If You Don't Go To Hell, Who Will?

I returned to the dorm and reported my battle progress to my roommates . And when I told them how I’d taken care of Zhong Yuan, three pillows suddenly flew at me…

The world truly felt like it was becoming more and more tragic . How was it possible that on the home field, in the chemistry school, Zhong Yuan was more popular than Lu Zijian?

There were four people in our room, and three of them had a messed up sense of beauty . They were all fans of Zhong Yuan, though for their own different reasons .

Boss liked Zhong Yuan because he was an elite . He was good at studying, and he had good qualities and abilities . I couldn’t shake my head enough . She was really living in a fantasy with that reason . They say that Zhong Yuan is more low-key than a ghost . What kind of good qualities and abilities was Boss seeing?

Lil’ Second (as she rejected us calling her Old Second) liked Zhong Yuan because she claimed that he gave off this air of a bottom who appeared unagreeable, but was actually a nice guy . To be honest, before university, I’d never really encountered BL territory . When Lil’ Second explained what an unagreeable bottom was, I couldn’t help laughing with my hands on my hips . Yuan Zhong was dominated by Lu Zijian . Hahahahaha… So when it came to Lil’ Second, I could accept her being a Zhong Yuan fan .

Miss Fourth (our nickname for her) liked Zhong Yuan because she didn’t like Lu Zijian . If she had to pick one between the two, then she’d choose Zhong Yuan . I had to express my disdain and condemnation for her reasoning!

Naturally, these three insisted that Zhong Yuan was better looking than Lu Zijian . That left me even more indignant .

Lu Zijian was 195cm tall . What about Zhong Yuan? Lu Zijian had developed muscles . Did Zhong Yuan? Lu Zijian had wheat-colored skin . Did Zhong Yuan have that?

With that, you all dare claim that Zhong Yuan is more handsome than Lu Zijian? What about him is handsome?

Everytime I say this, the girls would all chime in unison, “You’re the one with weird taste, OK?”

I couldn’t just take it lying down . “You’re kidding me . You guys are the ones with weird tastes . You, Miss Fourth, who’s the one who keeps chiming up that they want to keep a pretty boy on the side? And you, Lil’ Second, you’re like a BL bible . As for you, Boss . Y-you…”

Boss rested her chin in her hand and gave an alluring smile . Graceful and collected, she asked, “I what?”

Partly jealous, partly indignant, I shouted, “Your chest is the biggest!”

Boss, “……”
—

At this point, I think I should give an introduction to our dorm room .

In Room 1111, there reside four happy hoodlum girls . They are Boss, Lil’ Second, Blockhead Third, and Miss Fourth . Of them, I’m Blockhead Third,1 a nickname forced onto me by the other girls . As I’m a magnanimous person, I let the name be .

Each of us has things that we’re pa.s.sionate about . Boss loves studying, Lil’ Second loves BL, I love money, and Miss Fourth loves playing . Boss is the most calm and collected of us . Lil’ Second is the most vulgar . Miss Fourth is the most formidable . I’ll share their glories and honors later . As for me, I don’t have any defining characteristics . I’m a bit lazy, a bit gluttonous, and I’m always short on money . If I had to give myself the t.i.tle of “most” something, I guess I would be the most unsure of whether to laugh or cry…

This uncertainty exists because I go to a top university, one that I never dreamed of making it into . And at that school, I was mercilessly placed into the chemistry department despite knowing nothing about chemistry, and in fact, having a phobia of it . It’s a long story .

I went to an ordinary county high school . It was considered a top high school in the county for the reason that it was the only high school in the county . But placed against all the schools in the province, our school basically ended up gnawing on leftover bones .

When we took mock exams in my last year of high school, I usually placed 30th or so in my year . With scores like that on the college entrance exam, I should be thanking the heavens, the earth, and my ancestors for allowing me to get into a tier-1 university . When I filled in my application, I was just concerned with getting into a decent tier-2 school . I thought that it wouldn’t be too bad to get into some of those B-level schools . I didn’t even bother considering the level schools, so I just picked some super amazing top school for that option . I must have been very leisurely about it, as I also picked some astonishing majors on the card . And thus, my retribution came…

During the two days of the entrance exam, I must have gotten possessed . I kept thinking that my brain was calculating much faster than before . I even got to thinking that the ordinarily terrifying chemistry wasn’t all that sinister .

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT

After the exam, when we were going over our answers, I grabbed the solution manual and went to my head teacher . Trembling in fear, I asked, “Teacher Li, this solution manual isn’t all wrong by any chance, is it?”

My teacher was a very nice, little old lady . She pushed her gla.s.ses up her nose and told me sincerely, “Mu Er, even if you don’t get in, you can take the exam again . I’ll guide you next year . ”

At a loss, I said, “Why do I feel like all the answers I wrote are pretty much the same as in this book?”

My teacher pat me on the head amicably . With a smile, she said, “Don’t worry too much . Just enjoy a few more days of your summer vacation . ”

I nodded, but the progression of events so far felt a bit fantastical .

The night before the exam results were posted, I stayed up until 11 before I fell asleep . The next morning, I was woken up by a call from the head teacher . That little old lady shouted, “Mu Er, how many points did you get on your entrance exam?! What’s your ranking in the district?! You should be able to get into B University…”

They said that it had been a long, long time since anyone from X High School had gotten such a good score .

The shock came very suddenly . Before I could even react, I was. .h.i.t with another shocker .

