Before going home in the morning, I was unwilling, deliberately dawdling while having breakfast.
Well, my dad was watching the financial news.
After finishing breakfast, I went to clean up the kitchen, pretending that I was organizing the kitchen waste.
My dad was on the phone over there, dealing with his business.
I stood at the door and looked at him for a long time.
He finally hung up the phone, looking at me with confusion. Then he said, "What"s the matter?"
I said with a unhappy look, "Aren"t you driving me back?"
He said, "Your brother X (that was what I called the driver) is downstairs now."
For a while, he continued to say, "Do you want me to drive you back?"
Oh, ya! Smart boy! I nodded happily.
He smiled and said, "Do you want me to take you home, or you don"t want to go home at all?"
I was suddenly speechless.
He sighed and walked to me: "Did what I said last night make you upset?" Who was I? I was such a man with strong self-esteems. Of course I would not admit such a thing, which was humiliating! So I shook my head and denied it. I insisted that I just wanted him to send him home. I also mentioned my grandma, saying that my grandma must want to see him. By the way, I advised him to make up with my grandma again...I felt that my speech was perfect and touching.
After listening to what I said, he looked at me while he was smiling, "How could you talk nonsense like that?"
I said: "No. It"s for your good."
He said, "Well, I will do it as you hope me to do."
Then, he touched my head and rubbed my hair. His face was quite close to me. Even he was smiling to me...
Eh, I hope I didn"t blush.
Then he took me home.
We didn"t talk too much on the way. And when we got home, he wanted to go directly. I stared at him for a while, then he reluctantly got out of the car and went in with me.
My grandma was upstairs, but she must know my dad was back.
Then, my dad went upstairs to see my grandma. After about a dozen minutes, he went downstairs, not looking well. He told me that he was gonna go.
I asked him, "Was the chat unpleasant?"
He shook his head and said, "There"s nothing to talk."
I wondered what they were talking about. Was that so hard to talk with each other?
He looked at me and said, "Don"t embarra.s.s. I"ll fix it. Don"t be worried. I"m leaving now. If you want to come to me next week, let me know in advance."
Then, he left.
I felt more confused.
I always thought that something was wrong with him.
I got it! It was the way my dad looked at me at that time!
In my view, "Don"t be embarra.s.sed" he said meant that I would be embarra.s.sed when I was stuck in the middle between him and my grandma. But the look in his eyes was not that simple.
How should I describe it?
He looked at me as if I was in a dangerous cage and he swore to get me out of here.
Maybe there was a misunderstanding between us.
I gathered my courage to ask my grandma about what happened.
After that, I felt more confused.
According to my grandmother, the main problem they were talking about was that my dad was trying to change my nationality.
Not long after he was born, he was sent abroad. For convenience, my dad"s nationality was changed. About half a year ago, he told my grandma that he wanted to change mine too. Well, my grandma disagreed with it.
Of course my grandma had many reasons for that, including the company, property, family relations and so on.
I was surprised to hear it. So I asked my grandma: "What does my dad think?"
My grandma didn"t look at me, just saying, "Who knows? It"s not me who brings him up. So I can"t control him...Well, if I don"t send him abroad, or I take him back earlier, he will not be so ridiculous."
I said: "Grandma, there is not so terrible a thing. He must have thought about it seriously. Haven"t you discussed the advantages and disadvantages of the matter rationally?"
My grandma just sighed without any words.
Now, she was often in a temper like a child. So I slowly learned to make her happy. Then I comforted her, "Now to think of it, I should have been the first one to know this matter. But I am the last one knowing it now. I am not angry. So please don"t be mad with my dad."
My grandma was about to speak, but said nothing. She sighed, "You"d better know nothing. I have watched you grow up. Do not fool around with him, otherwise, I will be devastated."
I thought, "What can I do with him? I just want to keep away from my dad."
Unfortunately, I couldn"t do it.
Well, deep down, I really wanted to fool around with him.
If my grandma knew what I was thinking about, she would be sad soon.
Well, life was so hard.
Anyway, that was all my grandma had told me, so I still knew nothing about what happened.
In fact, the best way right now was to ask my father directly.
However, I had no guts to do it.
And my intuition told me that I shouldn"t know too much.
Ever since I discovered and admitted my feelings for my dad, I found everything was difficult for me. Rationally I knew I had to stay away from my dad in order to avoid some trouble and pain in the future.
But I didn"t want to do that deep down.
It seemed that I wanted to be with him.
Oh My G.o.d!
What should I do now?