Starting from the time the little kids turned two, my faith started to grow and became personal to me, and I began writing prayers-in essence, my own letters to G.o.d-in my journal as an expression of faith.
When the little kids were born, we just needed G.o.d to show up and provide for us. It wasn"t until two years later that I realized and understood that he wanted a unique and personal relationship with each of us. He created each of us uniquely and we all matter to him-our needs, wants, and desires are all important to G.o.d. I could have done fertility treatments for years, and if it wasn"t his plan for us to have twins and s.e.xtuplets, we wouldn"t have had them-or any kids for that matter. This was G.o.d"s perfect plan for us, and I was awed by the realization that he had a plan for my life and for my family. He uniquely picked me to be the mother of these exact kids, and I needed to trust that his plan was the best plan for me. Accordingly, I needed to adjust "my plan" with his perfect plan-even when it felt exhausting (which was pretty much all the time).
My faith was always important to me but it was never more important than when I had to depend on G.o.d to provide for my family. I prayed for little things and big things; praying made it possible for me not to worry anymore. I asked him to lead my prayers because I truly didn"t want anything that G.o.d didn"t want for me. He never failed us. His provision was so clear, we could not deny it. Every single day we saw a miracle.
One of my very favorite stories-and one that I mention frequently-began on Christmas Eve in 2006 when my brother and sisters and their families came over to celebrate the holiday with us. After dinner, as we were doing dishes, my sister Kendra was talking about a family at her church with four kids, whose Christmas was going to be difficult for them because the dad had been unemployed for over a year.
As I handed her a dish to dry, I got a sick feeling in my stomach and thought, "Been there, done that. I do not ever want to go back to that time in our lives."
After they left, I could not stop thinking about that family. I knew G.o.d was saying I needed to write them a check. I remember arguing with him for a few days, but he wouldn"t let up and even put a number in my head. Finally, out of exasperation, I called my sister to get the family"s name and address. I wrote out the check right then and there and ran to the mailbox. (You would run too if you had six two-year-olds ready to disa.s.semble your house on a moment"s notice. ) When I opened up the mailbox, I saw another envelope inside with a bow on it. It hadn"t come through the mail system. In my best time-saving skills, I ripped open the envelope as I was running back to the house. I literally almost fell over when I saw what was inside: A gift card for Sam"s Club in the exact amount I had just written the check for.
This is only one example of the many times G.o.d has provided perfectly. We could not deny his work in our house. Chance could not have put that envelope in our mailbox with the gift card. In the exact amount. On that exact day. This still amazes me.
One day when Mady was five, she was playing in the bas.e.m.e.nt. She"s naturally inquisitive, so she"s always asking me questions. After a few questions about Jesus, she said matter-of-factly: "So Mommy, tell me how I can go to heaven."
I was a little taken aback since she was only five, and I have never pressured any of my kids into this decision. But she seemed to understand what she was asking, so I explained that she had to ask Jesus into her heart.
Mady answered, "Oh, I"d like to do that."
Right there in the middle of our toy explosion, she accepted Jesus into her heart. Cara sat back and watched, but her turn didn"t come until a year later.
One stormy summer night, we were sitting down to have dinner and Hannah was singing, "B-I-B-I-B."
I didn"t have the heart to tell her it was B-I-B-L-E. "Who"s going to say thank you to Jesus?" I asked.
"I will!" Mady said.
Cara said, "We should pray for Daddy that he is safe. It looks scary outside." Jon hadn"t come home from work yet and the storm looked like it was getting worse. And then she added softly, "Mommy. I want to ask Jesus into my heart after dinner."
"Oh, Cara, of course!" I said through tears as I bent down to give her a hug.
After dinner, the girls took the little kids downstairs to play while I cleaned up. Cara came back up after a few minutes and said, "Remember, I want to ask Jesus into my heart." I put down the cups I was clearing and took her into our bedroom and led her in the salvation prayer.
"Dear Jesus, I know I"m a sinner. Please forgive me. Please come into my heart. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins so I can live forever with you as you promised. In Jesus" name, amen."
Apart from seeing your kids born healthy, there is nothing sweeter than seeing them accept Jesus into their heart.
