Although I feel sorry for Auntie Ren, I am afraid ‘Tang Bo Hu Da Zhan Chu Liu Xiang’ is probably a garbage film.
The evidence is that although it was the prime time in the afternoon on a weekend, less than ten percent of the large HD theater was filled, and most of the seats were empty.
On Friday night, I was afraid of being unprepared for the movie, so I looked up some online reviews without spoilers.
Here was a post from Baidu:
—— I’m a dumba.s.s! I’m a f.u.c.king dumba.s.s! I can’t believe I actually watched this entire dumba.s.s movie!!
Since I already have a basic understanding of the film, I did not have any high expectations. I planned to sit quietly in front of the movie screen for an hour and forty minutes, and I was not the only one who had to suffer.
Thanks to the low viewership, there were a lot of empty seats, and everyone could sit where ever they want.
Even though Xiao Qin and I were supposed to be the hosts because Xiao Qin provided the tickets, and I invited everyone, but the cla.s.s leader naturally took over as the role of the organizer as everyone here was either her own brother or students of the 2-3 cla.s.s. She brought everyone to the right side where it was at a 35° angle from the screen, reportedly it has the optimal field of view.
But there were a bit of conflicting views as to how we should be seated.
Xiao Qin rushed to the fourth seat from the right and sat down. Then, she beckoned for me to sit on her right.
I could roughly guess her thoughts. Since there was a thick marble pillar slightly in front and to her left, it would block the vision of anyone who sits on the fifth seat. Since there were not many people today, most of the seats to the left of Xiao Qin were empty, and she does not have to worry about men sitting to her left.
I do not need to explain why Xiao Qin wants me to sit next to her.
But it seems the cla.s.s leader wants to sit on Xiao Qin’s right, so she could be next to the only other girl. Then, she would put her own brother on her right, then it would be me and Eunuch Cao.
It might be a misconception, but I felt a murderous aura from Xiao Qin’s eyes that were hidden under her sunhat.
When Xiao Qin raised her head, she was smiling at the cla.s.s leader. She was polite and amiable, and she begged the cla.s.s leader:
“Can you let me sit with Ye Lin cla.s.smate ~ please o(gt;﹏lt;)o~~~~ We always sat together at the movies since we were kids, I’m already used to it ~~~ I’ll be afraid of the dark without Ye Lin cla.s.smate!!”
After the cla.s.s leader saw Xiao Qin’s earnestness, she was embarra.s.sed to s.n.a.t.c.h the spot, so Xiao Qin had her wish fulfilled and I sat to her right.
Then, the cla.s.s leader a.s.signed her brother to sit on my right, then she would sit on his right. It was as if she intentionally used her brother to separate us.
Shu Zhe was not happy: “I don’t want to sit next to brother Ye Lin, he always. .h.i.ts people! Last time, the pain lasted for a whole week!”
This time, the cla.s.s leader did not concede. Even if her brother was not happy, she does not want to sit next to me no matter what.
It is better that you do not want to sit next to me! Do you think I want you to sit next to me?
Five people, but only four good seats. There was no spot for Eunuch Cao, but he was unconcerned. On the contrary, he happily sat in the row behind us. That row had fewer people, so he put his large bag in an empty seat next to him. Coincidentally, his fat filled body was right behind me.
“Now, it’s more convenient for the master and disciple to have a discussion, Jie Jie Jie Jie Jie —— “
But Xiao Qin was not pleased with the seating arrangements, and her whole body started to tremble. I thought she was angry, but I realized she was scared after looking at her face.
I finally understood with a bit of hand motions and eye gestures. It was because the seats were really close together, even if I was beside her, Shu Zhe still triggered her androphobia because he was too close.
Thus, I brought up this issue with the cla.s.s leader on behalf of Xiao Qin.
“Is it that serious?” Although the cla.s.s leader knew about Xiao Qin’s fear of males, she did not expect it to be this serious, “Don’t you sit next to Niu ShiLi cla.s.smate during cla.s.s? How come you’re not afraid of him in cla.s.s?”
In order to let Xiao Qin have a conversation with the cla.s.s leader, I temporarily took Shu Zhe to a place further away.
“Cla.s.s, cla.s.s leader… That’s because there’s a certain distance between the seats in our cla.s.s. Also, four-eyes is very quiet during cla.s.s, there’s also Ye Lin cla.s.smate on my left who encourages me, that’s why I can hold on…”
The cla.s.s leader’s complexion did not look good. Not sure if it is because of Xiao Qin’s nickname for others, or if it is because Xiao Qin mentioned that I ‘encourage her’ during cla.s.s.
