"No, but I have to give you that chance. You struggled to choose between us once because you were with him, and now things have changed. The last thing I want is for you to feel stuck between Declan and me again because of me."
"You are so stupid, Jentry Michaels," I whispered slowly. "Do you have any idea how much-" I abruptly stopped when Lara rounded the corner.
"There you two are," she said. "The nurse said that they weren"t going to allow visitors for the rest of the night so Declan could try to rest once Mom and Dad leave the room. We already packed up all of the food and we"ll drop it off at Mom"s on our way home unless you want to take it back to your apartment."
I glanced at Jentry for guidance, and watched as he shook his head.
"We"re fine without it. Do you know what they"re doing in there?" he asked, and nodded in the direction of Declan"s room.
Lara shrugged, but smiled with relief. "No. They said there would be someone here working with him starting tomorrow to make sure he remembers everything, even how to eat. It"ll be a process, but at least he"s awake now."
We both murmured our agreements as she hugged us goodbye. Once she rounded the corner, I spoke before Jentry could. "We should go home."
The hospital wasn"t the place to continue talking, and now that the majority of the stress and worries from the past weeks was gone, I was exhausted and wanted to try to relax before my first day of school the next day.
Jentry didn"t respond other than turning to leave when I did, and remained quiet all the way through the parking lot.
We came up on my car where I had parked it early that morning, and I wondered at how everything that had happened that day had been forced into just one day. It felt like it had been days since I"d sat on the trunk reading, not hours.
Jentry held my door open as I slid into my car, and studied me with the same expression he"d worn when watching Declan after he"d woken.
I reached out to press my hand to his chest and whispered, "Whatever you"re thinking, stop."
His mouth twitched up into a brief smile as his eyes searched mine. "Be safe. I"ll see you soon."
I watched him walk toward his car before I pulled out of the parking s.p.a.ce and heading to the apartment, but Jentry wasn"t there when I arrived.
I changed into sleep shorts and a tank top and fixed my hair back into another mess of blond waves on top of my head, but there was no way for me to relax. I"d expected Jentry to be there, and after our short and confusing conversation in the hallway of the hospital, I was worried about why he wasn"t. A half an hour after I had gotten home he still wasn"t back.
I paced nervously through the living room as I tried to hold off calling him, and had almost given in when I heard a key in the lock.
I rushed to open the door before Jentry could, and was already reprimanding him before it was fully opened. "Just this morning you nearly lost your mind because I wasn"t where you-" I cut off quickly when I found Jentry weighed down with bags. When I spoke again, I was calmer. "After what we went through this morning, you didn"t think to let me know that you weren"t coming home?"
Another twitch of his lips for a brief, apologetic smile. "I"m sorry, but I brought dinner since we didn"t eat."
I grabbed the bags of food from his left hand when he shifted his body to hide what was in his right, and turned to go sort out everything in the kitchen.
My body tingled when he entered the kitchen behind me, but unlike so many times before, I allowed myself a quick glance over my shoulder to look at him. "Thank you for the food."
He dipped his head and looked away. "I don"t know how much time you"ll have now that you"re going to be working . . ." I listened as his footsteps approached where I was standing. "But I noticed you were almost done with that book you"ve been reading, and I wanted to make sure you had something for the mornings."
I turned, my face was already pinched in confusion, but quickly morphed into excitement when he held out the next two, and final, books in the series I was reading. "Jentry," I whispered in amazement as I stepped forward to take the books from him. "Thank you. Wait-how did you know?"
He gave me an amused look. "You"ve been reading that book since I got home."
"Right, no, that"s not what I-" I shook my head and exhaled quickly as I tried to steady my thoughts. "But you"ve seen my boxes of books. How did you know that I didn"t already have these?"
Jentry just watched me for a few moments, then lifted an eyebrow in response.
At that look, my eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I understand you are always taking in your surroundings and don"t miss much-if anything-but those books are in my closet," I reminded him.
He didn"t falter.
"Good to know," I whispered mostly to myself, then studied the books in my hands again. "Thank you, Jentry. This is-this is incredibly sweet of you, even if I do find it creepy that you"ve probably searched my closet and drawers."
"I wouldn"t go that far," he said with a short laugh, "but I do want to know why you buy physical books."
I shot him a confused look as I set the books down and walked toward the food again. "I like being able to hold the books," I said slowly, not understanding why it mattered.
"But then you just store them away in your closet."
"Oh," I said when it finally made sense. "Uh, well, when we moved in here, I couldn"t find shelves that I liked that I could afford. Besides, I have these very specific shelves in mind, and couldn"t find anything that came close to them. I tried leaving some of the books out around the apartment. . . ." I stopped short of telling him how much Linda had hated it. "It just didn"t look right."
He nodded slowly as he looked around the living room and I went back to divvying up the food.
