"I know you don"t," he said calmly, and wove one of his hands into my hair. "And I don"t want to fight with you. I"m sorry for what I said. I"m sorry I let what annoyed me build up until I was an a.s.shole to you. Babe, clean all day. Decorate over and over again until you think you have it right, I don"t care. Just as long as you"re cleaning and decorating our place. And no matter what I might say or fights we might get in, know that I love you."
My breath caught as his mouth crashed down onto mine.
I tried to throw myself into that kiss.
I tried to feel Declan"s hair beneath my fingers.
I tried to know who I was kissing.
I tried to force my heart into a familiar cadence.
While everything in me called to a guy waiting in the house just feet from where we stood, those things felt impossible.
8.
Present Day
Aurora
I drummed my fingers on the side of my mug the morning after Jentry had moved back to Wake Forest, and into mine and Declan"s apartment, and narrowed my eyes at the mountain of things just outside the hallway leading to my guestroom. Linda, I thought for the hundredth time this morning with a frustrated sigh.
I"d been sitting at the kitchen table trying to read for a while before I went into work, but my book had long been forgotten as the pile of things continued to capture my attention, and my anger had built. And I had no doubt where the stuff had come from. Placed neatly on top of where I"d found the catastrophic pile had been a picture of Jentry and Declan-one I"d asked for months ago. I"d been cursing Linda ever since.
It bothered me more than I cared to admit that she was coming over to our place when we weren"t there. I wondered briefly what all she"d snooped through, and a grin tugged at my mouth at the thought of having a drawer full of s.e.x toys for her to find. Maybe I"d have to invest in some, if only to shock her.
My head snapped up as soon as I heard the guest room door open, and I quickly moved back into the kitchen so it wouldn"t look like I"d been waiting for Jentry to wake. Because I hadn"t . . . not really. I hadn"t been able to sleep knowing he was there, and had been up and ready for the day for hours. And while I was ready to get the pile of c.r.a.p into his room, I wasn"t ready to see him.
"Building a shrine?"
I automatically glanced up from where I was now sitting at the kitchen table, and all thoughts of his question fled my mind when I found him walking toward me, shirtless.
Despite how hard I tried to look away, my eyes continued to dance over his half-naked body on their own accord. Memories warmed me as I looked over a body I had learned so well over the course of only a few hours, and one that had changed since I"d seen it this way.
It was thicker, more muscular. My own body ached to feel his arms wrapped possessively around me again-as if I"d been missing a crucial piece of me all this time-as my eyes lingered on the corded muscles in his arms before traveling back to his broad chest and down his muscled stomach. Jentry was tall and had a lean, almost sleek look to his body. Like he could destroy you, but was still light on his feet. A fighter"s body, with the calm, calculating mind of a sniper-as I knew Jentry had been in the Marine Corps.
Strength, trouble, hard, and soft. Everything I remembered of him from our first night and that weekend at the coast, and now he was so close after only haunting my mind for all this time. It made something inside me stir, and my fingers twitched with the need to touch him.
Unable to stop myself, I looked into his dark eyes and found them locked on mine. So many of the same emotions from last night were there. Pain, need, sorrow, pa.s.sion . . .
Words didn"t need to be spoken between us to know what the other felt, what the other needed. They never had. Our silence said more than our words ever could.
"Gift from Linda," I mumbled, and reached for my mug again. I froze with it halfway to my mouth when I saw Jentry"s expression fall as he looked back at the pile.
If I hadn"t been watching him so intently, I would"ve missed it. Before I could ask what was wrong, his mouth curved up in a withdrawn smile.
"Funny. This is something I"d bet she would have done if I"d refused to move back home, but she seemed fine with me being here last night."
I huffed and mumbled, "That might be an understatement," into my mug, then took a sip. When Jentry gave me a confused look, I just shook my head.
"What is?" he asked, not willing to drop it that easily.
"Nothing. Really." I pushed the chair out and stood, but didn"t move away from the table yet. "I know there isn"t a lot of s.p.a.ce in the guest room, but just put everything in there for now, and we"ll figure out what to do with all of it later."
Jentry laughed and gave me a sarcastic look. "You mean between all the boxes of books?"
It took a second for his words to register, but when they did, my body stiffened. "The what?"
"All the boxes that were piled on the bed." He said each word slowly, drawing them out so it sounded like a question. "They were overflowing with books."
I clumsily set the mug down and was rushing from the kitchen toward the guest room before he"d finished speaking, ignoring my name on his lips as I ran past him. I flung open the door and was immediately hit with Jentry"s intoxicating scent-but just as soon as I registered the warm spice that I"d thought of and missed, my stomach dropped as the rest of the room came into focus.
The week after Declan and I had moved in, I"d used my credit card for more than I cared to admit to in order to decorate each room in our apartment in a way that I"d hoped would impress Linda.
Since that was during the time she was mostly ignoring me, I wasn"t sure that it had.
