IBHB 15 - It should have been nonsense
TL: Eevee
Ed: Hungry Panda
Panty. Bra.s.siere. Bikini… armour. Clarice tentatively poked at her clothes that had transformed like a snake sneaking through the wall(1), screamed loudly enough to shake the training grounds, and dropped to the ground. Turning red as a tomato and trembling like a leaf she desperately tried to cover up her chest and b.u.t.t.
"Indeed. What a clean white. It suits you. This "bikini armour quickchange magic" is a spell that quickly replaces your clothes and underwear with bikini armour. In case of an emergency there"s nothing quite like it. It doesn"t matter if you wear nothing but a robe over the top like me, but as my prince has your status to think of, it might be best to learn this.
Ericia proudly raised her thumb and grinned.
"By the way, the shape and colour of the armour is affected by the user"s underwear"s shape and colour, so if only for appearance"s sake, wearing pretty underwear is better, please bear that in mind?"
Wink★ Ericia winked cutely. As soon as she did a wooden sword flew her way and hit her right between her eyebrows.
"Kaaaahk!"
"You crazy b.i.t.c.h! I never wanted to learn this s.h.i.t!"
Having picked herself up, Ericia rubbed her red forehead and pleaded.
"Y, Your Highness… calm down. There were some curse words that leaked out there. Please use pretty and elegant words instead!"
So she said it prettily and elegantly.
"♥♡♥You crazy b.i.t.c.h♥♡♥ ★I never☆wanted★to learn☆this s.h.i.t★"
"No, just because you decorate it doesn"t mean the words become pretty… Kuk!!"
Ericia took a direct hit from the follow up projectiles and fell over. Clarice threw everything she had at hand and threw it as hard as she could. Gra.s.s, dirt, rock, dummy, rock, rock, rock, boulder…
"Wait! Stop! I"m really gonna die! I"m gonna die!"
Kuuuuuuaaaaaaakkk!! Ericia"s pitiful screams rang loud and clear through the training grounds.
……Unfortunately her prided Womb Power might be able to stop men but it seemed that the power of nature (=stoning) was something it didn"t seem like it could block.
***
"Very good. Then let"s begin. First, close your eyes and take slow deep breaths."
Clarice eventually decided to learn it. What? Womb Power. Of course, she didn"t have a speck or iota of willingness to actually learn it, and she had tried to make a run for it as well. However, Ericia clung to her revealing the whites of her eyes and threatened ("this bikini armour quickchange magic works on men as well! Do you want to see your beloved hero in bikini armour?!") and her begging apology ("I was kidding earlier! If you just learn Womb Power I"ll return your clothes to normal! Surely you wouldn"t want Hero-nim to see you in that state?!") she could only clench her teeth and learn.
"Eri. Before that, at least something to cover up…"
Clarice half-cried, looking around as she stood up awkwardly covering her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and crotch. She was scared of other soldiers like that pervert "Opupai Taisuki" or whatever coming around. She didn"t want to imagine it. It was wretched.
She didn"t think she"d experience something this shameful after the demon king"s castle… who would have thought. Only a one letter difference between demon king castle and royal castle.(2) That this was a madhouse filled with lunatics completely off their rocker. That the hero"s suggestion last night to run away was the right one a hundred times over.
"Oho. Tsssp.(3) No you may not. In that case wouldn"t Womb Power weaken?"
"Uwwwuuu, you just said I had to learn it…!"
Clarice let out a voice of resentment. Tears formed in her eyes red-hot from embarra.s.sment.
"Well, if you"re learning it anyway, wouldn"t it be better to learn it properly? Now, my prince. Attention."
Clarice shot Ericia a gaze of complaint. But her appearance where she desperately tried to hide her body while glaring with an ashamed face was, rather than threatening, well…. Highly stimulating.
Ericia thought. On no. I want to tease her now….
"Eri."
"Yes?"
"Why is your nose bleeding?"
Wipe. Ericia wiped her nose with her forearm.
"You must have seen wrong. That was not a nosebleed, but snot."
"No. There are bloodstains on your nose…"
"It"s snot."
"……."
Clarice thought well okay then.