I was accepted into B University’s School of Chemistry…

Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry…

The day the admissions notice came, the school princ.i.p.al and the town mayor joined forces to hire a group of people to come ring gongs and set off firecrackers at my house . They even put a silly, giant, red flower on me .

Wearing that big red flower, with gongs sounding around me, all I could think of was one word: Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry…

Like a madwoman, I would laugh and then cry, and then laugh and then cry . Fate, are you playing with me right now?!
—

Later on, while we were chatting, I asked the girls why they chose chemistry . Miss Fourth’s response was the most memorable . She said, “My dad said I could pick anything that wasn’t chemistry . So I picked chemistry . ” Disobeying her father was one of Miss Fourth’s joys in life .

Holding on to a wisp of hope, I asked her, “But you actually hate chemistry, right?”

Chin in hand, she replied, “I wouldn’t go so far as to say I hate it . It’s just too simple, and a bit boring . ”

I fell into despair once again .
—

All right, I’ve gotten sidetracked again… With basketball master Lu Zijian’s tutelage and my diligence, I realized that my shooting rate increased greatly in a few days . Even Boss, who had very high expectations, said, “Your shooting technique has gotten better . It could even scare others off . ”

Though her words felt a bit out of place, I understood that she was paying me a compliment . I wasn’t confused by her, and I shared a lollipop with her too .

The crowd watched expectantly as the basketball club’s shooting compet.i.tion came to a start . There were a lot of compet.i.tors . At first, I thought the boys would outnumber the girls by a lot, but on the day of the compet.i.tion, the numbers were pretty even . Furthermore, they seemed rather overpowering . I wiped away my sweat . Were B University’s female students that interested in basketball? Or did they all need money too?

I was a bit nervous as I practiced in the crowd of girls . The ball was handling OK . I listened to two girls gossiping as I practiced .

Girl A said, “Hey, why are you partic.i.p.ating in the compet.i.tion? I thought you couldn’t even dribble the ball . ”

Girl B replied, “I came to check out the guys, OK? I heard that Zhong Yuan and Lu Zijian are both on the judging panel . ”

At the mention of Lu Zijian, my ears perked up . I held the basketball and stopped moving, focusing in on their conversation . Lu Zijian was judging? He’s so low-profile that I didn’t even know .

Then Girl A said, “Yeah . I heard that Zhong Yuan is judging for the women’s team, so I ran over to sign up . I’ll be so close to my idol that I could even touch him . ” As she spoke, her excitement increased .

Girl B scoffed . She said, “That’s old news . It’s true that Zhong Yuan was originally going to judge the women’s team, as a way to win over the basketball club’s president . Otherwise there wouldn’t be so many infatuated girls here . But for some reason, later on, Zhong Yuan insisted on switching spots with Lu Zijian, so he moved to judging the men’s team . ”

Girl A asked regretfully, “Really? Why didn’t I hear about this?”

Girl B replied, “It’s absolutely true . Don’t forget, my boyfriend is in charge of organizing the men’s team . ”

Then Girl A said, “OK, well, getting to know Lu Zijian isn’t bad either . ”

Girl B couldn’t help laughing . “You’re going to be with the compet.i.tors, and he’s going to be with the judging panel . When are you going to get to know each other?”

Girl A made a disgruntled face .

Listening to them, I got fired up with expectations . Lu Zijian! Lu Zijian!

Zhong Yuan, you finally did something that doesn’t make me hate you . Good job switching!

While I was getting excited over Lu Zijian judging for the women’s team, I saw Lu Zijian and Zhong Yuan walking over . They were standing at the entrance to the court, talking to some people in the basketball team .

I figured I needed to do some flattering, so I eagerly ran over to them . I gave Lu Zijian a bright smile and waved to him . I said, “Senior Lu, hi . Please watch out for me today . ”

Lu Zijian returned a kind smile and said, “Mu Er, good luck . ”

I gave a firm nod and flattering expression .

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT

Just then, Zhong Yuan gave me a sinister look . “Mu Er? I’m pretty sure your judge is me . ”

I shot him a look of disdain . “Aren’t you judging for the men’s team?”

Zhong Yuan nodded . “Yeah . You knew?”

I shrugged and said, “Then my judge is Senior Lu . What’s it have to do with you?”

Zhong Yuan looked me over suspiciously . After staring a long while, he finally asked, “You’re a girl?”

I found his question super strange . Wasn’t that obvious? I glanced at him and replied, “Bulls.h.i.t!”

Zhong Yuan repeated himself, “So you’re a girl?”

I glared at him . “Yes, I’m a girl . Are you saying you couldn’t tell?”

Zhong Yuan’s eyes seemed to sweep over my chest, and then he laughed . “I really can’t . ”

I couldn’t hold back my anger at his gaze and his words . I must have lost all my senses because I nearly lost my voice shouting, “You can’t tell?! I’m this big of an cup, and you can’t tell?!”

Once the words. .h.i.t the air, I immediately regretted it . OK, it’s true that I’ve always felt my b.r.e.a.s.t.s were the biggest cups out there, but discussing that kind of thing with a boy… I’m actually a very reserved person .

As expected, everyone around turned and looked at me with strange expressions, as if I were a Martian who’d just landed on Earth .

I felt so wronged that I really wanted to just find a hole and crawl into it .

That moment must not have felt awkward enough for Zhong Yuan, because he suddenly smiled and said, “I really couldn’t tell that you had the biggest cups . ”

I was speechless .

G.o.d, just strike me dead with lighting right now…