"So what will you be doing while I"m gone all day?"
"Searching your closet," he said immediately.
A smile spread slowly across my face as I shook my head. "Anything else?"
The energy in the kitchen shifted as he walked toward me and leaned his back against the counter once he was next to me. "I want to go through the police academy. I"ll start looking into when the next cla.s.s begins, what I need to do."
I blinked quickly in surprise. "You do?"
My surprise caught Jentry off guard. "Is that not something that Dec ever mentioned?" When I shook my head, he continued. "That was always my plan. Go into the Marine Corps, then become a police officer."
"Why such dangerous jobs? Are you one of those people who like to do life-threatening things, like skydiving?"
He laughed, but his face was serious. "No, uh . . . no, that"s not me. I just want to protect people."
"I see that," I said softly, and my cheeks burned with frustration with the man next to me. "Jentry, what you said back at the hospital-"
"You didn"t understand why I wanted you-"
"I do," I disagreed, cutting him off. "I do. You want me to be sure I"m making the right choice. There"s been the time of having you gone, and then time thinking we were all going to lose Declan, and throughout both of those, I was choosing someone. But from day one, it was never a choice with you, it was a need." My cheeks burned even hotter. "There is nothing without you, Jentry. You told me yesterday that you fell in love with me that first night; is it so impossible to believe that I did the same?"
I could tell from his expression that he wanted my words to be true. "But Declan-"
"-would never be you. On paper, he"s perfect for me, but I still tried to force him to be you nearly every day of our relationship. In nearly a year, I have never felt for him a fraction of what I feel for you." I placed my hand on his cheek and said, "For a time, things are going to be about Declan. They have to, even more now that he"s awake, and I know you know that and agree with it. Nothing can be about us right now, and like I told you yesterday, being close to you physically makes remembering that too difficult, but don"t for one second think that I will ever stop needing, wanting, or choosing you."
Jentry
I watched Aurora walk to her room that night after we quickly finished our dinner. My arms stayed folded tightly across my chest so I wouldn"t reach out for her and bring her back to me as she turned from my sight. I lingered there for a second before turning and walking slowly toward the guest room in the apartment, letting the day wash over me.
Mom"s hatefulness toward the girl I love.
Declan waking up.
Aurora. Always Aurora.
I rubbed at the back of my neck, hoping to relieve some of the tension there, and loosed a slow breath as I entered the hallway. My footsteps slowed, then stopped.
The guest room door was cracked and the light was on. I had left the door closed and light off. I always did with my rooms.
My breaths slowed to a stop so I could listen to every little sound around me, and within seconds, awareness slid over my skin like a disease. I hissed out a curse as my hands automatically curled into fists and my body began vibrating with frustration and expectation.
"How the h.e.l.l did you get in here?" I asked, then slowly turned my head to glance over my shoulder.
Jess lifted an eyebrow as if she didn"t understand why I hadn"t expected her, then shouldered past me to walk into the room.
Once I had followed her in there and shut the door, she let out a long, dramatic sigh that ended with a psychotic-sounding laugh. "This is incredible. Really, I don"t know what to do with myself now that I have this information." She admired her nails as she plopped down on the bed and made herself comfortable. "How long has this been going on, Jent? Because it sounded like it was longer than the few days that you"ve been home."
"What are you doing here, Jessica, and how did you get in here?"
She rolled her eyes and grumbled, "Fine, boring questions first. I told you I needed a place to stay for a-"
"You said that yesterday."
"And I found a place to sleep last night . . . obviously." Her lips curved up in a slow grin and her eyes faded to somewhere other than this room. "But the invitation wasn"t open for tonight. So here I am. And do you really need to ask how I got in here? How do I get in anywhere, Jentry?" she asked, but I knew the question was rhetorical, so I kept my mouth firmly shut. "I got bored waiting for you when Little Miss Perfect came strolling in here, but then you finally came back, and boy oh boy did I get an earful."
The way she laughed maniacally set me on edge; always had. It reminded me of our mother. Of her mother.
Once Jessica stopped laughing, she speared me with an excited look, and her face contorted as her smile twisted into something sinister. "How you feelin", Jent? You worried about what I know? Worried about what I"ll say? Worried about how dear ol" Declan will react when he finds out about you and his precious girlfriend?" She spouted off her questions softly, but rapidly, and I could see it in her expression that she was getting excited about the prospect of p.i.s.sing me off. "You gettin" mad? I bet you are. You feel it? It"s inside you, always inside you. Does your precious Rorie know about your sickness?" she asked, sneering Aurora"s name. "Does she know how you"ll ruin her?"
Despite the anger coursing through me, I didn"t move or speak. I knew it was what Jessica wanted, and I refused to give it to her. But as she continued to taunt me, I no longer heard her words, but our mother"s . . . and soon those words turned into my own.
