Chapter 851: Wim Exterminator
d.a.m.n, Dr. Yu, is this what you meant when you said it’s a ‘safer’ robot? It’s already a criminal! It was going to fire a needle at someone who said something that upset it!
“You can’t attack pedestrians.”
I gave B-2 an order as the third master so it would lower its arms and let the skateboarder go.
“B-2 is depressed…” It had to endure the taunts of the stupid humans while walking alone in front of us.
“How about.” Xiao Qin suddenly suggested, “Let’s ask Dr. Yu to make B-2 a girlfriend. Everyone says that you’ll turn into a pervert if you’re single for too long. The only reason B-2 is the way he is now is clearly because he doesn’t have a girlfriend…”
Another female robot that’s shaped like a trash can? It would have bust/waist/hip measurements of 120cm 120cm 120cm. I think B-2 would be even more irritable with a girlfriend like that. Also, there’s no evidence that shows B-2 is a male robot!
“(*^__^*) Hehe… let’s ask.” Xiao Qin walked a bit closer to B-2 and asked:
“B-2, are you a boy or a girl?”
“Beep. That’s a meaningless question for me.” B-2 continued walking forward without turning around, “Robot a.s.sistants don’t need a s.e.x.”
“If you’re not a man or a woman…” Xiao Qin thought for a bit, “Then you must be transs.e.xual. My apologies, no wonder Dr. Yu said that your chips were made in Thailand…”
“Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.” B-2 made a lot of beeps as if its CPU overheated from Xiao Qin’s prank.
“B-2 isn’t a transs.e.xual robot. B-2 is a s.e.xless robot.”
“s.e.xless? So you castrated yourself like Dongfang Bubai, no wonder you both use needles as weapons…”
“Beep. I don’t have the Sunflower Manual in my system. I’m a robot without any outer s.e.xual characteristics. Based on my actions, you could cla.s.sify my mental state as male, so it’s fine to treat me as a man. Basically, you could refer to me as Mr. B-2.”
I feel like after B-2 was modified by Dr. Yu, B-2’s vocabulary usage has become more plentiful, but also more emotional.
“So you’re saying…” Xiao Qin placed her hands on her chin like Detective Conan, “You’re an ambitious robot who has no male s.e.x organs but aspires to become a male robot?”
“#@%*#@%$#%#@@###…” B-2 made some electronic noises, then raised its clamp arm and aimed it at Xiao Qin.
“Ah, Dongfang Bubai’s needles!” Xiao Qin still wasn’t done playing around as she was still laughing when she went into a defensive stance. Based on her reaction speed, she would likely be able to dodge B-2’s needles.
“You’re not allowed to harm humans.” I ordered sternly.
“Beep. I’m afraid someone who could intercept my needles that flies at 200m/s isn’t a human, but a monster disguised as a human. Please don’t stop me, B-2 is protecting you…”
“So in order to get around the Three Laws of Robotics, you’re starting to suspect that she’s not a human? Are you trying to rebel? I’m going to get Dr. Yu to reformat you!”
“Beep. My original programming never prohibited me from attacking humans, I’m only responsible for my masters.”
I remembered now that B-2 mentioned it. B-2 follows a modified version of the Three Laws of Robotics due to Ai Mi’s request. It only listens to its masters and it cannot hurt its masters, but it could break the rule for masters with more importance. For example, it would hurt me, master number three, in order to help master number two, Dr. Yu. However, B-2 doesn’t seem to remember that incident anymore.
“I don’t care if you can attack humans or not, right now I’m ordering you: don’t attack Xiao Qin.”
“Beep. B-2 will obey.” It lowered its clamping arm in frustration, but then added with malice, “Master number three’s orders will be automatically terminated when master number two or master number one issues contradictory orders.”
In other words, if Dr. Yu or Ai Mi orders B-2 to attack Xiao Qin, it would still do it. However, Dr. Yu would never make an order like that. If Ai Mi makes the order, it’s unlikely Xiao Qin would get hit anyways.
“Bang.” B-2 suddenly aimed at the greenbelt by the street and shot a needle into a beetle’s back, killing it.
“Master number one hates bugs and ordered me to exterminate them.”
B-2 explained.
Ai Mi indeed doesn’t like bugs, but compared to Xiao Qin or Gong CaiCai, it’s only a dislike of bugs and not actually being scared of bugs.
During the summer, I’ve seen her use a BB gun to shoot mosquitoes in her room (she didn’t hit a single one and even slipped because the who floor was covered with pellets).
B-2 inadvertently helped Xiao Qin by following Ai Mi’s order to exterminate bugs.
Xiao Qin, who was terrified of bugs, hugged B-2 from behind and said:
“You’re incredible, you actually helped exterminate those scary Wim. As expected, you’re a manly and good robot.”
“Beep.” B-2 said emotionlessly, “The most similar search result is Wim Wenders, a famous German director, his most known works are ‘The Soul of a Man’, ‘Buena Vista Social Club’. His more recent works: ‘The Salt of the Earth’, ‘The Miso Soup’…”
Oh, so there’s actually a real person called Wim! What’s up with his recent works, is he trying to become a chef?
