In desperation he looked down at the waters that he was going to have to swim in. The creatures he"d seen thrashing were not in in the sea, but the sea, but of of the sea. The wavelets had backs and necks; the glitter of the spume was the glitter of countless tiny eyes. The boat was still speeding in their direction, and for an instant it seemed they might bridge the gap with a lunge. the sea. The wavelets had backs and necks; the glitter of the spume was the glitter of countless tiny eyes. The boat was still speeding in their direction, and for an instant it seemed they might bridge the gap with a lunge.
"Go!" he yelled to Pie, pushing as he did so.
Though the mystif flailed, there was sufficient power in its legs to turn the fall into a jump. Its fingers caught the edge of the boat, but the violence of its leap threw Gentle from his precarious perch. He had time to see the mystif being hauled onto the rocking boat, and time too to think he might reach the hands outstretched in his direction. But the sea was not about to be denied both its morsels. As he dropped into the silver spume, which pressed around him like a living thing, he threw his hands up above his head in the hope that the Oethac would catch hold of him. All in vain. Consciousness went from him, and, uncaptained, he sank.
26
Gentle woke to the sound of a prayer. He knew before sight came to join the sound that the words were a beseechment, though the language was foreign to him. The voices rose and fell in the same unmelodious fashion as did earth congregations, one or two of the half dozen speakers lagging a syllable behind, leaving the verses ragged. But it was nevertheless a welcome sound. He"d gone down thinking he"d never rise again.
Light touched his eyes, but whatever lay in front of him was murky. There was a vague texture to the gloom, however, and he tried to focus upon it. It wasn"t until his brow, cheeks, and chin reported their irritation to his brain that he realized why his eyes couldn"t make sense of the scene. He was lying on his back, and there was a cloth over his face. He told his arm to rise and pluck it away, but the limb just lay stupid at his side. He concentrated, demanding it obey, his irritation growing as the timber of the supplications changed and a distressing urgency came into them. He felt the bed he was lying on jostled, and tried to call out in alarm, but there was something in his throat that prevented him from making a sound. Irritation became unease. What was wrong with him? Be calm, he told himself. It"ll come clear; just be calm. But d.a.m.n it, the bed was being lifted up! Where was he being taken? To h.e.l.l with calm. He couldn"t just lie still while he was paraded around. He wasn"t dead, for G.o.d"s sake!
Or was he? The thought shredded every hope of equilibrium. He was being lifted up, and carried, lying inert on a hard board with his face beneath a shroud. What was that that, if it wasn"t dead? They were saying prayers for his soul, hoping to waft it heavenward, meanwhile carrying his remains to what dispatch? A hole in the ground? A pyre? He had to stop them: raise a hand, a moan, anything to signal that this leave-taking was premature. As he was concentrating on making a sign, however primitive, a voice cut through the prayers. Both prayers and bier bearers stumbled to a halt and the same voice-it was Pie!-came again.
"Not yet!" it said.
Somebody off to Gentle"s right murmured something in a language Gentle didn"t recognize: words of consolation, perhaps. The mystif responded in the same tongue, its voice fractured with grief.
A third speaker now entered the exchange, his purpose undoubtedly the same as his compatriot"s: coaxing Pie to leave the body alone. What were they saying? That the corpse was just a husk; an empty shadow of a man whose spirit was gone into a better place? Gentle willed Pie not to listen. The spirit was here! Here! Here!
Then-joy of joys!-the shroud was pulled back from his face, and Pie appeared in his field of vision, staring down at him. The mystif looked half dead itself, its eyes raw, its beauty bruised with sorrow.
I"m saved, Gentle thought. Pie sees that my eyes are open, and there"s more than putrefaction going on in my skull. But no such comprehension came into Pie"s face. The sight simply brought a new burst of tears. A man came to Pie"s side, his head a cl.u.s.ter of crystalline growths, and laid his hands on the mystif s shoulders, whispering something in its ear and gently tugging it away. Pie"s fingers went to Gentle"s face and lay for a few seconds close to his lips. But his breath-which he"d used to shatter the wall between Dominions-was so piffling now it went unfelt, and the fingers were withdrawn by the hand of Pie"s consoler, who then reached down and drew the shroud back over Gentle"s face.