"Before that, let us begin. Surely we should finish up before the hero arrives?"
Ericia pettily attempted to play long with Clarice and naturally said so. ….Even if she dragged it out would anything change? Clarice decided to drop it and follow her. Her hands stopped trying to cover up and she stood at attention.
Under the bright sun, the light revealed Clarice"s smooth, white skin combined with a pure white bikini armour that combined to form an alluring half-naked figure. Clarice gnawed on her lip in her embarra.s.sment that nearly reached her limits. It was called bikini armour, but this was just underwear. And right now she was no different from a s.l.u.t wearing nothing but underwear outdoors.
Like the b.i.t.c.h right in front of her spouting a ma.s.sive nosebleed with her thumb up.
"Very good. Now close your eyes and slowly breathe deeply."
Clarice shut her eyes and breathed. In this ridiculous situation, now that her vision was sealed off her entire body felt like it was hypersensitive. Her heart beat like mad. Cold sweat ran around her entire body. There was no wind but her entire body quivered from a chill and felt dismal. If Hero-nim saw right now she was finished. Socially. Her honour. Various other meanings.
"Concentrate on your lower abdomen. Like you would feel mana from nature, feel the presence of your womb hidden deep in your lower abdomen."
Clarice unconsciously scoffed. There"s no way she would feel anything like that. Right now her attempts to learn Womb Power were nothing more than her playing along with Ericia.
Clarice genuinely debunked this Womb Power that Eri was advocating as bulls.h.i.t. While Ericia was most certainly a skilled fighter, she had simply convinced herself like so due to her exhibitionist tendencies, living up to her Exhibitionist t.i.tle. That was far more credible.
"How did she become like that. Poor woman…"
She did feel kind of sorry for her. Just as a madman didn"t wish to be mad, she didn"t become a pervert because she wanted to. At least I should treat her well, such kindly thoughts went through her head. So Clarice decided to do as she said. Following her words, Clarice tried to feel the presence of her womb slumbering deep in her lower belly.
Because Womb Power was nothing more than nonsense after all.
……..It should have been.
"That"s it! The symbol has started appearing!"
Ha?
Clarice opened her eyes and looked down at her belly. She"d been feeling an odd hot sensation from her lower abdomen, and something worth shuddering over was happening.
On the abdomen of the brightly-smiling Ericia, at some point the same symbol had also appeared. Clarice"s eyes jerked around madly. At this moment, Clarice was undergoing a culture shock that her common sense and values simply could not keep up with.
"To think that you could show the signs this quickly… My intuition wasn"t wrong. I knew my prince could do it!"
"No no, isn"t that weird itself! Eri! I used to be a man! I was a man just yesterday! Can a man like me use Womb Power which is supposedly a woman"s power?!"
Clarice immediately reb.u.t.ted. As if to rebel against this ridiculous reality.
"But aren"t you a woman now?"
Boom. At the heartless fact the resistance movement collapsed. Yes. She was a woman now. Man or whatever, she was a woman now… Although out of left field, Clarice accepted it. No, more than acceptance, this was the nail hammered into the coffin.
That she was a woman womanly enough to use Womb Power.
"My prince was always quite feminine to begin with."
"Eri. Please shut up."
Did she want to fan the flames or something.
"Anyway, now that I"ve learnt Womb Power return my clothes back to normal."
"Eh? Learned? Just feeling it is just the tip of the iceberg. At the very least you need to learn how to use it."
Ericia said coolly. Oi, what"s with the change of heart now? Clarice glared at her, but turned her head and accepted it.
"……Please end it quickly."
She felt like the rabbit hole was only getting deeper.
***
Correction. Apologies to the deep rabbit hole. Sorry. Rabbit hole. Clarice profusely apologised to the hole in her mind, and clutched her head. It was simply lamentable how had things come to the present situation.
"b.r.e.a.s.t.s are a symbol of women. Thus, it falls within the domain of Womb Power. Do you see? Draw the Womb Power up into your b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Then like this-"
Even though her hands were nowhere near, Ericia"s b.r.e.a.s.t.s started jiggling around in circles. They shook in a strict rhythm as if following a beat. Clarice thought who knew that strict rhythm could actually look this lewd.
