"Yeah."
"Speaking of ... all that. I wanted to tell you." Roland looked out the window. "I feel stupid. About, you know, not hanging out with you in homeroom. It was ... stupid."
Was stupid. Julien"s heart lifted, just a little.
"Hey," he said. "Don"t worry about it. Please."
And Roland smiled his shy, quirky smile.
On the night of the church Easter pageant, Julien stepped out of the house for the first time since his accident and breathed the fresh air deep into his lungs. It had that lightness, that tiny touch of warmth, and flocks of swallows flew round and round overhead, crying, black against the sunset. Spring had come when he wasn"t looking.
"Julien Losier! Julien"s back!" Gilles shook his hand and clapped him on the shoulder, Leon and Antoine wanted to see his leg, and then suddenly Pierre was there, grinning broadly, his eyes alight, shaking his hand with such a powerful grip it was all Julien could do to match it. "Hey, man. Long time. How are you?"
Julien laughed. "Fine. It"s so good to be outside."
Inside the church, he sat for once not with his parents but with his-friends. Yes, friends. Roland and his family showed up as they were sitting down-his mother short and plump, his father thin and weathered with Roland"s exact same crooked smile. And Louis, grinning. And they were together again-Roland and Louis and Julien and Benjamin. And Gilles. And Pierre. They sat together and watched the pa.s.sion play, and Mama came on and sang "A Toi la Gloire," her voice rising pure and lovely as when she"d sung it the night the war began. Benjamin had come just to hear it, and who wouldn"t? Maybe the Thibauds had too. "She"s good," Gilles whispered. Pierre nodded. Julien grinned.
They made their way round the refreshments tables; Julien shook hands with half the church and told them he felt better and lifted his pant cuff to show his leg. Monsieur Thibaud shook Benjamin"s hand and said he"d like to have them over for supper sometime, and Benjamin gave him his rare smile. Then the smile dropped as Monsieur Bernard"s low voice cut through a lull in the conversation, speaking to Monsieur Moriot: "G.o.d loves Germans, G.o.d loves Poles, and a good tanieusard does too and invites them all to the big Tanieux party. Why keep anyone out? G.o.d even loves. .h.i.tler!" Henri beside him was nodding, a wry look on his face. Benjamin was looking fixedly at the back of Monsieur Bernard"s collar. Julien grabbed his shoulder and steered him firmly the other way. "D"you see they"ve got real hot chocolate over there?"
"Don"t listen to that guy," Julien whispered to Benjamin as they got out of earshot. "Like father, like son. They wouldn"t know G.o.d if he smacked them in the face." Benjamin"s scowl split into a sudden, helpless grin. "You"re crazy," he said.
The sun was shining the morning Julien went back to school. The sky was a pale, luminous blue, and the frozen earth in the schoolyard was mud again. On the tree were tiny buds, the merest dabs of yellow-green. The muddy yard was full and loud with boys. It was spring.
Julien walked in the gate and hesitated.
"Hey look, guys!" cried Gilles. "Julien Losier"s back!"
The in-group of his cla.s.s stood under their tree, its budding branches trembling a little in the breeze. He was being beckoned over. Roland was grinning, and Pierre. "Hey! How are ya!" He walked slowly toward them. Benjamin followed.
They greeted him warmly, shook his hand and Benjamin"s; they wanted to know how he was, how was the leg. He showed it to them, the faintest traces of dark yellow under the skin. "Used to be this sort of glowing red and purple. There, and there. When it happened, I thought I"d broken it, I swear. It hurt that much. I thought there were bones sticking through the skin." He laughed. They were all looking at him.
"Well?" prompted Jeremie. "Then what did you do?"
"I kept walking. I had to. And then it started to hurt so much I pa.s.sed out and fell. And then I started crawling." I had to, he almost said again, but he could see it in some of their eyes as they nodded soberly, that they knew what had looked him in the face. In their eyes was something like respect. He glowed.