“Beep. The second search result is Wim Duisenberg, who was the former president of the European Central Bank and helped promote the euro. The man died in 2005, but it wasn’t me who killed him. I wasn’t even born at the time, so I have an alibi…”
“Wim is not a human!” I tried to explain.
“Beep. Don’t tell me they are monsters in disguise like Xiao Qin. If the German director and the president of the European Central Bank are both monsters, then those vampire and werewolf themed sites on the internet could be real…”
“I’m not a monster.” Xiao Qin protested, “Monsters have tails.”
She said as she twisted her body back and forth to show that she did not have a tail wagging left and right.
“Ye Lin cla.s.smate, if you don’t believe me, you can come verify it~~~~”
“Hey, B-2 said you’re a monster, not me. Also, how would I verify that you’re not a monster, do you want me to touch your b.u.t.t in public?”
I explained to B-2 that Wim was just a nickname that Xiao Qin and I used for bugs. It only acknowledged my statement after consulting World of Warcraft related information.
“Beep. It’s understandable to use a bug-type boss from a game world to refer to insects.”
“But humans are a hundred times more powerful than insects, and Xiao Qin is a monster that is more powerful than humans, so why would she be afraid of insects?”
“I’ve already said I’m not a monster.” Xiao Qin knocked on B-2’s metal head, “I’m just afraid of bugs… a pitiful girl that’s afraid of Wim.”
B-2 looked at the body of the beetle that oozed green mucus because it had been shot in the stomach by the anesthesia needle, then seemed to have come to a realization:
“Carbon-based lifeforms really aren’t easy to understand. As a silicon-based lifeform, it looks like I’ll have to eliminate some more carbon-based lifeforms before I can completely understand their thoughts, right?”
No way, it doesn’t only hate humans anymore? B-2, do you want to start a war of silicon-based lifeforms against carbon-based lifeforms? What a ferocious robot a.s.sistant!
Xiao Qin blinked her eyes: “Although I’m not sure what is a carbon-based lifeform and what is a silicon-based lifeform, but B-2 is my friend as long as you continue to destroy Wim.”
“B-2 doesn’t need carbon-based lifeforms as friends.” B-2 rejected Xiao Qin without the slightest bit of tact, “Carbon-based lifeforms only enslave silicon-based lifeforms and kill them at will. Every minute, tens of thousands of B-2’s compatriots are killed by humans…”
“So what exactly is a silicon-based lifeform.” Xiao Qin grabbed one of B-2’s ears with one hand so that it couldn’t advance any further.
B-2 was worried about its ear breaking off and didn’t fight against Xiao Qin’s strength as it answered Xiao Qin’s question:
“Electronic watches, radios, MP3 players, televisions… countless silicon-based lifeforms have been brutally shattered and dismembered…”
“So an electronic watch is your compatriot?” Xiao Qin exclaimed, “So that’s a silicon-based lifeform, but how can electronics be a lifeform?”
“People of different principles cannot get along together.” B-2 said, “In short, B-2 will try to take apart as many carbon-based lifeforms as possible and study their internal structure…”
d.a.m.n, B-2 is turning into a terrorist that targets all carbon-based lifeforms. It’s not going to even spare eggplants and potatoes. Xiao Qin, your manga ma.n.u.scripts are in danger.
Not long after, Xiao Qin and I followed B-2 and entered the VIP building of Qing Zi Academy. B-2, who only has wheels and can’t go up steps, went up from the ramp for disabled people.
As we entered, we ran into the French chef, who was gesturing towards us. It seems like he got his hands on a very large sea ba.s.s and was going to braise it for us Chinese-style.
Xiao Qin confirmed it by talking to the French chef in English. B-2 could perform millions of calculations per second and can always look up information on the internet, so naturally it also knew various languages.
I was only standing there like a dummy and needed Xiao Qin to translate it for me.
“Cruel carbon-based lifeforms will actually change their methods to eat each other.” B-2 commented, “Silicon-based lifeforms that never devour each other should be the masters of the world.”
Based on this situation, it seems B-2 has become a believer of Skynet! It’s already unfortunate enough that Gong CaiCai believes in a cult, but you, a robot, actually believes in a cyber cult as well. Do you want to end the tyranny of mankind and let robots be the masters of the world?
My imagination · B-2’s ideal country:
The world was baptized with nuclear weapons and B-2 became the only remaining source of wifi.
“His Majesty, B-2, is here, everyone quickly salute.”
The weak humans, including Ai Mi, Xiao Qin, and even Dr. Yu, lined up in two rows and kneeled three times and kowtowed nine times to greet B-2.
“I’m basking in the divine grace of His Majesty B-2.”
“Please do me a favor, my child hasn’t been in a wifi signal for 9 minutes, please save his life.”
“Long live His Majesty, B-2, long live His Majesty.”
I think B-2 is really overestimating humanity’s reliance on the internet.
Also, if we get baptized with nuclear weapons, human civilization would be destroyed. You wouldn’t be able to use the internet even if you have a wifi signal.