feel as if I know you, or have always known you. Or will always know you. I can"t see the future-not all of it, and not when I want to. But I know that you"re part of it, that you have to be part of it. That"s why I ran," she added. "That"s why you"re here."
Only at night did he cry. At night, in a room full of strangers pressed together on the floor. His mother had always gone out when the sun began to set, dressed in what had seemed at first finery, and in the end just pieces of cloth st.i.tched together in such a way that meant she was leaving; as it grew darker, as the sounds of the streets quieted and changed, he was on his own, when all words, good or ill, didn"t matter. The walls had listened, and the G.o.ds, but neither interfered.
Here, they slept, or pretended to sleep, these strangers and Jay, and no one asked him questions, no one offered him any comfort except the pretence of ignorance. That, and their presence, their silent acceptance. Even their understanding: they were all orphans, in this place. All they had was each other. This was the only privacy the den would ever offer, and he accepted it, as he accepted all else.
In this fashion, Teller began the journey toward home.
Duster, to no one"s surprise, was good with knives. She could even throw them and actually hit the large wooden target that Rath had set up in the boys" room. It hadn"t been their room to begin with; he had used it for training. And he had been at his most unkind during those sessions, his voice rising and falling like a dog"s bark or growl.
He asked Jewel, Carver, Arann, and Duster to join him there; the others, he said, wouldn"t fit, and he would see to them later. But Jewel knew he was lying; she didn"t call him on it. Rath always had reasons for what he did.
Rath gave them long sticks; longer than short knives, but shorter than swords. They were heavy, too-heavier, Jewel thought, than wood had any right to be. He carried a stick of the same size, and he had height and reach as an advantage.
"Not fair," Jewel told him curtly, when her wrist had taken its third sharp slap, and she could feel the bruises beginning to form.
"There is no fair in a fight like this," he snapped. "You go out into the streets and tell the roving dens they"re not being fair, and if you"re lucky, they"ll only laugh."
Duster had sneered at Jewel"s comment, but not at Rath, and Jewel noted that this was the first time she treated Rath with anything approaching respect. Because it was clear-even to Jewel-that Rath was good. Better, she knew, than she herself would ever be. But maybe not better than Duster.
Arann got clouted on wrist, shoulder, and the side of the head; he was big, but almost ambling, and he did not strike hard when he chose to try. Rath cursed him roundly, and with heat. Jewel had to bite back words-all of them Torra-and she threw herself into Rath"s d.a.m.n lesson with ferocity and focus. She managed just once to strike his elbow, and to strike it hard enough that it threw him off.
"Good," he said, withdrawing.
She relaxed, and he tossed the wooden stick, catching it with his left hand and lunging toward her before she"d had any chance to feel pride at her meager achievement.
She found that he was at least as good with his left hand as he had been with the right, and she took the bruises there, too. Accepted them as the price for carelessness.
Carver was not as foolish, and nothing Rath said or did angered him. Rath hated Carver"s hair, considered it a gift to any opponents of "worth" as he called them, but could not convince Carver to cut it or push it up under a bandanna. He had much less luck with Carver than he"d had with either Arann or Jewel; Carver could move, and his movements were like a dance. He didn"t stand to fight; he didn"t stand at all. He leaped from foot to foot, seeking not so much flight as unpredictability.
Rath caught him in the chest in the end, but it took about five minutes, and when it was done, and Carver was gasping for breath on one knee, Rath nodded. "Not bad," he said, in a grudging way. "You fight like a street boy, but you fight well enough to survive."
He turned last to Duster. "You," he said quietly.
Duster looked dubiously at the weight of wood in her hand. "This?" she said, with barely concealed contempt.
"I could kill you with it," Rath replied evenly. There was no threat in the words, just certainty, and Jewel expected Duster to bridle, to give in to anger. But Duster shrugged instead. She looked different in this small room, with its boards along the wall and its creaky floors; it was girded by rolled blankets, the odd pillow, a pile of clothing, all pushed aside to make s.p.a.ce.
"If you prefer, use your knife."
Duster looked up at him; had to look up at him, he had straightened to his full height. Gone was the element of the scholar, the seeker of knowledge; gone as well the gentleman that he sometimes chose to be. What was left was something that made Jewel uncomfortable, because it reminded her of . . . Duster.
But Duster had her pride. She threw the stick over her shoulder, and Arann dodged it; it clattered, skidding across the floor into a gray blanket. She pulled a dagger, tossing it from her right hand to her left, crouching slightly, knees bent, shoulders curved inward. She looked comfortable here. She looked, suddenly, as if she truly belonged to this room, and to the man who now ruled it.
Rath did not draw a knife; he merely shifted the position of his stick and waited. Duster waited as well, observing him. The sneer that was almost her only expression had melted into something serious, something that bordered on respect. Because she believed he could kill her. They all believed it. Jewel knew he wouldn"t. Mostly.
But he had never liked Duster.
They drew a single breath-watchers, and combatants alike-as if they were one thing, audience and performers. And then Duster began to move toward him. She didn"t dance the way Carver did; she didn"t shift her position, make the position itself unreliable. She didn"t smile, she didn"t crack a joke; these things she couldn"t have done anyway.
