Chapter 179 - Scar (2)
Scar (2)
“It’s an important story.”
He must have felt the quiet oscillations in my voice. Because he was a man with a keen sense of everything about me.
“Excuse me, Grand Duke.”
Ricdorian stiffened his body at the gradually changing voice and his name.
“I don’t talk about myself well to other people. In fact, in the past, I wasn’t really curious about myself either.”
The story of the day when I thought that I could just live comfortably.
“Because it’s useless to talk about what’s already happened.”
For similar reasons, I don’t get angry easily. I don’t raise my voice If there’s no reason to.
“And actually, I don’t really care what other people think. It’s enough just to keep my back warm and eat well.”
The days I lived like that. Those days when other things didn’t matter as long as my comfort was there.
“But why are you?”
I pulled out the hand he was holding. Ricdorian’s eyes widened at the big and determined movement from me.
“Why do you make me regret?”
I tried to smile, but I don’t know if it went well.
It was easy to pretend to be calm from fear and unfamiliarity, but the opposite is not easy. The warm and tickling things made me more vulnerable than the bitter emotions.
Your blindness makes me in trouble.
“Even if I go back, I will feel sorry for you, or I may feel more heavily than I do now.”
I bit my lips slightly.
People who usually do not pay attention to their emotions, and those who have let go of them carelessly, are often fl.u.s.tered by the flames burning in their chest. Like me.
At that time, four years ago, I didn’t have the courage, didn’t want to take responsibility, and didn’t know how to take responsibility.
“Because that was the best thing.”
So when I go back, I’ll abandon Ricdorian again. I was such a person.
“I told you. I’m selfish and shameless.”
Yes. For this selfish reason, matter how many times I go back, I will not put him first and will not consider his wishes.
I will throw him away. I won’t keep my promise.
“What a waste. Wasted. Your everything to give me.”
It’s sad, it’s a pity, it’s a waste.
“Are you crazy? Will you risk your life?”
Do you feel sorry for me? I feel sorry for you.
“Why is that, risking your life!”
Watching the sunset, I haven’t been at peace in a long time. Even on the day Chaser came with a blood-stained sword, I looked at the sky indifferently.
All I could think of was the story that Francia had told me. For whatever reason, I took the risk and headed for Schirmela with Pudding.
I wanted you to live. I hoped that I would be happy if possible.
But I can’t believe he’s already messed up. That it happened because of me. How can I not be frustrated and angry?
To this stupid person.
“…angry?”
Even at this moment, Ricdorian looked at me, not knowing what to do. He seemed to prioritize me over himself. What if I hadn’t left this Ricdorian behind? If only I had stayed by his side until the day he was released from prison.
No. If only I had taken his hand and went to Hernim.
A useless a.s.sumption was not needed at this moment. And it’s something I don’t usually do.
Disrupting reason and serenity.
Now, looking at the man who had lost the coolness of the reunion, there was nothing but a smile of disappointment.
When I was looking at Ricdorian, I felt like I was seeing a beast that looked at only one master for the rest of its life. It is said that when dogs are abandoned, they blame themselves instead of resenting their heartless owners.
I couldn’t keep up because I was slow, thinking.
Even if I take off and run, I’ve been chasing after a car that’s much bigger than my body, and just ends up with a wounded foot.
Like a dog on TV.
Ricdorian did the same.
“…I will cooperate.”
I, who had never been able to avoid his gaze, turned my head first..
“The curse on your body, I’ll break it somehow.”
There’s a saying that the person who tied the knot must untie it. In the end, if I have tied it up, it is also my responsibility to untie it.
“Really, what are you going to do if I wasn’t the Blue Rose!”
In fact, the only reason this is possible is because I am the Blue Rose. Of course, even if I wasn’t the Blue Rose, I would have somehow found a ‘Blue Rose’ like Jaire and Hernim.
What if that person doesn’t cooperate? What if they had already died? No matter how you look at it, he gambled with a slim chance.
Even if he was urgent and desperate.
He had put his head on the stake. I turned my head and wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. My lips were tightly shut.
A sigh flowed out.
“…how can a person be so foolish?”
With the other hand, I covered my eyes with my hand so that Ricdorian could not see me. I didn’t want to show my messy face.
Did I say that he was a man who developed his senses like an animal?
“…Iana.”
He hesitated
“Are you crying?”
I didn’t answer. It was and it was not. What is crying if you only shed a single drop of water? No words came out of embarra.s.sment.
“No.”
