I'm Guilty, My Beauty

Sheila"s first year in France ended well and another school year began. Hugh thought of visiting the school again but his schedule was working against his plans. Before he could plan his next visit to La Delicatesse, his operation schedule filled months in his table calendar. He hardly had time to visit his parents.

It seemed all of his patients agreed to have themselves go through the knife that year. His number of patients unexpectedly doubled.

. . . . .

On Riley"s side, Sheila decided to reject him. She stood across Riley in the garden. The latter was leaning against a tree.

She avoided his eyes and stared on the ground. "I"m sorry. My heart and mind are still stuck with someone back home. I need to settle this first before getting involved with someone else."

"I might help you forget him easily."

"I"m not sure of that." Sheila was uneasy and wanted to settle this as soon as possible. For a year of constant interaction with Riley, made her see that this man was seriously in love with her. To be fair, he was also handsome, no less than Clarence. Though, she had no idea that these two men in her life were cousins. Riley also had no inkling that his first cousin was the man Sheila was referring. It was her fault for not divulging Clarence"s name.

She actually saw Riley a good and reliable man. He was a clear-cut gentleman. He opened doors for her and brought her flowers twice a week. Sheila exactly saw a good boyfriend material. Could he be the man to make her forget about Clarence? She wanted to experiment, to sort out her true emotions. So she agreed when Riley asked her to go out on a date.

The gentleman brought her to an elegant candlelit dinner. Soft and relaxing instrumental piano played on the background. The dining room"s lighting was a bit dim. Romance filled the air as the sole candle provided the brightness on the table.

The food served was pleasurable to the eyes and appetizing to their palate. This made Sheila forgot that she was also a chef. In fact, she was quite pleased.

Anyhow, her mood caused a flaw in the nearly perfect romantic atmosphere. Her mind drifted away and imagined Riley as Clarence. In her eyes, Clarence superimposed Riley. That night, the former was the one dining this special time with her. It was Clarence"s voice she heard speaking sweet nothings to her.

Then Riley called her name and brought her out from her daze, making her recognized the fact that Clarence still occupied her heart and mind. She was fl.u.s.tered and ashamed for what transpired in her mind earlier.

She ruined the lovely atmosphere further by telling her date to call it a night.

Her att.i.tude made Riley miserable to himself. He perfectly saw he was not able to break down the last barrier to s.n.a.t.c.h Sheila away from the man back in the Philippines.

Riley couldn"t sleep that night and found it hard to digest that his efforts were utterly useless.

In the end, he confronted the lady. "Please, be honest with me. Am I really that bad compared to that guy you"ve mentioned?

"No, no. Ah, I mean you"re not that bad. You"re actually wonderful. It"s just ..." Sheila bit a fingernail as she faced Riley. Then she sat on a bench and stood, and sat again. She thought of running away and avoid him at all cost but that would be unfair to him. She had to make it clear to this man that she couldn"t go out with him while she was having this problem.

"Uh ... well ... hmm, oh my, how to explain this." She drew a deep breath. "It"s just … I really can"t forget him and like … saying yes to you is like … making you a filler and it would be unfair to you."

"I don"t mind becoming a filler," Riley said with no reluctance.

"What? Oh no, I don"t know what to think of you anymore. I really can"t do as you ask." She blotted her sweating forehead with a handkerchief. Sheila would dare face a harsh cooking compet.i.tion than facing a man serious enough to rescind to a position as another man"s filler in her life.

"Am I really that repulsive that even becoming a filler is too much for you?" His voice was sad.

"Please, I don"t want to make any man to simply be a filler in my life." Her voice rose. "I"ve learned my lesson well. If I say yes to you, that means I want to devote myself to you. Please, you"re a good man. You don"t deserve me."

"Then who deserves you?"

Sheila was taken aback with his question. She looked sideways. His lonely face made her feel guilty.

Riley continued as he walked nearer to her. "I don"t know what experience you had, to say you"ve learned your lesson well, but your words totally broke my heart. Yes, I"m not that person and I don"t deserve to be treated that way, but ..." He was still hopeful. He didn"t want to give up yet. "I"m willing. Who knows? You might fall in love with me later."

Silence.

Riley sighed. He saw Sheila was firm in her decision. He reached and held her firmly in his embrace. Sheila"s body stiffened but before she could say anything, he softly said, "Let me hold you for a while. I"m sorry if I caused you inconvenience and I hope you"ll be happy with that person. " He moved back a little, kissed her on her lips, and left her standing there, stupefied.

Sheila stayed there in complete silence, letting the breeze loosen her knitted emotions.

. . . . .

Before the school year ended. Sheila received a letter from the Philippines Culinary a.s.sociation, inviting her to become one of the representatives for an international compet.i.tion. After her heartrending conversation with Riley, she understood well her deep-most feelings for Clarence. She still wished to have him back in her life.

Thus, she came to a resolution to go back home and hoped with all hopes to mend their relations.h.i.+p this time.

That day, she went to the school dean and asked permission to go home. The dean expressed his concern. "What a waste, you"ll be entering apprentices.h.i.+p this summer. Go home, join the cooking compet.i.tion, and come back after. The scholars.h.i.+p is still yours."

"I"ll try." Shame engulfed her with the thought that she was leaving this prestigious school and a great future for a man.

The dean saw she was troubled. He relented, let her sort out this problem first. She would come back when she was ready, he thought.

"Let"s make it this way. I"ll hold your scholars.h.i.+p for two years. Come back anytime within these two years. If you won"t come back, then I"ll take it, you have decided to give up the scholars.h.i.+p."

"I think that"s a fair arrangement. Thank you, Monsieur."

"No problem. My advice, settle what you need to settle and come back. You should take a hold of your future. There"s more to life, more adventurous than what you experienced now."

Sheila never expected those words. The dean saw through her. "I"ll take your advice to heart. Thank you."

The dean embraced and patted her back like a father encouraging his daughter to move on.

As for Hugh, he rested his tired body in the doctor"s room after a rigid heart operation. He looked down on his table calendar and relieved to see an unfilled date.

"Sheila Hernandez, I"ll make sure to meet you this time." He left a message on a notepad and stuck it on the calendar. It said, "away for a trip for two days." He planned to visit Sheila this time, not knowing she was already packing up for her flight back to the Philippines.