"No," Maneck said, and its voice seemed almost relieved. "Your function was to behave as the man would. You are attempting deceit."
"So what do you think the man man would do then?" Ramon demanded, the despair blooming in his chest, expressing itself in rage. "I"m trying to save my own skin. You think he wouldn"t give up f.u.c.king anyone to help himself out?" would do then?" Ramon demanded, the despair blooming in his chest, expressing itself in rage. "I"m trying to save my own skin. You think he wouldn"t give up f.u.c.king anyone to help himself out?"
"No," the alien said. "He would not. You have performed your function, I must now-"
231 The shriek was high and squeaked at the end, like a little girl"s cry of alarm or delight. All eyes-Ramon"s, Maneck"s, the chupacabra chupacabra"s-shifted. The man stood in the path behind Ramon. His face was pale and bloodless as marble.
"This is in accordance," Maneck said. "The flow brings him down the specific path. You are sometimes excellent creatures. I suspect it is your ignorance that . . . the man? Where is he going? You will restrain him! You will do so immediately!"
"Stay there! Stay there! Stay there!" Ramon shouted over his shoulder as he bolted off after the other man. The alien likely wouldn"t remain where it was, but even if it only paused for a moment, it was a moment more than they"d had. As soon as he thought Maneck could no longer hear him, he turned all his energy and attention to just running. If they could get to the raft, get out onto the river, they could still outpace the b.a.s.t.a.r.d. They could still get away. If only Ramon hadn"t built a lean-to. If the pinche pinche river could have kept its waterfalls to itself. If anything that had made them pause in the journey hadn"t happened, Ramon wouldn"t have been crashing through the forest, lifting his legs high to clear brush and roots and stones, the alien and its new pet river could have kept its waterfalls to itself. If anything that had made them pause in the journey hadn"t happened, Ramon wouldn"t have been crashing through the forest, lifting his legs high to clear brush and roots and stones, the alien and its new pet chupacabra chupacabra close behind. He found himself calling out to the man, his twin, who was already so far ahead that Ramon couldn"t see him. close behind. He found himself calling out to the man, his twin, who was already so far ahead that Ramon couldn"t see him.
"Go!" he shouted. "Run! Go, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"
If he could just reach the river . . .
Ramon reached the river. The water was fierce and the roar of the cataract louder than he remembered it. The other man was nowhere Ramon could see, and where the raft had been, deep muddy fur-rows angled down the bank. It took a moment for him to believe it.
Powered by mortal fear, desperation, and panic, the other man had somehow managed to launch the raft by himself, something Ramon wouldn"t have believed possible. He ran out, his feet sinking into the mud, cold water soaking his knees and thighs. There, five meters outfrom the bank and ten or more from where he stood, the raft bobbed on the rushing water, his twin crouched at the helm. Ramon could see his wide, fear-rounded eyes.
"Stop!" he shouted. "Get back here! Stop!"
The man on the raft waved; a wide, frantic gesture that carried no meaning. Ramon spat out a stream of invective, wading uncertainly out into the water. When he looked over his shoulder, Maneck and the chupacabra chupacabra were just coming into sight, slowed only slightly by the c.u.mbersome leash and Maneck"s wounds. Ramon lifted a hand to the alien, his palm out; a gesture that was intended to mean "It"s okay, I"ve got it." And then, before waiting for the alien"s response, he took a deep breath and dove. His robe soaked through in an instant, but he didn"t stop to shed it. Under the water"s surface, the river seemed misty-tiny bubbles from the cataract and floating silt conspired to hide anything at more than a meter"s distance. Arms and legs flailing, Ramon struck out for where he thought the raft would be. were just coming into sight, slowed only slightly by the c.u.mbersome leash and Maneck"s wounds. Ramon lifted a hand to the alien, his palm out; a gesture that was intended to mean "It"s okay, I"ve got it." And then, before waiting for the alien"s response, he took a deep breath and dove. His robe soaked through in an instant, but he didn"t stop to shed it. Under the water"s surface, the river seemed misty-tiny bubbles from the cataract and floating silt conspired to hide anything at more than a meter"s distance. Arms and legs flailing, Ramon struck out for where he thought the raft would be.
The man, like him, was at the mercy of the water, Ramon told himself. They"d be pulled along at the same rate. All he had to do was make up the distance. The turbulence was hard, though, and Ramon felt the water buffeting him as he fought to rise up for air.
