"I"m not," she said quietly.
He looked at her for long moments, and then nodded, almost as if he found it hard to speak; even humbled.
But he was the Duke of Malvern. A brave soldier. Wealthy, handsome; a friend to be treasured. A gentleman. Respected. A good man.
And she had reduced him to speechlessness? Her? How...why? What did this wonderful man see in her that she had never recognized in herself?
For all of her life she had stood in Nicole"s shadow. Hidden there. And happily so.
But Tanner had seen her, found her, touched her in a way that no one and nothing else ever had. He was her sunlight, and she"d never seek the false safety of the shadows again.
Everyone, she realized as her heart took wing, flies in their own way. But everyone can soar.
"We leave the lane here, and ride across country," Tanner told her, waking her from her thoughts. "Are you ready?"
She nodded, shifting her grip on Daisy"s reins. "Yes. I"m ready. I really am."
It was impossible to speak to each other as they rode, sometimes in single-file when the pathways narrowed between the increasing number of trees. They rode alongside the hedgerows between planted fields. But those were soon left behind, to be replaced with low rolling hills of the greenest of green gra.s.ses and more trees.
She could see higher hills dotted across the distance, green-topped heights that seemed to roll on and on, to the ends of the earth. The air was fresh, and fragrant, the breeze warm against her cheek. Everywhere she looked was land that seemed untouched by anything save the sun and the rain, almost sacred, so beautiful the sight brought tears to her eyes.
And then Tanner put up his hand, indicating that they should stop here, just before the crest of another low, rolling hill.
He dismounted, tied his mount"s reins to a hanging branch of a nearby tree, and then approached Daisy.
"If you don"t mind, I"d like us to walk from here. Malvern, my home, yours if you"ll have it, can be seen from just on the other side of this hill."
Lydia leaned toward him, the move so natural now. She felt no hint of shyness as he lifted her down from the sidesaddle. As he held her, kissed her.
Hand-in-hand, they climbed the easy rise to the top of the hill, the long, sweet-smelling gra.s.s rising to her knees, dancing in the breeze.
Tanner moved confidently, at ease in his own environment, and clearly proud to be showing her his home.
Oddly, Lydia supposed, she"d never really considered her surroundings. Not that she would have wished to live in a hovel. But whether it had been the comfortably rundown Willowbrook when her mother deigned to keep her children with her or the glories that were Ashurst, as long as she had her books, a garden, and good company, she believed she could be content anywhere.
Even London wasn"t so bad, because there was always a quiet window seat or cozy nook somewhere, a soft blanket to spread over her lap, and a world of books at her fingertips.
But she did much prefer the country. The quiet, the slower pace, the familiarity of family...
"Oh." Lydia stopped, tried to catch her breath that had suddenly deserted her as the hill gently sloped downward below her feet and the jewel that was Malvern lay before her in the distance. The sunlight twinkled off the four full stories of mullioned windows, most of them set in pairs or threes and fours and edged with smooth light grey stone...with matching huge, arched sets stretching a full two stories high fronting each of the wings that jutted forward on either side of the center section.
The structure itself was of deepest gray stone, but it did not look heavy, and most certainly could not be dark, not with all those windows. Two dozen chimneys must have marched along the roof, but all in a very orderly fashion, and not at all higgledy-piggledy.
Tanner"s coach sat on the gravel drive in front of the main doors, until the driver on the box took up the reins and horses and coach moved on, taking a turn some ways from the mansion, heading toward the two other coaches that were already in the stable yards. She and Tanner would be the last to arrive.
Lydia was in no hurry. She could rest here for hours, just looking at Tanner"s home. Her home.
She could see the lush gardens to the rear of the structure, the artfully planted trees, the stables in the distance. Malvern hadn"t been built on the land, it was part of it, nestled in its own sweet valley, snug, for all that it was so very large.
Tanner stood close behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist, rested his chin on her head. "Look hard, sweetheart. Do you see our children playing hide-and-seek in the gardens? Do you see us sitting in the shade, the baby laughing on a blanket at our feet as I read to you?"
She saw it. She could see it all. Her bottom lip trembled. "What are you reading?"
"Oh, it all depends on that, does it?" he said, laughter in his voice. But when he spoke again, his voice was low, and filled with emotion. "Very well. "And on that cheek, and o"er that brow, so soft, so calm, yet eloquent, the smiles that win, the tints that glow, but tell of days in goodness spent, a mind at peace with all below, a heart whose love is innocent.""
"Byron. But I am, you know. At peace with all below, and all above, as well." She sighed in pure contentment. "It"s perfect. Everything is so perfect. Like a dream."
He turned her toward him, looking down into her uplifted face, his expression one of love freely given, and if there were any shadows in his eyes, she would not see them. He removed the pins from her hat and let it drop to the ground, then took her face in his hands. "Then may we never wake up..."
