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Mai Ding was holding on to several love letters, and unfortunately, none of them were for him. He was just doing others a favor. Other girls, of course, and these letters were for none other than An Ziyan. Despite agreeing to it, Mai Ding felt a little uneasy. He visited An Ziyan’s cla.s.s hoping to catch him there, but it was futile. Seeing a fellow female student seated at the front row, he asked, “Excuse me, is An Ziyan here today?”
The girl looked up, glanced at Mai Ding from head to toe before finally replying, “He’s at the library.” She didn’t seem too bothered by his presence.
“Thanks.” And Mai Ding was off to the library, strangely recharged for some reason. And entering the library, he saw the guy he was so obsessed with. Meanwhile, An Ziyan was reading a book intently. Usually, he had that look of cynicism on his face, but this seriousness was a first for Mai Ding, and he wondered to himself how one person could have so many expressions, so many facets.
“My dear cla.s.smate.” Mai Ding whispered as he sat next to An Ziyan.
An Ziyan did not even budge nor lifted his head to acknowledge Mai Ding’s presence.
Mai Ding pa.s.sed the envelopes to An Ziyan. Seeing those pink letters in front of him, An Ziyan frowned. Without saying a word, he took them and threw them into the waste basket by the side of the table. Mai Ding was secretly pleased, but he couldn’t let this behavior go unpunished.
“Why did you throw those letters away? Don’t you know that those were love letters and someone actually painstakingly wrote them for you? Shouldn’t you at least see who it was from?”, Mai Ding lectured.
“I don’t wish to waste my time.” was his only reply.
“How is this a waste of time? Don’t we all need to spend time fostering good relationships? Aren’t you afraid that such a cold and unfriendly att.i.tude is just going to get you into trouble one day?” Mai Ding was trying to drive some sense into this guy.
“Why are you bothering with my affairs?”, An Ziyan asked, his eyes never leaving the book.
That made Mai Ding a little irritated. “We are friends. Of course, I am concerned about your future. And it can’t be the case that of all the girls who throw themselves at you, not even one meets your expectation?”
Silence. It was getting a little awkward for Mai Ding.
It was only after a long while before An Ziyan looked at Mai Ding and said, “Mai Ding, I already have a girlfriend.”
For some reason, Mai Ding’s world shattered and everything was suddenly all in a mess once again. Didn"t he just give me that fairytale book two days ago? I felt special. What’s happening now? Mai Ding’s thoughts were all in a mess. Mai Ding tried to calm himself down. An Ziyan was free to do whatever he wanted. After all, it was his own future and his own happiness.
"But why is my heart so heavy?", Mai Ding thought to himself. "Why is it so painful to hear that he is actually taken?", Mai Ding tried to smile. “So that’s why you threw those love letters away. She must be a beauty. I knew it all along. How can a person like you be single? Alright, I shouldn"t disturb you any further. I’ll be going.” He stood up, forced a smile, and left.
I knew it all along. How can a person like you be single? And what’s up with me? It’s not like it will affect our friendship. Did I just want him for myself? Am I that despicable?
Back in the dorm, Mai Ding was listless and fell straight into bed. From where he laid, he saw Li Ming still glued to his computer, playing his stupid game. And after a while, he finally spoke, “An Ziyan has a girlfriend.”
Li Ming turned around, looking at Mai Ding, and very matter-of-factly said, “So what if he has a girlfriend? That doesn’t mean that all is lost. You can still s.n.a.t.c.h him from her. After all, you are in a better position to make your move. So don’t be stupid.”
“Why should I s.n.a.t.c.h him away from her? We are just friends.”
“Friends? Have you seen yourself looking at An Ziyan? It looks as if you are telling him, "Quick, give me a hug. Quick, give me a kiss. Quick! Open my legs!"”
Li Ming had to make it all sound so disgusting.
Mai Ding got up immediately. “Who said that I like him? What kind of stupid s.h.i.t are you talking about? Are you blind? An Ziyan and me? Excuse me, we are both guys. I’m not sure about that guy, but I am definitely normal. I..I still get my erections when I watch those steamy s.e.x scenes in the movies.” Mai Ding was getting fl.u.s.tered and was spouting nonsense.