"Motherf.u.c.ker!" he shouted as his head broke the surface, and his mouth filled with water before he could say more. The raft was closer, but not as near as Ramon had hoped. A blast of energy lit the air; Maneck firing from the sh.o.r.e. The man yelped and started working the oar as Ramon took another breath and dove again. Maybe Maneck would hit the sonofab.i.t.c.h and solve Ramon"s problems for him.
The cold here was unpleasant, but not the vicious, deadly chill it had been farther upriver. Maybe they were farther south than Ramon had thought. Or maybe there was warmer water from rain swelling the flow, as he"d expected. The water above him glowed twice more as Maneck fired. So at least the raft was still that close. A swirl in the 233 233 gloom warned him a moment before he struck a wave of powerful turbulence, the water hitting him in the gut with the power of a fist.
He lost his air, the bubbles rising awkwardly as he clawed his way after them.
The river was definitely faster. Already, Maneck seemed like a tiny figure on the distant sh.o.r.e. Inexplicably, the chupacabra chupacabra was loping down the bank, free of the was loping down the bank, free of the sahael sahael and running like all the demons of h.e.l.l were after it. Ramon spat and bobbed, trying to find his twin and the raft. The other man had drawn farther out into the river and was yelling something, his face flushed almost purple and his mouth gaping wide. Ramon couldn"t tell if the a.s.shole was yelling at him or at Maneck or at G.o.d. Maneck seemed to have given up the shooting match, so Ramon didn"t dive again. He broke into a crawl, kicking at the waves, lifted by them. Tossed. Slowly, the raft drew near, and then the river drove them apart and brought them near again. The other man was on his knees now, the oar extended out into the water. and running like all the demons of h.e.l.l were after it. Ramon spat and bobbed, trying to find his twin and the raft. The other man had drawn farther out into the river and was yelling something, his face flushed almost purple and his mouth gaping wide. Ramon couldn"t tell if the a.s.shole was yelling at him or at Maneck or at G.o.d. Maneck seemed to have given up the shooting match, so Ramon didn"t dive again. He broke into a crawl, kicking at the waves, lifted by them. Tossed. Slowly, the raft drew near, and then the river drove them apart and brought them near again. The other man was on his knees now, the oar extended out into the water.
He was still shouting. Ramon couldn"t yet make out words, but the man"s expression was more nearly one of encouragement now.
Too little, too late, cabron, he thought, but reached for the oar all the same. His fingers grazed it, the coa.r.s.e grain of the wood feeling improbably solid after struggling in the water. He pushed again, surging forward, catching it in both hands and pulling it close to his body. He felt the tug as the man pulled him in toward the raft, but Ramon let himself hang limp, his arms and legs tingling with exhaustion. Let the little coward sonofab.i.t.c.h do some of the work. cabron, he thought, but reached for the oar all the same. His fingers grazed it, the coa.r.s.e grain of the wood feeling improbably solid after struggling in the water. He pushed again, surging forward, catching it in both hands and pulling it close to his body. He felt the tug as the man pulled him in toward the raft, but Ramon let himself hang limp, his arms and legs tingling with exhaustion. Let the little coward sonofab.i.t.c.h do some of the work.
It was less than a minute before the man"s hand touched Ramon"s shoulder. The raft was right before him. Ramon raised his arm, throwing it onto the laced branches. He pulled, and the other man helped, dragging him up. Ramon lay on the raft"s leafy deck, his sodden robe heavy as lead, his lungs working like bellows.
"f.u.c.k!" the other man said. "I thought you weren"t going to make it there, ese ese."
Thanks, Ramon thought but didn"t spend the energy to say.
"b.a.s.t.a.r.d sonofab.i.t.c.h tracked us," the man said, returning to the oar and the river. "I thought you said the chupacabra chupacabra killed him." killed him."
"I thought it did," Ramon said, sitting up. He belched. It tasted of silt. "Maneck used the sahael sahael on the poor f.u.c.ker. He enslaved it. on the poor f.u.c.ker. He enslaved it.
Never thought I"d feel sorry for a chupacabra chupacabra. Did we get any firewood at all before-"
He looked up at the man, his twin, and saw horror on the familiar face. Ramon blinked, looking back over his shoulder. He expected anything: Maneck walking on the water like some alien Christ, another wall of cataract mist, even the European back from h.e.l.l with the Devil at his side. There was nothing. Gray river, stormy sky. Waves with tiny touches of white. He looked back at the man. The oar was forgotten in his hand; his face a mask of fear.
"What?" Ramon said, then looked down. His robe had fallen open. His belly was in the light, the thick, ropy scar livid against the brown of his skin. "Oh. That."
