Jentry took in a ragged breath and looked away from me. "You need to go home with him and think about what you want."
My heart sank. "Jentry." His name was barely a whisper. "Isn"t it obvious?"
He continued as if I hadn"t spoken. "Whether you decide to tell him about this weekend and about last year will be your decision, and one I"ll stand behind. Just wait until I"m home so I can be there to actually stand behind you-next to you."
A few seconds pa.s.sed before I said, "I think I"m not understanding everything."
"Go home and be with Declan, Aurora," he said through clenched teeth, pain filled his eyes.
"Wait, you want . . . what?"
"Such an a.s.shole," Taylor said. "What a coward"s way out of this. Instead of dealing with it, just shove her back to him."
His unforgiving glare snapped to Taylor. "No, if I were a coward, I would let Declan find out, then throw Aurora into the middle of the s.h.i.t storm that follows while I go hide out on base."
"But why are you doing this?" I demanded. "Why would you tell me how you feel? Why would you say the things you did last night just to tell me to go back to Declan? What do you want me to do with him now? Pretend like everything is fine?"
He reached out as if to hold me, but stopped himself. Whether because of Taylor, our proximity to the house, or because he needed to keep a small distance between us to stay firm, I wasn"t sure. "I can"t let you make a decision that could potentially change your life, only for me not to be there to help you through it. If you made that decision today-right now-you and I both know what it would be. I have to go back to base, and you would be left to deal with Dec, Mom, and Dad."
"And me."
He ignored Taylor"s interjection, his eyes begging for me to understand what he"d said. "I can"t do that to you. And after everything over this weekend, now that I know where you are, now that you know I"ll be coming back for you, I want you to have time to really think about this. I don"t want you to make a decision right now. It"s too much all at once."
My jaw trembled as pain spread through my body. What he was saying made sense, and in the back of my mind, I knew I should thank him for being thoughtful and selfless enough to recommend it. But at that moment, it felt like it had all those months ago. Like I was about to wake up from a dream. As soon as I walked away from him, I would never see him again, because there was no way he could be real. The connection between us, the energy swirling around us . . . all of it was in my mind, and the thought of losing it was making it hard to breathe.
He took a step closer to me, and his husky voice dropped low. "Every day, Aurora . . . every second, I regretted letting you walk away from me. You were supposed to be mine. So go home and think, really think, because you know that where Declan is, I"ll always be, and vice versa. And if in the end you do choose me, then I"ll be there with you to face what"s coming. If you choose him, then . . ." He trailed off and swallowed roughly. His gaze darted away to stare at the ocean, but he didn"t finish his thought. There wasn"t a need to.
"I hear you, but I can"t do this," I said. "I can"t go home with him and pretend."
Jentry ground his teeth, making the muscles in his jaw twitch. "You love him. I love him." His eyes flicked back to mine. "I told you that this would be entering a battle I couldn"t win. No matter what it looks like now, you have to realize how much I hate telling you to do this. But I"ve already entered. I already fought. I want to continue to, but I know I can"t. I owe Declan a lot-I owe him f.u.c.king everything-the very least of which is a chance to fight back while you decide."
My eyes burned with unshed tears, and chest ached at the thought of Declan unknowingly entering into a battle for my heart. I hated what I had done to him-what I was going to do him.
Jentry cradled my face in his hands, but my tears made it hard to see his expression.
"Don"t ask me to do this," I pleaded.
"You hurt, I hurt," he whispered.
"No, I don"t-it"s because you"re-would you stop being selfless and keep fighting!"
There was a brief pause from him when a few tears finally slipped free, and I dropped my stare so I wouldn"t have to look at the anguish and indecision on his face. "I see you, Aurora. You need this just as much as Dec does."
My head shook, as if the action alone could force his words away.
His lips pressed against my forehead and stayed there when he spoke. "You know you have to be the one to walk away."
My body deflated, and I wanted nothing more than to beg him to change his mind. I wanted to force myself to believe that I didn"t need or want this time with Declan. But Taylor grabbed hold of my hand and slowly pulled me from Jentry, and after a moment"s resistance, I stepped away from him and stumbled after her.
I didn"t look back at him, and he didn"t stop me from leaving.
Dej vu swept over me, my entire being rebelling at this scenario. That soul-deep ache had just flared back to life, worse than ever.
15.
Present Day
Aurora
I hadn"t gotten halfway through the field on my way back to the Veils" home when Jentry reached me and turned me around.
I wiped furiously at the tears on my face to see his features hardened with anger, but before I could speak, he said, "I need to go. Can you stay here?"
