If You Don't Go To Hell, Who Will?

Ch 37 – Warm winter night

I bent forward to secretly kiss Zhong Yuan . However, at that moment, a yellow thing fell on the back of my hand, and I felt a shocking pain stab at me . I screamed in fright and jumped up from the ground, rubbing my hands in distress . Zhong Yuan was woken up by the scream . He quickly stood up and asked me , “ What happened to you?”
“ I don’t know”, I was almost in tears . I couldn’t get rid of the yellow things on my hands, so I stopped rubbing and looked at what it was . When I could see it clearly, I was scared even more than before . I always knew I was unlucky, but I hadn’t fathomed I would be unlucky to this extent . On the back of my hand, there were two black and yellow wasps . The two seemed to be fighting against each other . One of them p.r.i.c.ked me with it’s stinger . This scene was as irritating as it was painful . As I watched the two horrible insects fighting, I almost collapsed .
Zhong Yuan immediately caught my hand and squeezed it wit his fingers . The two insects flew away . I stared at the slowly reddening part on the back of my hand as the pain intensified . Suddenly, the hot, stabbing pain was overcome with the feeling of cool, moist silk . Zhong Yuan had lowered his head and was carefully sucking the back of my hand . His lips softly covered my wounds . As he sucked, gently and then with increasing pressure, a cool and comfortable sense of numbness engulfed me . The feeling spread from the back of my hand to my whole body and my stressed nerves started relaxing
I had never realised earlier that the simple act of sucking could have so many effects . It could make me forget the pain, forget my fear, in fact forget the whole world, so that all my consciousness was centred around the soft, magical mouth . I stared at Zhong Yuan’s slightly wrinkled eyebrows and suddenly I felt my heart overflow with feelings . I didn’t know what caused it , but I yanked back my hand immediately . As I did so, the back of my hand grazed against his teeth and I winced in pain .
Zhong Yuan waited for me to withdraw my hand completely before he caught hold of it again and looked up at me , “ Mu er?”I shook my head as a sore spot in my heart started hurting again .
“ You have to tolerate the pain for a bit”, he said softly and then lowered his head to suck on my wound once again . I opened my mouth, but instead of speaking, tears started flowing from my eyes . The hot tears silently streamed out of my eyes and slid down my cheeks as my face burned with heat . Zhong yuan smiled slightly, but his brows were still drawn together in distress . He released my hand and gently stroked my head, “ Is it so painful?”
Advertis.e.m.e.ntI wiped my tears continuously as I shook my head . Now , even Zhong Yuan noticed that the situation was slightly strange . He looked at my face closely and asked, “ What’s the matter with you?”
I started cryin even more in response to his question . What was the matter with me? Just the fact that I like you but I dare not tell you…
Seeing that I was just crying and was not responding, he finally gave up . Shaking his head helplessly, he grabbed my wrist and said, “Let’s go, I am sure the owner of the garden will have some medicine . ”
……
Finally I knew what it was to feel alone . You wanted him to know about your feelings, but at the same time, you were worried that if he knew, he would reject you . That he would start keeping his distance from you . You wanted to forget him, but your eyes were always looking for him . You wanted to pursue him, but when you saw him rejecting the proposals of girls who actively pursued him, you had no courage left . Was this extreme torture? Of course it was, but at the same time, you felt happy, your heart was filled with so many emotions that it was overflowing…
I was convinced that I was mad . Zhong Yuan and I had been in a warm and intimate friendship for more than a month . During this time, Su Yan and he had finished shooting the lion’s share of the film . I had met Su Yan many times, but because Zhong Yuan had now occupied my soul, I paid scant attention to him . Sometimes, Zhong Yuan would look at a girl who was pursuing him and ask me , “ What do you think about her?’

Most of the time I would purse my lips and answer, “Not as good as me . ”
To this, Zhong Yuan would look me up and down and then agree, “ Yup, not as good as you . ”
Whether he was telling the truth or simply being polite to me, I would feel very happy at that time . Maybe… just maybe, he actually cared about me a little bit?
Sometimes I would fantasize that Zhong Yuan actually liked me . But even I could not convince myself of it . Why would he, when he could choose among the beauties at school or those girls who came from rich second generation families . The days pa.s.sed slowly, and soon it was winter . It was just mid December, but there was already some snowfall and the days had turned quite cold .
In the evening, Zhong Yuan and I usually went to study till late at night and then returned home in my old bicycle . My battered bicycle, which should have been sc.r.a.pped ages ago, was still laboriously serving Zhong Yuan and I . It must be said that the bicycle had a strong serving spirit! I was sitting at the back , holding my bag with one hand and grasping Zhong yuan’s shirt with another . Under the streetlights, there was a golden halo on his back and I had a strong urge to lean my body on his back
I shifted my attention and looked up to see the snow flakes fluttering under the sky . The white flakes looked like shooting stars under the dark sky . As they floated down, they created a fairy tale like scene . On the road, a couple was quarrelling . The man slapped the woman hard and walked away . The woman stared stupidly at the retreating back of the man . She stood there silently crying . Suddenly, I thought that my situation was actually quite good . At least , Zhong Yuan and I were in a very harmonious state . He had no plans of walking away from me .

Suddenly, the bike stopped . The sudden halt made my body b.u.mp into Zhong Yuan’s back…just what I had been imagining about a few moments back . I coughed a little to cover my embarra.s.sment and asked, “ What happened?”
Zhong Yuan turned back and smiled at me, “ Mu er, would you please get me a cup of tea?”
I jumped out and ran to the tea shop by the side of the road . I rummaged through my pockets and pulled out five dollars . I bought the cup with my last savings and asked for two straws . Zhong Yuan rarely asked me for something . And when he asked it was something so cheap… I was almost ashamed .
Zhong Yuan had already gotten off the bicycle and was holding on the handles when I walked back . I handed over the tea to him . He was holding on to the handles with both hands, so he didn’t reach out to take the tea . Instead, he leaned over, bowed his head and drank from the straw before straightening up once again .
“Hmm . . not bad”, Zhong Yuan said, releasing one hand to pat my head in a rewarding manner .
“ Ok, let’s go . ”
So the two of us started walking side by side on the road . Zhong Yuan wheeled the bicycle while I held the milk tea . I would place the tea in front of him from time to time so he could drink it . He would take a few sips and I would then pull back my arm and use the other straw to drink the tea myself . I was engulfed in a warm and companionable feeling .
But… I suddenly realised… I looked at Zhong yuan and said, “ That straw is mine . ”
“ Oh!”He let go of the straw in his mouth and smiled, “ Is it?”
My face began to warm up again so I bowed my head to avoid his eyes .
“ Mu er”, Zhong Yuan suddenly stopped, “ Do you know which scene we are going to do tomorrow?”
I nodded, but my face started burning even more furiously .
Tomorrow, I had to kiss Zhong Yuan . .