One of the biggest ways I put my faith to the test during this time was the decision to quit my job. In April of 2005 I had started working again-one day a week as a nurse at an outpatient dialysis clinic. Every Sat.u.r.day I worked a double shift (sixteen hours). At our old house, work was only five minutes away, but it was an hour away from Elizabethtown. I left at five a.m., started work at six a.m., and worked until ten p.m., so I didn"t get home until eleven at night. I frequently asked Jon to pray for my drive home as I was exhausted after that long day and often dozed off on the road. It was scary!
As brutal as such a long workday was, it really was a great setup for us. I was grateful for the opportunity, as such flexibility in a job is hard to come by.
Every Friday I prepped all day for Sat.u.r.day. I left notes, schedules, and meals, and Jon was home with the kids all day on Sat.u.r.day. I used to say, "In our house, mom or dad, it doesn"t make a difference. " Jon was a very hands-on dad, and our kids didn"t prefer a parent-one was as good as the other.
By mid-2006 I started to feel that I needed to quit my job to be home more. We were trying to fit in filming time, and I didn"t want to miss every Sat.u.r.day. The guilt of not being with my family on the weekends weighed heavily on me.
I prayed constantly for my girls, who were in first grade. I asked G.o.d to protect them and to bring them home safely every day. I prayed that G.o.d would keep them innocent from all evil at school and to feel his love around them. I wanted them to shine for him!
But even with all my prayers, I still missed my big girls. They were gone to school during the week, and I was working on the weekends. I prayed that G.o.d would make a way for me to be home at least until the six were in school full time. Besides, Jon and I needed to have some lazy Sat.u.r.days as a family to let a little steam out of the pressure cooker of life. "Please, Lord," I said, "please! I want to be here!"
Soon I felt like G.o.d was saying, "Okay. Quit. Trust me on this."
As much as I wanted to do what he asked, I ignored him. We really needed my paycheck, and I couldn"t see how we could make it work without that income. I continued to wrestle with this issue. I really wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but the financial part didn"t seem to line up with my desire. I knew G.o.d was urging me to quit and trust in him-and I wanted to listen-but I wasn"t quite ready to let go and let him handle our finances.
Things came to a head when my new boss wanted me to work double shifts December 23 23 and 24. Not only did he want me to work on Christmas Eve, it was also a Sat.u.r.day and Sunday-and I was hired only to work Sat.u.r.days. When I told him I couldn"t, he didn"t agree. After all, he wasn"t the one who hired me, and he needed to do his job by scheduling enough staff. But for me, as I already had been wrestling with the idea of quitting, I knew this was G.o.d"s way of telling me the time had come. I could trust him. He had always met our needs. Everything had always been taken care of. and 24. Not only did he want me to work on Christmas Eve, it was also a Sat.u.r.day and Sunday-and I was hired only to work Sat.u.r.days. When I told him I couldn"t, he didn"t agree. After all, he wasn"t the one who hired me, and he needed to do his job by scheduling enough staff. But for me, as I already had been wrestling with the idea of quitting, I knew this was G.o.d"s way of telling me the time had come. I could trust him. He had always met our needs. Everything had always been taken care of.
I spent time praying, journaling, and reading my devotions as I thought about my options. G.o.d was urging me to quit. Jon really wanted me to quit too, which was amazing. And now my boss was making it almost impossible for me not to quit. All this time I had asked G.o.d to make it very clear to me what to do, and now he had. I thought about the Israelites entering the Promised Land, and reminded myself that not trusting in G.o.d always prevents us from receiving his best.
Sometimes I need answers to be written in the sky in order for me to obey and trust G.o.d; but he seems to meet me where I am in my trust in him-or lack thereof. I was still scared to give up my income, but had finally decided do so, since G.o.d made it very obvious I needed to.
So finally I heard the words, "I quit," come out of my mouth. The next time I talked to my boss, I told him my last day would be December 9.
"Okay, I have you down for December 9 and 23," he said, "and then I"ll take you off the schedule."
"No," I said, staying firm. "December 9 is my very last day."