"Jesus Christ," the other whispered. "You"re me me!" He was staring at him in frozen horror.
"Calm down," Ramon said. "I can explain-"
"What are you?" the man shouted. "What the f.u.c.k are are you?" you?"
The man had drawn the knife. Lightning lit the world, flashing from the naked blade. A crackling detonation of thunder. Ramon rose to his feet, unsteady on the tilting raft.
"What the f.u.c.k are you?" There was hysteria in the man"s voice now. He"d dropped the oar. It was floating away, a prisoner of the river. There was hysteria in the man"s voice now. He"d dropped the oar. It was floating away, a prisoner of the river.
"Listen to me! Would you stop being such a little p.i.s.sant and f.u.c.king listen listen to me?" Ramon said. Then, looking at the man"s eyes-eyes he"d seen in the mirror his whole life-he sighed. "f.u.c.k it. Never mind." to me?" Ramon said. Then, looking at the man"s eyes-eyes he"d seen in the mirror his whole life-he sighed. "f.u.c.k it. Never mind."
There was no point. This wasn"t a talking fight anymore.
Chapter 23.
Two and a half meters by two and a half meters, the s.p.a.ce compli-cated by the fire pit, the lean-to. This was the kind of fight that didn"t last long. Ramon pulled off the sodden robe and wound it around one arm, scuttling to get the lean-to between them. Going into a knife fight naked didn"t make him happy, but with the full robe wrapped around his forearm, he had something he could block with. And his twin had to hold the blade in his left hand, where Ramon could use his right. They weren"t evenly matched. Not close. Ramon was going to lose.
The other man went into a low crouch, the knife at the ready.
There was nothing. If there had been some firewood, he might have been able to grab a branch and use it as a club. If the oar hadn"t floated off into the darkening gray, he might have used it like a staff.
"You led them here!" the other man shouted.
"I didn"t!"
"Lying sack of s.h.i.t!" the man yelled. "You"re one of them. You"re a monster!"
"Yes. Yes, I am. And I"m still still a better man than you." a better man than you."
"Monster!"
Ramon didn"t bother to answer. The man had made up his mind.
Just the way Ramon would have in his place. The one thing he understood was that there was no reason, no explanation, no perspec-tive he could bring to this that would make the ending any different from what it was going to be.
"You"re a f.u.c.king coward, you know that?" Ramon said, hoping to enrage his twin into making a mistake. "You"re a p.u.s.s.y. Elena"s a waste of air, and you know it."
"Don"t f.u.c.king talk about her!"
"You were in love love with that cook, Lianna. The one you stole from Martin Casaus. And you don"t even have the f.u.c.king b.a.l.l.s to say so! with that cook, Lianna. The one you stole from Martin Casaus. And you don"t even have the f.u.c.king b.a.l.l.s to say so!
You hang on to Elena because you"re scared not to. Because, without her, you know you aren"t part of anything or anyone. You"re just some pendejo pendejo with a third-cla.s.s van and some prospecting tools." with a third-cla.s.s van and some prospecting tools."
Rage flushed the other man"s face. Ramon bent his knees, center of gravity low, ready to dodge in whatever direction he needed to.
Except back. There was no raft left behind him.
"You don"t know s.h.i.t!"
"I know everything everything. Come on, b.i.t.c.h," Ramon said. "You want to dance? Fine. Come on. I"ll f.u.c.k you up and s.h.i.t you out."
The man swung wild, the raft rocking with his shifting weight.
Ramon sidestepped and turned, throwing a kick that connected with empty air. The man swung around in a lower stance now. They"d done little more than trade places. The knife was held sideways before him in a defensive block. The anger had drained out of the other man; his eyes were slitted and cold. That wasn"t good. If he"d been possessed by fear and blind rage, Ramon would have had a chance. If the b.a.s.t.a.r.d was thinking, thinking, then Ramon had just become the European. then Ramon had just become the European.
237 The man feinted left and then right, his eyes locked on Ramon"s.
Testing him. Ramon danced back, his feet finding the rough edge of the raft. The man swung, and Ramon dove into the attack, getting under and past the knife before it could score him. The raft creaked and bucked, making them both stumble, but the man was the first to regain his feet. Another stroke of lightning flashed. Thunder came almost before the glow had faded. Ramon grinned. His twin did as well. Whatever else, however bad this was, there was still a certain joy in it.
Under what circ.u.mstances do you kill?
When the motherf.u.c.ker needs to die.