Not that that mattered now. Because there was no bedding or pillows on the bed, or anywhere to be seen. No curtains. No lamp on the nightstand. Everything was gone. An olive green duffle bag was in the corner of the room. And boxes upon boxes crammed full of books that hadn"t been there just yesterday afternoon. My boxes. My books. All had been put away that same week I"d spent charging up my card and decorating.
Linda, I thought, and forced down the large lump in my throat. "You have got to be kidding me," I gritted out.
I quickly blinked back the tears that gathered in my eyes when I heard footsteps coming down the hall, and hurried to pick up one of my boxes.
"Aurora?" Jentry"s voice was soft, hesitant.
I knew in that one word that he knew there was more to this than me simply forgetting about some boxes, but I didn"t want to get into this with him. Not now. Not when he"d just gotten back and there was already so much else going on.
Before he could say anything else, I forced out a dry laugh and started walking out of the room with my box, refusing to meet his confused stare. "I"ll, uh, I"ll fix your room up today after work."
I didn"t give him a chance to respond. I walked as fast as I could to Declan"s and my bedroom, and choked out a sob when I dropped the box in the back corner of the closet floor-where the boxes had been for months, and where there were still indentations on the carpet from them.
Pressing one hand to my mouth and the other to my burning chest, I willed a mixture of angry and pained tears away as I thought about Linda"s hateful words and actions. Maybe if this had all started long ago, it would be easier to deal with. Or at the very least, it wouldn"t hurt so much. Because then I wouldn"t be reminded of why she was doing or saying the things she was, and I wouldn"t remember that I couldn"t even fault her for it . . .
I jumped when I heard my name and turned to see Jentry standing there with two boxes in his hands.
His dark eyes studied my face for a few moments before finally asking, "Where do you want these?"
All I wanted was to drop my head, but I knew he"d already seen too much and that would just make it worse. Instead, I forced a look of indifference on my face and pointed to where the other box sat. "Just put them next to it. The other two will go on top."
He quickly set the boxes down, and as he stepped away from the far corner toward me, his gaze lingered on the boxes-his brow pulled tight as he studied them.
I knew he had seen the indentations on the carpet, and was seeing how perfectly those three boxes fit in that s.p.a.ce, as if the other things on the closet floor had been molded around them.
His eyes were full of confusion and frustration when he looked at me again. "What"s going on?" When I just shook my head and backed up to get out of the closet, his voice dropped and his tone got harder. "Aurora."
"I"m just going to get another-"
"Not that. What is going on with the boxes and the room? Why do you look like you"re about to cry?"
"I"m not," I said quickly, and fumbled for something to say as I continued through my bedroom with him behind me. Because what was there to say? My things were gone, but I didn"t actually have proof it was Linda. "No, I just . . . I"m just embarra.s.sed that you had to sleep in that room."
Jentry wasn"t convinced. Worry and disappointment mixed with the confusion in his eyes. "I"ve slept on dirt. But you-"
"I"m fine," I tried to a.s.sure him. "I"m fine. I just need to finish this so I can leave for work."
He grasped my arm and turned me around, but I backed away from him as though he"d burned me. His mouth had been open to say something, but closed slowly as his dejected eyes studied my arm. After a moment they faded to indifference. "I"ll take care of it. Go to work."
"Are-" I cut off when there was a knock at the door, then glanced over to the kitchen to see what time it was before going to answer it. My steps faltered when a key sounded in the lock and the door opened, and my stomach dropped when I heard an all-too-familiar voice mumbling nonsense.
Linda"s eyes skipped right over me until she found Jentry, and her excited smile fell. "Oh! Well, looks like you lost something, son," Linda said disapprovingly. "We"re gonna have to find a shirt for you to put on. Help me with these, will you?" She stepped into the entryway, then turned to pick up a bunch of large, reusable bags at her feet.
I stopped breathing and prayed that she wasn"t about to do what I thought she was.
"Now let"s-oh, good morning, Rorie."
I planted a smile on my face and forced myself to close the distance between us. "Good morning. What"s all-"
"I have some dishes in the car. If you would be a dear and go get those, it would be such a help."
"Of course," I mumbled, and clenched my hands into fists as I pa.s.sed her and caught a glimpse of curtains in one of the bags. Curtains that looked eerily similar to ones I"d had hanging in the guest room.
By the time I got back in the apartment with Linda"s homemade breakfasts, I could hear Jentry and Linda talking in the guest room, and walked slowly in that direction. My scowl deepened as I did and Linda"s rambling continued.
". . . last night, but no one was here. So I thought I would leave your things in the room, only to find that the room was practically bare save for some junk. I just couldn"t stand to think of this room looking so miserable-not after everything Rorie"s done to get this apartment to look so . . . so unique!"
Jentry didn"t respond to her. And though his eyes found me as soon as I turned the corner into the room, I couldn"t tear my eyes from Linda and the bags. Anger built and flowed faster and faster through me until my entire body was shaking as I watched her pull out item after item that had been in the room already. As if he wouldn"t think it was odd that they weren"t in packages. As if he wouldn"t wonder why they didn"t have tags.