Ricdorian clicked his lips.
“Lies. You cried.”
His tongue slowly moistened his lower lip.
“Because of me.”
Ricdorian’s voice was low. Not only high and low, but temptation flowed out as if it was a rest. This was proof that his personality had changed. I mean, when he’s like this…
I felt annoyed and tried to pull my hand away. But before that, his hand grabbed hold of it.
Ricdorian was holding my hand and smiling languidly.
“You are crying because of me.”
The neat eyes narrowed and folded gracefully. However, the density that was not normally seen fell dripping down.
“I’m happy.”
He smiled bashfully and rubbed my hand against his cheek. It was a movement that was not very different from before, but the feeling was different.
“It’s worth risking my life.”
“Is that what you want to say now?”
“Hmm.”
I tried to say something because I was moved by his calm voice, but the moment I saw his face, I dived in.
“Hah, don’t smile like that.”
It was as pure and ferocious as a water lily looking up from the bottom. Creating an inconsistent appearance.
“…I smiled at what I did well. It’s interesting.”
With a sigh, I pushed his forehead slightly, and gently pushed him back.
It didn’t end there, but I raised my upper body. It wasn’t enough to get him up, I stretched my legs out, but was trapped in a large shadow.
I frowned slightly.
“Ricdorian.”
“Huh.”
The hand I reached out was swallowed by his lips. Ricdorian lowered his gaze with his lips in the palm of my hand.
“I’m listening. Iana. Anytime you say it.”
He looked more thirsty than any other day. He tilted his head and kissed my cheek. That was when I thought it was just a light kiss.
Sweep.
Until he licked my cheek a little. Gooseb.u.mps swelled up.
“You cried.”
“What… what are you doing?”
I tried to escape, but the sofa was already full. I leaned back against the backrest and closed my eyes.
“Really, you cried for me.”
Ricdorian eyes dazzled and he rolled up the corners of his mouth.
“I’m glad, I’m happy.”
The hand that was holding my hand was pulled up and grabbed his neck. No, he made me grab it. My fingers gently slide down.
Francia’s voice was vividly ringing in my ear.
It was still a time when the sun was shining brightly. The sofa in front of the window was bright even without lights.
So I was able to find a faint scar. It was a pale scar on the pure white skin that would not be visible unless you look closely.
Francis said. It is said that the Red Rose has a body that regenerates any wound. In fact, the traces of his father’s abuse often disappeared over time. However, the scar remains. Moreover, despite the healing of the White Rose.
Francia added a bit sarcastically, but the seriousness of the situation was sufficiently conveyed.
“Iana, how a bad person I am.”
Ricdorian whispered to me, facing his forehead with mine. It was a bold contact that he would never have been able to do, but it was no longer his usual self. Sincerity flowed from him, who shared memories and emotions.
“I wonder if Iana will feel guilty looking at this scar. I had such a bad idea.”
Instead of avoiding it, I gently grabbed his cheek.
“…so bad.”
“Huh.
He laughed out loud.
“Because I was that desperate.”
When there was no time to think about life. Don’t you know if you know that it feels pathetic and pitiful?
I gently rubbed his smooth cheeks with my thumb, then he slowly opened his lips.
“I must be punished.”
He lowered his eyes and muttered,
“It’s too bad, you should be punished. You.”
I muttered that as if to comfort him, reminiscing about his dog-like whining personality a long time ago, and then Ricdorian tilted his head to meet my gaze.
Then he slowly bent his eyes.
“Kiss me as a punishment.”
Very desperately.
No one threatened or intimidated, but there was a lot of tension within this short distance.
I looked at him for a long time and then let out a small sigh.
“…close your eyes.”
***
In fact, Ricdorian asked me to kiss him, but he didn’t seem to expect it. I just rolled my fingers into his interlaced hands.
The evidence was that he didn’t take any action.
Perhaps that’s why? He couldn’t hide his surprised eyes even though his personality had changed at my words. However, he has been a good listener for a long time. That’s how his behaviour was.
“I like closing my eyes.”
Although irrational, his growth mode was a bit arrogant, the big core was no different. It’s still the same, he slowly closed his eyes.
He has silver-colored eyelashes fluttering down. I took a deep breath as I watched his eyelids close.
The hesitation didn’t last long.
I grabbed his collar and kissed him. It was just an ignorant kiss on his lips. I said that I would do it, and then did it with a little bit of leeway, but I didn’t really want to do more than this.
But, as always, things didn’t go as planned.