They pressed Benjamin for his story, and he told it, looking a little surprised at being asked to speak. It sounded kind of harrowing, being out in the dark, searching for someone lost. "And then Pierre skied up to us and told us he was all right. He didn"t tell us he"d mangled his ankle and was going to half die of fever," he added with a wry smile at Pierre, who grinned back.
"You wouldn"t believe how I felt when he tripped over me out there," said Julien. "I swear, I thought he was Jesus."
"So you can imagine what he said when he saw it was me," Pierre tossed back with a straight face. Julien laughed. They all laughed. Except Henri Quatre.
The days grew warmer. The long rains of spring came, and the courtyard was pure mud, and the boys stood under the preau in little groups, looking out at the rain. The royal court broke up and shifted, without its tree; Julien stood in a corner with Gilles and Dominique, talking spring and soccer, or sat with Roland and Benjamin against the wall, reading one of Benjamin"s books. Jean-Pierre talked math with Benjamin. Julien helped Pierre with his history.
Henri watched with stony eyes, and said nothing. Julien prayed for him. Or tried. Mostly, You know what to do, I guess.
Vincent wrote. He couldn"t believe Julien had almost died. He wished something that exciting would happen to him. He was failing math, and he wished this Benjamin guy would come live with him, and honestly, if Benjamin had let Pierre copy a few things off his physics homework at the get-go, maybe there wouldn"t have been so much trouble. Julien smiled crookedly and wrote back to Vincent that that would be the day and that it was weird having almost died; everyone was nicer to you. Almost everyone.
He sat with Benjamin at the dining-room table, doing homework; and Benjamin-Benjamin who had walked in here with his head so far down you had to talk to the tops of his gla.s.ses-looked across his homework at him just like a normal person. Like a friend. And they walked down to school together, and Julien"s chest did not grow tighter with every step down the hill, and at the bottom of the hill, he waved and called to Roland and Louis.
The river rose under its stone bridge with the snowmelt and the rain, and the gra.s.s along its banks grew green and thick. The genet bushes on the hills, once the only green against the pale dead gra.s.s, grew dark as the new growth outshone them, and the young leaves opened, and there were violets against the black stone schoolyard wall. They laid new lines out on the soccer field and gathered the teams. Julien convinced Benjamin to come watch the first game.
Henri"s team won. By one goal.
The trumpeting music that began the nine o"clock news played in Julien"s head during the day. Fighting in Norway, Denmark in defeat. The announcer"s fruity voice made it sound far away, a story; but it wasn"t. Mama stared at the radio; Papa ran his hands through his hair. They were waiting. Spring was the time for war, Papa said. At school, Pierre bragged on his brother Andre and his tank, his eyes a little too bright; they traded stories they"d heard about the Great War, the trenches. They wondered out loud how long it would last.
Julien sat at the table and listened to Papa"s devotions: Joseph forgiving his brothers, saying at the end of his life that what they"d meant for evil, G.o.d had meant for good. "That"s how I know I didn"t invent G.o.d. A G.o.d I invented wouldn"t let evil men have their way. The real G.o.d does. And works it for good. Lets it look like he"s doing nothing-and comes through in the end. I believe this: he always has, and he always will come through, with good, in the end." In the end. When"s the end? The clock began to chime nine o"clock, and Papa turned sharply toward it. In a moment, he was on his feet, switching the radio on.
The fanfare played, the look-at-me music; Julien settled back in his seat, rubbed his finger on the smooth wood of the table as the announcer said the usual words in the usual tone. The tape cut like a fracture to the same voice, its fruitiness gone, speaking quickly with an undertone of fear. "Dramatic developments. Since yesterday, German troops have been pushing deep into both Holland and Belgium, in complete violation of these countries" neutrality." Julien looked up, his eyes wide. Holland. Belgium. His father"s hands were gripping the edge of the table, hard.