Shu Zhe heard their conversation and laughed mockingly: “Afraid of males? How? Isn’t brother Ye Lin a male? I think brother Ye Lin is many times scarier than me!”
When everyone ignored him, he pouted and said: “If that’s the case, why don’t I switch places with my sister. Would that be far enough?”
The cla.s.s leader used her eyes to inquire Xiao Qin. After a bit of thought, Xiao Qin nodded.
“… It should be fine. I could resist against my androphobia with the calming scent that Ye Lin cla.s.smate emits!”
Who emits a calming scent! Are you treating me as mosquito-repelling incense!
The cla.s.s leader and Shu Zhe switched seats. The current arrangement was Xiao Qin on my left and the cla.s.s leader on my right. I had two young ladies with different styles sitting next to me, and it made a single ideologist like me a bit pleased. It was like I had a flower in each hand.
Even if it was a high-cla.s.s theater, the armrests were very narrow. Because both I and the cla.s.s leader were wearing short sleeves, our skin would touch if we both put our arms on the armrest. That is why the cla.s.s leader put her hands on her knees while holding onto that ridiculous bag.
The cla.s.s leader immediately sat upright and still once she was near me. If an outsider saw her, they would believe that we were strangers.
At this time, Xiao Qin finally removed her sunhat. Even though she finished her cotton candy, one of her hands was still holding onto the balloon, so both her hands were full. She was not sure how to handle the situation.
She suddenly had a good idea. She would use the sunhat to hold down the balloon, then put it on the empty seat to her left.
Unfortunately, the sunhat was too light, and the sunhat was almost carried up like a hot air balloon. Luckily I stood up in time and grabbed the balloon.
Xiao Qin became worried: “What should I do? I don’t want to hold it when I’m watching the movie, but where should i put it?”
I replied heartlessly: “Why don’t you just pop it?”
Xiao Qin instantly made an expression like she was about to cry: “No! No way! That’s a family heirloom, it’s even more precious than the ‘Imperial Regalia‘ of j.a.pan!”
Huh? Does the three sacred weapons also appear in shoujo manga? Yata no Kagami, Kusanagi, and Yasakani no Magatama… All three appeared in ‘Gundam’ and ‘Naruto’. It sounds really cool, but there are some people who say those three were gifts given by China, so it would just be common goods here.
Whatever the case, those three would definitely be more valuable than your balloon! How can you hurt the feelings of our j.a.panese friends!
I returned Xiao Qin’s sunhat, and I suddenly thought of a great way to deal with the balloon.
“Xiao Qin, have you heard of static electricity? If you rub the balloon until there’s static electricity, you can stick it on the back of the seat!”
Xiao Qin blinked and thought it was a great idea.
“But, what should I rub it on? If I use too much strength, it would explode and turn the theater into ruins!”
Is that a balloon or an atomic bomb! Even if you do not understand physics, at least have some common sense!
I laughed evilly on the inside, then I took the balloon and started rubbing it on Xiao Qin’s head.
“There’s nothing better at generating static than hair! Don’t move, it might explode!”
Xiao Qin could only sit quietly and let me make a mess of her neatly combed hair.
From the cla.s.s leader’s viewpoint, I was, without a doubt, bullying Xiao Qin. But she was afraid Xiao Qin’s precious balloon would pop, so she did not come and stop me.
But as for Xiao Qin, she initially felt a bit awkward, but her face gradually turned redder. It was as if she enjoyed the fact that I was rubbing her hair with a balloon. She was like a cat accepting their owner’s caress.
I felt I was not able to achieve the result I wanted, so I lost the mood to play around. I put the balloon on the back of the seats in front of us, and it was able to stick.
“Wow! Ye Lin cla.s.smate is amazing!” Xiao Qin exclaimed in admiration.
Laugh while you can. Static electricity is weak, so that means the balloon will fly all the way up to the ceiling with any sudden vibrations. You will not even get a chance to cry! Hehehe ——
Who knew the cla.s.s leader had to get in the way. She taught Xiao Qin to tie the balloon on the legs of the seat, then use the cushion to block the balloon so it would not fly away.
Xiao Qin thought for a while with her mouth agape. She realized it was more reliable than static electricity. She wanted to keep her family heirloom, so she went with the cla.s.s leader’s method instead of mines.
I felt resentment towards the cla.s.s leader’s acts of harming others without benefiting herself.
The lights finally closed and it was time for the movie to start.
The surroundings turned black in an instant. Then, I abruptly found some words written on the seat in front of me written with a highlighter.