While I was worried and scared to be out of work, I knew G.o.d would always provide. I also felt thrilled to be doing what G.o.d wanted me to do. When I told Cara and Mady I wouldn"t be working anymore, Cara lunged toward me and held on for a while, hugging me very tightly as though I had just given her a toy she had been begging for. She confirmed it: I had definitely made the right decision.
Still, while paying bills later that week, I got nervous again, worried that maybe I didn"t do the right thing. But in my devotions that night, I read this: "To claim that prayer will always be answered in the very way and for the particular thing that we desire, is presumption. G.o.d is too wise to err, and too good to withhold any good thing from them that walk uprightly."
With that in mind, I put my fears aside and decided firmly to continue to rely on the Lord for our needs. He would pull us through, I knew, because I was obeying him by staying home with my family. And I was thankful for the opportunity he had given me.
About a year later, Jon and I were invited to speak at a church in Mississippi. I worked closely Vanessa who had arranged the trip, and while I was there, she was sharing with me that she was pregnant with her third child and wanted to stay at home with her kids. I told her my story about how I struggled with the same dilemma.
Three months later it was so rewarding to receive this email from her: Kate,Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I quit my job and am now a stay-at-home mom, and I couldn"t be happier. G.o.d has provided for all of our needs just like you said he would. Thanks again for encouraging me.Vanessa My kids are constantly teaching me about faith through their own wonder and amazement and acceptance. One night at the dinner table, Mady prayed for our meal: "Thank you, Jesus, for putting this food in our cabinets so Mommy could make us dinner."
I was blown away at her choice of words and understanding, so I asked her where she came up with that prayer.
In an almost condescending tone, she said, "Well, Jesus did did put it there!" put it there!"
Of course. Silly me.
Another evening as I was preparing dinner in the kitchen, Joel walked in and announced, "Oh, Mommy! Look at the sky! How did it get like that?"
Looking at the sunset with its full display of oranges, blues, pinks, and purples, I responded, "Jesus painted it."
"How?"
"Not with a paintbrush, but he made the sky and decorated it."
"Oh!"
The next night brought another gorgeous sunset, and Joel once again walked in and looked out the window. "Look, Mommy. Jesus painted the sky again!"
In our busy stressful lives, we often don"t remember to look at sunsets. Our kids often have to point out the simple wonders of living. Since then, whenever I see a sunset like that, no matter where I"m at or who I"m with, I have to say out loud, "Oh look, Jesus painted the sky again."
Jon and I had planned a trip to California for our first church speaking event in November, and as the date approached I began to feel nervous. Flying is not exactly my favorite thing to do. What if we crashed? I couldn"t bear the idea of not being around for the kids and not seeing them grow up. I spent some time praying that G.o.d would protect us the entire trip and reunite our family on Monday when we returned. Just saying things like, "I know you love us, Lord, and I know you are in control. I will trust you!" calmed my heart. Putting myself in G.o.d"s hands was the safest thing I could do.
It"s probably a good thing I learned to pray like this, because traveling unbeknownst to me at the time was going to become a big part of my life. Jon and I had two more speaking trips coming up in the beginning of 2007, and I kept on praying for our safety, and more. These were important trips, and I was thankful for the opportunity to show G.o.d"s love to the world. I prayed that we would glorify G.o.d in all that we said and did. I prayed for our children"s safety, and for them to be happy and feel safe and loved while we were away. I prayed that Jon and I would be able to relax and enjoy our trips so that when we returned we would be more loving and patient parents. I also prayed that Jon and I would reconnect and remember how much we love each other. "Thank you for this never-boring journey you have chosen to send us on," I prayed. I still thank G.o.d for that.
My travels continued, and my prayers did too. I was learning to pray for so much more than myself. I asked G.o.d to let his love shine through me as I spoke at different events and venues, and to let me be an example of his love to all who met me.
Prayer and parenting seem to go hand in hand. G.o.d knows-and I tell him constantly-that I have always wanted us to be parents who serve him and who teach our children how to love him and each other. I could not do that without prayer. "Lord, make me kind and loving and patient and caring," I wrote in my journal. "Help my children to know that I love them and that everything I do is for them!"
