Chapter 697: The Fall of Bear Grylls
Maybe it’s a bad joke, but when I got into an accident, Shu Zhe also had bad luck at the same time.
Uncle Fireball’s real name is Shu DongBo. He was a year younger than the cla.s.s leader’s father, and was the cla.s.s leader and Shu Zhe’s biological uncle.
He spent long terms in remote mountainous areas as a forest ranger, where he often returns home only once a year. If you include last New Year Eve’s forest fires, he had to stay behind, which resulted in him not being able to return home for nearly two years.
On the contrary, his wife, the cla.s.s leader and Shu Zhe’s aunt, would visit her husband in the forest every 3 to 5 months because of the long distance.
When the cla.s.s leader was 12 years old, she would often visit her uncle during summer vacation along with her aunt. She did not take Shu Zhe because he did not want to travel long distances, so he stayed at another relative’s home.
At the time, Uncle Dong Bo did not know how to use wireless internet, so he did not have the “Uncle Fireball” ID yet. Whether if it was in the eyes of the cla.s.s leader or anyone else, he still had the image of a mountain hunter and wore the uniform of a forest ranger with the armband of the forestry department. I felt that apart from his wider chin, he was basically a Chinese version of Bear Grylls.
Uncle Dong Bo, who has seen more bears than people, was very happy to see his niece come to see him. Because Shu Sha expressed her love for firearms when she was very young, he used that summer to teach Shu Sha how to use a gun and actually took her to hunt.
I used to think that the forest guard uncle who taught the cla.s.s leader to use a gun would be a cool and trustworthy person, but now that I think about it, how irresponsible do you have to be to teach a 12-year-old girl to use a gun while knowing they have a family gun hidden in their home.
“Sha Sha, starting from your grandfather’s grandfather, generations of our family have always been hunters, so teaching you how to use the gun is also a part of my duty.”
“It’s because I have no children, and your brother is useless, he’s too afraid to even come to the forest.”
“Xiao Zhe, Xiao Zhe isn’t useless.” The cla.s.s leader, who was only 12 years old and just graduated from elementary school, defended his brother while holding a gun more than half her height, “Xiao Zhe attracts too many mosquitoes, even more than me. If he comes to the forest, he will be killed by mosquitoes.”
“Okay, I won’t say anything bad about Shu Zhe.” Uncle Dong Bo stroked the head of the loli cla.s.s leader, “Anyway, if anyone bullies you in the future, kill him with a ‘bang’ just like yesterday’s wild boar.”
You’re the one who should be killed with a bang! How can a veteran hunter like you degenerate into a pervert who buys a model’s underwear online!
The root of everything began a year and a half ago, when the area Shu DongBo patrols could now receive delivery and he dug up an old mountain ginseng during on of his patrols.
After selling the old ginseng at a good price in the town down the mountain, Shu DongBo had plenty of money on hand and heard that the wireless internet signal had now covered his guard hut, so he bought a laptop on a whim, plus a 3G Internet card, and started his own internet surfing career.
“Computers are complicated, so I thought I wouldn’t be able to learn it.” Shu DongBo later explained, “But I found that it can be used to download free p.o.r.n from the internet, so I was able to quickly learn how to use it.”
Since mountain patrols were boring and he was separated from his wife for long periods of time, Shu DongBo would often vent his physical desires at night. Thus the internet became an important part of his night life and he quickly became an experienced user in half a year.
After watching a huge amount of p.o.r.n, Shu DongBo felt empty inside and began to visit adult goods stores online.
Although he didn’t visit our family’s online store on his first time, but after a number of times, he inevitably visited one our family’s affiliate online store, or at lease heard of our store’s name.
After one of his ‘net’ friends recommended us, he learned our store was selling clothes worn by female models and became a repeat customer.
When he saw the homepage of our store, Shu Zhe’s cross-dressing photo, Shu DongBo did at first feel like it looked a little like his niece, Shu Sha. But he had a good understanding of Shu Sha and knew she absolutely wouldn’t do such a humiliating posture and expression, so he only thought of Southland Red Berries as someone who looks a little like Shu Sha.
It’s because he hasn’t seen Shu Zhe for at least two years, so he never would have expected the worn clothing he bought was actually worn by his nephew.
Shu DongBo, who was reincarnated as “Uncle Fireball” online , unknowingly took his nephew’s worn underwear and vented his desires with his nephew’s photos, resulting in a decrease in sensitivity and alertness. Finally, he messed up when he was attacked by a black bear while patrolling the mountain.
Fortunately for Shu DongBo, although he lost his gun, his right arm also had deep wound, but he was at least able escape alive and did not become the black bear’s lunch.
Masturbation really kills people! Maybe the cla.s.s leader’s family’s hunter aura can be jerked off into nothing, otherwise why would an insignificant black bear dare to approach you when you have a gun.