"Where"d you get all this?" Jentry asked Linda, his voice dark and low as he continued to study my every breath.
"Well, I"d bought it when I redecorated your old room, but it just didn"t look right in there."
Of course she had an answer ready for that. I wasn"t able to hold back the scoff, and tried to disguise it as clearing my throat instead when Linda turned to look at me. "Wow, Linda, what is this?" I asked a little too brightly.
"All this? I just thought I"d help you out since Jentry came home so suddenly. Do you love it?"
I raised my eyebrows, unable to respond to that question without lashing out at her. "Ah. Um, the food is in the kitchen."
"Oh yes!" Linda flashed an adoring smile at Jentry before going back to my decor. "Go eat before all my cookin" gets cold. Let us girls have some time to decorate."
Jentry didn"t move. He was now staring at a spot on the wall above the window with a curious look.
I went to follow his line of sight, but his eyes slowly drifted to the adjacent wall and stopped again for long seconds before sliding to the decor piled on the mattress. His brow was furrowed, like he was looking for something, and suddenly he took a few steps toward the bed and just stared. If I didn"t know any better, I would just think he was looking at everything with an absurd amount of interest. But I did. I knew nothing got past Jentry. Ever.
He was a sniper. He took in and studied his surroundings. And he was studying this room and the decorations.
"Well, now, get," Linda ordered, and swatted at him with a pillowcase.
A muscle in Jentry"s jaw popped when he turned around. His dark, knowing eyes held mine as he approached me. There was a question hidden in the frustration there, but I stood still and tried to ignore the excruciatingly fast pounding of my heart the closer he got.
My eyes widened when he stepped close enough that his body brushed against mine, though he could have easily slipped out of the door without touching me, and I sucked in a soft gasp when the tips of his fingers teased high up on my waist.
"We"re talking later." His voice was soft enough that Linda wouldn"t hear him, but his tone left no room for questioning.
No sooner had Jentry started making noise in the kitchen than Linda tsked at me. "Is that the way you dress when there"s company over?"
I looked down at my outfit, then up at the back of her head as she made the bed. I didn"t move to help her. "I didn"t know you were coming over." I also didn"t know what was wrong with what I was wearing. It was nicer than what she"d seen me in the day before.
"I meant my other son," she snapped.
Again, I looked at what I was wearing, and tried to think about what Linda was seeing. The jeans were dark and torn, but had been made that way and were expensive. The top was loose-fitting and was probably too nice to wear for a kindergarten teacher. But school didn"t start until next week and we only had meetings today. Besides, I was behind on laundry, so it was really all I had. "Um, I-"
"Just because you look like a boy doesn"t mean you should dress like a prost.i.tute to prove you aren"t one-especially in front of my sons. If I"m going to allow Jentry to stay here then you better cover yourself up."
I ground my jaw, but refused to respond to her insults. Instead, I bent to pick the curtains up off the floor. I tried to make my tone thoughtful though I spoke through gritted teeth as I examined them. "These are nice. Exactly what I would"ve picked."
Linda glanced over at me from where she was putting pillows on the bed, and smiled sweetly with a tilt of her head. "Don"t sa.s.s me, Rorie. It"s not flattering; you just look stupid."
I held the curtains up and stepped close to her. "I bought these."
"Whatever do you mean?" she asked innocently, and gestured to the door. "As Jentry heard, I"d bought all this for my guest room but it just didn"t fit. I brought it as a favor to you since you can"t get it together." She straightened her back and tilted her head up in an attempt to stare me down as she spoke her next words, the warning in them was clear. "Despite this living arrangement you have now where you still get to stay here, it will not last. None of this will. Soon you will be gone, and I will only be too happy to pack your things and send you on your way. But for now, you will make yourself scarce and give me time with my boys. After everything you"ve tried to ruin, it"s the least you could do. You do not belong in this family, so get used to being gone by being gone. Finish the room."
I didn"t say a word as she walked past me and out the room. I stood still and straight with my jaw locked tight and eyes burning as I held back tears.
When her sweet drawl filled the front of the apartment, I broke. I hurried from the room and avoided their eyes as I collected my purse and left the apartment.
I didn"t get more than five feet from the door before I crumbled.
I stumbled to the side and started falling; my hand shot out to the wall to help me slide down to the ground. My chest heaved with a muted sob and my head dropped to hang between my knees. My fingers gripped at my head as if I could force Linda"s cruel words from my mind.
That hadn"t been the worst, not by far. But after nearly a year of trying to prove myself to that woman, and after weeks of insult on top of insult from her, I was bound to break. I"d tried to be strong. For Declan, for me . . . I"d tried. Finding inner strength when you"ve come to hate yourself proves to be impossible.
I moved numbly as I pulled my phone from my pocket and tapped on the screen, but I paused before I tapped on declan.
My finger hovered over the contact for long seconds as I stared at his name, before I dropped my phone into my purse and let out a heavy breath.