Chapter 75 - Because I Wanted To
Carrick was buried near the Virgine Falls. No one could get Zlu back who continued to kneel beside his grave. He cast his eyes on the freshly dug soil. At first he stared and stared while twisting around the ring in his left hand"s finger. His face remained pa.s.sive in a way that it unnerved his group. "Carrick is down there," he murmured. "What the h.e.l.l did G.o.d need him for? He was better here with me." What was he left with now? Loneliness… for the lifetime. He twisted the gold band more and more. "You must be lonely there, Carrick," he whispered as he caressed the soil over him.
Anastasia wanted to come out and see the burial, but the image of Iskra getting maimed because of her kept flashing in her mind. "Another death…" she rocked in her place.
The little sack that moved in her bedroom the day her parents were taken captive, haunted her. "Everyone dies near me…" she murmured, rocking and rocking. "I don"t deserve happiness…" Dense emotions of darkness entered her heart. Another wall arose. She laughed bitterly. "No one should come close to me. No one!" she shook her head and then laughed more.
Ileus came inside the tent and scrambled up to her. "Ana?" he called her.
"Stay away from me Ileus!" she said in a shaky voice. "I am dangerous, cursed…"
He crawled closer.
"Don"t you get it?" She shook her head as her body trembled. "You all will die if you come near me. I am… cursed." Her voice was a mere whisper and a lump choked her in the throat. "Stay… away…"
In a heartbeat, Ileus lunged at her and picked her up in his lap. He held her close to his chest tightly and despite her protesting, throwing her legs and hands around, pounding his chest, he didn"t let her go. Grief came like a shadow that shrouded her. There was pain, so much pain that it stole all her joy and strength. When the waves of grief ebbed, she clung onto him. "I want to say sorry to Zlu," she murmured. "Because of me all this happened."
He stroked her hair and her back as he held her with one strong arm. "It didn"t happen because of you. You can"t blame yourself for it."
She shook her head. "You don"t—"
He silenced her by placing his finger on her swollen lips. "It was Carrick"s choice to go and save Darla and Aidan. And Zlu didn"t know when he left. Some things just happen. And stop blaming yourself for everything wrong in this world!" He knew how fragile she was. She had seen so much misery over the past eight years that it would last a lifetime. He couldn"t let her slip into this state. Pressing a kiss on her forehead, he added, "We all are going to miss him…" he said in a low voice as he gazed into her sapphire blue eyes that were puffy. Tears were still streaming out. "But none of us are going to hold us or you responsible for it, okay?" For once his hand reached his medallion and he wanted to go back in time. The medallion felt like a weight on his neck.
She closed her eyes and he pressed her face in his chest again. She didn"t know when but sleep overtook her. "Don"t leave me now," she muttered before drifting off. And Ileus continued to stay in that state. He leaned against the branch of the tree to ease her in his lap. She looked like an angel. He wiped her tears and caressed her cheeks with his knuckles. If she broke now, it would be difficult to bring her out and so he just stayed there.
Late in the evening when Anastasia woke up, she still found herself wrapped in his arms. His golden gaze roamed on her face. "How are you Ana?" he asked in a lilting voice, like a caress to her emotions as his fingers brushed her cheeks.
"You sat so long for me?" she asked, feeling grateful. After the sleep, she felt so much better. This man was growing on her. She took a deep breath.
Tilting his head, he smiled and said, "Because I wanted to."
Not wanting to torment him with her position anymore, Anastasia dragged out of his lap. "I want to meet Zlu."
"Zlu is still sitting by Carrick"s grave. Don"t go there, Anastasia. He is not going to talk to you."
She bit her lip. "Then I"ll just go down and see the others."
"Okay," he agreed.
She climbed down from the tent and he hopped after her. The sun had set and the stars had just started to peep from the black sky. Cool breeze blew, carrying the mild aroma of the red pa.s.sion flowers. She looked up at the sky and hoped that it would rain to suppress that scent. What looked beautiful to her, was now appearing lethally dangerous. She sighed. A gust of breeze moved her golden hair and tousled them into buoyant curls. Tufts of clouds drifted in the sky.
Kaizan was tending to Darla and Aidan. Tadgh was pacing in front of the fields nervously. Every now and then he would look towards the falls where Zlu was still sitting and hadn"t moved. Her eyes met Tadgh"s, and he just shook his head in dismal. Guarhal had burnt a small hearth and was heating the food. In order to be of some help, she walked up to him and said, "Do you want me to do something?"
"That"s rabbit stew. You need to stir it. Can you?" he asked.
"Of course I can!" she replied.
He gave her the ladle and she sat near the fire. She watched Ileus going to Tadgh as Kaizan and Guarhal joined him. They talked in low voices. Over the next one hour, she served stew to all of them, washed the dishes and stashed them in the saddlebag. The activity kept her mind off Carrick"s image that kept flashing in her mind. She was able to take out his poison. Her magic had worked but she wasn"t able to save him. That"s where her magic stopped. She had never in the past wished strongly for her magic to come with full force.