DANIEL. With perhaps the teeniest, weeniest little drop of whisky?

SYLVIA. This is all useless prevarication, you know--we have some very important questions to ask you.

DANIEL (_rising_). Perhaps I"d better stand up then, it"s more imposing.

(_He takes water from Bobbie._) Thank you a thousand times. Cheerio!!

(_They all make a movement of annoyance._)

SYLVIA. Now then, uncle, we"ve discovered that you have been deceiving us....

DANIEL (_amazed_). I--deceive you? I"m pained! I"m hurt! You"ve wounded me to the quick.

BOBBIE. I don"t believe you"ve got a quick.

SYLVIA. Shut up, Bobbie!

(FAITH _is by window_ L.)

SYLVIA. Yes, through the agency of Miss Crombie here.

DANIEL. Ah, Miss Crombie, I"ve just been chatting to your mother. (_Goes to table and puts gla.s.s on it._)

SYLVIA (_ignoring his interruption._) Your dastardly trick has been exposed, is it or is it not true that you took each of us aside in turn a year and a half ago and filled us up with confidential lies about your will?

DANIEL (_bravely_). It"s absolutely true.

(_Move from all._)

SYLVIA. Why did you do it?

DANIEL (_laughing with forced roguishness_). Ah!...

SYLVIA (_firmly--with emphasis on each word_). Why did you do it?

DANIEL. Do you really want to know?

EVANGELINE (_below form_). Of course we do.

DANIEL. Very well, then I"ll tell you. The reason was this. You were a set of idle young bounders. (_A move from all._) You"d never done a stroke of work in your lives--neither have I, but I didn"t see why you shouldn"t. There was your poor mother left comparatively hard up--you would have to have left this house which would have made her perfectly miserable, so I determined to spur you on to do something (_breaking into a smile._) I say, you must admit I"ve succeeded!

SYLVIA. Never mind, that--go on.

DANIEL (_still smiling_). Well, not having a penny in the world with which to help you myself----

EVERYONE. What!!!!!

DANIEL. I repeat--not having a penny----

OLIVER (_below table_). Do you mean to say you haven"t any money at all?

DANIEL (_cheerfully_). Not a bob! Except on the all too rare occasions when I win a bit. (_Laughing._) If it were not for the darling little horses, I shouldn"t be able to get across to England at all.

EVANGELINE. What about the mine you told us of?

(JOYCE _is_ R. _of table._)

DANIEL. I never told you of a mine.

EVANGELINE. Oh, uncle, you are a fibber!

DANIEL. You said I had a mine. As a matter of fact I am part owner in one. Unfortunately it was long ago proved to be absolutely worthless.

But please don"t worry yourselves over me. I shall be all right.

SYLVIA (R.C.). We weren"t.

DANIEL (C). I didn"t say you were, I said don"t. I also told you, now that I come to think of it, that I had only three years to live. That was put in as a bit of local colour. I hope to live to eighty-two or even eighty-three.

BOBBIE (_above Chesterfield_). Well, all I can say is--it"s the rottenest trick I ever heard.

JOYCE. Uncle, how could you? (_She sniffs._)

BOBBIE. How dare you come here and stuff us up with promises that you can never keep. I"m jolly well fed up. I thought you were such a sport and--oh, what"s the use of talking. You don"t give a d.a.m.n. Come away, Faith.

FAITH (_tossing her head_). Very well.

(_Exit_ BOBBIE _and_ FAITH _into garden._)

EVANGELINE (_coming forward, moves between Chesterfield and arm-chair--contemptuously_). It strikes me as being a singularly pointless practical joke--I"m very disappointed in you, Uncle Daniel.

(_Exit_ R.)

OLIVER (_coming in front of_ JOYCE). So am I--d.a.m.ned disappointed. I thought you were too decent to do a thing like that.

(_Exit_ R.)

JOYCE. I think you"re horrid, it"ll get all over the school now. (_She bursts into tears and exits_ R.)

(SYLVIA _turns and looks at_ UNCLE DANIEL.)

DANIEL. They"ve all had a go at me. Haven"t you anything to say too, Sylvia?

SYLVIA. No, I haven"t anything to say at all.

UNCLE DANIEL. Oh! (_Sits in armchair._)

SYLVIA. You see I knew all the time. (_Goes to above him._)

DANIEL (_incredulously_). You knew?

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