"Here?" I hadn"t been able to make it through the party, and I could barely handle being around Linda, and he wanted me to stay?
"Yes, here, can you stay?"
"Why? What happened? Is it Declan?"
Jentry"s head tilted, like he was about to say no, but instead he said, "I don"t have time to explain everything right now. Declan"s condition is the same as far as I know."
I searched his furious expression and only managed to shake my head when I couldn"t figure out where all his anger was coming from.
"Just stay here," he pleaded, then turned and ran across the field toward where he had parked his car.
For the rest of the walk to the house I thought of his insistence on my staying here, and by the time I reached the front door had told myself that I would stay as long as possible for him.
I had barely slid back into the party-most of the guests unaware that Jentry wasn"t in the house, let alone gone-when Linda spotted me.
Her eyes had darted around to make sure no one was close enough to hear us before she"d sighed. "Well s.h.i.t," Linda said disgustedly, but kept her sweet smile firmly in place. "You know what they say about those people who speak too soon? Well, apparently the same goes for those who hope too soon. I"d nearly gone down to the cellar to get some wine because I"d thought you had left my sight for good. A number of things could have happened. You could have been trampled by pigs for all I knew." Another sigh, followed by a pat on my shoulder. "One can only dream of it so many times before it finally comes true, sweet girl."
Only three minutes in, and I"d already hit my limit on staying in that house.
I left and decided to start walking toward a little coffee shop not far from the neighborhood, and texted Taylor on my way, begging her to meet me since she had to be out that way for work that evening anyway. I could have waited for Taylor outside the house, but I didn"t want to risk having to talk with anyone since it would take well over half an hour for her to drive there. Anyone meaning Linda or Madeline again.
When Taylor found me in the cafe just a few minutes after I"d arrived, her eyes were wide and greedy, as if she couldn"t wait to get the juicy details of everything that had been happening since I"d last seen her two days before.
Only two days, but it felt like weeks . . . lifetimes, even. Being near Jentry and dealing with Linda had been physically and emotionally draining in so many ways.
I already had both of our drinks sitting on the table in front of me, so Taylor bypa.s.sed the line and walked right up to our table. As soon as she was in the seat, she said, "So he"s back."
I nodded once, and my chin quivered. "Yeah."
The eagerness to hear everything quickly vanished from her expression, and one of her hands shot out to grip mine. "Oh, Rorie . . . no. No, it"s okay. It"s gonna be okay."
My head shook quickly as I forced the tears back. I was so tired of crying. "I don"t know how it can be," I whispered, then hurried to fill her in on all that had happened since Jentry moved in.
Ever since our weekend at the beach, where Taylor had interrupted Jentry and me, I hadn"t kept anything from her. On the drive home that weekend, I"d told her everything. Every emotional detail I could try to explain, from that very first night with Jentry to the way I had tried to find that connection with Declan, had tried to force it, even though I had known it would be impossible.
I had explained my feelings for Declan, the way I"d fallen for him. How his charm and humor had been endearing, and his personality was everything that fit the man I wanted to marry someday. On paper, Declan was it. He was exactly what I would have created for myself. Funny, sweet, thoughtful, safe, the perfect man for someone I thought I wanted to be . . .
I had admitted to her how I"d felt like I was cheating on him every time he"d touched me, every time I"d slept with him, but how I"d thought I would never see Jay again, and had tried to push him from my mind.
And even then, I had known that while I loved Declan and had had only one night with Jentry, there would never be any comparison.
I"d recalled every single conversation with Jentry over that weekend as best I could, not leaving anything out: whether Jentry and I were being spiteful to each other or pouring out our stored-up feelings, all the way down to when he"d hugged me goodbye.
To Declan, it had probably seemed like nothing since Jentry had hugged Taylor as well seconds after.
But to me . . . to me, that hug had been everything, and not nearly enough.
He"d whispered, "I"m coming back fighting," before releasing me and turning to Taylor.
Taylor had been the only person for me to speak to afterward as I"d struggled with my feelings, and had never judged me or looked at me in disappointment again.
She"d agreed with Jentry that I needed to give Declan a chance to fight for our relationship-whether he knew he was fighting or not-and that Jentry needed to be there when I did choose him.
She was also the only one who had known the truth about the night of Declan"s accident before this afternoon, when I"d broken down talking to Jentry.
Taylor sat there for a while after I finished talking, staring out the window as she absorbed all of my words. Finally, her eyes rested on me. "Okay, so this Jessica chick-"
"There isn"t a point in talking about her. I don"t know who she is."