Or maybe their family’s “hunter aura” can only be inherited by one person per generation, but once you lose your virginity, it will fade and even disappear.
“Um, cla.s.s leader, I have a way to make all cats and dogs are no longer afraid of you, I don’t know if you’re interested in giving it a shot.”
Let’s forget those delusions, otherwise I would have to choose the caliber of bullet used to kill me.
After Shu DongBo was attacked by a black bear, his manager didn’t know it was because he was jerking off too much, and thought he was still dedicated to maintaining the mountains and forests like the past ten years. He thought Shu DongBo had bad luck and quickly a.s.sessed it as a work injury.
Shu DongBo did not recover well from his injuries. His right arm showed mild symptoms of muscle atrophy and his mental state was not great. So after careful considerations, the Forestry Bureau decided to grant Shu DongBo a disability pension and let him retire early. Thus Shu DongBo finally returned to Dong Shan City after two years of absence and will not have to go back to work.
The day he came home, he made it just in time for the cla.s.s leader’s picnic, after Shu Zhe was entrusted to his aunt.
Shu DongBo was stunned the first time he saw Shu Zhe sitting on the sofa in his house.
“Why does this kid not have an ounce of manliness. He’s not at like my brother and I at all, he’s more like Sha Sha’s younger sister.”
When Shu Zhe said “h.e.l.lo uncle,” Shu DongBo muttered: “His voice is girly too. I remember when I was his age, my voice had already changed.”
Shu DongBo didn’t know Shu Zhe’s self-taught imitation of a girl’s voice has reached the point of a falsetto in order to trick “Cilantro Buns” in video calls. Now, even in real life, he will occasionally reveal parts of his fake voice.
Although her husband was disabled at work, the good news was that he didn’t have an arm or leg missing, and the muscle atrophy of his right arm did not worsen. A blessing of the disaster was that the couple finally did not have to live apart anymore.
So Shu Zhe’s aunt was very happy and cooked a lot of dishes to celebrate. Shu Zhe’s presence also reduced the couple’s loneliness since they didn’t have any children of their own.
That night, Shu DongBo recalled his nephew getting out of the bathroom with his glistening hair and white skin. The more he thought about it, the more he thought something was off, so he opened his laptop, then pulled out the photos of the model he saved in his hard drive and carefully compared it. The more he looked at it, the more he thought it was the same person.
As a result, Shu DongBo, was tormented by his thoughts, so he waited until after his wife went to bed, then snuck his way into his nephew’s room.
Shu Zhe, who was already asleep, had his slender body hidden under a thin blanket. His fragile collarbones and rosy pink shoulders emitted a forbidden temptation.
The side of the face illuminated by the pale moonlight made him look like a peaceful and delicate beauty. His moist glistening lips gave the illusion like it was coated with lipstick.
Shu DongBo was possessed as he moved close to Shu Zhe’s ear and quietly whispered: “Miss Southland Red Berries, Miss Southland Red Berries.”
As a result, Shu Zhe rolled over in a daze and said in his sleep: “Video chat are 200 yuan an hour…”
Shu DongBo immediately understood and was enraged. He originally thought he was internet savvy, but he actually fell for the online store’s tricks, and bought the worn clothing of a cross-dresser to jerk off with, and the cross-dresser was his own nephew!
It would have been okay if he mistook a shota for a loli, but the worst part was he almost ended up feeding himself to a bear. His work injury appraisal says he has a second-cla.s.s disability, so how do you think he would feel after turning disabled because he jerked off to his nephew’s underwear?
He had nowhere to vent his anger, so he shook Shu Zhe awake. Shu Zhe was confused at first, but once Shu DongBo said he was “Uncle Fireball”, Shu Zhe was scared to the point he where he couldn’t fall asleep anymore.
“Uncle, I… I was forced by the owner of that adult store, I was forced by my sister’s cla.s.smate!”
Shu Zhe kneeled on the bed and begged for mercy and sold me out immediately.
Not only did he kneel and beg for forgiveness, he also bawled and begged his uncle to forgive him on behalf of his sister and aunt.
Shu DongBo looked at his nephew that was cowered in a ball on the bed. Originally, he was very angry, but he suddenly had a feeling in his heart that he had never felt before, an even worse fetish began to awaken.
“It would have been fine if you just wasted my money…” Shu DongBo pointed to his atrophied right arm, “How are you going to compensate me for putting me in this state.”
Because Shu DongBo used to be the Chinese Bear Grylls, even if his right arm was mildly atrophied, it was still thicker than Shu Zhe’s calf. Shu Zhe glanced upward and muttered, “It doesn’t seem like much of a problem…”
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d.” Shu DongBo was so angry that he almost woke up his wife in the next room, “What bad luck to have a nephew like you. Do you still have the wig and clothes you used when cross-dressing?”
“Huh.” Shu Zhe was completely unaware of the looming crisis and replied, “I still have some at home, but why are you asking me?”