"German tanks and infantry have met heroic resistance from the Dutch army. The Dutch and the Belgian governments have dropped their efforts to stay neutral in this war and have called for help from British and French troops to push back the n.a.z.i tyrant." They were straining toward the radio. The boches were bombing Holland and dropping paratroopers everywhere; an "impregnable" fort in Belgium had been taken in less than a day. Holland, whispered Julien"s mind. Belgium. They"re coming here.
"There are unconfirmed reports tonight," said the announcer more slowly, "of a strong push by several divisions of German tanks onto French soil. They are reported to have crossed the Ardennes hills," he said, "bypa.s.sing the end of the Maginot Line."
Time stopped as they sat staring at each other. The room became vivid, suddenly, the shadows sharp-edged: the dents and scars in the smooth golden pine of the table were etched into Julien"s eyes as he stared. It had come. The lamplight bloomed like a rare, precious flower, and the faces around the table, the faces of the people he loved, in that wide-eyed moment filled with fearful beauty. The sound in his head echoed above the stumbling voice of the radio, a high, buzzing echo speaking the words again and again. The end of the Maginot Line. The end of the Maginot Line.
His mother"s face was white and frozen, her hands knit together, the knuckles pale. Julien looked at Papa. He would go and comfort her now. He always did.
But he didn"t. His face was buried in his hands.
Chapter 18.
Stones The wagons were stopping, but it was before mid morning. The children were excited, jumping up and down and looking out the windows, calling out "Sondrio! Sondrio!" They saw a stream and a little wood, and a town in the distance. It was lovely.
Marita stepped out of the wagon and looked around with an air of great pleasure and set to work. Before five minutes were gone, she"d laid a fire, strung a clothesline between two trees, and was sorting through an enormous pile of laundry. Niko had enough Italian now to understand her when she called to them: "Gustav! Niko! Go into town for me, would you, and tell me what you see?"
"Yes, Marita," called Niko. "What ... uh ... do we see?"
"If the people are friendly. The children like this campsite. I hope that we can stay. Here, take some bread. Be back by noon. Go!"
They took the path to town slowly. The sun was shining, and the air was light, almost warm; the wheat fields were furred with pale green shoots against the dark earth. They were walking a road together with the sun on their shoulders, neither cold nor hungry nor afraid. They walked, saying nothing. Happy. They sat on the edge of the road and ate, and then went on.
They came to a country lane between farmhouses. Children squatted on the dusty ground playing with apricot stones. A bright-eyed boy, a kid with an apricot stone in his hand, looked up at the strangers, pointed, and yelled.
And then threw the stone.
It hit Niko on the arm and stung like a bee, and she stared at the boy. Bright black eyes full of anger and scorn-the children were all shouting, another stone hit her. "Let"s get out of here," muttered Gustav, and Niko turned, swung her crutches out and ran. An apricot pit bit the back of her neck. You got her, she thought bitterly. Happy, Friedrich? You"ve got apprentices.
Children. Boys. Even Friedrich. Evil boys become evil men. Why do you let them?
"Even here," she said bitterly.
"They got no idea we"re Jewish, Niko. Don"t you know that word? Zingaros?"
She looked up sharply. She hadn"t caught it. "Gypsies?" she said. "Gustav-Marita-go back and warn them, run!"
"I"m not leaving you, Ni- Niko-"
"Then keep up!" She swung her crutches and began to run, fast. And she could run-Friedrich hadn"t taken that from her-she could run in the dark, crashing through the woods, evil behind her, always, always there ... As she turned the last corner, out of breath, a sharp st.i.tch in her side, she saw that she was too late.
The clothesline was broken, a pair of pants still hanging from it; underneath, a white shirt trampled in the dirt. Cook fires smoldering, a black pot lying on its side. Where the wagons had been, deep wheel-ruts in the mud. She could see it-the women ripping laundry off the lines, s.n.a.t.c.hing up their children, the men whipping the wild-eyed horses into a gallop, pulling out just in time ahead of- What? Who? Had they come with guns? Oh Marita.