Marriage is the same way: we can"t do it without prayer. Some days marriage was easy, but when life got stressful and the weight of the world seemed to fall on me, it was all I could do to cry out, "Lord, deliver me from myself and Jon from himself! Please help us to love each other and help me to keep my mouth shut, especially when I am tired and irritable!" I think I know now just how important those types of prayers were-and are, for every marriage.
Overall, some of my favorite prayers were the ones I took straight from Scripture or from meaningful songs and hymns, like, "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." These prayers seemed to speak for me when I couldn"t come up with the words to say myself. I love that there are different ways to communicate with Jesus. My biggest prayer will continue to be that my children have a strong relationship with G.o.d and learn to rely on him in every situation.
Letter to Alexis Dear Alexis, My "Precious Moments" girl, you were named before you existed! After Cara and Mady were born, Daddy and I agreed our next girl (if we had one!) would be named Alexis. In addition, I always knew that Faith would be your middle name because I had faith that even with our fertility issues, we would be able to have another baby. I"ve always loved how perfect Alexis Faith is together!
While I desired to have a third baby, it was a complete shock to learn that I was going to have seven more babies at once! As you know, our seventh baby now lives in heaven with Jesus and went there when she was very tiny. You especially talk about "our other baby" often. We imagine what her name would have been. Emma Rose? Or Ella Rose? (We have agreed it was a girl).
To be honest, it took Mommy quite awhile to accept the idea of so many babies at once; but over time, I was able to embrace my destiny and put my best mommy efforts to the task of keeping you growing and healthy until you were big enough to be born safely. After you were born, the task was strangely similar. You, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel were born prematurely, as predicted, at 29 weeks and 5 days. A normal pregnancy lasts about 40 weeks, so your early birth meant you came about 10 weeks too soon.
I"ll never forget the first time I saw your precious teeny face! I managed to visit you in the neonatal unit eight hours after your birth. You were in the incubator closest to the door. I lifted the cover and saw your golden blonde hair and your closed Asian eyes. I smiled because you were the first of my children that even hinted at a resemblance of me. I also had blonde hair as a little girl!
Your tiny pink cheeks and lips made me cry. You were perfect in every way-just small. Two pounds eleven point five ounces to be exact. I was instantly overcome with love for you. Your brothers and sisters were spread throughout the NICU and it made me feel sad that you were, for the first time ever, separated from your womb mates. I whispered to you, "Hi Alexis, it"s Mommy. I love you! I"m sorry you have to be here. I did my best to keep you safe as long as I could. Rest baby. Grow strong so I can take you home soon!"
The next year was filled with many bottles and diaper changes. But it was mostly a year filled with people helping and inundating our tiny house at each feeding time. I know you remember who fed you most, Alexis: Your Nana Janet, who was the comedic relief during most eight p.m. feedings. She would tell funny stories to the point where we were all laughing so hard that Janet got worried we were shaking the babies too much. "Oh, these poor babies," she"d say. And of course, that would just make us laugh harder. I credit those bedtime feedings as not only good comedy but also good stress relief.
I often told Janet that I blamed her for making you so goofy and silly, and she readily accepted the "blame"-and loved you so much. She was an ever-present constant in your and your brothers and sisters" lives. You had many chats with Nana over the next few years as she ironed, played or read books with you.
I"ve watched you grow into a kind and caring little girl. I have enjoyed the humor you have brought to our family. You have a way of knowing when I need a silly Alexis face to brighten my day. Or even a silly Alexis comment that only you can come up with! Ironically, you earned the nickname "Sa.s.sy" from your brothers and sisters. They couldn"t say Alexis, so Sa.s.sy stuck-mostly, I think, because you just plain were!
When I look at you, I see complete beauty. You have "the face of an angel" as Grandmom used to say. It"s a good cover for that naughty side that lurks behind the mischievous twinkle in your eye! I look forward to watching that face-and the rest of you-grow. You have a kindness and empathy for others (and animals!) that I hope you always continue. Remembering that G.o.d created every person, no matter their appearance, occupation, abilities, or inabilities, and developing the desire to see others the way G.o.d sees them will help you to navigate life successfully. I have not always possessed the skills to see others this way. In recent years, as life has exposed our family to so many people, places, and experiences, I have been more able to love and befriend others more readily, but it took me awhile. I admire your warmth and acceptance of anyone who walks into your life. Never lose sight of this gift that seems to come more naturally to you.
