I"ve said it once I"ll say it again, being a cashier is a weird thing.The most recent G.o.d tier weirdness being the two guys who vanished in a flurry of crows after buying diapers.
Luckily, since then I"ve only had normal weird phenomena; like the occasional pervert, the unruly high school boys and of course that one customer who always asks to see the manager, as if they will solve all of their problems like some genie, really what do they expect?
We are earning minimum wage, why expect G.o.d level service?
Must they always summon my superior for the most minor of infractions??
And why must my superior act like their fairy G.o.dmother every time they call him?!
"Oh dear customer, fear not this scary faced worker for I shall turn her into the ultimate Yes-Man with this ancient incantation
Ravioli, ravioli smile or you"ll lose your jobioli,"
In all honesty, the daily abuse of my facial muscles should be a national issue.
I bet the protagonist in Harry Potter didn"t have to deal with this, he"d Avada Kedarva them into the meat locker and using their accounting skills, slowly rise up the ranks from lowly cashier to conglomerate CEO before having a whirlwind romance that would eventually jeopardize their company, especially after the heated reveal that would probably be some devastating secret like;
"The Evil wizard Ramsey Gordon is actually your father!"
"Holy fairy fritters! But he is the benefactor to the hot-love-interests company what shall I do, Draco?! If I tell him about this, he might back out before the IPO launch on the night of the blood moon,"
"But it would save the company and the Hippogriffs working on the first floor!"
"I can"t risk breaking up with a hot-love-interest over something like that!"
"Why not?! We could lose millions?! Is he really worth it?! Think of the Hippogriffs!"
And then I"d flip my impossibly long hair that for some reason was billowing in the wind in my indoor office and staring the Cannon fodder dead in the eye, my skin radiant despite the stress of running a billion-dollar company as an eighteen-year-old wizard I"d whisper dramatically
"Yes."
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"Oh so you do have baby food, what aisle is it on?"
Dragged back into reality, I blinked and before me, was the shorter guy from the day that could only be t.i.tled as weirdmageddon, pushing a stroller of four kids,
I blinked again, making sure I was firmly present in reality, trying to remember the question.
"Ah yes, baby food that should be aisle seven," I pointed the way and watched as the guy strolled off, so he really did have kids, a lot of them, thinking back I felt a bit bad for thinking they were evil dudes just because they altered the weather and vanished via crow in broad daylight, perhaps they were just aliens trying to adjust to planet Earth, maybe in a few years we"d have aliens coming out and saying they really are extraterrestrials, I mean you can"t exactly deport them to s.p.a.ce so it was a safe thing to do but people might freak out and form hate groups targeting the alien families because humanity sucks like that.
I felt something wet and slimy land on my head looking up, I say it now, I never would have expected what is saw,
A smiling baby boy was crawling overhead, casually defying gravity like a boss...
Oh boy...
They really are aliens.
Theory confirmed.
Another blob of drool landed on the counter.
Where was the father?
I am a minimum wage worker, I have not been trained for this situation.
Would it be weird if I nudged him with a broom? I quickly shut down that idea, what if their weakness were soft plastic bristles and I accidentally caused the death on one of them I"d become an intergalactic criminal... nope, this was none of my business, let extraterrestrials parent handle their own brood, besides there was still a chance I was still trapped in my fantasy world.
Turning my head I surveyed the store, Maybe I could make a friendly announcement to alert the father of his escaped child, he has four it"s understandable that one runs off while he"s distracted,
I looked up, a wet splat landing square my face, yep still there...still drooling...
Sigh, the life of a cashier is truly difficult.
Grabbing the mic, I made a quick announcement,
"If any of our patrons are missing a child kindly pick him up at the cashier"s desk, also there is a fifteen per cent discount on all kitchen electronics thank You for shopping at Carrie Four, where you can pay less for more."
And now we wait, not long apparently as the father rushed to my counter, three kids in tow squealing in their pram, it warmed my dead heart.
"I"m truly sorry, please where is my son?" he asked very worriedly,
I pointed at the ceiling, as another blob of drool landed on me again… I should have stood in another spot.
The father turned an odd shade of grey, his eyes wide, clearly fl.u.s.tered by all of this.
"Li Weizhi, you get down here right now!" he scolded, the baby stared at us for two seconds, pouting, before floating down like a falling cherry blossom, right into the waiting arms of the father...it was very cute.
"Never disappear like that again! You nearly gave your old father a heart attack." He scolded tickling the kid until he squealed, this diabetes inducing sight was too sweet for my cynical heart, this alien was truly a good father
"You have very adorable children," I said with my best service smile
"Aren"t you going to ask how he did that?"
"It"s none of my business, but when you begin the invasion I ask that you spare Haidan district,"
"Pardon?"
"I hope that"s not too much trouble because you see it will be a real pain finding shelter when your people invade earth,"
"..."
"I shall keep this a secret and you will spare my apartment and my district, I"ll also throw in these coupons for a ten per cent discount on all purchases,"
I slipped a couple of them across the counter, no being could resist discounts this was a sign of peace between the species a momentous moment in human history
"...okay..."
"Thank you for your patronage, for what it"s worth when you take over the planet you will have my support,"
"Uh...thank you?"
"Your welcome, would you like me to scan your items now?"
"Eh...no I still need a few things," He said turning to leave, I bowed as they left, I really think I made a good Impression on them my house will surely be spared when they fire their death ray at us.
"Oh, and my name is Ye Zhilian, if it"s not too much trouble, kindly keep that name of the probing list,"
"I"ll do my best?..."
He said and left, I for one was just happy to somewhat ensure my safety during the alien invasion, perhaps my apocalypse world story arc really was just close at hand!