Dear diary,It has been two days since my last entry and in those two days, I feel like I have aged fifty years.
I was once a handsome youth of twenty-four but now the dark circles under my eyes have aged me to thirty-five, I also now have a very light beard since I haven"t had the chance to shaven in these forty-eight hours because Li Weizhi needs CONSTANT supervision just in case he blows up something or sends some unfortunate human to a monster dimension like he did this morning.
Rest in peace pizza delivery boy whose name I do not know, you will be missed.
I should probably ask Lucifer to fix that in case the police come knocking…
A nap would be very welcome but my little Demon is a lousy sleeper, I don"t know where he gets it from I"m pretty sure I wasn"t this against sleeping when I was a kid, would it be too much trouble for him to just take a fifteen-minute nap?!
Isn"t he too young to have insomnia?
Still, I am holding out very well, he seems to eat a lot more than most kids and sleep a lot less but the one thing he rarely does is cry, which is good because he recently awakened a devastating ability.
I took the liberty of calling it the Sonic Vortex which I tragically discovered when I took a "toy" away from him.
Future demon lord or not, children should not play with small objects that I deem choking hazards.
It had been seventeen hours after his hatching and somehow he had gotten a hold of a set of keys and was gnawing on them like a mouse on cheese,
Yes, his fangs are coming in well and he has taken a liking to chewing the leather seats (his fangs chomp right through them) I must get a proper teething ring before he eats all the furniture.
Anyway, I didn"t want him to accidentally swallow a tiny bit of metal since he had already bent them beyond recognition so I took them away.
At first he glared at me with ma.s.sive puppy eyes, tiny hands reaching for the dangling keys but I was firm in my stance, then the tears came but I wasn"t backing down even if I felt like a terrible human being...it was for his own good I would not give in even when he began sniffling, this is what parents call tough love, he"d thank me in eighteen years when he didn"t die from choking.
And then he started crying, at first it was a couple of whines and a sniffle or two but when he saw I wasn"t giving in he let out a devastating sonic Boom that shook the very walls for the second time in less than twenty-four hours I was thrown back getting slammed into a wall by an overpowered infant.
The waves of sonic energy kept getting stronger with each cry.
I swear I felt my body getting flattened as the gla.s.s windows began crackling, bits of furniture were flying around in a vortex of unholy destruction, it was at this point that if this was an anime battle music would begin to play.
I only had one hope.
The tv remote.
Since we got back from Wiezhi and I had browsed a lot of kid cartoons and he loved one above all, The Teletubbies, which conveniently I had recorded for him to watch later on.
< acquire="" tv="">
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.
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play The Teletubbies
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.
.
save the world, probably.
>>
>
The remote was just a few feet above me, all I had to do was crawl up the wall before the whole house was brought down.
My heart was heavy with determination as I crawled and it was no easy task, I grit my teeth reaching for it, just a few centimetres away, it was do or die at that moment and I was not going to lose!
I grabbed the remote and using all my strength I pointed it at the Tv and hit play, that G.o.d Awful theme song started and Weizhi stopped crying the Sonic vortex had been stopped disaster had been averted and my son was happily clapping away to Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po.
It had been a close call, the first of many and I noted the Structural damage to the house deciding on an important thing, this parenting quest would not be easy especially with six more on the way,
I needed help.
I needed, a nanny.
I am an adult, I can admit it when I need a helping hand, they would have to be well versed in combat, have the patience of a Buddhist monk and an incredibly open and accepting mind since though I"m hoping it will not happen, I"m pretty sure one of my kids will have Lucifers goat form or their mothers Spider form...with any luck that will happen in their teens or not at all but one can never be too sure.
frankly, the thing I"m dreading most about all this is the diaper changing.
Only the ancestors know how a bottle of milk can be turned into THAT...the image will forever haunt me even in my sunset years, The Physiology of demons is a scary thing and with Xie Long, Li Liàng and Li Límíng coming in a few hours, I will probably have to ask Nurse Chu to help out, if only for a day, she has more hands than I do, a single man cannot stand against an army of biohazardous diapers.
Now the only thing left to do is grab a broom and begin cleaning up this warzone since Lucifer will probably throw a hissy fit if he sees this mess..., I hope a lot of these things are insured against Sonic Vortex tornadoes.