The prayer-sayers picked up their dirge, and the bearers their burden. Blinded again, Gentle felt the spark of hope extinguished, replaced with panic and anger. Pie had always claimed such sensitivity. How was it possible that now now, when empathy was essential, the mystif could be immune to the jeopardy of the man it claimed as a friend? More than that: a soul mate; someone it had reconfigured its flesh for.
Gentle"s panic slowed for an instant. Was there some half hope buried amid these rebukes? He scoured them for a clue. Soul mate? Reconfigured flesh? Yes, of course: as long as he had thought thought he had he had desire desire, and desire could touch the mystif; change change the mystif. If he could put death from his mind and turn his thoughts to s.e.x he might still touch Pie"s protean core: bring about some metamorphosis, however small, that would signal his sentience. the mystif. If he could put death from his mind and turn his thoughts to s.e.x he might still touch Pie"s protean core: bring about some metamorphosis, however small, that would signal his sentience.
As if to confound him, a remark of Klein"s drifted into his head, recalled from another world. "All that time wasted," Klein had said, "meditating on death to keep yourself from coming too soon..."
The memory seemed mere distraction, until he realized that it was precisely the mirror of his present plight. Desire was now his only defense against premature extinction. He turned his thoughts to the little details that were always a stimulus to his erotic imagination: a nape bared by lifted curls, lips rewetted by a slow tongue, looks, touches, dares. But Thanatos had Eros by the neck. His terror drove arousal away. How could he hold a s.e.xual thought in his head long enough to influence Pie when either the flame or the grave was waiting at his feet? He was ready for neither. One was too hot, the other too cold; one bright, the other so very dark. What he wanted was a few more weeks, days-hours, even; he"d be grateful for hours-in the s.p.a.ce between such poles. Where flesh was; where love was. Knowing the death thoughts couldn"t be mastered, he attempted one final gambit: to embrace them, to fold them into the texture of his s.e.xual imaginings: Flame? Let that be the heat of the mystif s body as it was pressed against him, and cold the sweat on his back as they coupled. Let the darkness be a night that concealed their excesses, and the pyre blaze like their mutual consumption. He could feel the trick working as he thought this through. Why should death be so unerotic? If they blistered or rotted together, mightn"t their dissolution show them new ways to love, uncovering them layer by layer and joining their moistures and their marrows until they were utterly mingled?
He"d proposed marriage to Pie and been accepted. The creature was his to have and hold, to make over and over, in the image of his fondness and most forbidden desires. He did so now. He saw the creature naked and astride him, changing even as he touched it, throwing off skins like clothes. Jude was one of those skins, and Vanessa another, and Martine another still. They were all riding him high: the beauty of the world impaled on his p.r.i.c.k.
Lost in this fantasy, he wasn"t even aware that the prayers had stopped until the bier was halted once again. There were whispers all around him, and in the middle of the whispers soft and astonished laughter. The shroud was s.n.a.t.c.hed away, and his beloved was looking down at him, grinning through features blurred by tears and Gentle"s influence.
"He"s alive! Jesu, he"s alive!"
There were doubting voices raised, but the mystif laughed them down.
"I feel him in me!" it said. "I swear it! He"s still with us. Put him down! Put him down! Put him down!"
The pallbearers did as they were instructed, and Gentle had his first glimpse of the strangers who"d almost bade him farewell. Not a happy bunch, even now. They stared down at the body, still disbelieving. But the danger was over, at least for the time being. The mystif leaned over Gentle and kissed his lips. Its face was fixed once more, its features exquisite in their joy.
"I love you," it murmured to Gentle. "I"ll love you until the death of love."
Alive he was; but not healed. He was moved to a small room of gray brick and laid on a bed only marginally more comfortable than the boards they"d laid him on as a corpse. There was a window, but being unable to move he had to rely upon Pie"oh"pah to lift him up and show him the view through it, which was scarcely more interesting than the walls, being simply an expanse of sea-solid once again-under a cloudy sky.
"The sea only changes when the suns come out," Pie explained. "Which isn"t very often. We were unlucky. But everyone is amazed that you survived. n.o.body who fell into the Cradle ever came out alive before."