Over the last few years, our family life has changed a lot. I want you to know that one thing that will never change is my love for you. Although these changes are confusing and quite upsetting to you now, I"ll willingly help you understand why someday. Always know that above all else your needs and the needs of your brothers and sisters are my first priority.
Work hard, Alexis. Take the hard road and finish whatever you start! You will develop a deep confidence in yourself if you always do your best-even if it"s difficult.
I love it that you want to "get a baby," as you constantly say; but be sure you first graduate from college and get married ("get a husband," as you say). These have been my continual instructions to you and your sisters.
Whatever you choose to do in life, I will support you. I am your biggest cheerleader and will be by your side always helping you. I wish for you a happy life-one that brings you a satisfying education, career, and family. Come to me when you need advice, help, instructions, or just a good listener. I"m here for you-today and all of your tomorrows.
Love forever and always, no matter what, Mommy
5.
BEHIND THE SCENES.
Long before anyone had heard of us, Jon put together our family website, which he worked on in the evenings in the closet where his computer was. We were proud of our family and were happy to provide progress reports in response to the many inquiries from the interested and supportive public.
We had been doing local news reports because we felt we owed the community an update. I could picture the little old ladies my grandma"s age saying, "I wonder what happened to those babies." However, the reporters always tied cute little bows on the story-this cute little couple, with cute little twins, had six cute little babies-without talking about the struggles. Jon was unemployed for a year, we were struggling to make ends meet, and everyday life was isolating and difficult with eight kids under the age of six. We weren"t complaining; we just felt misrepresented. Jon and I didn"t feel like that "cute little couple."
One day we received an email through our family website from a production company. I called them to find out what they were about. The production company owner"s motto was that he made real TV for people to understand people better. That was all I needed to hear. We felt like we were misunderstood at this time-we were just parents with fertility issues who got more than we bargained for, but we were determined to make the best of it.
The production company wanted to make a one-hour doc.u.mentary with the Discovery Health Channel. I personally remembered watching doc.u.mentaries about multiples and found them fascinating, so I thought others might be interested in our story. Our main benefit was that six to nine months of our lives would be on a DVD for us to show our kids someday. The idea of capturing our lives on film at this time was very enticing since we were too busy to do it ourselves. Sign us up!
Cara, Mady, Hannah, and Leah playing in the snow.
It turned out that there were additional benefits besides the family footage. In addition to covering a dinner out, the production company offered to cover our bill when we filmed at Sam"s Club, and they purchased snow boots for the children when we picked out a Christmas tree. This helped us immensely.
During our first hour special on the Discovery Health Channel, I had shown my ugly "jowls of a dog" belly because I knew, had I been on the other side, I would have been interested in what a belly looked like after having s.e.xtuplets. A plastic surgeon and his wife saw the episode and contacted the network to offer me a free tummy tuck. I was standing in my bedroom when I heard the news, and I screamed at the top of my lungs. When I finished screaming, I could not remember the phone number of any of my friends or family-or Jon!-to share the news. I was speechless (which doesn"t happen often).
What an opportunity! I would say a dream come true, but I hadn"t even dared to have that dream. Lots of logistics and expenses had to be figured out before this was a sure thing-like who was going to help take care of the kids, how I was going to be able to miss work, how I could recover after major surgery with eight small children. An amazing opportunity for sure, but would it become a reality?
Then the production company stepped in to say that they were interested in making another hour special and would like to film this as part of the show. They offered to a.s.sist in the additional logistical and financial concerns. This dream was becoming a reality.
Just prepping for being away during the surgery was a feat in itself. At the time, I could barely leave the house for work for sixteen hours without major planning. I cooked for two days straight in order to have two weeks of meals during the recovery process after the surgery. Even the decision of who took which kids, which kids got along best together took careful planning. We ended up splitting our kids up between five different homes of friends and family, whom we were so grateful for. But that meant I needed to pack five different suitcases, write fives sets of detailed instructions, and spend a day and a half dropping everyone off. Two days before we left, Jon drove four hours each way to meet my friend Jamie who was taking Cara and Mady. The day before we left, we spent the entire day playing school bus as we dropped off the little kids at four different homes.