His kisses were soft, gentle. Each one a promise. To love her. To always be there for her. Father to their children. Comfortable, sharing. A hand to hold. A smile like no other. And all that he gave her, she would give back a hundredfold...gladly. He held her heart, he held her soul, her body.
He was hers, and she was his. And it was right.
Slowly, they sank to their knees in the long, soft gra.s.s. Holding each other, their kisses deepening, the sweet taste of pa.s.sion rooted in love shaking them, nearly overwhelming them with its power.
Slowly, he laid her back against the warm, sweet-smelling gra.s.ses.
She rose against his touch, wordlessly telling him to take what he wanted, even as she moved her hands over him, longing to touch, aching to hold. Sensations still new to her caught at her breath; the sweet ache between her thighs urged her on, all inhibitions flown.
Everything she ever wanted, an entire world she hadn"t known existed. She knew she had found all of that and more in his arms.
No more shadows. Tanner had brought her into the sunlight. The past was gone; hers and his. Together, they were reborn. There was nothing now but their future, together.
He fit inside her as if fashioned especially for her, as she had been for him. Two halves made whole in each other.
Together, they climbed the heights. Together, they soared. Their pa.s.sion shared, as they would share everything for all of their days and all of their nights, as long as they lived.
When it was over-No, it would never be over! Not for them!-Tanner kissed her hair, her bared b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He gently stroked the heated flesh between her thighs, soothing her as she slowly came down from the heights.
"I want to make love to every inch of you, kiss you everywhere, taste all of you," he said quietly. "Touch you, see you, watch your beautiful face as I slowly sink into you. I want to feel each move you make beneath me. Your heat enveloping me, pulsing all around me, taking me in. Giving you my seed, growing our life together. I had no life until you, Lydia. I was only alive. And I didn"t know the difference..."
His words, his intense eyes, his intimate touch, all had their combined effect on her, and on her body. As he spoke, he had begun slipping his fingers inside her, and her pa.s.sions had risen once more.
She strained against his hand, her eyes never leaving his face as he seemed to find her very center, rubbing his thumb over her, robbing her of breath, all of her feeling concentrated on the blossoming sensations that grew, and then grew again.
"Tanner..."
But she couldn"t say more. The words that would tell him how she felt had not been invented. She could only whimper wordlessly, try to breathe without moving. It was impossible to keep her eyes open, and when she closed them, rainbows of light danced against her eyelids as she arched her neck backward, her entire body a bow, bending to his will. Never stop, never stop, never stop...
She moaned as he seemed to move away from her, but then he was back, still with his fingers deep inside her. But now there was heat, hot and wet, closing all around her. The strokes against her aching flesh became faster. Nearly unbearable in their sweetness.
She felt herself being drawn into the warmth, felt the gentle tug and release, the sensation of soft breath against her heated skin.
And then she knew. I want to make love to every inch of you, kiss you everywhere, taste all of you.
She hadn"t known. Couldn"t have imagined. She"d been too swamped with feeling, floating on a cloud of sensation. But it was right. It felt so right.
And she needed, so much.
The more Tanner suckled on her, the more she sensed that he was taking her somewhere she had never been, yet longed to travel to with him. She could no more be pa.s.sive than she could stop breathing.
Pressing her heels against the earth, she lifted herself to him, began to move in concert with him, sealing herself against him as his tongue searched her, found the center of her yearning, a white hot center that begged for his touch and then rewarded them both by gathering up all of the sensation in the world and releasing it in rhythmic explosions.
Even before she could realize that she was flying, soaring, Tanner covered her, plunged inside her, so that her body convulsed around him, drawing the seed from him, taking it deep into her womb.
Planting the seed that would grow from their love...
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.
TANNER SMILED AS HE SET Lydia"s silly, veiled hat on her head at a slightly more rakish angle than she had done, and then handed her the pins to secure it in place.
They"d had the devil of a time finding those pins-needles in the haystack of the long gra.s.ses they"d flattened beneath their bodies not that long ago.
"I"m sure that can"t be right," she said as she secured the last pin.
"I like it," he told her, touching the tip of her nose with his fingertip. "I like that, and I like this..." he drew his finger across her bottom lip, swollen from his kisses. "And I like this," he pursued, running his finger down her throat, to the small hollow at the base of it, where he could watch her heart beating.
"They"ll be sending out a search party soon, Tanner," she said reasonably, "sure one of us has fallen from our horse and the other is afraid to leave him."
"Him? Then I"ve been cast in the role of the unhorsed?"
She reached to stroke his cheek. "Oh, yes. I"m much too careful to ever fall. I hold your love, and I promise always to be careful to protect it. I only ask that you do the same."
He turned his face into her palm. "Always. I know what I want now. Your love, and Malvern, and our life together. A quiet life, filled with love."
She smiled. "And if another great man came along with another bold and glorious cause born of ambition?"