Her head dipped. "Okay, then never mind on that." She took a long sip of her iced coffee, and her eyes glazed over as she thought. When she spoke her next words she did it slowly. "He was right, you know. Even if I still hated Jentry, I would agree with him that it would only end up worse for you if that family found out the truth if Declan ever wakes up. They don"t have to know everything right now, but at least tell them that you were leaving him. Because what if he doesn"t wake up? Are you going to tell them way later, "Well, hey, just so you know, this is what actually happened that night. Surprise!"?"
I tore my hand out from underneath hers and pressed it against my chest. It suddenly felt too hard to breathe. I wasn"t about to play off what was happening with Declan the way his family was, as if he might walk through the door at any moment, or actually answer my next call. But I refused to believe that he might not wake up.
"And then if he doesn"t wake up, does that mean that you just keep pushing Jentry away forever, or how long until you stop being stupid about it?"
"Taylor!" My mouth slowly fell open at her brazen words. "It"s not as easy as you"re making it seem. You"re looking at all of this as if it"s black and white, and it"s not. Okay, yes, when you and Jentry put it that way, I don"t know why I haven"t told their family about what happened. But actually telling them . . . well, it seems impossible. And as for Jentry, he understands that right now has to be about his family and Dec. I don"t know when that will change, but as for right now, we"re both on the same page."
"Are you?" Taylor said with a sarcastic laugh. "So you said it back?"
I lifted an eyebrow in question, and waited.
When I didn"t respond, Taylor gave me a look as if I was insane. "Rorie, he told you he was in love with you. That he"d been in love with you. Jentry isn"t some creepy lovesick stalker. He"s intense, and from what you"ve told me, is the kind of guy who probably shies away from love."
My chest ached because I would have said the same thing about him. I studied her expectant expression for a few seconds before shaking my head slowly.
Her face fell. "Then, no. You"re not on the same page. What"s happening is you"re going to sabotage what could be the greatest love of your life for someone that you don"t love."
I let out a humorless laugh and leaned closer to her over the table. "Excuse me?"
"You can"t love two people at once."
"You know, I seem to remember you saying something like this to me a month ago, only you were saying all of this in favor of Declan. And in case you have forgotten, I do love Declan. And how would you know what someone is capable of feeling? You think letting yourself love someone makes you vulnerable and weak," I sneered.
My anger didn"t faze Taylor. She only watched me until I finished speaking, and then she waited to see if I would continue. When I didn"t, and nearly a minute had pa.s.sed, she whispered, "So, are you telling me you don"t love Jentry?"
"What? No, I"m not-I never said that. And why does it have to be one or the other?"
"I know what you"re doing, Rorie; and from what you told me of your conversation, Jentry saw it, too. There are ways of being with Jentry when the time is right, and still being there for Declan. But you"re going to let yourself get so wrapped up in your grief and guilt for what happened to Declan that you won"t ever let yourself have a life with Jentry, even when that perfect time comes. So if getting you to finally admit how much Jentry actually means to you will stop you from doing that-then that"s what I need to do."
"What do you mean?" I asked, exasperated. "I"ve told you how much he means to me, and what would that change about right now? I told you that Jentry and I were on the same page."
"You"ve never said what he did."
Her accusation brought me up short. Not only had I not said the words out loud to Jentry, I"d never said them out loud to anyone-or thought them before a certain dark-eyed man entered my life.
It was easy to tell Declan that I loved him. I loved my family; I loved Taylor. . . .
Falling in love with someone was a whole different thing. It was life altering. Soul changing. It was invisible ink spilled onto your skin, writing every second of your story from beginning to end.
"I think you"re right in a way, but you"re also wrong." I had been staring at my still-full coffee when the words tumbled from my mouth, and looked up at Taylor"s curious expression. "I think a person can love two people at the same time, to an extent. I think a heart can be in love with someone, and love another."
When Taylor"s face remained the same, I cleared my throat and laid my hands flat on the table so I could focus on them instead.
"I"m not in love with Declan; I never was," I said just above a whisper. "I fell for him, and then grew to love him."
She shook her head slowly. "Just admit it and stop pushing Jentry away. He can help you through this time. You can help him through this time."
"I"m not pushing him away for the reasons you think I am. I have to keep him away because it"s too hard to be close to him. But admitting what he means . . . I can"t right now. Admitting it out loud when I can"t be with him would be like losing him all over again."
Part IV.
That Night . . .