Age-old visions sang themselves in me--songs of freedom of an oppressed people.
America!--America!
Part II
Between buildings that loomed like mountains, we struggled with our bundles, spreading around us the smell of the steerage. Up Broadway, under the bridge, and through the swarming streets of the ghetto, we followed Gedalyeh Mindel.
I looked about the narrow streets of squeezed-in stores and houses, ragged clothes, dirty bedding oozing out of the windows, ash-cans and garbage-cans cluttering the side-walks. A vague sadness pressed down my heart--the first doubt of America.
"Where are the green fields and open s.p.a.ces in America?" cried my heart. "Where is the golden country of my dreams?"
A loneliness for the fragrant silence of the woods that lay beyond our mud hut welled up in my heart, a longing for the soft, responsive earth of our village streets. All about me was the hardness of brick and stone, the stinking smells of crowded poverty.
"Here"s your house with separate rooms like in a palace."
Gedalyeh Mindel flung open the door of a dingy, airless flat.
"Oi weh!" my mother cried in dismay. "Where"s the sunshine in America?"
She went to the window and looked out at the blank wall of the next house. "Gottuniu! Like in a grave so dark ..."
"It ain"t so dark, it"s only a little shady." Gedalyeh Mindel lighted the gas. "Look only"--he pointed with pride to the dim gaslight. "No candles, no kerosene lamps in America, you turn on a screw and put to it a match and you got it light like with sunshine."
Again the shadow fell over me, again the doubt of America!
In America were rooms without sunlight, rooms to sleep in, to eat in, to cook in, but without sunshine. And Gedalyeh Mindel was happy. Could I be satisfied with just a place to sleep and eat in, and a door to shut people out--to take the place of sunlight? Or would I always need the sunlight to be happy?
And where was there a place in America for me to play? I looked out into the alley below and saw pale-faced children scrambling in the gutter. "Where is America?" cried my heart.
My eyes were shutting themselves with sleep. Blindly, I felt for the b.u.t.tons on my dress, and b.u.t.toning I sank back in sleep again--the deadweight sleep of utter exhaustion.
"Heart of mine!" my mother"s voice moaned above me. "Father is already gone an hour. You know how they"ll squeeze from you a nickel for every minute you"re late. Quick only!"
I seized my bread and herring and tumbled down the stairs and out into the street. I ate running, blindly pressing through the hurrying throngs of workers--my haste and fear choking each mouthful.
I felt a strangling in my throat as I neared the sweatshop prison; all my nerves screwed together into iron hardness to endure the day"s torture.
For an instant I hesitated as I faced the grated window of the old dilapidated building--dirt and decay cried out from every crumbling brick.
In the maw of the shop, raging around me the roar and the clatter, the clatter and the roar, the merciless grind of the pounding machines. Half maddened, half deadened, I struggled to think, to feel, to remember--what am I--who am I--why was I here?
I struggled in vain--bewildered and lost in a whirlpool of noise.
"America--America--where was America?" it cried in my heart.
The factory whistle--the slowing-down of the machines--the shout of release hailing the noon hour.
I woke as from a tense nightmare--a weary waking to pain.
In the dark chaos of my brain reason began to dawn. In my stifled heart feelings began to pulse. The wound of my wasted life began to throb and ache. My childhood choked with drudgery--must my youth too die--unlived?
The odor of herring and garlic--the ravenous munching of food--laughter and loud, vulgar jokes. Was it only I who was so wretched? I looked at those around me. Were they happy or only insensible to their slavery? How could they laugh and joke? Why were they not torn with rebellion against this galling grind--the crushing, deadening movements of the body, where only hands live and hearts and brains must die?
A touch on my shoulder. I looked up. It was Yetta Solomon from the machine next to mine.
"Here"s your tea."
I stared at her, half hearing.
"Ain"t you going to eat nothing?"
"Oi weh! Yetta! I can"t stand it!" The cry broke from me. "I didn"t come to America to turn into a machine. I came to America to make from myself a person. Does America want only my hands--only the strength of my body--not my heart--not my feelings--my thoughts?"
"Our heads ain"t smart enough," said Yetta, practically. "We ain"t been to school like the American-born."
"What for did I come to America but to go to school--to learn--to think--to make something beautiful from my life ..."
"Sh-sh! Sh-sh! The boss--the boss!" came the warning whisper.
A sudden hush fell over the shop as the boss entered. He raised his hand.
Breathless silence.
The hard, red face with pig"s eyes held us under its sickening spell. Again I saw the Cossack and heard him thunder the ukaz.
Prepared for disaster, the girls paled as they cast at each other sidelong, frightened glances.
"Hands," he addressed us, fingering the gold watch-chain that spread across his fat belly, "it"s slack in the other trades and I can get plenty girls begging themselves to work for half what you"re getting--only I ain"t a skinner. I always give my hands a show to earn their bread. From now on, I"ll give you fifty cents a dozen shirts instead of seventy-five, but I"ll give you night-work, so you needn"t lose nothing." And he was gone.
The stillness of death filled the shop. Each one felt the heart of the other bleed with her own helplessness.
A sudden sound broke the silence. A woman sobbed chokingly. It was Balah Rifkin, a widow with three children.
"Oi weh!" She tore at her scrawny neck. "The blood-sucker--the thief! How will I give them to eat--my babies--my babies--my hungry little lambs!"
"Why do we let him choke us?"
"Twenty-five cents less on a dozen--how will we be able to live?"
"He tears the last skin from our bones!"
"Why didn"t n.o.body speak up to him?"
"Tell him he couldn"t crush us down to worse than we had in Russia?"
"Can we help ourselves? Our life lies in his hands."