Marita standing at the wagon"s window, grief in her eyes, looking back at the town. Where she had lost two children. And they had lost her.
And everything. This time. They had nothing but the clothes on their backs; not even food.
It was so quiet here.
Marita"s voice singing in Romany, shouting orders to her children- never again. She mustn"t let Gustav see her cry.
"Nina. It"ll be okay. Look, there"s some soup in this pot that didn"t all spill-there"s pants, and a shirt, and I bet there"s a blanket or two if we look around, and it"s almost spring, Nina-"
"Niko," she said harshly, and covered her mouth with her hand. She sank down on the ground, shaking her head, her throat tight with tears.
"Niko," whispered Gustav. "We can make it, Niko." He knelt by her, looking into her face. "We can do it again, like in the mountains. I"ll work at farms, and if I can"t find work, we"ll steal milk and eggs, and G.o.d will forgive us because we"re hungry. And then we"ll find a town-I"ll find another house like in Trento. We"ll make it. We"ll make a life for ourselves, Niko."
She looked at him, and saw that he believed it.
Chapter 19.
The Time for War "What happened to our army, Papa?" Julien asked. "We had the strongest army in Europe, didn"t we?"
"One of the strongest, Julien." Papa leaned his head on his hands. "We still do. They"re just-it"s-war"s all about position, Julien." He shook his head. "They did something we didn"t expect, that"s all."
Something we didn"t expect? That was what it came down to?
Julien said nothing. Papa didn"t look up.
The boches were in France, the radio said. They had made it through the Ardennes, five divisions or more: tanks. Papa went pale at the number. Half the army was stuck in Belgium behind the boche lines, up where they"d thought the fighting would be. They hadn"t put troops to defend the Ardennes, Papa said, because they were supposed to be impa.s.sable.
Apparently the boches didn"t know that.
They kept the radio on all the time now. It was all news, spoken breathlessly, no more pompous voice. The boches were dropping bombs and paratroopers all over the Low Countries; it was called blitzkrieg. The boches had bombed Rotterdam and killed thirty thousand civilians. Holland had surrendered. The boches had crossed the Meuse and were plowing west, and the radio kept saying some division or other had fought heroically against incredible odds and gotten rolled right over.
Where was everybody? Where was the army? Julien knew where the army was: in Belgium and on the stupid Maginot Line where the stupid, stupid generals had put them all; how did something like this happen? He lay awake in bed, his blood beating in his temples, not believing it. They had this entire army, and none of them were in the right place, none of them were in the way.
At school it was like a dream, a dream of another place and time where there was war and it was going badly, and people gathered and talked about it in tense voices. It was like being underwater, the tightness in his chest, his heart beating fast for the moment he"d break out through the surface and breathe.
Henri got down on his hands and knees under the schoolyard tree and traced a map of France in the dirt. "Here, see? There"s Sedan. There"s Dinant. They"re here now. Here"s Paris but they"re not going for it, see, they"re going due west, heading for the coast. Here"s Cambrai and Saint-Quentin. There"s a river in front of "em; you always try to stop "em at a river because it gives you a defensive position." He drew a snaky line in the dirt.
"That"s the Oise," said Julien. "It goes into the Seine west of Paris; I"ve been there."
Henri glanced at him. "See this?" He slashed a line in the dirt in front of Saint-Quentin. "Paper says we"ve got a division of tanks right there. They"ll hold them up. And see how we"ve got people here and here?" He stabbed his stick at the Maginot Line, and then at northern Belgium. "See, if we can move fast enough, it"s called a pincer movement-" two strong slashes toward the German line, cutting it in half. "And we cut "em off. See?" He lifted his head, his blue eyes glinting. "You can bet that"s what the High Command is working on right now. Of course they wouldn"t say so on the radio."
Julien nodded, saw the other heads nodding around him; his mouth was open, breathing in hope. Henri"s teeth met in a fierce grin.