Words I had said a year ago to Aurora, words that had never been truer, and words that had haunted me more than ever in the last few days.
"I see it, I see you getting mad. What does it feel like?" Her eyes widened in antic.i.p.ation, and I wanted to throttle her for it.
She always asked what it felt like, and every time it made me feel worse than ever. Made me feel dirty somehow.
"Come on, Jent, hit something," she goaded, and her excitement slowly faded when I forced my arms over my chest.
"Let me guess: don"t want the precious Rorie to hear? What is it about this b.i.t.c.h anyway? I don"t see anything special about her. She looks like a doe-eyed freak." Jessica scoffed and went back to studying her nails. "What Declan ever saw in her . . ." She trailed off and shook her head.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
My jaw was starting to ache from clenching it so tight, but I knew I needed to fake my calm until she left. "You need to leave, Jess. You know when you can come back."
She let out a soft, melodic laugh with just a hint of madness woven through it. "Why, you don"t want to be seen with me? Don"t want Rorie to know about me? Too late, Jent. Besides, I have nowhere else to go."
"I"m sure you can find somewhere."
"Like Declan"s bed? I"m sure he needs company now that he"s awake," she hinted suggestively, and for the umpteenth time since finding Jessica in the apartment, I forced myself not to lash out at her. "And I bet he"s gonna need all kinds of company once he finds out that you"ve been taking care of his girl for a long, long time."
I shut my eyes briefly as I focused on just breathing, and rubbed roughly at my jaw. "Out." My demand came out louder than I meant it to, but no less harsher.
She pouted pathetically and sprawled out on my bed, as if she had no intention of leaving. "You said I could always come to you."
"Yeah, and you know when. Now is not the time; you"re only coming here to p.i.s.s me off. Go back to your house."
"What house?" she asked bitterly, giving me the first glimpse of something other than the chaos that our mother had engrained in her.
"Where are you staying?"
"What does it matter? You don"t care!" she mocked, but like a light had been flipped on, that wicked smile came back, and she swayed as she sat up on the bed and sang, "As long as we stay away from you, nothing can go wrong in Jentry"s perfect world because he"s in denial of who he is and what"s inside him."
"When you want help, I"ll f.u.c.king help you, Jess. But you don"t want help! You want money when you don"t get enough from whoring yourself around, or because you spend too much on drugs for Mom," I hissed as I closed the distance to the bed. "So until then, get the f.u.c.k away from me. I"ve tried to help you too many times, and in return, all you do is try to ruin what"s in my life before you take off running again."
She lurched forward until there were only inches between us, and eyes as dark as mine glared back at me. "Me ruin your life?" She laughed haughtily and shoved her hand against my chest. "You ruin everything you touch, Jentry. Don"t forget that. You see your best friend lying in that hospital? What was that I heard tonight about why he got in the accident in the first place?" She smiled knowingly, then sneered, "That"s what I thought. You had a hand in that, didn"t you? How long until your so-called family knows about that, huh? And how long until Little Miss Perfect isn"t so perfect because you"ve destroyed her?"
"Leave," I said on a growl. "Now."
She shouldered past me as she got off the bed, and turned as she reached the door. "I"ll be waiting to watch you burn in your own flames, brother."
I followed her out of the room, and my stomach dropped when I saw Aurora standing halfway across the living room with a look of shock on her face.
"Well, well, well," Jessica began, but I cut her off.
"Jess." Her name rumbled in my chest and shouted its warning, but Jessica had never cared about my warnings. She had always pushed against them, hoping to watch me explode.
"If it isn"t the cheating wh.o.r.e herself-"
"f.u.c.king leave!" My voice boomed through the apartment, and I caught a glimpse of Aurora jerking away from the sound just before Jessica started on a fit of uncontrollable, frantic laughter.
"I just wanted to meet her." She jutted out her bottom lip in a mock pout, then let her mouth curve into a wry grin. "After all, Rorie and I have taken a trip or two around the same c.o.c.k."
"Jessica!"
She lifted her hands in surrender, and giggled. "I meant block. Watch out for this one," Jess said to Aurora in a singsong voice as she continued backward toward the front door, swaying and pointing at me the whole time. "He"s a bomb, and he"s about to go boom!"
I slammed the door shut as soon as she was outside, m.u.f.fling her last words, and stood there staring at the door as my body shook with a rage that Jessica always brought with her.
Minutes pa.s.sed with my back still to Aurora, my hands on the door as if Jessica might come barging through even though I"d locked it, before Aurora spoke. "What . . . what just happened? I heard you yelling and was coming to see what was going on, and that"s when I heard her, and then you were walking out of the room."
"I told you to promise me that if you ever saw her again you would stay away from her. She"s crazy. You saw a glimpse. Literally, a glimpse of what she can be like."