It felt very odd, as we headed to New York for the surgery without any kids. This was the first time Jon and I had traveled anywhere alone without any kids since I was pregnant with Cara and Mady, and we were strangely looking forward to it. On the night before surgery as we were settling into the hotel, it finally occurred to me that I was going to have a major procedure and for the first time I started to get nervous. I had been so busy planning for it that I hadn"t had time to really think about having surgery until that point.
The surgery itself went well, though there was more repair work done than originally antic.i.p.ated. The muscles were so stretched apart, my abs were ripped down the middle, and there was a four inch gap. The surgeon sewed the muscles back together, removed 1 1/2 pounds of skin, and repaired two hernias.
Because of all the work that was done, the pain afterward made my C-section pain pale in comparison. My muscles spasmed for a full week.
A week later, when I finally arrived home from my surgery, I walked into the little kids" room to find them in their cribs. Alexis didn"t quite recognize me because while away I had also changed the color of my hair. She kept saying, "Hi Mommy. Hi Mommy. Hi Mommy." She was oh so adorable.
I had missed them so much! And to say that was an understatement since I had never been away from them that long before.
Taking so much time to recover from the surgery was tough and took quite a bit of creativity. I wasn"t allowed to lift the kids for two weeks but still had to take care of them. I had put the sides of their cribs down and taught them how to climb out onto a stool, changed them on the floor, and had them climb into their high chairs.
Two weeks after the surgery I slowly started to get back into a regular routine. I still couldn"t believe my belly was on its way to looking normal again.
As you can see, the fringe benefits affiliated with making the second hour special helped us out immensely, and in this case, made it possible for a dream to come true. An additional bonus was that we had yet a second hour of memories captured on DVD.
By the time we signed up to do the television series, we had been filming for a year already. We liked the routine, our kids loved the crew members, and we loved being able to work at home and travel as a family-a win-win all around. Jon and I were in agreement that this was a great opportunity for all of us.
It wasn"t until much later that the price to pay for giving up our privacy became evident-as no one could have predicted how well our show would do.
Everybody talks about saving for college for their kids, but it was almost laughable to us with eight children, who would all be attending at the same time. It"s definitely a daunting dream to send them all to college, but every time we could, we put a little away. Even though we didn"t have a lot of money, we were not in debt. So when we signed on to do the series (one season at that time), our primary goal was to put the money toward providing for the future of our children, even though we knew that the amount wouldn"t make a dent in eight college funds. I know there"s nothing wrong with working your way through college-that"s what I did even though I still needed financial a.s.sistance from my grandparents. But we wanted to be sure they had the opportunity to go to college, and we didn"t want money to be what kept them from going. If we had an only child, we"d pay for her college, so why couldn"t we do it for eight?
There was more to filming than viewers got to see. Filming was flexible and the crew worked around our family schedule. We filmed anywhere from two hours to six hours a day, and from one to three days a week. The majority of the interviews at the end of the episodes were taped at night after the kids were in bed, since that was the only time the house was quiet. Those interviews were fun times where Jon and I would laugh and hang out with the crew. We drank coffee and ate jelly beans and often continued hanging out long after our interviews were completed. This was our way of spending time with co-workers, and we enjoyed our working relationship with them.
Leah helps by "clapping" the marker during a television shoot.
We worked hard to keep a steady, familiar crew to create a personal intimate environment. We made it a point to meet and get to know each person before they became a part of our film crew so they weren"t bodies behind cameras; they were people with a friendship and familiarity with our family.
When the cameras were off, the crew and the kids played together. They would give piggy back rides, play games, stack blocks, and watch skits Mady and Cara put on for them. The kids even had nicknames for each of them-Stinky, Meatball, Wave, and Jen Little. When they would arrive for filming, the kids would run and greet them with hugs. Then they would start in on the stories they had saved up to tell crew.
Mike, the sound guy, used his furry boom mic as a toy for them, and Collin once used a long weed as his own boom mic.