(TN: Shouldn’t have procrastinated on my a.s.signments… Well too late. Enjoy new chapter!)
(ED: d.a.m.n this chapter was funny. My sense of humor is so crude >.>)
The last cla.s.s before lunch is IT cla.s.s, the entire cla.s.s has to go to the computer lab for cla.s.s.
Compared to other cla.s.srooms, the computer lab had very tight security. It had a security door and a window where the curtains were drawn as tight as possible to prevent anyone outside from seeing the equipment.
Everyone felt that it was overkill, because not only is the model for the 40 computers behind in times, often times some of these computers will break. A robber will rather go to an internet cafe than here.
That 50″ LCD display in the multimedia room is worth some money though.
The seats in the computer lab are first come first serve, so I picked a seat on the right, near the window and sat down.
The rest of the cla.s.s also rushed in. Xiao Qin hugged an IT textbook and wanted to sit next to me.
I thought that was bad, so I saw the cla.s.s fatty Cao JingShen trying to find a spot that’s harder to be seen by the teacher. I stepped over and pulled his collar.
“Ah, spare me, great warrior!” Cao JingShen pulled back his neck in fright, after clearly seeing that it was me, he cried: “Boss Ye please spare me!”
I ignored him and pulled him over to the spot beside me.
Cao JingShen looked at me, then looked at the Ren Xiao Qin that was upset because her spot was taken and seemed to understand what was going on.
“Boss Ye, the lowly me will sit wherever you want me to.” Cao JingShen had a flattering expression.
Xiao Qin tried to glare at Cao JingShen, but because of my tyrannical abuse, he was too afraid to talk to Xiao Qin.
Xiao Qin is probably too afraid to talk to a male like Cao JingShen. While she was hesitating, she was pulled away by the cla.s.s leader and Loud Mouth.
“Don’t get involved with them, they’re a bad influence.”
In Shu Sha’s eyes, Cao JingShen and I were like toads.
I think that it’s unjust to treat me like a toad, but Cao JingShen rightly deserves it.
This fatty is really something else. First of all, he has a wretched face even worse than Wu MengDa. Secondly, he frequently does lowly stuff and has caused everyone in the cla.s.s to beat him.
He clearly can’t fight, yet he can’t control his vulgar mouth. For example, if some girls were chatting and some girl said that she goes fishing with her dad on Sundays. He would shake his head and say: “A movement on top causes pain down below —– Jie Jie Jie Jie” [1]
“Jie Jie Jie Jie” is how his laugh sounds, it’s very wretched. (TN: Is he from One Piece?)
If some girl complains about too much homework and says: “I can’t stand it anymore!”
Cao JingShen would go to the closest guy next to the girl, pat his shoulder and enviously say: “Bro, you’re not too bad, eh?”. The guy and the girl will then team up and beat his fat a.s.s.
He also likes to talk big. He often says that his dad is a director and shot films in Hong Kong. He says that if any girl wants to become famous they can find him for “secret discussions”. I was bewildered, last time my dad also said that he got to meet a director online. Are the directors here that worthless?
Oh right, there’s also a reason why he calls me Boss. One time, he was surrounded by hoodlums outside of the school’s back doors and was forced to hand over his allowance. It seems like his family is pretty well off since they can often get 50, or 100 from him. But that day he really didn’t have any money. The hoodlums were dissatisfied and surrounded him while slapping his head.
I was coincidentally pa.s.sing by and was angry at these hoodlums causing problems at 28 Middle, so I knocked all of them out.
Cao JingShen cried while kneeling in front of me and said: “Elder brother, I’m going to follow you from now on since you’re so strong. From now on I’ll call you Boss Ye.”
From that point on he really thought he was my disciple or something and would mention “my master” at any chance. He overly exaggerated the time I helped him and half of the reason why I have a bad reputation in cla.s.s is because of him.
Though his character is really trashy.
Although he treats me as his master, and his supporter, as soon as I receive hostility from the cla.s.s (like when I pulled Xiao Qin’s chair away), he definitely won’t speak up for me.
Anyways, he has filthy thoughts, vulgar language, a wretched appearance, and is indeed like a toad.
If you want to describe Cao JingShen concisely, I would have to use a new word I learned on the web —- “To lose”.
“To lose” is not a h.o.m.onym to “zombie”, but it indicates that a person’s character is already beyond redemption, “to lose the right to be human”, it’s an existence even higher than “pervert”. (TN: Can’t really translate this part since it’s a play on words, but you get the gist)
I don’t know how he found out that my mom left my dad and eloped with a blonde and blue-eyed American, but I can’t believe he said： “According to my a.n.a.lysis— when your mother was pregnant with you, she could have been playing pregnancy with the American!”
I slapped him onto the wall.
I was angry because there was actually this possibility. My mom left with that foreign teacher after not even a month of giving birth to me. If the affair started during that month, I wouldn’t have believed it.
I would cry blood for my dad that drinks his problems away whenever I think about the fact that I almost became the son of a foreigner and my mom.