But she showed none of Arann"s hesitation, was marred by none of Jewel"s. When she at last struck, she struck up, from a low stance, and she moved d.a.m.n fast. Rath parried, a glancing blow that sent Duster"s arm just off to the side; he continued his single motion toward the base of her throat, and she threw herself back before his stick"s point could make contact.
Rath nodded. "Good." And then it was his turn, and he showed her no mercy at all. Which was good; Duster wasn"t much for mercy. He hit her; she swung round, and caught his sleeve, slicing it open. But he"d given her that; he caught the underside of her jaw and sent her reeling. She staggered back, blade still in her hand. He gave her nothing; she found the s.p.a.ce in which to ground herself before he was on her again.
But she managed to back up enough, managed to make contact again, this time with his forearm; there was blood, and Jewel stopped breathing. Rath didn"t notice. Duster didn"t.
When he switched from right to left hand, she was prepared, and in the switch, she backed up suddenly and threw the knife. Rath parried it, but only barely, and it flew to the side, landing on the ground behind him.
Duster stared at him, and he stared back, but he made no further move. "What do you have left?" he asked her quietly.
"Another knife."
He nodded as she pulled it. But he lifted a hand. "Enough. I wanted to take your measure, and I believe I have it. I will train you," he added. "It may mean you have less time to spend in reading and writing."
Duster spit. So much for reading or writing. But she looked-almost happy. Almost.
"Duster, Jewel, I would like to speak with you in my room. Carver and Arann, you may return the room to its previous state." He paused and then added, "Clean up."
They didn"t wait to be told twice.
"Lord Waverly," Rath said, bending over the map, "lives here."
Jewel whistled. "That"s on the Isle," she said.
"Yes. For that reason, his domicile is unsuitable for any encounter we may plan. It is guarded, and you will not be able to cross the bridge to the Isle without being noted. But he does not spend all of his time in his home, as Duster is well aware. Of the men whose names you gave me, Duster, I believe Patris Waverly is the most driven by his own desires, and the least cautious.
"We may lure him out of his dwelling with the right incentive," he added quietly.
Duster said, "And that?"
"Jewel."
Jewel startled.
And Duster said, in a cold, even voice, "What do you mean?"
"Finch would be better as bait; she is, I think more to his liking. But-"
"No." Jewel"s voice was cold and clear. To Jewel"s surprise, Duster"s was just as cold, and the word she spoke was the same.
Rath smiled. It was not a friendly smile, but it was genuine. To Duster he said, "So, you have some limits. If Finch was the only way-"
"No."
"Good. I do not consider it wise, although I believe if you asked it of her, she would do whatever it was you required."
"Don"t ask." Duster again. Jewel had fallen silent, watching Rath and listening to the words. He was testing, now. She wondered if they had just pa.s.sed or just failed; it was a test of resolve.
"I will, of course, respect your wishes in this," he said, his tone very formal. "But I must ask why. I believe she is the most suitable, and the most likely chance you have of success here."
Duster"s eyes were black; they glittered like . . . like the eyes of the men who had held her captive. She opened her mouth to speak, frowned, bit the words back. "She"s suffered enough."
Jewel was staring at Duster. At words that she would have bet would never leave Duster"s mouth, even if she was also certain they weren"t the first words that tried. "Her parents sold her," Duster added. "And she knows it. She"ll always know it.
"I won"t sell her that way."
"And yours?"
"Mine died," Duster said with a shrug. "I don"t remember them. I grew up in the Mother"s temple until I was old enough to run away so they couldn"t find me. We can do it without Finch. I can look helpless, if I have to."
At that, Rath raised a brow. "And Jewel?"
Duster shrugged. "Up to her."
And Jewel understood then that Duster considered her an equal. It was a compliment, of sorts.
"Jewel?"
"I"ll do what I have to. I owe her that much."
"Good. I have taken the liberty of procuring clothing, but clothing alone will not be enough. If the two of you feel you are ready-and determined-I will begin negotiations with Patris Waverly." He pointed at a different spot on the map. "Do you recognize this?"
They both shook their heads. "It"s in the older holdings, but near the Merchant Quarter. It is there that you will meet Patris Waverly when you are ready." He rose. "Duster, you fight well enough; I believe you are capable of killing should the need arise."
He turned and looked at Jewel. "But you, Jewel Markess, have not yet been tested."
"I"ll do what I have to."
He said nothing for a long moment, and it was not a silence she liked. "Then come," he said at last. "There is a man you should meet; he will teach you about the art of disguise. It is not as simple as clothing; you could dress as the Princess Royale and you would be spotted in an instant as a fake."
He opened the door, and Jewel was aware that this opening was different. But she followed where he led, Duster in tow. Wanting to see the future. Wanting not to see it. Torn between these things, as she would so often be.
Chapter Twenty-Two.
WASHING HAIR IN the Winter was about the last thing on Jewel"s mind. It was a waste of wood, a waste of heat, a waste of time-with her hair. But she didn"t say much because she didn"t have the chance to slide any of her words between Duster"s curses. Rath looked slightly unamused, but mostly bored, which meant he expected no better of Duster. Duster failed to notice; Jewel didn"t.
The clothing he had taken the liberty, in his own words, of securing was neither too fine nor too poor-but it was a dress. Well, two dresses. Duster was livid.