That he was something of a curiosity was evidenced by the number of visitors he had, both guards and prisoners. The regime seemed to be fairly relaxed, from what little he could judge. There were bars on the windows, and the door was unbolted and bolted up again when anybody came or went, but the officers, particularly the Oethac who ran the asylum, named Vigor N"ashap, and his number two-a military peac.o.c.k named Aping, whose b.u.t.tons and boots shone a good deal more brightly than his eyes, and whose features drooped on his head as though sodden-were polite enough.
"They get no news out here," Pie explained. "They just get sent prisoners to look after. N"ashap knows there was a plot against the Autarch, but I don"t believe he knows whether it"s been successful or not. They"ve quizzed me for hours, but they haven"t really asked about us. I just told them we were friends of Scopique"s, and we"d heard he"d lost his sanity, so we came to visit him. All innocence, in other words. And they seemed to swallow it. But they get supplies of food, magazines, and newspapers every eight or nine days-always out of date, Aping says-so our luck may not hold out too long. Meanwhile I"m doing what I can to keep them both happy. They get very lonely."
The significance of this last remark wasn"t lost on Gentle, but all he could do was listen and hope his healing wouldn"t take too long. There was some easing in his muscles, allowing him to open and close his eyes, swallow, and even move his hands a little, but his torso was still completely rigid.
His other regular visitor, and by far the most entertaining of those who came to gawk, was Scopique, who had an opinion on everything, including the patient"s rigidity. He was a tiny man, with the perpetual squint of a watchmaker and a nose so upturned and so tiny his nostrils were virtually two holes in the middle of his face, which was already gouged with laugh lines deep enough to plant in. Every day he would come and sit on the edge of Gentle"s bed, his gray asylum clothes as crumpled as his features, his glossy black wig never in the same place on his pate from hour to hour. Sitting, sipping coffee, he"d pontificate: on politics, on the various psychoses of his fellow inmates; on the subjugation of L"Himby by commerce; on the deaths of his friends, mostly by what he called despair"s slow sword; and, of course, on Gentle"s condition. He had seen people made rigid in such a fashion before, he claimed. The reason was not physiological but psychological, a theory which seemed to carry weight with Pie. Once, when Scopique had left after a session of theorizing, leaving Pie and Gentle alone, the mystif poured out its guilt. None of this would have come about, it said, if it had been sensitive to Gentle"s situation from the beginning. Instead, it had been crude and unkind. The incident on the platform at Mai-Ke was a case in point. Would Gentle ever forgive it? Ever believe that its actions were the product of inept.i.tude, not cruelty? Over the years it had wondered what would happen if they ever took the journey they were taking, and had tried to rehea.r.s.e its responses, but it had been alone in the Fifth Dominion, unable to confess its fears or share its hopes, and the circ.u.mstances of their meeting and departure had been so haphazard that those few rules it had set itself had been thrown to the wind.
"Forgive me," it said over and over. "I love you and I"ve hurt you, but please, forgive me."
Gentle expressed what little he could with his eyes, wishing his fingers had the strength to hold a pen, so that he could simply write I do I do, but the small advances he"d made since his resurrection seemed to be the limit of his healing, and though he was fed and bathed by Pie, and his muscles ma.s.saged, there was no sign of further improvement. Despite the mystif"s constant words of encouragement, there was no doubt that death still had its finger in him. In them both, in fact, for Pie"s devotion seemed to be taking its own toll, and more than once Gentle wondered if the mystif"s dwindling was simply fatigue, or whether they were symbiotically linked after their time together. If so, his demise would surely take them both to oblivion.
He was alone in his cell the day the suns came out again, but Pie had left him sitting up, with a view through the bars, and he was able to watch the slow unfurling of the clouds and the appearance of the subtlest beams, falling on the solid sea. This was the first time since their arrival that the suns had broken over the Chzercemit, and he heard a chorus of welcome from other cells, then the sound of running feet as guards went to the parapet to watch the transformation. He could see the surface of the Cradle from where he was sitting, and felt a kind of exhilaration at the imminent spectacle, but as the beams brightened he felt a tremor climbing through his body from his toes, gathering force as it went until by the time it reached his head it had force enough to throw his senses from his skull. At first he thought he"d stood up and run to the window-he was peering out through the bars at the sea below-but a noise at the door drew his gaze around to meet the sight of Scopique, with Aping at his side, crossing the cell to the sallow, bearded derelict sitting with a glazed expression against the far wall. He was that man.