After Cao JingShen was ruthlessly slapped by me and half of his face was swollen, he understood the graveness of the situation. He prostrated and apologized right away, he said while kowtowing: (ED: english word for dogeza) “Boss, I said the wrong thing! I plead your generosity and forgive me! I won’t ever use your family members as a joke! I’m calling you grandpa!”
Completely boneless, a person that you don’t know whether you should be angry at or laugh at.
Because no one in the cla.s.s liked him and he was sitting with me, the row that seated 4 people was only filled with 2.
The work that the IT teacher told us to do was very simple, it was to make a multimedia greetings card on PPT (Microsoft PowerPoint). After he a.s.signed the work, he stared at his notebook and sat motionlessly at his desk.
IT cla.s.s is secondary to the secondary cla.s.ses, it has very lax requirements. Many students just open PPT and use the largest font to write “Happy Holidays” (some people even wrote “Return your debt”) and they’re done. After they finished the PPT, they’ll either lay on the desk to sleep, play minesweeper, or pinball. Since the computers can’t connect to the internet, there’s nothing else interesting to do.
Cao JingShen started playing with Photoshop next to me. It also seems like this guy is an expert. He copied some images from his USB and started doctoring the images.
Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see his computer screen and almost spat out the c.o.ke that I was drinking.
He was f.u.c.king doctoring a nude photo of cla.s.s leader Shu Sha.
I don’t know from which j.a.panese film he found a nude body of the same body type as the cla.s.s leader, he then photoshopped the cla.s.s leader’s face onto the body.
That picture was from when the whole grade went on a spring excursion. Our cla.s.s won the mountain climbing race, the cla.s.s leader was holding the red flag on the top of the mountain and was smiling happily in the sunshine.
That happy expression was completely destroyed by this guy. Actually, the body of the j.a.panese girl that was used was wearing clothes. But in my opinion, if you’re wearing clothes like that, you might as well not wear any clothes.
If Shu Sha sees this image, this fatty is dead meat. She’ll probably press the gun barrel in his mouth and burst his head open.
“Are you tired of living? She’s sitting right there!” I reminded him.
“But, it’s more exciting this way!” replied Cao JingShen as he continued to work.
His face was dripping with sweat and was trembling in appreciation of his own work.
“Boss Ye, the cla.s.s leader is always using unpleasant words to insult me and she even had the audacity to insult you! We have to avenge our clan!”
“Who the h.e.l.l started a clan with you? If you’re going to PS, then just PS. Why do you keep looking up at the cla.s.s leader? If you’re afraid of her coming over, then don’t get her attention!”
“Boss, you don’t understand, this action is called “Double Victimization”! Looking at the photoshopped cla.s.s leader’s nude photo and then looking at the cla.s.s leader, the thought that the cla.s.s leader has no idea that I’m making a nude photo of her, makes my heart so…” Cao JingSheng stuck out his mouth like an octopus and clutched his chest with a flushed face.
“Got it, you don’t have to show me your perverted experiences. Just don’t get caught or else I’m going to get criticized with you.”
His PS skills are too d.a.m.n good and I couldn’t help but glance at his screen a couple more times.
“Jie Jie Jie Jie, Boss Ye are you interested as well? This photo actually isn’t my best work! I’ve already printed out the best with the most advanced printer at home!” Cao JingShen said as he opened his IT textbook and revealed a stack of photos stuck in between.
“Boss Ye, I brought these photos in order to sell them to the neighboring cla.s.ses, but as your disciple, I should pay my respects to you first. Why don’t you pick one you like?” without waiting for my response he spread out tens of photos out on the table and sneaked a peek at the cla.s.s leader sitting in the row in front of us. He had an expression of fear and excitement.
All the photos shouldn’t be looked at.
It was not only the cla.s.s leader, he didn’t let off any of the beautiful girls in the cla.s.s. Like the study committee member, Gong CaiCai. The arts committee member, ZhuangNi. The female body committee member, Xiong YaoYue…it was a complete wipeout for all the female committee members in the cla.s.s.
“Jie Jie Jie Jie, see? This is all the leader levels within the cla.s.s! It’s like what they said in “V for Vendetta“: Governments should be afraid of their people.”
Cao JingShen then had a face of a pimp and pointed to these alluring photos and let me choose.
“Boss, don’t hold back! If you like it, pick 2, no picking 3 is fine too!”
“Please look, the photo of Gong CaiCai isn’t bad, right? I spent an entire night looking for source material!”
“Also, this picture of the cla.s.s leader in the water…Think about it, if the cla.s.s leader insults you, you don’t lower yourself to her level on the outside, but as soon as you get home you rub one out to this picture. How releasing would that be! Jie Jie Jie Jie” because he laughed too loudly, Shu Sha looked towards us.
“Ye Lin, Cao JingShen, don’t talk during cla.s.s!”
As Cao JingShen was getting scolded by the cla.s.s leader he was wretchedly touching his computer monitor and even almost licked it.
Seeing his mischievously smiling face, the cla.s.s leader got even angrier and was about to get up to maintain discipline.
If we don’t put away these photos, we’re dead.