"Another Alexander? Another Bonaparte? No, Lydia, I"ve fought enough battles. I"ll protect my own, you know that. But I"ve no more need to search for glory. Not when it stands in front of me."
"I love you, Tanner. No one has ever loved anyone more than I love you," she whispered, and he realized she hadn"t said that before now. He knew she loved him. Of course he knew that. But hearing her say the words shook him.
He nodded, emotion tightening his chest. "Charlotte wanted us to wed at Ashurst, but that might take some of the bloom from Nicole and Lucas."
She nodded, her easy acceptance of what had been his rather abrupt proposal just like her. Lydia, the calm. Lydia, the practical. Lydia...the fire in his arms.
"That is true. Two weddings, and with a baby perhaps arriving in the middle of all that ceremony? It is quite a lot all at once. And you and Charlotte and Rafe have already planned all of this between you?"
Lydia was never fl.u.s.tered, so he couldn"t tell if his words had pleased her or upset her. "I wouldn"t say planned. Discussed? Still, if it"s all right you, we"ll marry here quietly, in the Malvern chapel, and then travel to Ashurst to watch your sister arrive at the church on horseback or whatever it is she"s planning."
"On horseback, yes. With a gaggle of little girls dressed in long white dresses and streamers in their hair tossing rose petals in front of her."
G.o.d. Was he being selfish? Denying Lydia all the pomp and ceremony? "If you want-"
"No, thank you. I"m much more interested in being your wife than I am in being a bride."
Tanner relaxed. "After gaining Rafe"s blessing, I managed to secure a Special License before we left London. Being a duke does have its influence. We...we could be married as early as tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"
"I know, I"m rushing you. But I don"t think I can wait a day longer."
Her sweet smile banished his fears, while the hint of mischief in her lovely blue eyes reminded him that she was not without spirit. She put a hand to his jacket and then held up a bit of gra.s.s they"d missed while brushing off their clothes. "I don"t think we"ve waited all that much."
His smile grew into a wide grin. "True. And after tonight, we"ll never be apart again. Why, you may even grow sick of me."
"Yes, I probably will," she agreed, the corners of her lovely mouth twitching as she suppressed another smile. "In fifty or sixty years."
"I"ll hold you to that." He took her hand and led her over to Daisy, and then cupped his hands for her to use them as a sort of mounting block as he lightly tossed her up and into the saddle.
He mounted his own horse, debated for a moment asking Lydia to ride the rest of the way across country, up and over the hill they"d crested on foot, and then down toward Malvern, but in the end he thought it would be best if they kept the lane.
She hadn"t complained, but he knew she must be at least slightly sore from his lovemaking. As soon as they arrived he would order a hip bath brought to her chamber.
He led the way, for the lane was really not much more than a track worn into the hillside. They descended slowly, the lane switching back on itself several times, sometimes taking them through a canopy of trees, sometimes giving them new, closer views of Malvern.
As they neared the newly scythed expanse of lawn, once again shaded beneath a canopy of trees, his mount began to sidestep nervously, snorting through its nose as if it had perhaps caught a scent. "Anxious, are you? Almost home, boy," he said, patting the horse"s neck. But the stallion continued to dance, jerking against the bit in its mouth.
Instantly worried for Lydia, Tanner looked about in the underbrush, half expecting to see the tusks of a wild boar, even though there hadn"t been one seen in the area for years, thanks to the careful husbandry of his foresters.
But what he saw wasn"t a boar ready to charge. What he saw didn"t move at all. In the s.p.a.ce of a heartbeat he considered pretending he hadn"t seen what he"d seen, urging Lydia ahead of him as he kept his mount between the trees and the path, and then discarded both ideas as she called to him.
"Is something wrong, Tanner? Your horse seems agitated."
He turned his mount and blocked the path. "I think there"s been an accident," he told her, dismounting. "Someone"s lying just off there, in the underbrush. Please, stay where you are."
"Is it Justin?" Lydia asked, worry evident in her voice. "He came this way, didn"t he?"
Tanner had already dismounted, and tied the reins to a branch to keep his mount from bolting. "No, it"s not Justin. I would have recognized his clothing even at a distance."
"Wait, let me come with you."
He shook his head. "No. Whoever it is-he"s not moving."
"Oh, G.o.d." Lydia closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, she nodded. "I"ll do as you say. Please hurry."
But there was no reason for hurry, Tanner realized after only taking a few steps into the undergrowth to see Thomas Harburton, his eyes wide open and staring at nothing. He was lying on his back amid weeds turned dark with his life"s blood, his throat neatly sliced from ear to ear. No wonder his mount had gotten so agitated; it had been the smell of all this blood.
"Tanner? Who is it? Shall I ride for help?"
Tanner stood his ground, keeping himself in between the body and the path. "It"s uh, it"s one of my workers. He"s beyond our help, Lydia, but please ride and tell Justin to come up here."