"You have to come and see, Zacharias!" Scopique was enthusing, putting his arm beneath the derelict and hoisting him up.
Aping lent a hand, and together they began to carry Gentle to the window, from which his mind was already departing. He left them to their kindness, the exhilaration he"d felt like an engine in him. Out and along the dreary corridor he went, pa.s.sing cells in which prisoners were clamoring to be released to see the suns. He had no sense of the building"s geography, and for a few moments his speeding soul lost its way in the maze of gray brick, until he encountered two guards hurrying up a flight of stone stairs and went with them, an invisible mind, into a brighter suite of rooms. There were more guards here, forsaking games of cards to head out into the open air.
"Where"s Captain N"ashap?" one of them said.
"I"ll go and tell him," another said, and broke from his comrades towards a closed door, only to be called back by another, who told him, "He"s in conference-with the mystif," the reply winning a ribald laugh from his fellows.
Turning his spirit"s back on the open air, Gentle flew towards the door, pa.s.sing through it without harm or hesitation. The room beyond was not, as he"d expected, N"ashap"s office but an antechamber, occupied by two empty chairs and a bare table. On the wall behind the table hung a painting of a small child, so wretchedly rendered the subject"s s.e.x was indeterminate. To the left of the picture, which was signed Aping Aping, lay another door, as securely closed as the one he"d just pa.s.sed through. But there was a voice audible from the far side: Vigor N"ashap, in a little ecstasy.
"Again! Again!" he was saying, then an outpouring in a foreign tongue, followed by cries of "Yes!" and "There! There!"
Gentle went to the door too quickly to prepare himself for what lay on the other side. Even if he had-even if he"d conjured the sight of N"ashap with his breeches down and his Oethac p.r.i.c.k purple-he could not have imagined Pie"oh"pah"s condition, given that in all their months together he had never once seen the mystif naked. Now he did, and the shock of its beauty was second only to that of its humiliation. It had a body as serene as its face, and as ambiguous, even in plain sight. There was no hair on any part of it; nor nipples; nor navel. Between its legs, however, which were presently spread as it knelt in front of N"ashap, was the source of its transforming self, the core its couplers touched with thought. It was neither phallic nor v.a.g.i.n.al, but a third genital form entirely, fluttering at its groin like an agitated dove and with every flutter reconfiguring its glistening heart, so that Gentle, mesmerized, found a fresh echo in each motion. His own flesh was mirrored there, unfolding as it pa.s.sed between Dominions. So was the sky above Patashoqua and the sea beyond the shuttered window, turning its solid back to living water. And breath, blown into a closed fist; and the power breaking from it: all there, all there.
N"ashap was disdainful of the sight. Perhaps, in his heat, he didn"t even see it. He had the mystif"s head clamped between his scarred hands and was pushing the sharp tip of his member into its mouth. The mystif made no objection. Its hands hung by its sides, until N"ashap demanded their attention upon his shaft. Gentle could bear the sight no longer. He pitched his mind across the room towards the Oethac"s back. Hadn"t he heard Scopique say that thought was power? If so, Gentle thought, I"m a mote, diamond hard. Gentle heard N"ashap gasp with pleasure as he pierced the mystif"s throat; then he struck the Oethac"s skull. The room disappeared, and hot meat pressed on him from all sides, but his momentum carried him out the other side, and he turned to see N"ashap"s hands go from the mystif"s head to his own, a shriek of pain coming from his lipless mouth.
Pie"s face, slack until now, filled with alarm as blood poured from N"ashap"s nostrils. Gentle felt a thrill of satisfaction at the sight, but the mystif rose and went to the officer"s a.s.sistance, picking up a piece of its own discarded clothing to help staunch the flow. N"ashap twice waved its help away at first, but Pie"s pliant voice softened him, and after a time the captain sank back in his cushioned chair and allowed himself to be tended. The mystif s cooings and caresses were almost as distressing to Gentle as the scene he"d just interrupted, and he retreated, confounded and repulsed, first to the door, then through it into the antechamber.