"……Eri. Surely you"re not telling me to follow that? Please tell me you"re not."
It wasn"t. That is, she wasn"t not. Eventually, Clarice held in her tears and followed. Jiggle swish. Unlike Ericia, her own b.r.e.a.s.t.s shook like they"d burst out at any minute. It was probably due to her lack of control, but she lacked not a single, teensy little bit of regret.
"My goodness. To think you"d awake to it this quickly. My prince, you might surpa.s.s me at this! No, you definitely will!"
Was that something to be proud of? Was that really something to be proud of?
"Then onto the next step… Hm?"
Ericia turned her head around. Had the hero arrived, Clarice"s line of sight hurriedly followed. At the end of her line of sight were the trees that surrounded the courtyard. No one was there.
She could hear the wind though.
"I thought there was someone there, but it must have been my imagination."
"Thank goodness."
Seriously.
"The next step is using the momentum of your b.r.e.a.s.t.s in the first movement of the Womb Style."
"Is that name seriously alright?"
"It"s alright. There"s no problem."
But there might be a problem in her head.
Saying that she"d demonstrate the first movement, Ericia stood in front of the training dummy, gripped the wooden sword(the one Clarice had thrown at her earlier) and took a stance. If you looked at the stance alone it was quite impressive, but those b.l.o.o.d.y jiggling b.r.e.a.s.t.s blocked everything. To the point where that you could wonder whether this was a swordsmanship demonstration or a puppet show.
"Haap!"
At one moment, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s seemed to lean heavily in one direction, and then swung out like a cannon. At the same time, Ericia was swept along with that ma.s.sive momentum and swung the wooden sword.
A flash of light swept the world.
Pishuu! An ear rending roar and a sharp wind whipped up. Clarice couldn"t take the force of the wind and fell down on her b.u.t.t. More than the pain, her face was frozen in shock at the sight in front of her.
"Eh? What"s this? Can this be that strong? Just b.r.e.a.s.t.s??"
How ridiculous was this that she thought it might not be bad to learn it… was the devil, no, the pervert"s whisper in her ear.
Ericia tossed the shattered wooden sword and said.
"Did you see? Later on there are even more spectacular ones than this. How is it? Isn"t it better than the hero?"
Clarice thought. Spectacular it may be, Hero-nim doesn"t do perverted things like you do. And call for the hero and he comes-
"Who"s better than me now?"
"Hii, hiiiik?! Hero-nim?!!!"
"Oh, it"s been a while. Minwoo!"
Unlike Clarice who immediately dropped to the ground desperately trying to hide her body, Ericia greeted Minwoo like she would an old friend. Minwoo looked around the dump that was left of the training grounds, looked at Ericia who was cheerfully laughing hahaha! And blanched.
"You crazy b.i.t.c.h. Are you streaking again?!"
"Embarra.s.sed as always. It"s because you keep grumbling like that the priestess keeps calling you an unripe pepper."(4)
"Shut up! You should be the embarra.s.sed one here!"
Minwoo turned his reddened face and shouted. Seriously, the n.o.ble knight and the pure priestess were both being perverts as a pair, he was almost ashamed to admit that he had adventured with them.
"But where did Clarice go and you"re here…"
Minwoo stopped talking. He saw white. Elegant white underwear. A beautiful fairy wearing nothing but said elegant white underwear. He saw the beautiful fairy wearing nothing but elegant white underwear that was desperately squirming around trying to cover up her dazzling body.
It was Clarice.
He rubbed his eyes thinking he was seeing things.
It was Clarice.
"He-Hero-niiim… Please don"t look at me… Sob…"
Minwoo unconsciously had a nosebleed and thought.
Marriage, might not be too bad.
Author"s Note
[][][]
(1) Apparently, an idiom to "play tricks cautiously without arousing suspicion."
(2) Doesn"t work in English. Demon king castle = 마왕성 royal castle = 왕성
(3) Sound of someone inhaling through closed teeth
(4) The Korean word for pepper is very, very similar to the Korean word for p.e.n.i.s.