Seeing that he was not going to admit it, Li Ming decided to be even more direct. “C’mon Mai Ding, you dare say you don’t like An Ziyan one bit?” And without waiting for Mai Ding’s response, he continued, “And I am not talking about liking him as a friend.”
“Crazy. I will never fall in love with another guy. You should know your limit.” And not being able to withstand it any longer, he left the room. Why should he listen to such nonsense?
But Li Ming’s words continued to echo in his mind, and he could not suppress it. There was a lake on campus where couples hang out. Mai Ding found himself sitting by the water, looking at the couples who were behaving so intimately and lovingly. Does An Ziyan treat his girlfriend like those guys here? Are they equally romantic when they are together?
He got up, not sure what he was thinking anymore. Why was he thinking about him? And in a moment of naive rage, he kicked a Panda rubbish bin, clutching onto his head and shouting, “An Ziyan, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d!”
“What the h.e.l.l are you scolding me for?”, An Ziyan appeared out of nowhere, coldly looking at him.
“Whoever I scold is none of your business! Get lost!”, Mai Ding was startled by his sudden appearance and was irritated by the fact that he was still so drawn to the face before him. An Ziyan shrugged and was about to turn to leave when Mai Ding continued, “And yes, of course, you walk away. Don’t you have a mind of your own? I tell you what to do and you do it?”. But An Ziyan pretended he heard nothing and continued walking away. Mai Ding ran after him and continued to holler, “Why aren’t you listening? Do you think you"re so great? So what if you"re rich? So what if you are good-looking? So what if you have a girlfriend? Just because you are who you are, you think you can just ignore me?”
An Ziyan stopped suddenly, but Mai Ding did not stop in time. His nose hit An Ziyan’s back and perhaps it was both the pain and the frustration that was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Mai Ding couldn’t control his tears and soon his eyes welled up with pent up frustration. “Why are you so angry?”, An Ziyan asked again. And seeing Mai Ding’s tears, he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, saying, “Don’t be stupid. What’s there to cry about?”, But Mai Ding stepped back, refusing to be consoled.
“I’m not crying, you blind, shameless b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Always attracting people’s attention. I’ve never seen such a detestable person like you.”
He then pushed An Ziyan aside and ran away.
An Ziyan stood there, thinking, as he saw Mai Ding run further and further away from him. It was the first time he saw him behave that way.
***
In one breath, Mai Ding ran all the way back to his dorm. Li Ming was still playing his game. Mai Ding went up to him, and grabbing his collar, demanded, “What proof do you have that I have feelings for An Ziyan?”
Li Ming was stunned by his outburst. “Okay. Just let me go. Don’t be overly emotional now.” Mai Ding released him. And once he was free, Li Ming opened the internet browser and was searching for something. After a while, he cleared his throat and slowly began, “Thinking of a person for no rhyme or reason. Will think of that person whenever you see something related to him. When you think of that person, you can’t help but smile. Will not only take that person’s view seriously but will also be wary of that person’s gaze. Hopes to be acknowledged by that someone. In his presence, you will try to be more feminine…err… or masculine. Will inadvertently try to get close to that person.”
Mai Ding realised he was exhibiting all these traits. He fell onto his bed, sitting there in a daze. It was only until when it was dark that he finally thought things through. It dawned on him that he actually did have feelings for An Ziyan all this while. It wasn’t all about friendship; it was love.
But just when he realised he actually loved An Ziyan, he had to find out that he already had a girlfriend. And even if he wasn’t attached, why would An Ziyan reciprocate his love?
The thought that An Ziyan was attached made his heart heavy. It was so bad that he couldn’t sleep. Throwing his blanket aside, he got up from his bed. It was already dark and everyone was asleep. He found himself before An Ziyan’s door and without knowing why, he started kicking the door, saying, "You are such a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Why did I have to know you? Why did I have to find out that you already have a girlfriend? Why did I have to fall for you? Why is my heart hurting so badly? And you, An Ziyan, why… Why did you have to give your love to someone else?
In life, things can happen so suddenly. Parents will come to a sudden realization that their child is no longer young. We, too, suddenly come to that realization that we are old, and not blessed with eternal youth. And as for Mai Ding who always thought he will never find the love of his life, he too, realized suddenly that he has fallen for someone.And that someone was An Ziyan.
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To be continued...