Ramon took a careful swing with his unarmored hand, then dodged quickly when the knife flickered up to block him. The other man thrust low, leaving a shallow cut on Ramon"s leg, just above the knee. It was nothing. He forgot about it. They circled awkwardly, Ramon bouncing gently on the b.a.l.l.s of his feet. A light rain began, making the iceroot leaves beneath them slick. The other man gathered himself for a rush, the subtle bunching of his shoulders giving his intentions away. Ramon jumped, making the raft shift crazily.
The man slipped to one knee, and then rose again immediately.
"You killed him because you thought it would make them like you!" Ramon shouted.
"What?"
"You killed the pinche pinche European because you thought all those people in the El Rey would think you were a f.u.c.king hero! You"re pathetic!" European because you thought all those people in the El Rey would think you were a f.u.c.king hero! You"re pathetic!"
"f.u.c.k you, monster!" the other man said, and swung. It was what had to happen. Ramon didn"t give himself time to think; he jumped forward, letting the blade skate across his ribs, pinning the man"s arm against his side. Pain shrieked as the knife touched bone, but the man couldn"t pull back to stab again. Ramon used his free hand to grab the man"s injured hand and squeeze. His twin grunted with pain and tried to pull back. They wrestled togetherin a drunken embrace. This close, he could smell smell the other man, a rank, musky, unwashed reek that he found amazingly unpleasant. the other man, a rank, musky, unwashed reek that he found amazingly unpleasant.
His breath huffed into Ramon"s face like a blast of foul air, stinking of dead meat. Ramon kept the blade arm pinned against his side, but the other man lost his footing, and they slid to the deck together. Rain and river water splashed over them. Something struck the raft, and it spun crazily; there was no oar to stabilize them and no oarsman.
"You shouldn"t be alive, you f.u.c.king abomination," the man hissed. "You shouldn"t be alive!" "You shouldn"t be alive!"
"The thing is, you don"t understand flow," Ramon said, in a strangely conversational tone, as if they were having a beer together in a bar somewhere. "You don"t understand what it is to be part of something bigger. And, Ramon, you poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d, you aren"t ever going to know, either." Then he b.u.t.ted his head into the bridge of his twin"s nose. He could feel the bone give way, and the man yelped and pulled back. Ramon stuck with him, and they rolled. The little lean-to dug into Ramon"s back and then gave way with a snap. They turned once, both trying to regain their feet; the man refusing to release the knife, Ramon refusing to release his twin. Together, they fell in the water.
Ramon gasped despite himself and earned a throatful of river water. The other thrashed and twisted, and then they were apart, floating. Floating in a bright, flowing river. Ramon noticed the red bloom that came from his side, his blood mixing with the water, becoming a part of it. He was becoming the river.
It would have been easy to let it happen. The living sea called to him, and part of him wanted very much to join it, to become the river completely. But the part of him that was alien remembered the threatened sorrow of gaesu gaesu and the human part of him refused to be beaten, and together the two parts of himself forced him on. He shifted, and kicked against the flow with all his strength, the heat and blood pouring out of him. and the human part of him refused to be beaten, and together the two parts of himself forced him on. He shifted, and kicked against the flow with all his strength, the heat and blood pouring out of him.
239 In the raging flow of the river, the one who lived would be the one who found the raft first. He kicked, spiraling in the flow. The water around him was like a veil of pink. His blood. The thought flickered through his mind- How bad did he get me?- How bad did he get me?- and was gone. There wasn"t time. and was gone. There wasn"t time.
He found the raft, a darkness on the water, and swam toward it. In the corner of his eye, he saw the other man flailing. A thick length of vine had come loose from the raft and was snaking its way across the surface. Ramon gritted his teeth and pushed. Now. He could make it there now now.
He shot up from the water, his arms slamming down on the top of the raft. The other man was to his left, also crawling up, his breath a plume of water and spit. A branch caught on something; Ramon thought it was his robe until he remembered that the cloth was all wrapped around his arm. The wood had caught a flap of his own torn skin. The other man was almost on the raft. Ramon pulled his leg up, his ankle on the top, and pulled, desperately hauling himself up. The loose vine slid past his back, b.u.mping him like a water snake.
The rain felt like a thousand tiny blows. And he was up. He was on the raft again. He rolled over, and the man dropped a foot heavily onto Ramon"s chest, pinning him.
His twin was breathing like he"d just run a four-minute mile; his hair clung to his scalp like lichen on a stone, and his mouth was a pale grin surrounded by blood from his broken nose. Teeth like yellowed bone. Ramon tried to catch his breath, but the pressure from the man"s foot prevented him. He felt the grin on his own face.