There he lingered, his sight fixed upon Aping"s picture. In the room behind him, N"ashap had begun to moan again. The sound drove Gentle out, through the labyrinth and back to his room. Scopique and Aping had laid his body back on the bed. His face was devoid of expression, and one of his arms had slid from his chest and hung off the edge of the boards. He looked dead already. Was it any wonder Pie"s devotion had become so mechanical, when all it had before it to inspire hope of recovery was this gaunt mannequin, day in, day out? He drew closer to the body, half tempted never to enter it again, to let it wither and die. But there was too much risk in that. Suppose his present state was conditional upon the continuance of his physical self? Thought without flesh was certainly possible-he"d heard Scopique p.r.o.nounce on the subject in this very cell-but not, he guessed, for spirits so unevolved as his. Skin, blood, and bone were the school in which the soul learned flight, and he was still too much a fledgling to dare truancy. He had to go, vile as that notion was, back behind the eyes.
He went one more time to the window and looked out at the glittering sea. The sight of its waves beating at the rocks below brought back the terror of his drowning. He felt the living waters squirming around him, pressing at his lips like N"ashap"s p.r.i.c.k, demanding he open up and swallow. In horror, he turned from the sight and crossed the room at speed, striking his brow like a bullet. Returning into his substance with the images of N"ashap and sea on his mind, he comprehended instantly the nature of his sickness. Scopique had been wrong, all wrong! There was a solid-oh so so solid-physiological reason for his inertia. He felt it in his belly now, wretchedly real. He"d swallowed some of the waters and they were still inside him, living, prospering at his expense. solid-physiological reason for his inertia. He felt it in his belly now, wretchedly real. He"d swallowed some of the waters and they were still inside him, living, prospering at his expense.
Before intellect could caution him he let his revulsion loose upon his body; threw his demands into each extremity. Move! he told them, move! He fueled his rage with the thought of N"ashap using him as he"d used Pie, imagining the Oethac"s s.e.m.e.n in his belly. His left hand found power enough to take hold of the bed board, its purchase sufficient to pull him over. He toppled onto his side, then off the bed entirely, hitting the floor hard. The impact dislodged something in the base of his belly. He felt it scrabble to catch hold of his innards again, its motion violent enough to throw him around like a sack full of thrashing fish, each twist unseating the parasite a little more and in turn releasing his body from its tyranny. His joints cracked like walnut sh.e.l.ls; his sinews stretched and shortened. It was agony, and he longed to shriek his complaint, but all he could manage was a retching sound. It was still music: the first sound he"d made since the yell he"d given as the Cradle swallowed him up. It was short-lived, however. His wracked system was pushing the parasite up from his stomach. He felt it in his chest, like a meal of hooks he longed to vomit up but could not, for fear he"d turn himself inside out in the attempt. It seemed to know they"d reached an impa.s.se, because its flailing slowed, and he had time to draw a desperate breath through pipes half clogged by its presence. With his lungs as full as he had hope of getting them, he hauled himself up off the ground by clinging to the bed, and before the parasite had time to incapacitate him with a fresh a.s.sault he stood to his full height, then threw himself face down. As he hit the ground the thing came up into his throat and mouth in a surge, and he reached between his teeth to s.n.a.t.c.h it out of him. It came with two pulls, fighting to the end to crawl back down his gullet. It was followed immediately by his last meal.
Gasping for air he dragged himself upright and leaned against the bed, strings of puke hanging from his chin. The thing on the floor flapped and flailed, and he let it suffer. Though it had felt huge when inside him, it was no bigger than his hand: a formless sc.r.a.p of milky flesh and silver vein with limbs no thicker than string but fully twenty in number. It made no sound, except for the slap its spasms made in the bilious mess on the cell floor.
Too weak to move, Gentle was still slumped against the bed when, some minutes later, Scopique came back to look for Pie. Scopique"s astonishment knew no bounds. He called for help, then hoisted Gentle back onto the bed, question following question so fast Gentle barely had breath or energy to answer. But sufficient was communicated for Scopique to berate himself for not grasping the problem earlier.
"I thought it was in your head head, Zacharias, and all the time-all the time it was in your belly belly. This b.a.s.t.a.r.d thing!"
Aping arrived, and there was a new round of questions, answered this time by Scopique, who then went off in search of Pie, leaving the guard to arrange for the filth on the floor to be cleaned up and the patient brought fresh water and clean clothes.
"Is there anything else you need?" Aping wanted to know.
"Food," Gentle said. His belly had never felt emptier.