In two days the Germans had crossed the Oise.
By May 22, the boches had reached the sea. It was on the morning news as Julien left for school; they held the entire northern tip of France. The guys stood under the tree, hands in their pockets, looking down at the dirt map at their feet.
There it lay, their country, like a five-pointed star; a pebble for Paris, a bark chip for Tanieux deep in the south. Quietly, with one finger, Roland traced the last of the German advance: a complete arc to the English Channel, a fault line. Like a star with one point broken off; that was all they held, just that farnorth tip. But half the army was trapped behind it. And in front of it lay Paris. Julien breathed in, deep and slow, looking at his country and understanding the truth: this was really happening, after all.
It was a May like none he"d ever known. Blue sky, new leaves unfolding in the sun, flowers bright in the gardens, war maps in the dirt. And in the evening around the radio, lamplight and the smell of fear. Papa"s face with the lines in it, carving deeper as he listened; Mama sitting like white stone. Benjamin not looking at anyone, not willing to leave the radio even to study. Listening desperately for hope.
They"d stopped talking about it, at the table or any time. They talked about other things in brittle voices, and no one was fooled. One morning Julien came down the stairs and froze in front of the stairwell door, hearing his mother"s voice on the other side, high and brittle and scared. "And they were shooting-they were shooting- there was blood in the water-there were children-"
"Sh, Maria. Sh. It was a dream."
"Thirty thousand people, Martin-thirty thousand-"
He slipped back up the stairs.
That night, Papa beckoned Magali and Julien into his study while Mama cleared the table, and asked them quietly not to discuss the war in front of her or turn on the radio when she was there. They nodded. "I don"t know what"s going to happen. But ..." Papa looked down, shaking his head. After a moment he looked up at Julien. "I"ve got to be strong now for your mother. And you, I think, for Benjamin." Magali was looking down at her knees. Julien looked up and nodded, trying to see his father through the pictures in his head: tanks on the Champs-Elysees. Tanks in the Rue Bernier, under Vincent"s window.
"Has Benjamin talked to you-" Papa started, and Julien said, "No." Are you kidding? As soon as Papa switched off the radio, Benjamin always went up to his room and shut the door.
"Do what you can for him, Julien. I don"t know what we can do ..." He shook his head. "It must be awful." His voice cracked. "His parents, Giovanni ..."
An image hung in Julien"s mind, the same image that had appeared to him so vividly the night the war had begun: a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes, strewn with shattered gla.s.s and shrapnel. The sc.r.a.pe of gla.s.s shards against sink enamel; he could feel it in the back of his neck.
There was a long silence.
"Papa," said Magali in a small voice, "have we lost?"
"No, Lili," Papa whispered without looking up. "But we will."
Julien and his cla.s.smates stood in the schoolyard, a crowd of boys with whispers moving through it like wind in the woods. Monsieur Astier raised his megaphone. Silence fell.
"You don"t need me to tell you," the princ.i.p.al"s deep voice began, "what is going on in the north. I think it safe to say that for all of us now, facing this emergency is our priority. That is why," he said, "we are closing school early this year."
Astier raised a hand for silence. School would end on Sat.u.r.day, he said. They were to try to concentrate until then; to learn was to believe in the future. Were there any questions? A hand shot up in the front, and Henri"s firm voice asked whether school would open again in the fall.
Si Dieu le veut. G.o.d willing.
Julien felt strange-strangely empty, strangely free, like a boat cut loose and floating. They all felt it; it was in the air, in the eyes all around him. Fear, exhilaration, the ground fallen out from under their feet. They"d sat in cla.s.srooms listening; they"d eaten and slept and played soccer; and all this time the world had been changing under them. Even as they made their maps, tried to make sense of things as best they could, the walls of the world they knew had crumbled around them. Now anything could happen.
He sat-they all sat-in cla.s.sroom after cla.s.sroom for the rest of that day and heard not a word the teachers said.