"You got something to say before you die, monster?" his twin demanded.
"Sure," Ramon said, then fought to inhale. "You know what?
Ramon?"
"What?"
Ramon wheezed out a laugh.
"You don"t like yourself very much."
Time took the strangely powerless and dreamlike slowness that accompanies moments of horror and trauma. Ramon took pleasure in tracking the reactions as they made their way across the man"s face; surprise followed by confusion, confusion by embarra.s.sment, embarra.s.sment by a rage that towered over Ramon like summer thun-derheads dwarfed the mountains, and all of it in less than two beats of his racing heart. The blade drew back, prepared for the strike that would open Ramon"s throat. As he raised his arms against it, Ramon thought of the marks on bones and skin that came from dying men"s attempts to fend off steel with flesh; this was how those marks were made and there was nothing more he could do now than show whatever imagined coroner ever looked over his mortal remains that he"d put up h.e.l.l"s own fight.
Ramon was screaming, pure animal rage drowning out fear and the hopelessness of his effort, when the loose vine reared up from the water like a pale serpent; wires sparking and hissing in the place where its head would have been.
The man jumped back. The killing stroke became an awkward parry as the sahael sahael lunged at him. Ramon rolled until he was almost at the raft"s edge, then looked up. lunged at him. Ramon rolled until he was almost at the raft"s edge, then looked up.
The sahael sahael had wrapped itself twice around his twin"s leg, once around his belly, and was pressing its maw toward the man"s neck. had wrapped itself twice around his twin"s leg, once around his belly, and was pressing its maw toward the man"s neck.
Ramon"s twin had both hands gripping the sahael, sahael, struggling to hold it away from himself. The muscles in the man"s arms were bulging and quivering; Ramon half expected to hear the bones snap under the strain. It only took a moment to realize that if the man had both hands on his new attacker, he must have dropped the knife. struggling to hold it away from himself. The muscles in the man"s arms were bulging and quivering; Ramon half expected to hear the bones snap under the strain. It only took a moment to realize that if the man had both hands on his new attacker, he must have dropped the knife.
Yes, there. In the ruins of the lean-to, the blade caught the flash of lightning, and before the thunder could crackle and detonate, Ramon was scrambling forward, hand outstretched. The worn leather grip felt warm in his palm.
The man was shrieking something, the same syllables over and 241 241 over. It took Ramon a moment to realize that he was saying kill it kill kill it kill it kill it kill it it kill it kill it. He didn"t pause to think, he simply moved, his body knowing what it intended. He lunged forward, the knife in his right hand, and punched it hard into the man"s belly. Then twice more, to be sure. They were pushed together like lovers before Ramon pulled himself away, the man"s bearded cheek rasping against his own, the man"s breath panting against his face, rich with the earthy smell of decay. For a second, he could feel the man"s heart hammering against his own breast. Then he stepped back. The man"s face had gone white, his eyes as round as coins. That same look of surprise on his face, the look he"d seen on the European"s face; this can"t be happening to this can"t be happening to me, not to me, not to me. The me. The sahael, sahael, as if repelled by the blood, dropped from Ramon"s twin to land in a coil at their feet. as if repelled by the blood, dropped from Ramon"s twin to land in a coil at their feet.
"Pinche puto," the man said and dropped to his knees. The raft shuddered. Sheeting rain mixed with the blood pouring down the man"s face, belly, and legs. Ramon stepped back and squatted. The the man said and dropped to his knees. The raft shuddered. Sheeting rain mixed with the blood pouring down the man"s face, belly, and legs. Ramon stepped back and squatted. The sahael sahael shifted, as if considering each of them in turn, but it made no move to attack. "You"re not me," the man gasped. "You"re never going to be me! You"re a f.u.c.king shifted, as if considering each of them in turn, but it made no move to attack. "You"re not me," the man gasped. "You"re never going to be me! You"re a f.u.c.king monster monster."
Ramon shrugged, not arguing. "You got anything else you want to say? Talk quick."
His twin blinked as if he was crying, but who could see tears in all the rain?
"I don"t want to die!" the other whispered. "Please Jesus, I don"t want to die!"
"No one does," Ramon said gently.
His twin"s face shifted, hardened. He gathered himself, raised himself up a bit, and spat full in Ramon"s face.
"f.u.c.k you, a.s.shole!" the other rasped. "Tell them I died like a man!"
"Better you than me, cabron, cabron, " Ramon said, ignoring the spittle running down his face. " Ramon said, ignoring the spittle running down his face.