"It"ll be arranged. It"s strange to hear your voice and see you move. I got used to you the other way." He smiled. "When you"re feeling stronger," he said, "we must find some time to talk. I hear from the mystif you"re a painter."
"I was, yes," said Gentle, adding an innocent inquiry. "Why? Are you?"
Aping beamed. "I am," he said.
"Then we must talk," Gentle said. "What do you paint?"
"Landscapes. Some figures."
"Nudes? Portraits?"
"Children."
"Ah, children... do you have any yourself?"
A trace of anxiety crossed Aping"s face. "Later," he said, glancing out towards the corridor, then back at Gentle. "In private."
"I"m at your disposal," Gentle replied.
There were voices outside the room. Scopique returning with N"ashap, who glanced down into the bucket containing the parasite as he entered. There were more questions, or rather the same rephrased, and answered on this third occasion by both Scopique and Aping, N"ashap listened with only half an ear, studying Gentle as the drama was recounted, then congratulating him with a curious formality. Gentle noted with satisfaction the plugs of dried blood in his nose.
"We must make a full account of this incident to Yzordderrex," N"ashap said. "I"m sure it will intrigue them as much as it does me."
So saying, he left, with an order to Aping that he follow immediately.
"Our commander looked less than well," Scopique observed. "I wonder why."
Gentle allowed himself a smile, but it went from his face at the sight of his final visitor. Pie"oh"pah had appeared in the door.
"Ah, well!" said Scopique. "Here you are. I"ll leave you two alone."
He withdrew, closing the door behind him. The mystif didn"t move to embrace Gentle, or even take his hand. Instead it went to the window and gazed out over the sea, upon which the suns were still shining.
"Now we know why they call this the Cradle," it said.
"What do you mean?"
"Where else could a man give birth?"
"That wasn"t birth," Gentle said. "Don"t flatter it."
"Maybe not to us," Pie said. "But who knows how children were made here in ancient times? Maybe the men immersed themselves, drank the water, let it grow-"
"I saw you," Gentle said.
"I know," Pie replied, not turning from the window. "And you almost lost us both an ally."
"N"ashap? An ally?"
"He"s the power here."
"He"s an Oethac. And he"s sc.u.m. And I"m going to have the satisfaction of killing him."
"Are you my champion now?" Pie said, finally looking back at Gentle.
"I saw what he was doing to you."
"That was nothing," Pie replied. "I knew what I was doing. Why do you think we"ve had the treatment we"ve had? I"ve been allowed to see Scopique whenever I want, You"ve been fed and watered. And N"ashap was asking no questions, about either of us. Now he will. Now he"ll be suspicious. We"ll have to move quickly before he gets his questions answered."
"Better that than you having to service him."
"I told you, it was nothing."
"It was to me," Gentle said, the words sc.r.a.ping in his bruised throat.
It took some effort, but he got to his feet so as to meet the mystif, eye to eye.
"At the beginning, you talked to me about how you thought you"d hurt me, remember? You kept talking about the station at Mai-Ke, and saying you wanted me to forgive you, and I kept thinking there would never be anything between us that couldn"t be forgiven or forgotten, and that when I had the words again I"d say so. But now I don"t know. He saw you naked, Pie. Why him and not me? I think that"s maybe unforgivable, that you granted him the mystery but not me."
"He saw no mystery," Pie replied. "He looked at me, and he saw a woman he"d loved and lost in Yzordderrex. A woman who looked like his mother, in fact. That"s what he was obsessing on. An echo of his mother"s echo. And as long as I kept supplying the illusion, discreetly, he was compliant. That seemed more important than my dignity."
"Not any more," Gentle said. "If we"re to go from here-together-then I want whatever you are to be mine. I won"t share you, Pie. Not for compliance. Not for life itself."
"I didn"t know you felt like this. If you"d told me-"
"I couldn"t. Even before we came here, I felt it, but I couldn"t bring myself to say anything."
"For what it"s worth, I apologize."
"I don"t want an apology."
"What then?"
"A promise. An oath." He paused. "A marriage."
The mystif smiled. "Really?"
"More than anything. I asked you once, and you accepted. Do I need to ask again? I will if you want me to."
"No need," Pie said. "Nothing would honor me more. But here? Here, of all places?" The mystif s frown became a grin. "Scopique told me about a Dearther who"s locked up in the bas.e.m.e.nt. He could do the honors."